benice Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I did the no contact thing for a week, but in the week he texted me 3 times to see if I was doing ok. I replied last night after a week and said Im fine thanks. He then replied thanks for answering. I then texted him saying that he does not need to text me to ask if I am ok, and that everything will be ok I agree with his decision because it would have happened later down the line, and that life goes on. he then said he is fully aware that he hurt me and that he knows there is a multitude of thoughts in my head about it, and that all he can do is ask for my forgiveness and understanding. I then called him and said I forgive him, but I dont understand why, but its ok, and I said goodnight. That was that, nothing like sorry can we work this out nothing. Like I said I did nothing wrong, and I love him so much, I dont know how to go on right now. I thought No contact would work but he seams very sure he does not want to be with me. What should i do now? Has anyone gotten back with someone after they seam sure they dont want to be with you?
Author benice Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 After our last conversation, (me clearly agreeing with the breakup) he contacts me via text again, just to say hope its not to crazy out there for me and be safe (there was a snow storm at the time). I did not respond, but I feel bad because he is just concerned. What is going on in his head?. I know if I respond and not hear what I would so love to hear it would be worst for me, so the only thing I can do is just stay silent. its now been two weeks, is it still to early for me to expect him to really miss me or feel regret? Maybe im just being rediculas....Thoughts anyone???
beyond Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I did the no contact thing for a week, but in the week he texted me 3 times to see if I was doing ok. I replied last night after a week and said Im fine thanks. He then replied thanks for answering. I then texted him saying that he does not need to text me to ask if I am ok, and that everything will be ok I agree with his decision because it would have happened later down the line, and that life goes on. he then said he is fully aware that he hurt me and that he knows there is a multitude of thoughts in my head about it, and that all he can do is ask for my forgiveness and understanding. I then called him and said I forgive him, but I dont understand why, but its ok, and I said goodnight. That was that, nothing like sorry can we work this out nothing. Like I said I did nothing wrong, and I love him so much, I dont know how to go on right now. I thought No contact would work but he seams very sure he does not want to be with me. What should i do now? Has anyone gotten back with someone after they seam sure they dont want to be with you? Benice, you say you thought 'no contact would work'....which sounds as if you thought it would bring your ex back. No contact is NOT about that, it is about YOU healing the quickest way and moving forward with your life. You also say that you agreed with your ex's decision and knew it would have happened at some point down the line anyway - so why would you want to get back with him? I know (believe me I KNOW) what it is like to love someone who doesn't want to be with you, but in the end he did the right thing by breaking up with you and now you are free to find someone who feels the same way about you. What isn't good is that he is contacting you so much still. Tell him it hurts too much to keep hearing from him as a 'friend' - you are fine, you have told him that so he needs to respect you need to heal now. 1
Author benice Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Thanks for your response. I think I told him that I agreed with the breakup, so that I dont look as if Im in such a mess, and to let him feel that Im doing great without him. They always say to never let a man know how much he is hurting you. So saying that it probably would have happen later down the road is like reverse psycology. Right now he knows im hurting but might be moving on. This is what I want. I know the no contact is to help myself to heal, but it can also work in getting him to think about really loosing me ( well at least I hope so). Still is not over this guy, wondering if two weeks is too soon to see recieve a real response that shows that he misses me. I know, I know I sound really stupid. My mind knows better, but my heart is in charge right now. Truly a serious fight between my mind and my heart.
beyond Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Thanks for your response. I think I told him that I agreed with the breakup, so that I dont look as if Im in such a mess, and to let him feel that Im doing great without him. They always say to never let a man know how much he is hurting you. So saying that it probably would have happen later down the road is like reverse psycology. Right now he knows im hurting but might be moving on. This is what I want. I know the no contact is to help myself to heal, but it can also work in getting him to think about really loosing me ( well at least I hope so). Still is not over this guy, wondering if two weeks is too soon to see recieve a real response that shows that he misses me. I know, I know I sound really stupid. My mind knows better, but my heart is in charge right now. Truly a serious fight between my mind and my heart. Yes, the heart/mind thing is great at confusing us all! It's part of the reason why LS works though, because although most of us here have been through similar situations/feelings, we can look at other peoples situations JUST with our minds because we are not emotionally attatched to the people. Firstly, it's ok to miss him and to tell him you are not fine if you're not. I don't buy into that reverse psychology, game playing nonsense. He probably is missing you on some level (I've missed bf's that I've broken up with, but still know I didn't want to be with them), but is he at your door begging for forgiveness saying he made a dreadful mistake? No? Then move on. I would start going NC. You haven't really done that as you have replied to texts and called him, so properly do that for two full months and then see how you feel.
Robs1693 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Hello darling (: Just to let you know I've been through this. My first (and only atm) boyfriend broke up with me. I was devastated as I only had eyes for him, he was my everything. At first, I asked him to text me from time to time but realised that it made me feel horrible every time he did, as it bought back the pain. I then went NC for a month or two which is bloody difficult I tell you now, and then he text me telling me he missed me and wanted to try again. We took things slowly, being friends first then slowly moving forward, but I realised that that NC time made me a stronger person and that I had changed from the girl who fell in love with him to one who was stronger. I realised that I wasn't in that place anymore, and that him hurting me had changed me, not into a bad person, but into a different one. We ended things last night and of course I'm hurting, he was my first love but I know I will get through this (: I'm not saying this will happen to you my darling as every person and relationship is different, but do you really want someone back who let you go? Take some time on your own, figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life, and take each day at a time. It'll surprise you the strength you have inside you (: Take care, Robyn xx 1
beyond Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Hello darling (: Just to let you know I've been through this. My first (and only atm) boyfriend broke up with me. I was devastated as I only had eyes for him, he was my everything. At first, I asked him to text me from time to time but realised that it made me feel horrible every time he did, as it bought back the pain. I then went NC for a month or two which is bloody difficult I tell you now, and then he text me telling me he missed me and wanted to try again. We took things slowly, being friends first then slowly moving forward, but I realised that that NC time made me a stronger person and that I had changed from the girl who fell in love with him to one who was stronger. I realised that I wasn't in that place anymore, and that him hurting me had changed me, not into a bad person, but into a different one. We ended things last night and of course I'm hurting, he was my first love but I know I will get through this (: I'm not saying this will happen to you my darling as every person and relationship is different, but do you really want someone back who let you go? Take some time on your own, figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life, and take each day at a time. It'll surprise you the strength you have inside you (: Take care, Robyn xx Great post Robyn
Author benice Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Thanks Robs1693, I totally understand what you are saying. In your situation you got that second chance and was able to make the decision to let it go (on your terms)..I could only hope that I can get that second chance. You stated do I really want someone who let me go?. The answer to that right now is YES lol. and again, it may sound silly but this is my take on it. Because I have no idea why he did this, in my mind I have so many unanswered questions. I dont ever judge people, maybe he is confused, maybe he seeing someone else, maybe he wants me back but dont know how to approach me, etc.. No one knows. I would be willing to take him back if he had a good enough reason for leaving. I would not take him back if he does not have a good enough reason. Never the less. he does not want me back at this point. So Im doing the no contact thing. This is all just too crazy. But thanks for the responses.
Robs1693 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 We all have your interests at heart honey, and of course it is your life. Mine broke up with me for NO REASON, literally! We was together 10 months then after one little argument, he said he wasn't sure. The week he broke up with me I would have done ANYTHING to get him back, but time is a great healer. Stay in touch x
misskst Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 benice, in my experience if the dumper is a guy, they always come back one way or another, especially if there's no real reason for the breakup, provided you don't beg them. What you are doing is the right thing to do. However, I think it usually takes a few months for them to start to think of you again. Whatever you do, don't make him think that your world comes to an end because he's no longer around. This is not game playing. It's for your own good. Be clear to him that he did hurt you (there's no point of hiding this, a person should be informed of their wrongdoing), but at the same time you're willing to move on with your life without him. When a guy breaks up with you for no reason, it's because he's having an internal issue that he can only work on alone. It's either he's not sure what he wants, he's afraid of commitment or he wants to see what's out there. Sometimes it's something that you did that cause him to put a red light on you that even he himself doesn't even know. I suggest that you read a little bit about Masculine Hero Avatar Principles to understand how sometimes we fall into the invisible trap that men unknowingly place in relationships. But remember that you should really try to move on. And you'll find how life likes to mess with us because the guy you once wanted often comes back right at the time when you've moved on and no longer want him. Sadly, that's how life often works. It happens to me a couple of times. Right at the moment when I realized that I no longer wanted my ex, my phone rang and the person on the other end was my ex asking for a second chance. It's like there's some sort of energy that we send out that lets them know we no longer want them, and just like that, they suddenly want you back. And in my experience, I never went back to an ex, especially one that broke up with me, although right after the breakup I'd do anything to get him back just like how you're feeling right now. Believe me, there's always a better guy out there. Now that I look back, the only regret I have for each of my breakups is that it didn't happen earlier.
Author benice Posted March 15, 2013 Author Posted March 15, 2013 Misskst, thank you for your words of wisdom. I have thought about it and you are right. Every single relationship that I have been in also, the guy always come back it may take a few weeks, months or even years. I have ex boyfriends that would do anything right now to have that chance again, but I have no feelings what so ever for them. This situation is the most difficult that I have ever been in, in my life. I was with someone before this guy for 10 years, and when we broke it it hurt but not half as much as this. Thats because we were able to talk everything through, and he understands his faults. I could see what went wrong. Now in this relationship, I learned from my mistakes, and had a really open mind, was loving caring, helpful, trustworthy, respectful, you name it, I was it. Then one week he started getting very distant, then BOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! he told me there is a disconnect between us. I was lost and numb, also in shock. I would never wish this type of pain on anyone not even my enemys... So this one is very hard to move past. Its going to be three weeks on Sunday, and I still dont get it. One thing I did not do was beg, text, email, or call. I dont know how I did that but I did. He texed me a few times, and I answered one or two of them very politely. He still had nothing substancial to say other than hope all is well with you. I am going to the gym, and the studio, and keeping busy with friends (they have been very supportive) thats all I can do. But I dont want to meet anyone else at this point. Im healing right now, and I think I will be very afraid to meet someone new because if I did nothing but be great to this guy and he did this then I scaired to give my heart to someone else. This is CRAZY.
lil hoodlum Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 The reason this breakup is so much different than the others is because he has abandoned you. You never saw this coming! His way of ending things are cold, cruel, and cowardly. I am going through the same thing as you by my ex. She ended things the same way 9.5 months ago. This truely has been one of the most painful and trying times in my life. The pain, heartache, and suffering will, in the end, make you a better person. It is not an easy road but know there have many people who have been down this same path and not only reached the end but have come out of the experience a better and stronger person for it. Keith
Author benice Posted March 16, 2013 Author Posted March 16, 2013 Thanks Keith for your response, it is so true when you say ive been abandoned....I really cant relate to the other situations others have been through because I did not cheat, lie, nag etc. This thing is so crazy I feel like someone(one off his ex's) may have tried voodoo to get him back and it worked. lololololol ha ha ha ha ha ha lmao.....Because it just does not make sense. I mean what else does someone have to do? cut my rist and let him drink... Maybe thats what he wanted....Just to dam crazy...I think I just have to pray for him not to do this to others.
Author benice Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 (edited) So friday he asked if he could come get the rest of his stuff at a particular time, and I told him I would not be home, but if he wanted, he could still come over because another family member would be there. He then replied that he would rather not do that because he did not want them in is business, but if I did not want to see him he will understand, and we could make other arangements. I told him its not that I did not want to see him its just that I will be busy that day. However, if he wanted he could come another time. He then asked if he could come on the next day. I said sure. On the next day, he did come, and I opened the door, stood right at the front he come in took up the bag of his stuff stood there, look at me in my eyes, for a few moments, said nothing. I looked back at him and said nothing also, then I looked away, and looked back at him and he was still stearing at me dead in my eyes. Then he kissed me on my forehead squeezed my arm, and said goodbye. After he left I dont think I need to express how I felt afterwards. I still dont get this. I still dont know what I did, and why he is doing this me. I did not text or call after this and he did not aswell. I just wish I knew how to stop this pain. I am so upset that this is stopping me from being productive. I wish I good get some really strong advice on what to do. I feel like it is not up to me to call since I did not do the breaking up. I refuse too. But he is also not callng of texting me to talk either. Its now three weeks. I pray he does call me soon. Edited March 17, 2013 by benice
Simon Phoenix Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 You need to relax. It's only been three weeks. That's not very long at all. Going no contact for a week is pointless. If you are going to go no contact, then you have to be willing to do it for as long as it takes for you to evolve and move on past this stage of the breakup. Just tell your ex that you need space and that you need time for yourself. Then take that time and work out, hang out with friends, make new friends, get a new hobby. He doesn't seem like he wants to reconcile at this point, so you need to chill. Even if you did get back with him right now, the odds of it ending badly again are huge, because three weeks isn't enough time for either of you to figure out what went wrong and why it went wrong. You need several months at minimum and there's no set time besides that. If you are serious about getting back with this guy, you have to be patient and you have to live your own life. 2
Author benice Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Simon, thanks for your response, but i am relaxing. If you read me thread you would realize that I have not been texting this guy at all. I never begged him or asked for another chance. I come on here to vent, and release my stress, and of course get others opinion. You are right I do need to relax and im trying very hard to do that, but know i am not reaching out to this guy. Thanks again for your response...
Author benice Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Well guys I have oficially given up. He called me today to only say the very same things that he said at the break up. It has been 3 weeks and 1 day (yep I kept track)... I told him I would really appreciate it if he would not call text, or email me. He said ok, but hopefully in the future we can be friends. I know in my heart that I will never be friends with this guy, he hurt me toooo much, so this is going to be one of those unhappy ever after endings. I wish you all the best of luck.
Jord11 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I know what your going through I'm on day 31 no contact, it hurts so much, I keep wishing she might miss me but who knows if she will, I told her we can be Friends later down the line, but I know I wont be able too, she hurt me too much, I don't know if I should keep loving her or hate her, I've never felt like this in my life towards someone, I had so much love to give, cared about her so much did everything nice too her and she broke me into a million pieces
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