Thoughts on Therapy?

[Got it]

I was in therapy prior to the affair and in therapy once the affair started. I have found therapy to be very helpful though I am currently not in it. I think that one has to be open to it to be successful.

 

I think that internet boards can be helpful. I think a board that offers different sides to a topic can be very informative if moderated properly. Unfortunately I think we fall short because of how many subforums that there are.

 

My ex was never open to therapy. I have realized how important it was to me to have romantic partner who was open to discussing issues and seeking professional help. It has become a dealbreaker for me.

[Spark1111]

xMM had about a year's worth of IC and MC before he met me. But I'm sure he used that as a bandaid to make his SBW (serial betrayed wife) think he was really working on saving his M. He was sleeping with 3 OOW and his W whenever he had to (his words) when seeing the IC. All this happened before he pursued a R with me.

 

Goes to show you can't always fix the problem or make somebody love you. Words (I do love you) and actions (a year spent in therapy) never produced a returning or lasting love.

 

I have known people who have sat in therapy for YEARS and have told them, WTH are you doing??????

 

Unless you are willing to dig deep and tell your innermost fears and demons, nothing positive CAN happen.

 

The therapist is paid to be a non-judge mental listener, but he or she cannot treat you until YOU are willing to tell the God's honest TRUTH, your PAIN and what you want to CHANGE in your life.

 

Know a woman who goes through men like tissue paper, some married, most dirt-bag losers and has been going to therapy for years. She cries often and her choices in men are painful; her life a roller coaster.

 

She NEVER told the therapist daddy was an alcoholic who either neglected her or verbally abused her in adolescence, claiming she had dealt with it and it was now a non-issue.

 

Helllooooooo?????? Calling Freud!!!!! daddy issues and poor choices in men. Shocker, I know.

 

The therapist cannot help you if you choose not to reveal your life, your feelings, your insecurities, your pain and your FOO issues to them. Period.

 

might as well be talking about the weather.

 

nice to see you again, WF!

[stevie_23]

My aunt is crazy, right? My mum’s sister. My mum is a wonderful, honest and decent person. Can’t fault her. But her sister is HORRIBLE! Malicious, vindictive, INSANE! She has narcissistic personality disorder, possibly borderline personality disorder and I don’t know what else. She feels she was abused by my grandparents when she was growing up but she simply was NOT. My grandparents were beautiful, loving people who did nothing but support both of them their whole lives.

 

Anyway, my aunt has been going to IC FOREVER and she just tells these counselors SO many lies. She has been through over 30 counselors over the past 15 years and she leaves each one when they ask to meet with someone else, to discuss the problems. Like my mum or when she was alive, my grandma, or my cousin (my aunt’s daughter). Whenever anyone else gets into the counseling session and the truth begins to come out, my aunt switches to a new counselor.

 

It is just…so pointless. She has a completely skewed view of every single thing, and especially her own self.

[White Flower]

Well, the insurance companies rule the world, and often only give us 6 sessions to work with a client! Back when that first started to really be done, I was concerned, bc not every case is done with only 6 sessions. However, as it came into effect, I realized that if a client came in ready to really do the hard work - 6 sessions was more than enough.

 

We also get trained in how to do this, honestly. It is a kind of blitz counseling program - and I have found that if a client is willing to trust me, and go there with me - this is very doable. You sound like a dream client! I LOVE those cases - where a client comes in ready to work, willing to try the techniques - and I always feel so proud when at the end of 6 sessions they are ready to move on! It's an amazing process to watch and I am always in awe of my clients when this happens.

 

I was a cash patient so I didn't know about the 6-week approval with insurance companies, I find that interesting. My IC was indeed impressed with me and told me so each week. I was still talking to xMM then and he couldn't believe the wonders she was doing for me and wished he could see her himself for the quicker positive outcome. I told him it was simple, it was all up to him! I think he was waiting for his IC to waive a magic wand and tell him who to choose or that he was happy now or that they were done because he had graduated. But the key to success is a willing student.

I have known people who have sat in therapy for YEARS and have told them, WTH are you doing??????

 

Unless you are willing to dig deep and tell your innermost fears and demons, nothing positive CAN happen.

 

The therapist is paid to be a non-judge mental listener, but he or she cannot treat you until YOU are willing to tell the God's honest TRUTH, your PAIN and what you want to CHANGE in your life.

 

Know a woman who goes through men like tissue paper, some married, most dirt-bag losers and has been going to therapy for years. She cries often and her choices in men are painful; her life a roller coaster.

 

She NEVER told the therapist daddy was an alcoholic who either neglected her or verbally abused her in adolescence, claiming she had dealt with it and it was now a non-issue.

 

Helllooooooo?????? Calling Freud!!!!! daddy issues and poor choices in men. Shocker, I know.

 

The therapist cannot help you if you choose not to reveal your life, your feelings, your insecurities, your pain and your FOO issues to them. Period.

 

might as well be talking about the weather.

 

nice to see you again, WF!

Nice go see you too Spark!

[cocorico]

I had been away from these boards for about 6 months and I had forgotten how much vitrol could be contained here! I am curious as to how many of the posters are seeking professional guidance? I am concerned that some folks are ONLY using these boards, and that concerns me as the "advice" and "support" I see is sometimes far too "Dr. Phil" for my tastes.

 

Are any of you seeking professional guidance? Actually talking to someone who is trained to help you through processing and emotions? Someone who isn't judging you and using a "one size fits all" approach and actually listening to your individual variables and helping you find an approach that is therapeutically appropriate for YOU and your situation?

 

I can see the benefit of the boards for many BSs as they can talk to others freely that have "been there" and commiserate - but I have concern for the OW/OMs who frequent here (I did 6 months ago too) and hope that all know that this is not a replacement for professional assistance from a trained professional - as in, if you were experiencing a ruptured appendix, you wouldn't come here to have random laymen tell you how to fix it - so, why would you with something so important as your mental health and well-being?

 

I think there are two distinct motivations that could lead an OW here.

 

One is the kind of support that would best be provided by a professional, helping an OW to come to their own conclusions about what is best for them in their own particular A situation.

 

The other is the kind of peer-input that may be really important for APs in environments where As are frowned upon and driven underground, who want to exchange war-stories or share the kind of chatter that BFFs typically engag in about their SOs. Just knowing someone else has been their before, or hearing how they dealt creatively with a similar situation, or finding solidarity in sharing happiness can be very empowering to the isolated OW or OM.