ssmith3427 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Hi, It's been a while since I have posted here. Guess that could been seen as progress. It's been 9 months since my breakup. It was tough, she broke my heart. I went NC a week after she left. Basically right after I found she slept with another guy who was flirting with her for the past month prior to our breakup. She has made a few attempts to contact me, nothing noteworthy, just the simplest of breadcrumbs. The last time she contacted me was October. This morning she sent me a friend request on FB and I'm not sure how to take it. She just split up with a guy she had seen for 6 month. I have mixed feelings. I can't imagine seeing a girl I loved and seeing little feelings there. It saddens me, I find it surreal. I'm not sure what to do. Should I message her, ignore her, if I messages her what would I say. She broke my heart so she should be making the attempt I think. I find myself feeling a lot of compassion towards her. I'm sad that I don't care about her as much, and I'm sad that she is not going anywhere in her life. I don't know if I can be a friend, but I would help her anytime. I'm stuck in a strange place. What should I do about the friend request? She never treated me well and I really did treat her as a princess. I have mixed feelings about her, it's strange, please set me straight guys. Thanks.
sattech200 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I've been trying to prepare in case that day ever comes for me. Depends on what stage I'm at and what she says/does but I'm really thinking I'd wait for her to make a second attempt at contacting. However in my case if she ends up with someone else that's it for me. I know I can do better then being second best to someone.
marklarsson Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Well you said she should be making the next move right?...well then see her adding you as a friend as a move. accept it but don't message her or talk to her etc.. let her initiate everything, if she does not say anything along the lines of getting back together ignore it.
Jono85 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 no offense, but i feel if you accept that friend request, you're showing you have zero pride at all. she dumped you for another dude, who she may or may not have even cheated on you with. you've dealt with a lot of heartbreak, and made it this far, 9 months later. now SHE'S in the dumps after a breakup, and wants some attention/validation, and you're just going to give it to her? screw that man. keep moving on, or wait until she's pleading (even then i'd probs say f*ck off, since it sounds like you didn't break up b/c of a lot of fights or you mistreated her..she just got tired of you and wanted a different dude). leave her in the past. no good is going to come of this, i can promise you. i broke up with my ex last year and we got back together 3 months later...well when we did i saw on her facebook she re-added/connected with a few of her ex bfs during our breakup. she was hurt (like your ex) and is looking for anyone to pump their ego up a bit. maybe flirt a little with her exes, or get some good vibes going to make her feel better. that's all. if you're cool with that (being an emotional tampon) by all means go for it. 1
Darren Steez Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 No don't add her and dont message her. She's not your friend, she cheated on you, broke your heart then went off and had her fun casting you aside like dirt. Now that relationship is over she wants you back in her life..yeah it maybe flattering and yeah you might feel some small measure of satisfaction that she's contacting you but don't set yourself up for false hope and heartbreak. She messed with you, you managed to get over it now you're going to set everything back by letting her into your life again. You dont need an explanation or an apology from her, what is she going to apologize for? She's not sorry, she had six months of not being sorry! Don't be her fall back or otherwise, if she's feeling guilty then so be it, that's on her. Just move on with your life bro.. AND BE HAPPY!!!!!!
Author ssmith3427 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 It's hard as I don't want her to know what I have been doing with my life over the last 9 months. I don't know if I'm playing games or I am just scared of letting her in, or rejecting me again. I think after 9 month something more substantial than a friends request should be said. We lived together, she knew how much I loved her. Our breakup was like a movie, a sad scene. Maybe a should wait for something more substantial. Part of me feels sorry for her, but I think that she never showed any compassion when she slept with someone 10 days after our split. I am naturally hopeful, and think the best, am I thinking to much into this? Her breakup with her ex and now sending me a friend request. Is it just breadcrumbs?
na49 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I think you're looking for something that's not there. She sent you a friend request. If you don't want her seeing what you're up to, then decline it. If you're over her, then accept it and see if she messages you.
Author ssmith3427 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 I think your right, sometimes I'm over her, other times I'm not. I often feel a dull pain, then sometimes feel that I want her to be happy. I don't want to accept her request as I don't want to be vulnerable again. I might send her a message like. Hi, look I don't think you treated me well enough to be friends, but I do truly wish you the best in life. Believe in you and I hope that belief leads to your dreams coming true. Take care Chantelle. I'm just not sure what to do.. Sigh, I'm so mixed up.
na49 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I think your right, sometimes I'm over her, other times I'm not. I often feel a dull pain, then sometimes feel that I want her to be happy. I don't want to accept her request as I don't want to be vulnerable again. I might send her a message like. Hi, look I don't think you treated me well enough to be friends, but I do truly wish you the best in life. Believe in you and I hope that belief leads to your dreams coming true. Take care Chantelle. I'm just not sure what to do.. Sigh, I'm so mixed up. You can send her a message telling her you can't be friends and wish her the best. Be the bigger person and leave any anger towards her out of it though. (basically don't mention that she didn't treat you well even if she didn't)
Minneloa Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 It's hard as I don't want her to know what I have been doing with my life over the last 9 months. This is an excellent reason to ignore the friend request. In my opinion, it"s just a breadcrumb, a way to fish for attention in the wake of her new breakup. You have the power here. I recommend staying away from her, even online, so as not to endanger the progress you've made. That said, I know it must be tempting. Stay strong and keep moving forward.
Author ssmith3427 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Thanks for the replies so far guys. I am not going to accept the friends request, I'm convinced this is the right thing for me to do. I'm 50/50 on sending her a message. I want her to think I am over her for the sake of my esteem, pride and dignity. I just wonder if not sending a message will show her I'm still hurt a little. In summary, I'm not accepting the request and think your right, it's a breadcrumb and she's fishing for ego stroke. I'm 50/50 in sending a message. My goal is to create the illusion that I am indifferent.
Minneloa Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Ignoring = indifferent. My advice is simply not to engage her at all. Rather than tell her you've moved on, show her you've moved on. Edited March 9, 2013 by Minneloa
fancy feast Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Since it's obviously causing you grief, just ignore it. No need to send a message, your silence will say it all. 1
cavalier99 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I agree with post above. This is a lose lose situation if you respond. There is nothing to be gained here except reopening old wounds. And if she did want to get back together it would be even worse. Imagine going back into the pit...don't go there. Your already getting a taste of this just with this request. Keep on moving forward. Cav
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