singme2sleep Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Everyone says that with time the pain will lessen and I'll be able to move on. But I really don't see that happening. It's been almost 2 months since the breakup and 6 weeks of no contact. I still miss him like crazy and there's so many triggers each day that hit me and make me hurt more. The thought of eventually being with someone new just feels wrong, like putting your left shoe on your right foot. How can I get over him if I can't stop loving him? Anyone else ever feel like they will never heal? 2
The Tallest One Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 singmetosleep, I know how you feel, it's sucks bit time! You have to be patient with yourself, it will take time, and you will love again even though it doesn't seem so at the moment! In time your feelings will fade and he will eventually vanish from your mind! It's different for everyone, for some it only takes weeks, for others months or even longer! Be good to yourself, love yourself and try and stay busy as much as you can! You will get better and it does get easier, trust me! 2
misswillow Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 singme2sleep, I feel the same. It's only a week for me, but I just know this one is going to continue be awful. I've been through bad breakups before, but nothing like this. In the past, I always knew it was the right decision even if it hurt so much. But this time, it just feels very, very wrong. It's like I know we are supposed to be together and this should not be happening. I know he also has felt this way when we've gone through this before, so I wonder if he still feels it now? Have you considered therapy? If things are getting worse, maybe that could help. I think I may give it a try if I continue to feel this way. I truly have moments where it takes my breath away how much I miss him, and the pain just stabs me in the stomach. I am losing too much weight, but I can't force myself to eat more than the bare minimum. It really is a nightmare right now. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Tallest- Thank you and I like the profile pic you chose, Robert Deniro in "Heat". Misswillow- I've been in therapy since before I even met my ex. Was going through some heavy grief over losing my grandfather, then being with my ex helped me heal. Now my heart is broken again, ironically by the same person who originally fixed it. So I guess I'll be going for awhile because it does help.
emmalynro Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 There will always be up days and down days, but if you're beginning to feel like the down days are significantly outnumbering the up ones, you should look into more intensive therapy. Try to rediscover more good things for yourself! I would also try to become more proactive in moving on, whether it's letting your dumb but well-meaning friends set you up on blind dates or making online profiles.
Author singme2sleep Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Emma- I really appreciate your advice but I'm not a wreck everyday, weekends just sting a little more. And not ready to date yet, not even ready to think about it. 1
destroyed4sho Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Even though you are on NC, I can tell from your other posts that you are hanging on to this HUGE HOPE that most of us had Day 1....you need to force yourself to ACCEPT that he is NOT coming back as you want him to EVER. My friend broke it down this way.... what are the chances he will reach out to you again? 10% What are the chances that he will wake up, have an epiphany that he wants to be with you again AND reach out to you again? 0.0000000000001% What are the chances that he will wake up, have an epiphany that he wants to be with you again AND has changed into a better person AND won't dump you EVER again?....NO CHANCE IN HELL... 2
Author singme2sleep Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Even though you are on NC, I can tell from your other posts that you are hanging on to this HUGE HOPE that most of us had Day 1....you need to force yourself to ACCEPT that he is NOT coming back as you want him to EVER. My friend broke it down this way.... what are the chances he will reach out to you again? 10% What are the chances that he will wake up, have an epiphany that he wants to be with you again AND reach out to you again? 0.0000000000001% What are the chances that he will wake up, have an epiphany that he wants to be with you again AND has changed into a better person AND won't dump you EVER again?....NO CHANCE IN HELL... Well...that's blunt...but I guess I need tough love.
cavalier99 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Even though you are on NC, I can tell from your other posts that you are hanging on to this HUGE HOPE that most of us had Day 1....you need to force yourself to ACCEPT that he is NOT coming back as you want him to EVER. My friend broke it down this way.... what are the chances he will reach out to you again? 10% What are the chances that he will wake up, have an epiphany that he wants to be with you again AND reach out to you again? 0.0000000000001% What are the chances that he will wake up, have an epiphany that he wants to be with you again AND has changed into a better person AND won't dump you EVER again?....NO CHANCE IN HELL... Add in ...And the chance that YOU decide to take him back after you are recovered and indifferent after he has his epiphany. WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER. 1
The Tallest One Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 singmetosleep, I'm glad you like my avatar, yes it's from Heat, one of my favorite movies! You should pamper yourself and treat yourself better than anyone ever has! You deserve to be happy and I really wish this for you! Be gentle with yourself and be patient! It does get better, I promise! 2
RR1 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Everyone says that with time the pain will lessen and I'll be able to move on. But I really don't see that happening. It's been almost 2 months since the breakup and 6 weeks of no contact. I still miss him like crazy and there's so many triggers each day that hit me and make me hurt more. The thought of eventually being with someone new just feels wrong, like putting your left shoe on your right foot. How can I get over him if I can't stop loving him? Anyone else ever feel like they will never heal? Yes i can get exactly where you are coming from. I loved her like i didn't know it was possible to love someone. I don't know if i'll ever feel that intensely about anyone again. Every day i still think about her. But it couldn't go on like it was, not when someone won't make any commitment to you at all. She wouldn't even give me the acknowledgement of being my g/f officially. We had gone on too long in limbo land and it was just destroying me. Yes i'm sure she loved me but she never said it, she never gave me anything to hold on to. I think we loved each other more than we'll ever love anyone else but maybe we just met at the wrong time. I'm sure she thinks i hate her know but i don't and never will. I just have to move on with my life as she has done with hers. I can't sit around waiting for someone forever, at some point i have to get up and dust myself down and move on, now is that time. She really closed the door on me for the last time when she said she would be changing her number. There was no coming back from that regardless of whether she meant it. I waited in vain for a text or something to say i didn't mean it but it never came. I can't reach out again, i just can't. I reached out so many times and i probaably would have done again if she hadn't uttered those last words. That sealed the deal. I need to move on, it's not fair to keep someone hanging on with some sort of vague hint that you might want them in the future. I have had someone do that to me before and when they came back they found that i had moved on. It's going to be the same this time. I'll always love her but i'm not going to spend the rest of my life thinking about what might have been. I tried so hard to convince her i was genuine and meant what i said but she would never give me the chance to prove it. Shame it really is but she needs to remember it wasn't me that closed the door, it wasn't me tha moved on to other people before we had a chance to try and work things through. I hope she finds what she's looking for with the new guy, there'll always be a huge hole in my life where she was and i do still love her whatever she may think, it's jsut i have finally realised it's the end of the road. I've spent way too long waiting and hoping for something that was never going to happen.
Addison312 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 To be honest, I think you may want to log off for a few days, get in touch with the real people in your life and STOP allowing yourself to dwell on him so much! You're wasting away precious minutes of LIFE by analyzing, worrying, perpetuating the same thing. Beating a dead horse! I hope this doesn't come cross as mean, because it isn't meant to be, but you must do something when you start to think of him or you're going to drive yourself nuts.
Terrorblade Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I felt that way too, when a 3 year long relationship ended. I know it's tough, but you have to brave it through. But don't just sit there doing nothing! Go out, meet some new friends. Develop new hobbies. Join the gym. Love yourself. And post on LS if you are lonely. All the best!
Author singme2sleep Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Believe me, it's not that I've stopped living. I still go out, I still do things and try to have fun. This is the first time I've been truly 100% in love so letting go is a slow process.
misswillow Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 singme2sleep, I'm glad to hear that you're still going out. I think you just have to force yourself, even if your heart isn't in it, and little by little it will get easier. I think everyone is different in how long it takes them to get over someone or something, and then each situation is also different. Someone else mentioned that you may be having a harder time because you are still holding out hope, and I think that may be true. But, as you know my story, take it from me that even if he does come back, it doesn't mean he will stay. Of course there are stories of people who break up, reconcile, and live happily ever after. But there are also those stories of people who break up, get back together, and break up again. And it hurts even more the second time, because you feel like a fool for believing it wouldn't happen again (although there was also the nagging doubt that it would, which eats you up). So I think you should spend some time thinking about whether you would even want to put yourself through that, should the opportunity arise. The best place to be is when you realize you wouldn't, unless your ex has done some serious changing. I have to believe there are men out there who will not push us away when things are difficult in their lives.
marklarsson Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 singme2sleep, I'm glad to hear that you're still going out. I think you just have to force yourself, even if your heart isn't in it, and little by little it will get easier. I think everyone is different in how long it takes them to get over someone or something, and then each situation is also different. Someone else mentioned that you may be having a harder time because you are still holding out hope, and I think that may be true. But, as you know my story, take it from me that even if he does come back, it doesn't mean he will stay. Of course there are stories of people who break up, reconcile, and live happily ever after. But there are also those stories of people who break up, get back together, and break up again. And it hurts even more the second time, because you feel like a fool for believing it wouldn't happen again (although there was also the nagging doubt that it would, which eats you up). So I think you should spend some time thinking about whether you would even want to put yourself through that, should the opportunity arise. The best place to be is when you realize you wouldn't, unless your ex has done some serious changing. I have to believe there are men out there who will not push us away when things are difficult in their lives. i think people can have feelings for their ex but more the feeling of i once cared for this person and not that feeling that hurts you every time you see them. when you reach the stage of when you don't hate them any longer for leaving you that's when you are truly over them i think. and about men pushing women away when things are difficult sometimes men cannot help but do that. For me personally i was not away at the time of what was causing me to behave in the way i was because i though i was coping with my problems but i was not. i suppose subconsciously i was suppressing it. i was having depression but i did not know it. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 misswillow- I appreciate your candor. This is a tough loss for me and I'm letting go the only way I can...slowly. I know everyone here is just trying to help but I'm starting to feel a little judged. I'm not the only person on LS who holds out hope for reconciliation, it's human nature. It's just so difficult to convince my heart to move on, when I fell really hard for this guy. But again I'm grateful for your words of wisdom. Thank you.
misswillow Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 misswillow- I appreciate your candor. This is a tough loss for me and I'm letting go the only way I can...slowly. I know everyone here is just trying to help but I'm starting to feel a little judged. I'm not the only person on LS who holds out hope for reconciliation, it's human nature. It's just so difficult to convince my heart to move on, when I fell really hard for this guy. But again I'm grateful for your words of wisdom. Thank you. Oh, I hope you don't think I'm judging you. I'm the last person to judge someone for hoping for a reconciliation. Every day I hope today will be the day my ex calls me and tells me he made a mistake, while my head tries to convince myself that I could never take him back even if he did. Because I truly believe that keeping the idea of reconciliation alive slows the healing process. I think for most people, it's easier to give advice than to take the same advice. So even if someone is saying one thing, it does not mean they wouldn't do or feel anything different than you in the same situation. By suggesting you think about whether you would want your ex back, I truly meant that maybe you should give some thought to what that would be like. I have conflicted feelings on the subject. While I know there are couples that have broken up, reconciled, and succeeded, it has never happened to me. I've gone through this in two different relationships, and, for me, the reconciliation also comes with a lot of anxiety in waiting for "the other shoe to drop" and the person to change his mind again. And in both relationships he did. I am, by nature, pretty insecure, so the fear of that happening was pretty crippling at times. Who knows....maybe my fear kept me from full opening up in the relationship after reconciliation, and eventually led to the demise again. Or maybe we never really worked out the issues that led to the breakup the first time. Anyway, I'm rambling, but I feel bad that you may have gotten the wrong message from my post. Believe me, I am still at the stage where if my ex came back, I would jump right back into his arms, even though I logically know this would be a mistake. But the heart wants what the heart wants. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) Oh, I hope you don't think I'm judging you. I'm the last person to judge someone for hoping for a reconciliation. Every day I hope today will be the day my ex calls me and tells me he made a mistake, while my head tries to convince myself that I could never take him back even if he did. Because I truly believe that keeping the idea of reconciliation alive slows the healing process. I think for most people, it's easier to give advice than to take the same advice. So even if someone is saying one thing, it does not mean they wouldn't do or feel anything different than you in the same situation. By suggesting you think about whether you would want your ex back, I truly meant that maybe you should give some thought to what that would be like. I have conflicted feelings on the subject. While I know there are couples that have broken up, reconciled, and succeeded, it has never happened to me. I've gone through this in two different relationships, and, for me, the reconciliation also comes with a lot of anxiety in waiting for "the other shoe to drop" and the person to change his mind again. And in both relationships he did. I am, by nature, pretty insecure, so the fear of that happening was pretty crippling at times. Who knows....maybe my fear kept me from full opening up in the relationship after reconciliation, and eventually led to the demise again. Or maybe we never really worked out the issues that led to the breakup the first time. Anyway, I'm rambling, but I feel bad that you may have gotten the wrong message from my post. Believe me, I am still at the stage where if my ex came back, I would jump right back into his arms, even though I logically know this would be a mistake. But the heart wants what the heart wants. I didn't mean to single you out, this site and the people on it are helping me. I guess I'm just a defensive person, but I have nothing against you. We're both in the same boat. You're right about hope of reconciling, to give it up is easier said than done. But if my ex did want to come back, I would not just run into his arms. He'd have to prove to me that things would change and show me through actions that he will not leave again. It's a moot point I guess, right now. Anyway sorry for my last post, I welcome your opinion. It's just one of those days! Edited March 10, 2013 by singme2sleep
emmalynro Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Dr. Emma's RX for One Of Those Days: - 40 minutes hard cardio - 20 minutes bubble bath - 20 minutes dancing in underwear to embarrassing pop music - 90 minutes of a movie with your favorite snack - 1 cup of chamomile/lavender tea - 5 pieces of chocolate 2
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