daynight Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Words cant describe how heartbreak, hurt I am but i feel it is time to move on now..sometimes i think he is in pain too I was his first love...first girl he ever dated.. but who knows.... this is been dragging since last September... but I'll do my best to make it short & to the point. Long story short - basically we BU then agreed to become friends then 2days after ended up sleeping together!(i know big mistake)then 2days after that he said he cant see himself in a longterm RS at present (he says he is too young (22) & cant commit (which i understand) and that he feels he is holding me back & I need someone who will take care of me!( I never asked him to take care of me I am very independent girl & do lot on my own I don't get where he got all these ideas from)??.i told him that & all he said was he was sorry & just left me!! ...we went out for a year!!i was lost and still am .. i really loved him and he did too.. he was a really nice bf and very thoughtful.but I don't know what happened...we just drifted apart ...I don't know if it was different background or just not a good communication.. but what he did to me, it is ruthless I think, he should have just left me alone instead of pulling together All that drama of being friends -ex sex-then nth...I have realized for him it was nth but sex.but again I think but maybe he thought we could work it out but since we couldn't he apologize d and left..maybe I am overanalyzing ...but I was trying to see things from his perspective..idk this is all so crazy!! But back to reality even after all this love/hate/love/don't know situation i am alive..I am on 70days of NC (beside his 2txts first one I received after 3weeks of him leaving me saying how was I doing & if I wanted he will drop my purse at my place. I am glad in a way I didn't reply to that.felt like I got my power back then 2weeks after that I texted him asking to use the voucher I bought for him while we were together.he said nth then a week after he texted again asking the same question if I wanted my purse back.I suggested dropping it off on Tuesday he said alright.2 Tuesdays came and gone heard nth from him and I didn't txt him either... idk what I am doing anymore...I am so confused about my own thoughts and actions... and recently I noticed i have started to dislike people for no reason..couples mainly!!ha..and I just get annoyed at nth..(am I going mental: p!! However I would like to Thank you all the great writers here who have encouraged my NC.you guys Are the best(y) .I just want this messy feeling to go away.. I want to live life again.. I don't want to be sad.. I hate what he did to me..when all I ever did was love him.. maybe the fact that I never argued/confronted with him brings out this dislikes for other ppl in me.. so weird ..lost
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 You're acting natural. I am proud of you, for keeping NC for so long. You should know, never sleep with an ex...never fixes things and hurts more. NC alone won't fix you. Go out. Hangout with friends. Flirt with people(as a way to build lost confidence back.) Yes, he wanted only sex, and won that. He was disrespectful to do that to you. Remember: time itself, won't heal you. It is what you do, with said time, and how you begin to see your self-worth. How you start to push him out of your mind. This requires forcing yourself. Out of sight/out of mind thing. The purse was a ploy...so he could attempt more sex..you are meat to him. Go find better... I am amazed at your NC, first time poster/long term reader. Keep itup, proud of you. 1
Author daynight Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Thankyou for your reply Toddbt12y1. I admit it wasn't easy but I am a soldier.I will get through this I know I'm really lagging but believe me I am trying more and more every single day. I been going out with friends and drinking like crazy since that day& over weekends leaving few quit weekends like tonight..but I haven't touched another man since christmas..I don't know I just don't feel like flirting/going on dates although friend tried hooking me up!! I really think and want to utilize this time to better myself than I was before but sometimes I get lost ,where I am going in life and lose track of what I am doing....I dont want to rush into another RS right now..I know 2mths&10days but still feeling like sh*t... Thanks for sharing your opinion and regarding the purse I thought the same thasy I didnt reply but the second time when he asked me I felt like maybe he is using that as an excuse to talk about things and try make it work..idk why I feel so positive that maybe this time he really wants to make it work.. but again I read posts here and makes me re-think .no.if he wants to have a talk he should let me know in B&W clearly he wants to reconsider us but ploying purse to see me.for what?is that his way of trying to see me and talk me out to be with him again?or Maybe am over thinking he just want me to have purse back & thas it.. .ahh talk about Breadcrumbs..!! ha
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 You should avoid drinking like a fish to forget your problems...that's not healtht. 1
Author daynight Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Ya I agree with you and I do have realised it is not helping me in anyway. Thatsy stayed in this weekend and from now on I wont do anymore of drinking either. (am sorry I know you are proud of me for having NC for so long but It just that I feel like I have slipped and went back to Day 1 when I replied to his txt 3weeks ago.. that hope of seeing him & working things out got me hard I guess... And after reading many posts here I think it was GIGS from his side....i feel used in a way and am really sad and angry at him for how he treated me but i have never put it out on him.. maybe i should just sent him a msg saying how he hurt me and what he did was wrong when all I ever did was love him for him.maybe pouring my anger will help me heal . .. Any advice?
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) I wouldn't do that. Chances are, he will not care or manipulate you. Breaking NC does reset it. Believe you me....i know how hard it is. Everything that constructs your body, is hurt and demands that he knows this...it truly isn't worth it. Self-harming. That is what you are doing, each time you speak to him. You are in a war. There will be days of victory and days of loss. Eventually you have to see your own self-worth, as being above this ex of yours. He will only continue to rob you of hope and dignity. They promise changes and these never happen. Do not entrust him to hurt you again. Be strong, and make a new path for you. This no longer has to involve him...just you. He can do you nomore justice then an empty bottle...and make you feel just as empty. Be the master of your emotions, and your world. Not others, and not your own emotions. Prove to yourself - not him, not them -just how great you can be. Take this time to fix yourself up, where you think you'll need it. Edited March 9, 2013 by Toddbt12y1 1
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