silicone Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 It's been over a month since we broke up, and I can't stop thinking about her, about us. Nothing has helped. I've been going out more, meeting new people, but no one is like her. This is what she said: Don’t try getting hold of me through Family, I don’t live with them anymore or talk to them, and haven’t spoken to them since Christmas. I have no phone because I am cutting myself off from everyone to give me the space I need. I have thought about us a lot over the past few weeks and have the view that although I may still have feelings for you, I don’t feel the same way towards you and therefore I would prefer if we were no longer together And a few hours later: Did it not occur to you maybe there is a reason I’m not speaking to my Dad? <sarcasm>Thank you so much for telling him I’m talking to you.</sarcasm> I am so confused, I want to let her go. This is completely toxic, but I really don't know what to do. I'm trying to rationalise things, but I really can't get over her.
J_L_C Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 It's been over a month since we broke up, and I can't stop thinking about her, about us. Nothing has helped. I've been going out more, meeting new people, but no one is like her. This is what she said: And a few hours later: I am so confused, I want to let her go. This is completely toxic, but I really don't know what to do. I'm trying to rationalise things, but I really can't get over her. Hi there. Can you possible provide more details about your relationship/breakup? How long were you together? In what form did the breakup happen? (Phone, text, in person). Did it come out of the blue? Were those the only reasons she stated? How much contact do you have with her right now, if any?
Author silicone Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Hi there. Can you possible provide more details about your relationship/breakup? How long were you together? In what form did the breakup happen? (Phone, text, in person). Did it come out of the blue? Were those the only reasons she stated? How much contact do you have with her right now, if any? Hi, sure I can. Our relations wasn't a traditional relationship: long distance, sexually charged: my ex is a MtF trans. We had been together for just over a year. The breakup happened in January over email. It was unexpected, for me at least. What I quotes was what she said. Right now, there is 0 contact between us. She never speaks like that, it's too clinical for her, it sounds forced.
Author silicone Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 I don't know whether I want to forget her or what, but it's too painful. It'll be two months this week
Sexy Teddy Bear Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 No. Just forget about her. I understand that it's difficult, but you need to do it. For me i had to 'allow' myself to let her go. I had to stop obsessing over her. I still think about her, but not even close to how I did a month ago. If you let yourself have fun, you will surely begin to stop thinking about her. Next time you drink with your buddies, or chat with your co-workers, or what-have-you, don't think about her. And for love of god, don't talk about her. Don't think that you can't have any fun cause she isn't there. If you can stop thinking about her when you do these things you will realize you are having more fun than you did when you were with her. You will be able to do things you wouldn't have done when you were together (like get completely s**tfaced). And you don't have to worry about texting her while your with your friends cause she will get mad if you don't. ^^^ That's somewhat how it was for me anyway. Once I began to accept the fact we were finished, It was like a fog clearing before my eyes. I said to myself, "Hey! she was pretty darn controlling!" So good luck. I hope your pain is eased soon. At least a little bit.
Compromize Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) I think the act of stopping yourself from thinking about an ex has to be an unconcious change in yourself due to time/healing over time. I know I try to make an "active" effort to stop thinking about her and I turn it into all the reason why we didn't work, wouldn't have worked if we did get back together. I have been through this break-up make-up ringer with my ex more times than I can count on one hand. Last serious break was 5 months in length and I couldn't get her out of my head in that 5 months but I rebounded (just talked to my dates about my ex the whole time) and then decided to get her back at all costs so that played a huge part in it. Going NC is literally the most difficult thing I have ever done, can't believe how difficult it is compared to fighting to get them back. I don't think you should try to actively make yourself stop thinking about her. Let the thoughts come and remind yourself of why she is not here, her choice and read the words she wrote when she was unhappy checking out of your relationship. That's something that I wish Iwould have done. Kept the hurtful things she e-mailed and texted me to remind myself of how it really was when all I see is the good that I am missing. From my own personal experience, still fighting the battle of breaking the addiction I have of her, it's a daily struggle and one that I am going through alone (meaning not looking for another woman to mask the pain of the BU) but it helps being on here with all the people going through the same thing. Keep posting here and replying to others, it keeps you from contacting the ex (at least it does for me!) Keep the faith brother. You will come out the other side wiser and better for your experiences. They say everyone should experience a heartbreak, that it makes you a better partner in the future. Here's to being better! Edited March 16, 2013 by Compromize 1
Compromize Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 (edited) Do I email her saying bye? I started a thread about this same question last night. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/379748-saying-goodbye-after-nc You probably have the same feeling I feel/felt. That she will feel the sting of the goodbye (I told her on the phone that I wouldn't say it, wouldn't accept it) and she will realize what she is missing and come running back. I have to keep reminding myself of it daily when I want to reach out to her. I know man. We just have to kill hope. Let it die and slip under the waves and sink to the depths. In our cases, hope is a disease. It just festers and hurts and does absolutely no good and keeps us from healing. That is what NC is really for. Moving forward without them in our lives. Not to get them to see what they have been missing and come ruining back. Edit: I meant to say running back but I think ruining back is more appropriate! Edited March 16, 2013 by Compromize
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