What makes a guy more "dateable" or "undateable" to you?

[Krieger]

So what makes a guy date-able now days?

 

I know I am not boyfriend material. I got nothing to offer a woman. Yea I have a job, car, and my own place I live alone. I do not make that much money &18.65 an hour is not livable wage. I want to start a family more than anything so I need to do something.

 

However I am sick of being a loser and sick of my dead end job. I do not have anything to show for my life yet and seeing people I know get married and have kids makes me feel like a loser.

 

This is no way to live so I push woman away that I like .

 

I am giving up dating , friends , family , tv, Xbox ,drinking, partying, sports, working out , meeting new people, sleep , sex, going out , and everything I once enjoyed to get to my goals.

 

Seeing that I only get 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night I know it is not good but I do not care . The adderall helps but I had to cut back it stop working lol. I found a new drug that helps you stay awake but do not know if i should try it but i might.

 

 

Right now it is time to stop feeling sorry for myself and go from loser to winner at all cost.

 

The desire to feel like i am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself, but it helps.

 

I am driven to make it and so i can get a girlfriend. It is all or nothing this year. If I do it this year I never do it.

 

I am very hard on myself more then I need to be and I need to stop beating myself up. I am sure it does not help that I obsess on things I've done wrong. Even worse than mistakes I have made.

 

I do not think I hate myself but I feel the need use this to drive myself to make it.

 

This is what I need in order to become a winner and boyfriend material

 

A real job that i am passionate about and proud to tell people about without being looked down on.

 

 

That being said I well become a Nursing or physical therapist assistant is my next option.

 

I want to own two or 3 houses so I can make extra money.

 

Next most nurses work 3 -12hour days and 4 days off so I can spend time with my kids whenever that happens. Also take my family on vacation and do family thing together that i never got to do.

 

I can be there for my kids and be on the side lines and root them on.

 

I want my kids and wife to have things I never had.

 

Then I can get involved in the community and would like to get involved in the big brother big sister program.

 

Also I would like to help train service dogs for people that need them. I am good with dogs.

 

With 4 days off I can get another job if needed.

 

I can work out and get back into shape with my free time.

 

Another thing I wanted to do that I can do is try my hand at standup comedy open mic nights.

 

The most important thing is I like helping people Since I am I am a good listener and i have a ton of patience's and very easy going kind of guy. I also have empathy for people and very good at encouraging and teaching people. People seem to like me a lot, and come to me for advice on what to do about things.

 

Most important I will fill like I am doing what I am born to do and not wasting away stocking shelves at night for a stupid boss I swear the only thing lowers then his IQ is his T cell count.

 

People say I should be psychologists since I am caring, empathetic, intuitive, emotionally mature, self-aware, open-minded, and patient.

 

When I feel like giving up I just have to will it and make it happen.

 

OK my next? Is will a woman understand if a guy has not dated in a while?

 

Let’s say I became and had what I said above and went on a date with you buy told you I was nervous seeing it has been a while since I dated?

 

 

I just cannot fail if I do what woman in her right mind will ever date a guy that is ok with being mediocre?

[DollWelch]

I don't think knowing the answer to this question is going to revolutionize your life, Krieger. I think it is best you focus on yourself and part of that is strengthening your outlook on life including career and personal attributes.

 

If you are trying to fulfill a void of being that awesome boyfriend, it does you no justice because what works for one man may not work for another or you. Please don't make the mistake of living your life according to what women want. That's just silly!

 

Krieger, you should work on yourself before you start thinking of dating again. It is obvious from your post, you're frustrated and may be depressed. I'd recommend you deal with that first before you go looking for love.

 

But since you asked, here are some traits a man should have to be considered dateable:

 

1. Passion. He should be passionate about something in his life.

2. Intelligent.

3. Self-Awareness and Self-Advocate.

4. Faith.

5. A career he is passionate about.

6. Communicator. Understands mannerisms and knows how to communicate with people.

7. Confident in his own skin.

 

(Not particularly in that order.)

[aussietigerwolf]

I'd add humor to that too.

[hppr]

Giving up friends, games, things you love in order to beat your head against a desk is bound to make you unhappy. You need to figure out how to make some time for yourself, go out, get laid etc. Your job is killing you.

[Keenly]

19 bucks an hour is MORE than a livable wage. I live on half of what you make. Comfortably.

 

Also, you are not going to find a girl by giving up everything that makes you you. You are saying you are giving up yourself in order to get the things you want, but at what cost? You need to find a girl that likes YOU, not what you are trying to make yourself into.

[Krieger]

Giving up friends, games, things you love in order to beat your head against a desk is bound to make you unhappy. You need to figure out how to make some time for yourself, go out, get laid etc. Your job is killing you.

 

 

I can be happy once I all done with college and in a job I like.

[aussietigerwolf]

Also, you are not going to find a girl by giving up everything that makes you you. You are saying you are giving up yourself in order to get the things you want, but at what cost? You need to find a girl that likes YOU, not what you are trying to make yourself into.

 

Absolutely true

[Krieger]

19 bucks an hour is MORE than a livable wage. I live on half of what you make. Comfortably.

 

Also, you are not going to find a girl by giving up everything that makes you you. You are saying you are giving up yourself in order to get the things you want, but at what cost? You need to find a girl that likes YOU, not what you are trying to make yourself into.

 

 

not when rent is 800-1000 a month and still got to pay for water, sewer ,gas,food, car,insurance, and 401k on top of other things like tv ,internet .

 

cheap places to rent = getting raped and having rats live in your walls or hearing gun shots at night.

 

I do not want roommates I walk around my place naked.

[Krieger]

Absolutely true

 

how is it?

 

I am trying to be a better person and live up to my full potential . Right now i am not doing that.

[Keenly]

how is it?

 

I am trying to be a better person and live up to my full potential . Right now i am not doing that.

 

Giving up your own hobbies, interests, personality, etc is not going to make you a better person.

 

Focus on ONE thing at a time. Work on your career, but don't give up video games.

 

Try to go out with friends more, but don't stop going to the gym.

 

etc.

[CudLRoo]

Guy seems motivated enough to be planning ahead, maybe it's wise for him to improve himself while he goes through college and eschew the call of his groin, might prove less distracting (and also might provide unexpected avenues of success.) Do agree you might be taking too much on, though, at least knock a third off.

 

I do a job where I help people and it's genuinely the best job I've had, despite getting a relatively low wage for it. I enjoy it, it's 'good', I'm not in debt, I'm happy. You're wise to be seeking 'better' types of jobs, ones where you can help people, I stacked shelves for 18 months and nearly went crazy!

 

(You could probably get some good standup out of your shelf-stacking experiences.)

[Krieger]

Giving up your own hobbies, interests, personality, etc is not going to make you a better person.

 

Focus on ONE thing at a time. Work on your career, but don't give up video games.

 

Try to go out with friends more, but don't stop going to the gym.

 

etc.

 

 

my only hobbies is doing homework right now next to my dead end job and going to class.

 

I sold my TV and Xbox so I will not be distracted.

 

If it does not hold a redeemable value it has to go. if it cant help me i do not care about it.

 

If you want to become successful you have to give up stuff.

 

I am even thinking about not going to my friend from works party tonight so I can do more homework. I might go for a few hours then go so i can get back to studying.

[Keenly]

my only hobbies is doing homework right now next to my dead end job and going to class.

 

I sold my TV and Xbox so I will not be distracted.

 

If it does not hold a redeemable value it has to go. if it cant help me i do not care about it.

 

If you want to become successful you have to give up stuff.

 

I am even thinking about not going to my friend from works party tonight so I can do more homework. I might go for a few hours then go so i can get back to studying.

 

 

Alright, so it looks like you are trying to do two things you can't do at the same time (without having a girl just fall into your lap)

 

 

You want to meet a girl and start dating her, but you want to give up every leisurely activity you have and still expect to meet her.

 

Basically you have two choices,

 

A ) Long term. Skip the party, keep giving up your distractions and finish school. Work on women and fun later.

 

B) Short term. Slow down on the school, maintain the things you do for fun, keep going out to parties etc, and hope to expand your social circle until you meet that person that sets your interest off.

[Krieger]

Alright, so it looks like you are trying to do two things you can't do at the same time (without having a girl just fall into your lap)

 

 

You want to meet a girl and start dating her, but you want to give up every leisurely activity you have and still expect to meet her.

 

Basically you have two choices,

 

A ) Long term. Skip the party, keep giving up your distractions and finish school. Work on women and fun later.

 

B) Short term. Slow down on the school, maintain the things you do for fun, keep going out to parties etc, and hope to expand your social circle until you meet that person that sets your interest off.

 

I am going for A . having a GF will hold be back even if it would be nice to feel loved once in a while .

 

I cant lets say meet a girl and lest say i knock her up and she having my baby I can not look her in the eyes knowing i work this dead end job and not feel like a loser. Also could not help but feel like I'm the piece of **** at the center of the universe. knowing that i cant give her and my kid every thing they need .

 

I want to meet a great woman and make her my wife and start a family with kids and a dog and a house.

 

just right now it has to wait until I am at a better place.

[Krieger]

Guy seems motivated enough to be planning ahead, maybe it's wise for him to improve himself while he goes through college and eschew the call of his groin, might prove less distracting (and also might provide unexpected avenues of success.) Do agree you might be taking too much on, though, at least knock a third off.

 

I do a job where I help people and it's genuinely the best job I've had, despite getting a relatively low wage for it. I enjoy it, it's 'good', I'm not in debt, I'm happy. You're wise to be seeking 'better' types of jobs, ones where you can help people, I stacked shelves for 18 months and nearly went crazy!

 

(You could probably get some good standup out of your shelf-stacking experiences.)

 

 

yea i need to make my goals more manageable and not try to do every thing at once.

[CudLRoo]

PS: Krieger, don't ever put yourself as equal to the job you do if you look down upon it, it's tight these days and super-hard to get a decent job. You're not on benefits, you make ends meet, be proud of yourself, you're definitely not a lazy bugger, a job is merely a vehicle to bring the ca$h in, don't be ashamed of it, just work your way to a better job.

 

It's all about survival, in the end.

[Krieger]

PS: Krieger, don't ever put yourself as equal to the job you do if you look down upon it, it's tight these days and super-hard to get a decent job. You're not on benefits, you make ends meet, be proud of yourself, you're definitely not a lazy bugger, a job is merely a vehicle to bring the ca$h in, don't be ashamed of it, just work your way to a better job.

 

It's all about survival, in the end.

 

I know but is hard not to define your self with the job you have.

[RachR]

not when rent is 800-1000 a month and still got to pay for water, sewer ,gas,food, car,insurance, and 401k on top of other things like tv ,internet .

 

cheap places to rent = getting raped and having rats live in your walls or hearing gun shots at night.

 

I do not want roommates I walk around my place naked.

 

Where do you live? Here, that's a decent salary. I live in a small town in the south though.

[Krieger]

Where do you live? Here, that's a decent salary. I live in a small town in the south though.

 

Seattle area

[CudLRoo]

You work an often hard, dull job and get little money for it. You're a GRAFTER, you work hard to get by.

 

You ain't the job, you should give yourself a schidtload more respect and pat yourself on the back more!!!!

 

The amount of benefits claimants I hear take the p!ss out of McDonalds workers staggers me - at least they're out there EARNING their cash, and feeding you your fuc'n burgers that you're buying with their taxes!

 

The only jobs that should be looked down upon are the 'jobs' our slavemasters have, the politicians, the royals, parasites one and all.

 

You're a fckin HERO man, believe me!!!!

[Barnacle-Bob]

Krieger....there is SO much more to being happy than having a 'good' (read: pays well) job, house, car, etc. Happiness has always been, and will always be, intrinsically derived. So, in reading the things you've written....

 

Do you think that finishing school and getting a job making $90k/yr (decent for Seattle) is going to make you happy? Don't confuse comfort with happiness. Are you studying to work in a field that you love, so that when you work, you're doing it for more than the check? Are you going to look back on your life and feel proud and fulfilled by what you did?

 

These are the questions you should ask yourself.

 

So, you seem to have a couple issues here. One is just an overall ability to be happy. Dude,you're in Seattle, and Seattle is bad as hell. That alone should bring you happiness. And then there seems to be the time management thing. You shouldn't have to sacrifice all that stuff to work and do undergrad. Part of being professionally successful is being able to stay focused, be a self-starter, be able to manage your time effectively and be able to handle doing multiple things more or lessen simultaneously. Things like tv or girlfriends....you've got to be able to have those things and still get things done.

 

When I went back to school to get my teaching cert, I was married with 2 kids and a 3rd on the way, owned and ran a business, took my classes and still made time for extracurricular activities.

 

Figure out what makes you happy.

[Krieger]

Krieger....there is SO much more to being happy than having a 'good' (read: pays well) job, house, car, etc. Happiness has always been, and will always be, intrinsically derived. So, in reading the things you've written....

 

Do you think that finishing school and getting a job making $90k/yr (decent for Seattle) is going to make you happy? Don't confuse comfort with happiness. Are you studying to work in a field that you love, so that when you work, you're doing it for more than the check? Are you going to look back on your life and feel proud and fulfilled by what you did?

 

These are the questions you should ask yourself.

 

So, you seem to have a couple issues here. One is just an overall ability to be happy. Dude,you're in Seattle, and Seattle is bad as hell. That alone should bring you happiness. And then there seems to be the time management thing. You shouldn't have to sacrifice all that stuff to work and do undergrad. Part of being professionally successful is being able to stay focused, be a self-starter, be able to manage your time effectively and be able to handle doing multiple things more or lessen simultaneously. Things like tv or girlfriends....you've got to be able to have those things and still get things done.

 

When I went back to school to get my teaching cert, I was married with 2 kids and a 3rd on the way, owned and ran a business, took my classes and still made time for extracurricular activities.

 

Figure out what makes you happy.

 

 

Seattle sucks to many dirty hippies living hear.

 

Are you studying to work in a field that you love, so that when you work, you're doing it for more than the check? Are you going to look back on your life and feel proud and fulfilled by what you did?

 

yes money does not matter too much but waking up happy and wanting to go to work every day will make me happy .

 

Well i have to give every thing up i have to study more then the next person to get into the program. I am not the smartest person but not stupid . I just have to get up at 3am on Saturday to study all day. I will just out work anyone to get what i want.

 

woman = time and i do not have it and I rather study and read more and give it all i got to make it.

 

manage your time effectively is hard to do for me i have to have stay focused on school.

[CudLRoo]

Seattle sucks to many dirty hippies living hear.

 

Hey! Mind your language!! I bathe every day!!!

 

Funk the UK, I'm movin' to Seattle!

[Barnacle-Bob]

Just out of curiosity, what field do you want to go into, and what is the program you're in or trying to get into?

[Krieger]

Just out of curiosity, what field do you want to go into, and what is the program you're in or trying to get into?

 

 

Bachelor of Science in Nursing