outsidethebox Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 The biggest thing that bothers me about you, Krieger, is your attitude. You are so tightly wound that it's gotta be uncomfortable. First of all your current income is irrelevant in supporting a family in that you are going to school for a higher income and you have no family nor will you have a family while you're still a student. So it only is relevant to supporting you and your education. Millions upon millions of people have gone through exactly what you're going through. Yes, going to school is a sacrifice. Yes, it's hard work. Yes, it eats up your time and money. But many of those students are sacrificing as well. Ok, so students aren't flush with money, you should know that by now. Not sure why you're hung up about it. Many of those teaching you are grad students making way less than you and having to sacrifice as well. The issue as far as I can tell is this thing about not being desirable while a student as seen as a wage earner family supporter. Duh! You are going to school with thousands of people in the same boat. Get a grip. I've said many times to your posts that you are spending time with students and they will be your friends and some may become closer. Get over your traditional views of courting and such as provider for a family etc, whatever it is you are hung up on. You don't have a family, you're not starting a family, and as a nursing student you'd better have better knowledge about preventing pregnancy than this stuff about knocking her up yada yada. You need to major league relax and have a cheerful attitude and be somebody that people want to be around first. You don't have any problems everyone else doesn't have. Work hard, study hard, but have a cheerful attitude in the process and someone a girl would enjoy talking to. Some of the stuff you list as giving up, games and dopey guy friends, are time wasters and not a sacrifice to give up.
Green Light Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I just cannot fail if I do what woman in her right mind will ever date a guy that is ok with being mediocre? Human beings by our very nature are mediocre. If we weren't we would not get sick or die. We ALL LOSE at the game of life so, please friend, pay no attention to these narcissistic "winners" who act like they will live forever and just enjoy your life.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Human beings by our very nature are mediocre. If we weren't we would not get sick or die. We ALL LOSE at the game of life so, please friend, pay no attention to these narcissistic "winners" who act like they will live forever and just enjoy your life. I just see my self as a person that can bring more to the table and has a lot of offer but I am stuck at this dead end mediocre job. I am not living up to my purpose in life .
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 First of all your current income is irrelevant in supporting a family in that you are going to school for a higher income and you have no family nor will you have a family while you're still a student. So it only is relevant to supporting you and your education. It is more then money for me it I can work 3-12 and go have fun for 4 days and do things I want to do. When I have kids I get to see them a lot more then most dads do. my son gets to know what it is like to play catch with his dad, and my daughter will know I am at every dance or play or what ever let her know how proud of her I am. My son will know I am there for him when I am on the side lines cheering my son on in what ever activity he is in and letting him know I am proud of him . I get to take my wife out on dates and go do things as a family . My wife will have to option once we have kids to work part time or not work for a years or so or go back full time. one last thing if we can life of one income no matter what my wife wants to do. if she wants stay home with the kids cool . if she just wants to work part time then later full time when the kids get older fantastic . I am not going back to college for me in away i am going back to college to get a job i love doing and for the family i one day will have. I will not get to be a father if i fail since i have to work 80+ hours a week to but food on the table.
outsidethebox Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 how many people do you see working 80+ hours a week? how many people do you see that have starving children? you're just being melodramatic. You appear to be rationalizing no relations with women as your income isn't high enough (as if there aren't millions of men making what you do or less who are married with children). Not only is it a rationalization, but your conclusion that making more money will all of a sudden make women want to date you is not true. For any income level, there is a group of people making less that would see you as a step up from where they are. I'm not going to criticize a desire to work hard and succeed, I wish you the best, but the connection of working class income versus middle class income to having good relationships with women is tenuous at best.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Nursing is fine. Keep in mind you must have a BSN to do anything these days and an MSN will help you with promotions. Practitioner is ultimately what you want I believe. That'll be totally fine to snag most non-materialistic women. Good luck.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 how many people do you see working 80+ hours a week? how many people do you see that have starving children? you're just being melodramatic. You appear to be rationalizing no relations with women as your income isn't high enough (as if there aren't millions of men making what you do or less who are married with children). Not only is it a rationalization, but your conclusion that making more money will all of a sudden make women want to date you is not true. For any income level, there is a group of people making less that would see you as a step up from where they are. I'm not going to criticize a desire to work hard and succeed, I wish you the best, but the connection of working class income versus middle class income to having good relationships with women is tenuous at best. thanks for the help . 1
xxoo Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 It is more then money for me it I can work 3-12 and go have fun for 4 days and do things I want to do. When I have kids I get to see them a lot more then most dads do. my son gets to know what it is like to play catch with his dad, and my daughter will know I am at every dance or play or what ever let her know how proud of her I am. My son will know I am there for him when I am on the side lines cheering my son on in what ever activity he is in and letting him know I am proud of him . I get to take my wife out on dates and go do things as a family . My wife will have to option once we have kids to work part time or not work for a years or so or go back full time. one last thing if we can life of one income no matter what my wife wants to do. if she wants stay home with the kids cool . if she just wants to work part time then later full time when the kids get older fantastic . I am not going back to college for me in away i am going back to college to get a job i love doing and for the family i one day will have. I will not get to be a father if i fail since i have to work 80+ hours a week to but food on the table. You seem to have a fantasy life all mapped out. To quote John Lennon, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." You've got a plan. That's great! Get started. But you can live in the meantime. You can date. You can have a life, in balance with your studies. Are you in school now? Look around and you'll meet older students who are already married, as well as students who are already parents. There's more than one route to a happy, successful family. If for some reason you don't get a degree, maybe you will work a $20/hr job for the rest of your life, married to a woman who works a $20/hr job. You'll manage, and you'll have as much chance at happiness as the next guy (no matter what his income). 2
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 You seem to have a fantasy life all mapped out. To quote John Lennon, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." You've got a plan. That's great! Get started. But you can live in the meantime. You can date. You can have a life, in balance with your studies. Are you in school now? Look around and you'll meet older students who are already married, as well as students who are already parents. There's more than one route to a happy, successful family. If for some reason you don't get a degree, maybe you will work a $20/hr job for the rest of your life, married to a woman who works a $20/hr job. You'll manage, and you'll have as much chance at happiness as the next guy (no matter what his income). yea i am in school now and taking 2 class on top 40+ hours a week. But you can live in the meantime. You can date. You can have a life, in balance with your studies. I cant do that i give every thing up I need to work harder then the next guy in order to get in . i am not the smartest but i will out work anyone and get up at 3am to study . you will never out work me and i beat you every single time. this is the way i have to look at it. If for some reason you don't get a degree, maybe you will work a $20/hr job for the rest of your life, married to a woman who works a $20/hr job. You'll manage. I do not think i will manage it is not good enough for me. my biggest fear is letting my wife and kids down and if i cant do every thing i said above i failed as a dad and husband.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) I guess if Krieger is in the early stages of the curriculum, and doing all the chem, organic chem, physics, math etc, I guess I can see how he might be a little overwhelmed right now. That can be tough sledding. But get that out of the way, then all the upper-level undergrad stuff like micro and molecular bio, etc is cake (well, comparatively speaking). That being said, I agree with the idea that he has a fantasy life mapped out. Life rarely, if ever, goes according to plan or what you want. It just does what it does, and you roll with it, take the bad with the good, or the bad with the bad, don't get too high on the highs or too low on the lows. To me, Krieger, it seems the biggest hurdle you are up against is that you have such rigid and amped up expectations. The problem with this mindset is, how do you respond when (not if) things don't go the way you want them to? Magnanimity doesn't seem to be a part of your persona. Girls like that, though. They like a guy that can just take punches and keep rolling unfazed. You seem to be a guy that might lose his s**t when something doesn't go your way. In other words, cool out a little. Edited March 10, 2013 by Barnacle-Bob 3
xxoo Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I do not think i will manage it is not good enough for me. my biggest fear is letting my wife and kids down and if i cant do every thing i said above i failed as a dad and husband. Well, that attitude would make you undateable to me. Like barnacle-bob says, most women want a guy who can roll with the punches and deal with setbacks. I don't need to be worrying that my guy is going to freak out and feel like a failure just because life doesn't go exactly as he planned it. In a way, it is about strength--internal strength. Be confident and strong enough to know that you are a good dad and husband, even if you can't control everything. Even when things fall short of your ideals. 1
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Well, that attitude would make you undateable to me. Like barnacle-bob says, most women want a guy who can roll with the punches and deal with setbacks. I don't need to be worrying that my guy is going to freak out and feel like a failure just because life doesn't go exactly as he planned it. In a way, it is about strength--internal strength. Be confident and strong enough to know that you are a good dad and husband, even if you can't control everything. Even when things fall short of your ideals. I just want my future kids / wife to be proud of me, and if I'm not good at what I do, and if I'm not trying my hardest at what I do,then i feel like a failed them. If i give it my all and come up short I can live with myself and try even harder next time. however if i do noting how i am a loser and no woman will ever want a guy that gives up on life. I can have every thing i want if i just invest in me and only worry about me. I do not care what people think of me any more . It only matters what I think of me.
grkBoy Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I remember Dr NerdLove posting an article (can't find the link) speaking that when running a study, he found most women more or less wanted a guy who is FUN...even more than looks and money. 1
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 yea i am in school now and taking 2 class on top 40+ hours a week. But you can live in the meantime. You can date. You can have a life, in balance with your studies. I cant do that i give every thing up I need to work harder then the next guy in order to get in . i am not the smartest but i will out work anyone and get up at 3am to study . you will never out work me and i beat you every single time. this is the way i have to look at it. If for some reason you don't get a degree, maybe you will work a $20/hr job for the rest of your life, married to a woman who works a $20/hr job. You'll manage. I do not think i will manage it is not good enough for me. my biggest fear is letting my wife and kids down and if i cant do every thing i said above i failed as a dad and husband. This is interesting to me. I'm not being judgemental, but really, that's not that much. Certainly not so much that you need to block every non-work and curricular activity out of your life, not engage in relationships, etc. Two classes and a job? What classes are you taking right now? For a frame of reference, when I went back to school, I took 17 credits the 1st semester, ran my business, had a 3 going on 4 year old girl, a 1 going on 2 year old boy, a pregnant wife, mortgage payments, bills, etc. I still managed to go to the gym, play in basketball leagues, get out of town with the W and kids on weekends, hang out with friends, go out for breakfast, even watch TV....AND give my kids baths and read them stories and sing them songs and put them to bed most nights, get them up and ready most mornings, take them to the park, play, draw, etc. So, I don't know. Your workload seems pretty doable to me without having to live at the exclusion of other things that make your life worth living. If its the way you want to or have to do it, then hey...whatever blows your hair back. But I'm going to tell you right now, so you're ready for it. Things are going to get harder, more time consuming, more complicated, more unmanageable. What are you going to do when you have to be up at 5 am for your shift, and its 3:30 and your wife is pregnat and shes puking all over the place and needing you to take care of her? That's not an extreme example....thats gonna be every day of your life. 1
outsidethebox Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 You're setting youself up for failure and given your mindset it won't be pretty. First and most importantly, never say anything you've been posting to a girl IRL if you want any chance at them talking to you. Don't say it to guys, you're wasting your time talking to them. Ideally never think these thoughts again, they are wrong and has you dangerously tightly wound. Effective studying is what you want. Lack of sleep makes you ineffective. Staring at a book and mumbling the words to yourself is ineffective, no matter how many hours you do it. Handwrite notes of what you're reading to emphasize what you're trying to remember. Answer questions by typing into a document with spell checking. The most effectiveness is answering questions. Then spell check your answers and learn what words you are misspelling and get them right. Look for a study group or other students to study with if possible. You need to be a friendly approachable person to do that and not muttering things about can't fail etc. There is no outwork involved here. There is only effectiveness, as measured by test scores. Tests don't care that you got up at 3am. Ask for sample tests or additional quiz material and concentrate on answering questions. No amount of staring at a book will enable you to answer the questions. You need to be active taking short notes from memory after reading a small section, anticipating questions, and answering them as you go along to have a shot at answering them for the real thing. I say all this because your outwork stuff is a setup for major failure when it comes to studying if the "work" you do is not effective. All this is to get a little more normalness in your life and connect to girls in a friendly way rather than the attitude you have.
grkBoy Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I found the article! Leveling Up: The Most Attractive Aspect of A Man (Isn?t Looks or Money) | Paging Dr. NerdLove
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 This is interesting to me. I'm not being judgemental, but really, that's not that much. Certainly not so much that you need to block every non-work and curricular activity out of your life, not engage in relationships, etc. Two classes and a job? What classes are you taking right now? For a frame of reference, when I went back to school, I took 17 credits the 1st semester, ran my business, had a 3 going on 4 year old girl, a 1 going on 2 year old boy, a pregnant wife, mortgage payments, bills, etc. I still managed to go to the gym, play in basketball leagues, get out of town with the W and kids on weekends, hang out with friends, go out for breakfast, even watch TV....AND give my kids baths and read them stories and sing them songs and put them to bed most nights, get them up and ready most mornings, take them to the park, play, draw, etc. So, I don't know. Your workload seems pretty doable to me without having to live at the exclusion of other things that make your life worth living. If its the way you want to or have to do it, then hey...whatever blows your hair back. But I'm going to tell you right now, so you're ready for it. Things are going to get harder, more time consuming, more complicated, more unmanageable. What are you going to do when you have to be up at 5 am for your shift, and its 3:30 and your wife is pregnat and shes puking all over the place and needing you to take care of her? That's not an extreme example....thats gonna be every day of your life. I just need to get more focused I'm constantly tormented by the fact that if I could get organized enough to just sit down and get home work done I would be further ahead . if i could just stop getting all ****ing ADD and stay on target. right now I am taking math and English I am passing but i could be doing better . I am so mad at my self I need to be getting 4.0s a 3.5 is not good enough . I feel like i have to work x2 hard to get good grades . It is that my brain never stops thinking and goes 100 mph and it hard to stay on one thing even with medication . I think i need to up the adderal xr from 30mg to 90mg or some thing. I have to slow my self down when a talk at time seeing that my brain works faster then my mouth I do need to relax more I am trying but i do not want to be 40 years old at the same job since high school making 18.65 and hour until i am 105 years old. There is no retiring from retail you just work until you die. I just can wake up in the morning and be happy to go to a job the will go no wear . In fact i have be truing down every promotion that is or was in front of me. It is all away to get me trapped there in a more crappy job for ever. I need to manage my time better and after this quarter ends in two weeks I have a week to get a plain in order . I need to have a solid structured schedule and stick to it at all cost. How i wish i could just be like every one else but on second thought i rather be me most of the time.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Two classes and a job? What classes are you taking right now? For a frame of reference, when I went back to school, I took 17 credits the 1st semester, ran my business, had a 3 going on 4 year old girl, a 1 going on 2 year old boy, a pregnant wife, mortgage payments, bills, etc. I still managed to go to the gym, play in basketball leagues, get out of town with the W and kids on weekends, hang out with friends, go out for breakfast, even watch TV....AND give my kids baths and read them stories and sing them songs and put them to bed most nights, get them up and ready most mornings, take them to the park, play, draw, etc. What classes did YOU take? That is a lot. Full time job and 2 classes is a LOT man. Are you seriously going to criticize somebody for that?
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 You're setting youself up for failure and given your mindset it won't be pretty. First and most importantly, never say anything you've been posting to a girl IRL if you want any chance at them talking to you. Don't say it to guys, you're wasting your time talking to them. Ideally never think these thoughts again, they are wrong and has you dangerously tightly wound. Effective studying is what you want. Lack of sleep makes you ineffective. Staring at a book and mumbling the words to yourself is ineffective, no matter how many hours you do it. Handwrite notes of what you're reading to emphasize what you're trying to remember. Answer questions by typing into a document with spell checking. The most effectiveness is answering questions. Then spell check your answers and learn what words you are misspelling and get them right. Look for a study group or other students to study with if possible. You need to be a friendly approachable person to do that and not muttering things about can't fail etc. There is no outwork involved here. There is only effectiveness, as measured by test scores. Tests don't care that you got up at 3am. Ask for sample tests or additional quiz material and concentrate on answering questions. No amount of staring at a book will enable you to answer the questions. You need to be active taking short notes from memory after reading a small section, anticipating questions, and answering them as you go along to have a shot at answering them for the real thing. I say all this because your outwork stuff is a setup for major failure when it comes to studying if the "work" you do is not effective. All this is to get a little more normalness in your life and connect to girls in a friendly way rather than the attitude you have. I have been getting 5 hours of sleep or trying too. I feel if i get 6-8 hours of sleep i feel guilty like i do not deserve it lol I am not interested in dating woman are great but they will want my time and i rather study 12 hours a day if i need to then spend time with anyone male or female.
Author Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 I found the article! Leveling Up: The Most Attractive Aspect of A Man (Isn?t Looks or Money) | Paging Dr. NerdLove I have to read it thanks. I just do not have a lot of money to have fun with a girl . I do not think 10 bucks will buy to much fun now days.
NYWoman Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 The truth is the guys that girls are looking for can find something fun to do with $10 Be inventive A walk in the park Feed the ducks A picnic It is also good kite flying weather.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) What classes did YOU take? That is a lot. Full time job and 2 classes is a LOT man. Are you seriously going to criticize somebody for that? 3 Foundations of Education classes, genetics and a speech class. The Ed classes had a ton of writing as well as observation hours. And I have a business. And at that time 2 young kids, a 3rd on the way, a wife, etc etc. And I didn't give up recreational things. I was up in the middle of the night with kids barging on me. I was constantly changing my schedule so that I could watch the kids while my wife had doctors appointments. I was always in 3 places at once. On and on and on. It was tough, but not undoable. And I still made sure my W got to hang out with her friends, go to yoga, etc. We have no family here, so we would make the 4 hr drive to her parents a couple times a month. The point is, in Krieger's case, if 2 classes and a menial job is so much to handle that he can't hang out with a girl, watch TV, or anything else that might generate happiness and help balance him, what the hell is life going to be like when it really does get complicated? In other words, two classes and a 40 hr work week is nothing compared to what life is going to be like if and when he does have a career, a wife and kids. Edited March 10, 2013 by Barnacle-Bob
Keenly Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Your opinion of yourself is approaching a dangerously unhealthy low. What the hell good is everything you are doing if you do not love yourself? This is one of the main reasons you have trouble attracting, is that you think so little of yourself, which in turn makes you act desperate. 2
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Chill with the Adderall, OP. I was just in a very intense grad school program and was using very high doses 3x a week for a year. It REALLY messed me up, made me depressed, and made me paranoid. Needless to say, I wasn't very successful in pursuing girls in my grad school class (and when I did get them, I acted pretty weird lol). If you don't like your situation, fix it in a healthy way. Quit your job. Opportunities for money are everywhere. Work hard (and smart) towards your goals, but think outside of the box while you're doing it....and things will be better.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) 3 Foundations of Education classes, genetics and a speech class. The Ed classes had a ton of writing as well as observation hours. And I have a business. And at that time 2 young kids, a 3rd on the way, a wife, etc etc. And I didn't give up recreational things. I was up in the middle of the night with kids barging on me. I was constantly changing my schedule so that I could watch the kids while my wife had doctors appointments. I was always in 3 places at once. On and on and on. It was tough, but not undoable. And I still made sure my W got to hang out with her friends, go to yoga, etc. We have no family here, so we would make the 4 hr drive to her parents a couple times a month. The point is, in Krieger's case, if 2 classes and a menial job is so much to handle that he can't hang out with a girl, watch TV, or anything else that might generate happiness and help balance him, what the hell is life going to be like when it really does get complicated? In other words, two classes and a 40 hr work week is nothing compared to what life is going to be like if and when he does have a career, a wife and kids. Your experience is not typical. I did my undergraduate in engineering and I can guarantee you that if somebody had to work 40 hours and raise a child on top of taking 17 credits, that person would be failing classes. I have also taken two graduate school classes while working 40-50 hours a week, and it was my whole life. 6 hours of class plus 10 hours of study a week at least. Not to take anything away from what you did, it's impressive, but everybody is in a different situation. BTW, don't take offense to this, but I have a question. I have often seen people who have a story similar to you. Full time work with full time school with full time family. I'm just curious. If you have such a great work ethic (I admittedly wouldn't be able to do that), why didn't you just kick a@@ in high school and college when you were 14-22 and come out with the degrees then? Again, I don't mean it to be offensive. Just curious. Edited March 10, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember
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