Starry Sky Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I want to leave my husband after 5½ years together... He's a sex addict and also has abused me verbally and yells a lot when he gets angry and has threatened to hit me etc.... I have reached my limits with him :-( He wants so much to make this work now, although it's always been a tough ride, and is willing to change - if I also change in some areas! But I'm so afraid that if I stay I will - in a few years - again realize how many things I'm not satisfied with that will probably never really change. Now I'm so anxious about how to let him know that I want to leave... He's aware of all our problems, no doubt, but he still has hope. Also he's in his early 40's and I'm in my late 20's so he would love to just not have another divorce and live as happily as possible ever after... I still love him, but I'm so run down mentally that my life isn't really working anymore. I've isolated myself. We live together so it's going to be a major task to move out. And I also have a pet whose safety I actually also fear a bit including of course my own safety. How would you say could be a possible, safe way to break up in my case, where I also still respect him?.....
KatherineX Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Either do it with someone you trust like a family member or a counselor, I wouldn't suggest doing it alone with his violent nature and all. 1
Author Starry Sky Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Either do it with someone you trust like a family member or a counselor, I wouldn't suggest doing it alone with his violent nature and all. Thank you KatherineX for your advice! Things turned out so very differently than I thought it would...! My husband called me yesterday (I was at my sister's) and we talked everything through. When I later went home to our apartment (where he was) I wasn't afraid and he was just completely devastated and so regretful (never seen before) because he had been so blind to what he had been asking me to put up with in the marriage. Today he started the 12-step program for addicts and also got a sponsor (he'd - without me knowing it - already made contact to a sponsor a few weeks ago and started on the program because he had realized that he has a serious addiction!). I will take things slow. I've set my boundaries now and will not accept any bad treatment anymore. He has to show me that he is willing to make an effort to change for the sake of his own life, his child, our relationship etc. otherwise, I told him, I will need to divorce him for my own sake because I can't handle more of those incidents... I don't know if I've made the right choice. Time will tell. But I feel happy to have set my boundaries and made a deal with him - made a plan for our near future. Step by step we will see if what happened can be healed over time.
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