IMG86 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Hi all, Just wanted to share my break up on this thread. Nearly 3 weeks ago my gf ended things between us after 3 1/2 years! It wasnt an easy decision for her and one that took many months for her to do! I instantly understood her reasons in a rational way, accepted what she was saying and left. She has been needing me to pull my socks up for much of the relationship and become less selfish, coupled with this she is at a crossroad in her life and has decided that I am perhaps not the man for her! I respect her decision but I am finally ready to open up and be the person she has always wanted to be, I have finally had my eyes opened to how I feel about her because the last 3 weeks I have been a completely broken version of myself. I spent the first 12 days contacting and pleading with her that I am ready to step up, she doesn't want me to do that anymore, she doesn't love me and wants to move on! The last 10 days I have not spoken to her and have gone away skiing but I am still in pieces. How can I lose the person that is right for me, who was in total love with me and right at the moment I just want to make her happy. I know she thinks she has done the right thing and has a sense of relief but I was never able to completely give myself up to her...I need her to feel me because I'm not in control of my emotions and this feels so real. She has been honest with me, talked to me when I needed to talk, not given me false hope and been true to herself. She is an amazing person that I just pushed to far and she is moving on. I am trying to move on but it feels like I needed this to happen if our relationship was ever going to work, it has enabled me to get over my ego. I have cried everyday and have never cried in my life before. I'm so frustrated that it has taken this much for me to realise. From what I have said does it seem my ex really wants to move on or is she just tired of me hurting her?? What can I do??
Survivor12 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I am sorry that you are hurting, but here's the thing...You say that this breakup has "enabled" you to get over your ego. Typically, a rejection wounds the ego so how can you be so sure that the pain you are feeling is truly because you love this girl and not due to the damage to your ego? Also, what you are saying that is in 3 weeks, there has been a drastic change in both your feelings for this girl and in your personality. While it is certainly possible for a traumatic incident to bring about such a drastic change in how one feels and acts, permanent change takes time, awareness and effort. My advice to you is that if you are truly remorseful about letting your ego negatively affect your life then let your gf go and start working on improving yourself and becoming the man you want to be. You see, chances are great that even if she would take you back now, as soon as you were secure, you would revert back to feeling and acting as you always have in your relationship. The bottom line is that she has made herself clear that she is done with the relationship. For her good as well as your own, you need to learn to accept that. Learn from your "mistakes" and rather than focusing on why SHE feels the way she does, start looking for the reasons that YOU feel as you do.
Author IMG86 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Hi thanks for responding! I agree that i am going to have to learn and grow from this experience whatever the outcome because no relationship can work if one person fails to invest there emotions! My ego is bruised but what I probably meant was that my barriers have come crashing down for the first time. Over the last year I have made huge strides forward professionally and I am happy with all other aspects of my life and have slowly been realising that I needed to face up to my relationship...just as it is taken away! It just feels wrong, and I think she is doing this to protect herself rather than not caring about me. Will she be thinking about me or will that come later, I know she is incredibly busy! She has said things like.... I feel happier in myself since we broke up, 3 and a half years is a long time so surely I know if your the right person for me after all that time, I'm glad you want to change but I don't want you to change for me, I have already given you years of my life I don't want you to have any more I'm ready and need to move on... Sounds pretty hopeless but this is days after breaking up and without the chance to feel the gap I have left?? I will respect her decision I just hope it's for the right reasons. I guess she finally knows what she meant to me ....
Author IMG86 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 I think she also needs time and space to find herself! An incredibly painful realisation for me to live with!! She is early 20's just finishing uni and needs to live. Time to move on. What a sad sad end!
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