marklarsson Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Your ex with some else else just a few weeks after your breakup? Now, if you had been nagging them after the breakup it is more than likely that you pushed them into it. How many times have you heard people wanting to find something new because their ex keeps 'bothering' them? That's right they may well be doing to to get you off their back, because they know that you will back off If you was to find out hey were seeing someone else. Does this show their intent of not wanting to be with you? The answer is yes. Is that all? No, it could mean forever and it can also just for the mean time. So if you want your ex back, without pushing away or into someone else's hands make sure you give them the space. Especially if they start to complain about you and that you should go away. That's my take on it. Anyone feel this is something they may have caused or even have done this themselves to get an ex off their back?
tbf Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 If you're being blamed by your ex for forcing them into a rebound relationship or dating, I'd be looking at borderline personality disorder for your ex. People with BPD are always looking for someone else to blame and having been in a relationship with you, probably blaming you all through the relationship, why not blame a little more post break up? 3
Author marklarsson Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 If you're being blamed by your ex for forcing them into a rebound relationship or dating, I'd be looking at borderline personality disorder for your ex. People with BPD are always looking for someone else to blame and having been in a relationship with you, probably blaming you all through the relationship, why not blame a little more post break up? Them having to rebound to cope is definitely a flaw of theirs. And they may never say that you pushed them to look for other options. But do you not agree that ex's can cause them to make rush decisions?
tbf Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Them having to rebound to cope is definitely a flaw of theirs. And they may never say that you pushed them to look for other options. But do you not agree that ex's can cause them to make rush decisions?No. Exes have nothing to do with rebound relationships. The full responsibility resides on the shoulders of the rebounder. If you're trying to encourage people not hound their exes, I agree that hounding an ex can piss them off and lose even greater respect for you.
Author marklarsson Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 No. Exes have nothing to do with rebound relationships. The full responsibility resides on the shoulders of the rebounder. If you're trying to encourage people not hound their exes, I agree that hounding an ex can piss them off and lose even greater respect for you. And what you are saying is that there is no external influences? Hounding anyone is not advices whatever the reason. For those who have done this, I think it is difficult for the respect to be regained, but it is possible. What's your take in this?
tbf Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 And what you are saying is that there is no external influences?People can try to rationalize their actions in any way they want but no one can force anyone to do anything, unless they coerce them through physical force. "Because I'm weak" doesn't make that person's actions anyone else's responsibility. It's like saying that murderers aren't responsible for murdering because their victims made them do it. Or rapists aren't responsible for raping, because the girl was so hot. Victim mentality doesn't make the rebounder or the criminal, not responsible for their own actions.
Author marklarsson Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 People can try to rationalize their actions in any way they want but no one can force anyone to do anything, unless they coerce them through physical force. "Because I'm weak" doesn't make that person's actions anyone else's responsibility. It's like saying that murderers aren't responsible for murdering because their victims made them do it. Or rapists aren't responsible for raping, because the girl was so hot. Victim mentality doesn't make the rebounder or the criminal, not responsible for their own actions. Very good points. This should help those who feel strung up on the fact that their actions led to their ex going into a rebound. I suppose it could help them see that in a way there was nothing try could have done.
fungusamungus Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Your ex with some else else just a few weeks after your breakup? Now, if you had been nagging them after the breakup it is more than likely that you pushed them into it. How many times have you heard people wanting to find something new because their ex keeps 'bothering' them? That's right they may well be doing to to get you off their back, because they know that you will back off If you was to find out hey were seeing someone else. Does this show their intent of not wanting to be with you? The answer is yes. Is that all? No, it could mean forever and it can also just for the mean time. So if you want your ex back, without pushing away or into someone else's hands make sure you give them the space. Especially if they start to complain about you and that you should go away. That's my take on it. Anyone feel this is something they may have caused or even have done this themselves to get an ex off their back?Sigh... you're trying to rationalize here. I don't actually think that you believe what you are saying, you're trying to rationalize your exes actions and you're trying to tie it to something that you did. How much do I believe that an ex has to do with a girl rebounding? None. Zilch. Nada. Yes, what I am saying is that the decisions that your ex makes are her own at this point and do not involve you. This is REALLY hard for people to accept. They refuse to accept that their exe's lives aren't centered around them and they confabulate ideas like this to help them cope. It's like those people who would rather have their ex despise them than forget about them altogether. It's this need to still be involved in their lives somehow. So no, I don't agree that nagging an ex pushes her to find someone new. How many times have I heard of people wanting to find someone new because their ex keeps bothering them? Zero. Why? Because when someone dumps you... their lives are no longer centered around you (which is why they dumped you in the first place... because they didn't want to keep you prioritized for whatever reason...). You are operating under the hope that you are still a priority to your ex, and that her decisions post-break up are reactive to you. The bad news is that they aren't, and you really have zero control here.
JimmyB26 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 My ex's actions post breakup were definitely centered around me. I got five "Blocked" calls late at night over the course of a week with silence on the other end of the phone. I suddenly got deleted off of facebook weeks after it was "over." All in an attempt to manipulate me into contacting her and either ask if she was calling me so she could deny it or ask why she deleted me from facebook. Neither attempt by her has worked on me, and were pathetically transparent. She's boxed into a corner because she claimed she was deleting me from her phone, so she can't really call or text me without looking like a lying jerk. Three weeks after she ended it and told me in no uncertain terms that it's over, she was upset that I was dating again. She again said "This relationship is over," because I "lied" about being off of the dating site we met on, by going back on it after she ended it. I could only wonder what relationship we still had that was ending again when we'd been in barely any meaningful contact and hadn't seen each other in a month. Finding any way to vilify me and victimize herself.
Author marklarsson Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 My ex's actions post breakup were definitely centered around me. I got five "Blocked" calls late at night over the course of a week with silence on the other end of the phone. I suddenly got deleted off of facebook weeks after it was "over." All in an attempt to manipulate me into contacting her and either ask if she was calling me so she could deny it or ask why she deleted me from facebook. Neither attempt by her has worked on me, and were pathetically transparent. She's boxed into a corner because she claimed she was deleting me from her phone, so she can't really call or text me without looking like a lying jerk. Three weeks after she ended it and told me in no uncertain terms that it's over, she was upset that I was dating again. She again said "This relationship is over," because I "lied" about being off of the dating site we met on, by going back on it after she ended it. I could only wonder what relationship we still had that was ending again when we'd been in barely any meaningful contact and hadn't seen each other in a month. Finding any way to vilify me and victimize herself. Sigh... you're trying to rationalize here. I don't actually think that you believe what you are saying, you're trying to rationalize your exes actions and you're trying to tie it to something that you did. How much do I believe that an ex has to do with a girl rebounding? None. Zilch. Nada. Yes, what I am saying is that the decisions that your ex makes are her own at this point and do not involve you. This is REALLY hard for people to accept. They refuse to accept that their exe's lives aren't centered around them and they confabulate ideas like this to help them cope. It's like those people who would rather have their ex despise them than forget about them altogether. It's this need to still be involved in their lives somehow. So no, I don't agree that nagging an ex pushes her to find someone new. How many times have I heard of people wanting to find someone new because their ex keeps bothering them? Zero. Why? Because when someone dumps you... their lives are no longer centered around you (which is why they dumped you in the first place... because they didn't want to keep you prioritized for whatever reason...). You are operating under the hope that you are still a priority to your ex, and that her decisions post-break up are reactive to you. The bad news is that they aren't, and you really have zero control here. So you are telling me that you have not heard of ex's getting with someone else to make their ex jealous? How is that not them centring their actions around their ex?
fungusamungus Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 So you are telling me that you have not heard of ex's getting with someone else to make their ex jealous? How is that not them centring their actions around their ex?Um... sure I have. But that's not what you said. you said that nagging an ex will push them into a rebound to deter you from... well, nagging them. That's kind of the complete opposite of trying to make you jealous.
Author marklarsson Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Um... sure I have. But that's not what you said. you said that nagging an ex will push them into a rebound to deter you from... well, nagging them. That's kind of the complete opposite of trying to make you jealous. As immature as it is people also do it to get their ex's off their back
Simon Phoenix Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 As immature as it is people also do it to get their ex's off their back I've never heard this. They usually do it because a) they were setting it up before the break or b) to make the ex jealous. I've never heard of anyone getting with another person to make the ex leave them alone. Now maybe they become more attached to this person than they would to try to keep the ex away, but I've never heard of someone dating another person just to get their ex to leave them alone.
fungusamungus Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) As immature as it is people also do it to get their ex's off their backRight, so someone goes through the work and effort of a new relationship just to deter their ex. Again... prioritizing the ex over themselves, which completely goes against the entire premise of the breakup. Yeah, that pretty much never happens. Like Simon Phoenix said, being naggy and annoying can certainly push your ex further into a rebound that they're already in... because let's be honest, the new guy always looks better than the pathetic mess that can't leave her alone, but it is certainly not the norm for a girl to rebound for the purpose of getting their ex off their backs. In most cases, they just take the easy way out and well... ignore them. Edited March 11, 2013 by fungusamungus 2
Author marklarsson Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 Right, so someone goes through the work and effort of a new relationship just to deter their ex. Again... prioritizing the ex over themselves, which completely goes against the entire premise of the breakup. Yeah, that pretty much never happens. Like Simon Phoenix said, being naggy and annoying can certainly push your ex further into a rebound that they're already in... because let's be honest, the new guy always looks better than the pathetic mess that can't leave her alone, but it is certainly not the norm for a girl to rebound for the purpose of getting their ex off their backs. In most cases, they just take the easy way out and well... ignore them. i glad you have said this. it will help those who feel that it was their fault that their ex just entered what looks like a rebound. They need to understand that it is because the person does not like to deal with their feelings and it has nothing to do with them. they are trying to skip the process of missing you etc...and at times when they do. especially in a GIGS situation it is too later because the other person has taken the time to move one and have truly believed there is no hope due to the actions of the one who went into another relationship so soon
fungusamungus Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 i glad you have said this. it will help those who feel that it was their fault that their ex just entered what looks like a rebound. They need to understand that it is because the person does not like to deal with their feelings and it has nothing to do with them. they are trying to skip the process of missing you etc...and at times when they do. especially in a GIGS situation it is too later because the other person has taken the time to move one and have truly believed there is no hope due to the actions of the one who went into another relationship so soonMark, no offense, but it doesn't sound like you understand this yourself. My advice to you is to stop trying to pick apart what your ex is doing and rationalizing why she is in a rebound, or if it's a rebound. Not all rebounds are what they seem. I dated a girl who was "on the rebound" for over a year and we broke up for reasons completely unrelated to her ex. Yes, sometimes women rebound because they don't want to deal with missing their ex, but rarely is this the case for women who dumped their boyfriends. In that case, it is usually a woman missing being in a relationship, not missing their exes. There is a BIG difference there.
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