J_L_C Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I have posted a few threads about the troubles I'd been having with my ex-boyfriend. I have a question I'd like to put out there, but it's not specifically related to my last relationship. It's a general question. I've had a boyfriend end things because his "feelings simply changed". He said he was no longer in love with me. I know many couples who break up for reasons like incompatible life goals, arguments over certain issues, a specific situation broke things down...etc. In these instances, again, I know of couples who have reconciled and worked through whatever broke them up. What I want to ask is this...do you think a couple could reconcile at some point even though one of them had a change of heart? I know you can't make someone love you and you can't force feelings, BUT...there are also many factors involved in someone's feelings changing: 1. Perhaps they thought the grass is greener on the other side 2. Perhaps they wanted to date other people, but realized what they had with their ex was better than it seemed 3. Perhaps things grew stale, the relationship just got boring Do you think it's possible or likely for a couple to reunite when 'feelings' were the reason for the initial split?
Amelie1980 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Yes. I fell.back in love and I was as giddy as a school girl again. How you make it happen I don't know. It just happened. I wouldn't advocate NC though. it wouldn't have happened if I didn't still have some.contact with him.
Author J_L_C Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Yes. I fell.back in love and I was as giddy as a school girl again. How you make it happen I don't know. It just happened. I wouldn't advocate NC though. it wouldn't have happened if I didn't still have some.contact with him. Hi Amelie, How long was it after your split that you fell back in love? How long were you two together before you broke up?
RiceaRoni Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 But how would you do this if they have someone new?
Amelie1980 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Hi Amelie, How long was it after your split that you fell back in love? How long were you two together before you broke up? I can't remember exactly...I was in college many years ago. I think we were together about 1.5 years when it happened. He was taking me.for.granted badly and we split up over new year as he was being awful. He fell apart when I dumped him. He was coming around my dorm.room at 5am saying he couldn't sleep and coils live without me. I let.him sleep on top of my.bed with me to shut him up and stop him waking the whole dorm up. He did keep trying and he was the sweetest kindest person ever. Had he behaved this way when we were together I wouldn't have split with him. I don't know what it was....I saw him in college and we talked sometimes. We spent some time together which felt ok. I ran into his mother one day and she told me he was struggling without me and loved me so. It melted my heart. I asked him back and we got back together again. I remember feeling the rushes if love again and falling head over heels. but here's the thing....in time he went back to the way he was in taking me.for.granted again. he learned nothing from.the bu. Then he cheated and dumped me.
Amelie1980 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Anyway if he had gone NC I wouldn't have chased him I would have left it..... Food for thought.
Minneloa Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Thank you Amelie1980, for that postscript & its reality check. I am a bit leery that this thread might become a place to fan the flames of false hope. 2
Amelie1980 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Thank you Amelie1980, for that postscript & its reality check. I am a bit leery that this thread might become a place to fan the flames of false hope. He was a.shockingly selfish person though. He was unlike anyone I've ever met. I cannot believe I went back to him given how badly he had treated me However that is not to say it won't ever work out between anyone
travelonic Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Thank you Amelie1980, for that postscript & its reality check. I am a bit leery that this thread might become a place to fan the flames of false hope. In the OP, or in general?
Amelie1980 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Are we all forgetting the most famous bu of all. Prince William dumped Kate middleton. now they are married and she's pregnant.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 In the OP, or in general? Definitely with the OP. She needs false hope about as much as Shaquille O'Neal needs high heels. But in general, it's definitely not something that a person can plan on having happen. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Are we all forgetting the most famous bu of all. Prince William dumped Kate middleton. now they are married and she's pregnant. Thats hard to believe...She looks like a perfect woman in ALL respects..who knows? maybe she is one big pain in the ass!? TFOY
destroyed4sho Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Thats hard to believe...She looks like a perfect woman in ALL respects..who knows? maybe she is one big pain in the ass!? TFOY I think the Prince had GIGS and the royal family put him straight in his place after the trash he brought home during the break up....lol
Author J_L_C Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 It's interesting because sometimes a person can explain why or when their feelings changed, while others cannot. I think this sometimes means the difference btwn those that will work it out vs those that will not. Offside question...what does OP stand for?
Simon Phoenix Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 It's interesting because sometimes a person can explain why or when their feelings changed, while others cannot. I think this sometimes means the difference btwn those that will work it out vs those that will not. Offside question...what does OP stand for? Original poster or original post.
ThatJustHappened Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Asking this question isn't healthy or helpful. As another poster said, it's just going to give you false hope.
travelonic Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Asking this question isn't healthy or helpful. As another poster said, it's just going to give you false hope. That's why I find it better to approach it as a "is this a possible scenario" POV - you acknowledge both that said situation is possible, and that it is also possible that it can't/won't happen.
ThatJustHappened Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 That's why I find it better to approach it as a "is this a possible scenario" POV - you acknowledge both that said situation is possible, and that it is also possible that it can't/won't happen. What difference does that make? If you're the person asking the question, of course you're going to apply the answers to your own situation. It still gives false hope regardless of how the question is phrased. I'm not saying any of this to be mean..I'm saying it because I learned the hard way. 2
KatZee Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Honestly Amelie, I don't think you ever fell completely OUT of love with him. You left because he was taking you for granted, he crossed your line and you felt you had no other option but to leave. I don't think you were out of love completely and that's why it was able to come back. For me personally, when I fall out of love and cross that line, there's no coming back. If I'm telling someone I'm not in love with them, that's a HUGE statement. That's just how I work.
Minneloa Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 What difference does that make? If you're the person asking the question, of course you're going to apply the answers to your own situation. It still gives false hope regardless of how the question is phrased. I'm not saying any of this to be mean..I'm saying it because I learned the hard way. I second this to the nth degree. Hope for reconciliation, while a natural facet of the break-up process, is often a HUGE obstacle to a person's progress. Yes, it's part of the shock/denial phase of grief, but when prolonged, it can seriously impede a person's ability to move on. That, in a nutshell, is why I react strongly to these sorts of hypothetical questions on a forum dedicated to helping people survive break-ups. 1
lovnlost Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 But how would you do this if they have someone new? Bump! Im interested in how you would do this if they are with someone new as well.
Minneloa Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Bump! Im interested in how you would do this if they are with someone new as well. Do what? Make them fall back in love with you? *headdesk* 1
Coping Vortex Posted March 14, 2013 Posted March 14, 2013 I have posted a few threads about the troubles I'd been having with my ex-boyfriend. I have a question I'd like to put out there, but it's not specifically related to my last relationship. It's a general question. I've had a boyfriend end things because his "feelings simply changed". He said he was no longer in love with me. I know many couples who break up for reasons like incompatible life goals, arguments over certain issues, a specific situation broke things down...etc. In these instances, again, I know of couples who have reconciled and worked through whatever broke them up. What I want to ask is this...do you think a couple could reconcile at some point even though one of them had a change of heart? I know you can't make someone love you and you can't force feelings, BUT...there are also many factors involved in someone's feelings changing: 1. Perhaps they thought the grass is greener on the other side 2. Perhaps they wanted to date other people, but realized what they had with their ex was better than it seemed 3. Perhaps things grew stale, the relationship just got boring Do you think it's possible or likely for a couple to reunite when 'feelings' were the reason for the initial split? Yes i know my ex and I could fall back in right away given the chance. She knows it too. We didn't BU up because of lack of love. It was a situational thing. Easily fixed.
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