Would you give her a chance?

[Donaghy]

I went on a date some weeks ago with a (seemingly) nice woman. It went ok, we spent a good amount of together seeing galleries and whatnot, easy conversation, etc. Didn't hear from her for four days after the date, so I decided to follow-up asking how she was and to set up another date. Her response was vague, so I took that as her not being interested and moved on.

 

Left the country for three weeks and came back last Saturday. Checked my voicemail/email and she left me messages asking if she could see me this weekend (tomorrow), I responded and set things up for us to go rock climbing. From then up to this Wednesday night, she's been texting me about how excited she is for our date, but is afraid of the weather conditions.

 

Heard nothing from her since then so I text her today and ask if we're still on for tomorrow. Three hours later, she says the snow is bad in her area and doesn't want to risk injury. I say fair enough and ask when she wants to reschedule our date for, she says the end of the month as she'll be leaving the state for spring break, which started for her today (she's a doctoral student.) Tell her that I don't know my schedule that far ahead and she says "I don't know mine either, but I'm hoping for a good time when I get back" So I ask if we could maybe meet for coffee or something, she says we're totally off until the end of the month.

 

Right now, I have a feeling that nothing will come out of this. Would you give her a chance?

[iKING]

Why not? It doesn't seem like there's much to lose here. Poor timing is playing a factor for meeting up, you won't know if anything will come of it unless you try.

[Eggplant]

Yeah, that behaviour is hard to read! What the heck, try one more time. Invite her for a specific time and place. Don't ask any open questions like when do you have time or what day is good for you? Then if she turns that down, she'll have to be the one to come up with an alternative, which she'll do if she's interested and she won't do if she's not.

[RachR]

Perhaps try again, but don't put your dating life off waiting for her. Maybe in the meantime you'll meet someone else you hit it off with and you won't even want to see her again.

[Donaghy]

UPDATE:

I contacted her this past Friday, just to ask how her spring break was going.

 

Her: hey was thinking about you only yesterday, perfect kind of weather for getting outdoorsy. wanna try something this saturday? i.e tmorrow

Me: what the hell, woman! you should've said something sooner. I'm booked this weekend...

Her: ohh sorry, it got sunny only this morning!!

Me: so when does your spring break end?

--No response--

 

She signed off 15 minutes later. Two hours later I messaged her and asked if there was a problem. She says "none that I know of" and we made small talk briefly till I signed off.

 

Now, she originally told me that she'd be out of the area till the 30th. Obviously, I wasn't expecting to go anywhere with her until that time (and actually went on a date with someone else this past Saturday.)

But if she didn't go away and had the time, why would she wait to contact me? When the hell was she going to ask me out, the day of? To put things in perspective, she lives about 45 minutes away from me upstate and the rock climbing place is even farther out. So she's very aware that it's not like hopping out of bed and meeting her downtown at Starbucks.

[Lani]

She seems flaky.

If she was really into you, she wouldn't be acting like this.

 

Time to let this one fly I think.

[Cutiepie1976]

I think you need to be more aggressive in general when you date. IME, guys who are interested don't take four days to reach out or ask for a second date, don't disappear for three weeks, etc. They're excited and eager to see me again. You didn't seem interested following the first date, so she never became invested. The end result: you're getting the same level of "whatever" non-enthusiasm that you conveyed and continue to convey to her.

[D-Lish]

My honest opinion is that if someone is really "feeling it" with you, they'll go out of their way to make time for you. If I like someone, I'll make time for them- most people would. Being busy is an excuse that people use when they are lukewarm about wanting to spend time with you.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Drop her...you're playing her game and she's being an attention whore...don't give her the satisfaction of stringing you along holding out for a date. You're likley one of many and not the priority...obviously.