HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Also, make sure your not going for a BS major. 90% of college education today is BS. If you're not learning a trade in your major, I wouldn't do it. If a girl doesn't like you because you decided not to drop 100k+ on an education that won't even land you a job afterwards, I wouldn't sweat missing out on her.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Your experience is not typical. I did my undergraduate in engineering and I can guarantee you that if somebody had to work 40 hours and raise a child on top of taking 17 credits, that person would be failing classes. I have also taken two graduate school classes while working 40-50 hours a week, and it was my whole life. 6 hours of class plus 10 hours of study a week at least. Not to take anything away from what you did, it's impressive, but everybody is in a different situation. BTW, don't take offense to this, but I have a question. I have often seen people who have a story similar to you. Full time work with full time school with full time family. I'm just curious. If you have such a great work ethic (I admittedly wouldn't be able to do that), why didn't you just kick a@@ in high school and college when you were 14-22 and come out with the degrees then? Again, I don't mean it to be offensive. Just curious. Already had my BS. Went back for teacher certification, but also had some other classes outside of Ed to get my Type-9 certification. I didn't give a s**t about HS. It was a joke. Got through college ok, went to a good school, partied a lot, met tons of girls, ended up meeting my wife. Also, between HS and getting serious about college, I took a couple years to live in CO, smoke weed and ride a snowboard. I have always paid my own way through life, so I did things on my terms. My parents have never given me financial assistance for anything. Started my business when I was 28. Made good, calculated moves, so I was profitable from day 1. I worked a lot the first several years, but not in the way you hear about when people talk about starting a business....most of the work I did was revenue-generating, not working and slaving to build it. I decided to go into teaching solely because it, to me, is a meaningful way to spend a life. Don't need the money. My point with re to Krieger is that he is building up a reality but making assumptions on that reality that are very different from the way it will probably unfold. Life gets more, not less, complicated. He has a notion in his head that once he passes this particular milestone, the sea will part for him and everything will fall into place. Nope. 2
TaurusTerp Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Ignore these people telling you to just be happy being mediocre, man, they're the problem with this country. Good for you trying to self-actualize and not settling for being just okay. Nursing is a profession in high demand, but also be sure you're ready for it - they probably don't tell you that nursing schools can be high attrition - up to 25% of the class won't make it through at some schools. So learn your ish now, and work on your study habits so you can hit the ground running when you do get in. I would not start school until you've worked out your concentration problems. Time wasting is a killer and you don't want to be in a bunch of debt + no degree. 1
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Ignore these people telling you to just be happy being mediocre, man, they're the problem with this country. Good for you trying to self-actualize and not settling for being just okay. Nursing is a profession in high demand, but also be sure you're ready for it - they probably don't tell you that nursing schools can be high attrition - up to 25% of the class won't make it through at some schools. So learn your ish now, and work on your study habits so you can hit the ground running when you do get in. I would not start school until you've worked out your concentration problems. Time wasting is a killer and you don't want to be in a bunch of debt + no degree. I don't think anybody is telling him to be happy being mediocre. I think there are people who have already been down his road pointing out that actual reality and the reality one constructs in one's mind are often very different, and that now is the time to identify the hang-ups and fix them, because they won't magically resolve themselves. And his notion that simply passing a milestone makes everything downstream easier...I'm sorry. Given the rigidity of his views of life and the world, at least as he described them in this and other threads, he is setting himself up for one disappointment after another, and its unrealistic.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 The truth is the guys that girls are looking for can find something fun to do with $10 Be inventive A walk in the park Feed the ducks A picnic It is also good kite flying weather. what about a first date I want her to like me LOL
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 My point with re to Krieger is that he is building up a reality but making assumptions on that reality that are very different from the way it will probably unfold. Life gets more, not less, complicated. He has a notion in his head that once he passes this particular milestone, the sea will part for him and everything will fall into place. Nope. I understand what your saying but I am still going try . I have too i can keep stocking shelves until die . I just need to manage my time better but still going to give things up that will not help me.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Chill with the Adderall, OP. I was just in a very intense grad school program and was using very high doses 3x a week for a year. It REALLY messed me up, made me depressed, and made me paranoid. Needless to say, I wasn't very successful in pursuing girls in my grad school class (and when I did get them, I acted pretty weird lol). If you don't like your situation, fix it in a healthy way. Quit your job. Opportunities for money are everywhere. Work hard (and smart) towards your goals, but think outside of the box while you're doing it....and things will be better. yes i am going to find a better job even if it is less money i just need to get things in order. the meds help me stay awake i have a hard time not falling a sleep behind the wheel. lol i do not care about finding love i will talk to woman but i never ask them out i do not have the time.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Your opinion of yourself is approaching a dangerously unhealthy low. What the hell good is everything you are doing if you do not love yourself? This is one of the main reasons you have trouble attracting, is that you think so little of yourself, which in turn makes you act desperate. this is so true i need to love myself more but If i use self hate and the pain i feel on the inside and turn it into motivation to work hard on myself and college it can be a good thing. I can live with failing i just cant make it a habit. If i know i gave it my all i am fine with myself. I just can stand by and do nothing that I can live with myself if i did.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Ignore these people telling you to just be happy being mediocre, man, they're the problem with this country. Good for you trying to self-actualize and not settling for being just okay. Nursing is a profession in high demand, but also be sure you're ready for it - they probably don't tell you that nursing schools can be high attrition - up to 25% of the class won't make it through at some schools. So learn your ish now, and work on your study habits so you can hit the ground running when you do get in. I would not start school until you've worked out your concentration problems. Time wasting is a killer and you don't want to be in a bunch of debt + no degree. I need to get better study habits and i have a idea on how to to that get off work and straight to the library and do not leave until i am all done with my homework for that day.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Already had my BS. Went back for teacher certification, but also had some other classes outside of Ed to get my Type-9 certification. I didn't give a s**t about HS. It was a joke. Got through college ok, went to a good school, partied a lot, met tons of girls, ended up meeting my wife. Also, between HS and getting serious about college, I took a couple years to live in CO, smoke weed and ride a snowboard. I have always paid my own way through life, so I did things on my terms. My parents have never given me financial assistance for anything. Started my business when I was 28. Made good, calculated moves, so I was profitable from day 1. I worked a lot the first several years, but not in the way you hear about when people talk about starting a business....most of the work I did was revenue-generating, not working and slaving to build it. I decided to go into teaching solely because it, to me, is a meaningful way to spend a life. Don't need the money. My point with re to Krieger is that he is building up a reality but making assumptions on that reality that are very different from the way it will probably unfold. Life gets more, not less, complicated. He has a notion in his head that once he passes this particular milestone, the sea will part for him and everything will fall into place. Nope. Oh, that's a nice story. I think the overriding message in this thread should be that people should respect others for their level of motivation, not necessarily what they do and what they paycheck reads.
xxoo Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't want to demotivate you. Your goals are solid, and you should keep that focus. But there will be some lovely young women in your program, and you should definitely NOT rule out the possibility of making an organic connection and dating someone. Why not? You don't need money to have fun with the right person. Many, many people meet their partners in school. Why would you be undateable before graduation? 1
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Oh, that's a nice story. I think the overriding message in this thread should be that people should respect others for their level of motivation, not necessarily what they do and what they paycheck reads. Absolutely, and to be clear, I'm not making any sort of value judgements against Krieger for his dedication or level of motivation. I, and others who have been there are pointing out how complicated, complex and difficult life can be. Krieger seems to have the belief that this degree and certification will 'fix' things, and that once he has the job, everything will then magically fall into place. Additionally, he seems to need to operate at the exclusion of normal parts of life in order to achieve his goals. Well, there are always going to be goals, there is always going to be work to do, there is always going to be hardship and sacrifice. What is he going to exclude later in order to handle this stuff, and how healthy of an existence will he be living, how happy will he be? Will that make his wife or kids happy? Look at simply having a relationship. That alone is a lot of work because it entails being aware of and responsive to the feelings and needs of another person....not when its convenient or fits into the schedule, but when it needs to be done. Life is sloppy, messy, jumbled, tricky, unpredictable and sometimes unforgiving....much moreso when you involve other people. The message to Krieger is, simply, keep up the good work. Just remember, this is the base level....it gets harder. And a lot of things won't happen the way you want them to. Be ready for that. He's building himself a foundation for life right now....not buying himself a magic wand. 1
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 thanks for all the help every one I think it is time to go see a therapist it might help me out I feel like it will help me in how to loving myself more. There been times i feel like crying myself to sleep and that not normal IMO it might not hurt me to look into getting help.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 I don't want to demotivate you. Your goals are solid, and you should keep that focus. But there will be some lovely young women in your program, and you should definitely NOT rule out the possibility of making an organic connection and dating someone. Why not? You don't need money to have fun with the right person. Many, many people meet their partners in school. Why would you be undateable before graduation? I need to work on my self more i feel b4 i can ever love someone. I feel like I hate my self at times but other times i like myself.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I need to work on my self more i feel b4 i can ever love someone. I feel like I hate my self at times but other times i like myself. This is sort of what everybody is getting at. Achieving goals is one thing, but if there is deprivation, that's going to cause you to not have balance. You don't have balance, you don't have happiness. You don't have happiness, then you're going to have a tough time attracting the right kind of woman to yourself. You don't attract the right kind of woman to yourself, then we're back to deprivation of human needs and it just keeps cycling like that. Jobs, money, status, stuff....its all great, but its nothing without balance and happiness. Find yourself. Find some balance. The rest then becomes much, MUCH easier.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 This is sort of what everybody is getting at. Achieving goals is one thing, but if there is deprivation, that's going to cause you to not have balance. You don't have balance, you don't have happiness. You don't have happiness, then you're going to have a tough time attracting the right kind of woman to yourself. You don't attract the right kind of woman to yourself, then we're back to deprivation of human needs and it just keeps cycling like that. Jobs, money, status, stuff....its all great, but its nothing without balance and happiness. Find yourself. Find some balance. The rest then becomes much, MUCH easier. Well i wish it was essay to balance every thing. i do not think i should be dating right now i rather get college done a girl will just get in the way of reaching my goals but i do need to chile out more.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 You like fishing don't you? :confused: I been fishing it is ok kinda of boring at times.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Well i wish it was essay to balance every thing. i do not think i should be dating right now i rather get college done a girl will just get in the way of reaching my goals but i do need to chile out more. I'm not talking necessarily about balancing the things in your life as much as finding balance within yourself. Finding an equilibrium. If you're in nursing you're taking or have taken chemistry, so you know all about equilibrium reactions. When you're balanced, the rough stuff gets balanced out by the good stuff. Bases neutralize acids sort of thing. When you're not balanced inside yourself, you are adding acids to acids. You seem to have a predisposed idea that a girl will distract and detract from your goals. Maybe so. But the right girl can give you a love and support that, believe it or not, makes it EASIER, not harder, to achieve your goals. It's rare to find a girl like that, but if you close yourself off to the possibility, you make it impossible. You never know, stud....you never know. In life, whether its personally, professionally, or whatever, ALWAYS keep those feelers out there. You never know what you're going to find. But first, work on you and finding your own personal balance. Things that make you feel confident and fulfilled. Whatever happened to you in the past thats still dragging you, let it go. The only thing that matters is today forward. The past is the past.
Author Krieger Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 I'm not talking necessarily about balancing the things in your life as much as finding balance within yourself. Finding an equilibrium. If you're in nursing you're taking or have taken chemistry, so you know all about equilibrium reactions. When you're balanced, the rough stuff gets balanced out by the good stuff. Bases neutralize acids sort of thing. When you're not balanced inside yourself, you are adding acids to acids. You seem to have a predisposed idea that a girl will distract and detract from your goals. Maybe so. But the right girl can give you a love and support that, believe it or not, makes it EASIER, not harder, to achieve your goals. It's rare to find a girl like that, but if you close yourself off to the possibility, you make it impossible. You never know, stud....you never know. In life, whether its personally, professionally, or whatever, ALWAYS keep those feelers out there. You never know what you're going to find. But first, work on you and finding your own personal balance. Things that make you feel confident and fulfilled. Whatever happened to you in the past thats still dragging you, let it go. The only thing that matters is today forward. The past is the past. thanks i know what i need to do know. it would be nice to have a gf that loves you and the give me support but i do not see it happening all though i should try to be open to it. life never easy . that is way i tell all the young kids 18-20 year old get college done now when you live at home and mom and dad are paying or helping you out do not dick around like i did when i had it all . it get a lot harder to go back a 2nd time.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I do disagree with Barnacle Bob in the sense that he believes that life gets harder the more you accomplish. I think that once you get your BSN and nursing certification, things will be better. You'll have a well paying stable, and portable job, and so the question of stability will be taken care of when searching out potential mates. And also, you will have more free time because your life will be just work. So, I do think that in a few years (or however long it takes) that you will be on a higher plateau of sorts. Why would you even push towards a career change goal if you thought i was just going to make life harder? That doesn't mean you can't look for women now, but putting it off until you get your nursing certification is definitely not something I would argue against.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I do disagree with Barnacle Bob in the sense that he believes that life gets harder the more you accomplish. I think that once you get your BSN and nursing certification, things will be better. You'll have a well paying stable, and portable job, and so the question of stability will be taken care of when searching out potential mates. And also, you will have more free time because your life will be just work. So, I do think that in a few years (or however long it takes) that you will be on a higher plateau of sorts. Why would you even push towards a career change goal if you thought i was just going to make life harder? That doesn't mean you can't look for women now, but putting it off until you get your nursing certification is definitely not something I would argue against. What I'm referring to is how life becomes more complicated. Right now he has no relationship ot kids. He has a job which is time consuming but not challenging. OK....now he wants to go into a fairly challenging career, get married and have kids. That is much more complicated than what he has now. Like several orders of magnitude more complicated. There's a pretty good chance it will get harder. If he's having a tough time now, he needs to get some stuff straightened out, because the things on his wishlist are not going to make his life easier. Now, will those things make his life better and more fulfilling? OK, that's an entirely different conversation.
GravityMan Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Krieger, it's great that you seem motivated on improving yourself. However don't give up your friends, hobbies, dating, etc. Your attitude is concerning and unhealthy...I agree with the folks who stated that you seem really wound-up and stressed. It's not necessary to dedicate nearly 24/7 to self-improvement. Sometimes it's good to just not worry about stuff and just relax and enjoy life...by yourself, with friends or on a date. Ideally you should have time to work (and/or school), time to play (fun-time, social life, trying new things, etc.) and time to rest...3-4 hours of sleep isn't enough. Work/life balance is very important. I think if you just learn to relax and be more "in the present" sometimes, that alone will help noticeably. You need to get outside your own head. It's smart to have career-related future goals, but I think it's unwise to apply a goal-oriented mindset to things like friendships, relationships, etc...those things often happen and evolve on their own...i.e. when we don't force it.
Author Krieger Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Krieger, it's great that you seem motivated on improving yourself. However don't give up your friends, hobbies, dating, etc. Your attitude is concerning and unhealthy...I agree with the folks who stated that you seem really wound-up and stressed. It's not necessary to dedicate nearly 24/7 to self-improvement. Sometimes it's good to just not worry about stuff and just relax and enjoy life...by yourself, with friends or on a date. Ideally you should have time to work (and/or school), time to play (fun-time, social life, trying new things, etc.) and time to rest...3-4 hours of sleep isn't enough. Work/life balance is very important. I think if you just learn to relax and be more "in the present" sometimes, that alone will help noticeably. You need to get outside your own head. It's smart to have career-related future goals, but I think it's unwise to apply a goal-oriented mindset to things like friendships, relationships, etc...those things often happen and evolve on their own...i.e. when we don't force it. I will allow myself a little fun but not to much. as far as friends go i had to get stop hang out with them seeing that they were doing things that i was not cool with. I needed to get away from all the partying and drug use i had my fun and now it is time grow up. I can not do this job for ever like i told some at work i can not do it or will not just pick one. I biggest fear is throwing fright until i am 80 years old and still looking for a wife /gf and eating cold can dog food living with 13 cats. Thanks all i know what i need to do but i do have to study more then the next guy IMO.
Author Krieger Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 I do disagree with Barnacle Bob in the sense that he believes that life gets harder the more you accomplish. I think that once you get your BSN and nursing certification, things will be better. You'll have a well paying stable, and portable job, and so the question of stability will be taken care of when searching out potential mates. And also, you will have more free time because your life will be just work. So, I do think that in a few years (or however long it takes) that you will be on a higher plateau of sorts. Why would you even push towards a career change goal if you thought i was just going to make life harder? That doesn't mean you can't look for women now, but putting it off until you get your nursing certification is definitely not something I would argue against. just as long as a woman is will to come in 2nd or a close 1st and be willing to understand that i need to study some times.
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