Idiot4Her Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Long time lurker here. Here is my my situation. My AP is a co-worker which I know is a bad choice on top of everything else. We worked together a little over 9 years before we ever got together. Started with stares and smiles across the room, until we finally had drinks with other co-workers. Gradually over time I fell hard for her. I love her from the bottom of my heart. She has told me that she is in love with me but is not willing to leave H. I respect that and put an end to end the A. She wants to still be friends with me, but I can't handle that. I have tried NC, but she gets all emotional and tells me how much she hates it when I ignore her. So I cave in and end up talking to her. This has happened several time and my pain never leaves me. I must quit, I just want to forget everything. Thanks for listening to my rambling.
Survivor12 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 She's the one who is married and refuses to leave her marriage. It seems to me that since she has made her choice what she wants from you is less important than what is best for you. Since you work together, I would advise being civil, but if it is too hard on you to talk to her, don't (unless necessary for your job). The fact that she "hates" being ignored and continues to "get emotional" at the expense of your feelings (not to mention that she's a cheater) is a good sign that you are better off without her. Sounds like all she really cares about is herself. Stay strong and take care of yourself. 2
Spark1111 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Grow a backbone man! You are seriously being used. Reread your original post, over and over again until it sinks in. She needs you not to ignore her, not to be unfriendly, gets emotional....but will not leave her H. Wow! It is all about her, isn't it? Where does it say that she realizes how much her continued contact causes you until heartache and that she even gives a damn about it? No where! You exist to simply make her feel better about herself. I bet all that unrequited emotional drama makes her lonely life palatable....but at what expense? Your happiness. She doesn't care about you...not really. cut her loose. 2
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Long time lurker here. Here is my my situation. My AP is a co-worker which I know is a bad choice on top of everything else. We worked together a little over 9 years before we ever got together. Started with stares and smiles across the room, until we finally had drinks with other co-workers. Gradually over time I fell hard for her. I love her from the bottom of my heart. She has told me that she is in love with me but is not willing to leave H. I respect that and put an end to end the A. She wants to still be friends with me, but I can't handle that. I have tried NC, but she gets all emotional and tells me how much she hates it when I ignore her. So I cave in and end up talking to her. This has happened several time and my pain never leaves me. I must quit, I just want to forget everything. Thanks for listening to my rambling. She doesn't respect your feelings, that you cannot handle a friendship. Remember, it's all about her. It's completely SELFISH of her to tell you she misses you and she hates it when you ignore her. Hello, she isn't leaving and divorcing her husband, so therefore she doesn't get to have you in her life. Don't cave, be strong. part of her tears are manipulation (selfishly, not maliciously) to make you feel sorry for her so you won't shut her out. part of HER consquence of choosing to stay married and have the A end, is NO friendship. You can't handle it, so tell her that! Ask her to please respect YOUR wishes. gotta be tough and stand up to her otherwise she'll keep on doing what she's doing and you'll be pining over her for a long time. Or the A will start up again, if not physical, it'll be emotional. Do start looking for another job.
LFH Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Long time lurker here. Here is my my situation. My AP is a co-worker which I know is a bad choice on top of everything else. We worked together a little over 9 years before we ever got together. Started with stares and smiles across the room, until we finally had drinks with other co-workers. Gradually over time I fell hard for her. I love her from the bottom of my heart. She has told me that she is in love with me but is not willing to leave H. I respect that and put an end to end the A. She wants to still be friends with me, but I can't handle that. I have tried NC, but she gets all emotional and tells me how much she hates it when I ignore her. So I cave in and end up talking to her. This has happened several time and my pain never leaves me. I must quit, I just want to forget everything. Thanks for listening to my rambling. You absolutely, 100%, without a doubt CANNOT be friends with someone you are in love with. It can't happen. You need to take steps to protect your heart and get distance, if that means quitting your job, transferring, going to HR and discussing that you cannot work with her, whatever it takes. It is impossible to just be friends. It's a recipe for disaster and you know that this wasn't working for you, so what can you do to heal and move on? What steps can you take and how quickly can you take them? I hate hearing aobut workplace relationships, they're even messier than regular affairs. You aren't going to be able to forget, but you can heal. It's just going to take time and distance. You'll be ok. I promise. 1
Spark1111 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 You know why all these xAPs want to be friends? So they can still squeeze some emotional ego boosting out of you AND so they feel less guilty for NOT committing to you. They can say to themselves.....well, we ARE still friends, so how I treated him cannot be so bad.....because he is STILL my friend. Get it? I wouldn't subject my dog to such treatment. selfish, selfish, selfish. AND emasculating. find a woman who cherishes, respects, and lives her life out loud and in the open with you. 2
Author Idiot4Her Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Thanks everyone for your comments, so far NC this weekend. I don't look forward to Tuesday when she comes back to work, but my mind is made up I am finished with her. 1
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