Highschool Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Okay, just need some advice again! I'll just give a quick little thing on the situation. In case you didn't read my other thread(s), basically there was this girl named R who I had some drama with and who ended up freaking out on me. --- Now, here's the advice I need: 1. R has a few friends that she hangs around with at school (i.e lunch), but her parents are pretty controlling and don't let her do much social-wise. I'm a friend of one of her school-friends. Her other couple of friends I don't talk to much, but we have mutual friends between us. Anyway, I've noticed that the ones that I don't talk to are acting a bit... strange?... towards me. I think she told them I'm some creepy guy or something, not sure what's going through her head but when she freaked on me she was completely nasty, and we've been avoiding each other since, but give each other looks at times... --- The second issue is that a previous friend of R, named S, wants to go to prom with me and just went on and on about how much of a catch I was (in her eyes) and how she really liked me and whatnot, but my plan was to go stag with some guy-friends after all of the drama with R, and S knows it. I'm also now not planning on getting involved with anyone until university (next year), and frankly I'm not as attracted to S as I was to R. --- So what do I do? I told S that it sounded fun, but I was planning to go with guy-friends etc after all the drama with R. Not sure what to say, but S has been fixated on me for a couple of years now honestly, and I don't want to be like R and end up acting like an ******* over nothing. Advice?? Also, I'm not sure what to do about R unjustly complaining to people who don't know me well about me. Her friend that knows me acts the same towards me, but the ones that don't know me well seem uneasy around me all of a sudden and I don't like it. :/ Edited March 9, 2013 by Highschool
Eggplant Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Go with S to the prom as pals. Then you both have a date. What matters about prom are the photos (with a date, any date). Don't speculate about the gossip of a gaggle of girls. They're inscrutable, and who cares? The only way to make it right with R is through R, and I can't give advice on that because you haven't provided the details in this thread.
Author Highschool Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Go with S to the prom as pals. Then you both have a date. What matters about prom are the photos (with a date, any date). Don't speculate about the gossip of a gaggle of girls. They're inscrutable, and who cares? The only way to make it right with R is through R, and I can't give advice on that because you haven't provided the details in this thread. I was thinking that I could have fun with a group of guys who don't have dates. I'll dance with her a bit, but after she said she really wanted to go with me, she started pouring her heart out and whatnot. I just don't want her to get the wrong idea. True, true. Okay, here it goes. Just be prepared for a long read, I'm bad at shortening: I knew R before high school, she used to be in a book club that my friend's mom had (she was her teacher). In high school I didn't start talking to her much until we had a class together in grade 11 and sat by each other, she was in french immersion so we didn't have classes together generally, but I knew her. Anyway, ended up talking to her a lot in grade 11, liked her a lot. Went to the semi formal dance that year with a buddy, his gf and her group of girl-friends. I ended up dancing with this girl all night at this semi formal (saw her there and kinda hit it off imo), and had a great time. This year we had a class together again. I got her number, and we were texting a lot over the course of a few months. A LOT lol, and she started conversations as much as me so it wasn't like I was filling up her phone. We also walked home together a lot, and she was really flirty. Anyway, I was wondering if she'd see a movie with me (the Hobbit) and she said she'd "totally go" and was excited. She seemed to like me a lot, I liked her a lot, and etc. Anyway, the week of the movie was when everything went to ****. 1. On Tuesday we were texting, she brought up prom and was wondering if I was going when the time came. I said that when the time comes I might be asking her, just giving her the heads up, and she was all for it. I was happy and said that I'd hate for a girl like her to be taken when the time comes, and she said that I'm not like most other guys and I'm so easy to talk to and a great friend. Teased her a little about that, saying something along the lines of "Oh I'll back off, I just was wondering if we're on the same wavelength here!". She asked her parents about the movie that night. They said she could go with me but that her dad was driving, okay. She was all excited, said she was telling her friends she was going with me and blahblahblah and she seemed really happy and excited... After we talked about that, we talked during lunch. She was upset that she said "great friend" and felt bad about it, and said she really liked me but that she just didn't think we had time (but was going to go see the film with me, so thought she meant a relationship). We had a good talk. After school, I just said that if that was the only reason we could work around it, and just said to try to keep an open mind if that's the case. That night we were texting, I said that I valued our friendship that we had so if that's what she wanted I was fine, and that we could see the movie as just friends hanging out. She seemed okay with it, but I mentioned it was in 3D, she said that she didn't know and that she got sick from 3D movies, but she might suck it up because she really wanted to go. I said that if she wanted to go and if it was motion sickness, she could take a gravol (motion sickness pill) and we could still have a great time. She said it was migraines, asked if there was something in 2D that I'd like to see with her because she'd love to go still, but then didn't respond. The next day she ignored me and acted like I was invisible. From this point on it got bad, I was cut off completely out of nowhere. I asked her if we could talk the day after that, and reluctantly she said okay. She basically bitched me out and said how I went overboard, and some of the stuff she was saying was nonsense imo (like she was all upset that I suggested that she take a gravol, when I don't see how that should be upsetting at all). Nevertheless, I didn't say anything and after she calmed down I asked if she could just not do the whole ignore thing and if we could be friendly and whatnot. She was fine with it, and we parted on a positive note imo. After the weekend (didn't text her or anything), she started ignoring me at school again. About a week into her doing this I sent her a text about it, but she didn't respond. After another week, I was upset and ended up sending her a long email about how I didn't understand why she was acting the way she was, and how I didn't think I did anything wrong. I tried to talk to her a few days after the email was sent, she flipped out completely. She said I was "creepy as ****", she didn't want to talk to me and to leave her alone as if I was some stalker or something.... Like wtf. I didn't say anything, thought it was best to let her rant even though it made me feel like ****. After she was done I said "Why?" she said we could talk in the guidance office (counselor) after class, but not in a nice way. She then went and complained about me to guidance (when I walked in she said she needed to talk to them alone so I left and didn't end up talking to her). ----- There's the drama! The day after that, the VP and principal called me down (they talked to her too), said that I wasn't in trouble or anything but that R came to them concerned. I just told them my side of everything, they seemed like they completely understood and told me I didn't do anything wrong. Since then they've told me that she completely overreacted and acted bizarre, she probably feels embarrassed for how she acted (and should), and kept reinforcing that I didn't do anything wrong. So, now she's been ignoring me completely. At first she gave me glares a lot when I was near her in any way shape or form, then she gave sympathetic smiles, then embarrassed smiles, and now ignoring again. Granted I've been getting the hell out of anywhere she's in and avoiding her too. ------- Here's some information about her that might help: -S has some issues with depression. They were friends at one point, but when S confided in R about her depression, R freaked out, ran to the principal and told them that S was going to kill herself and possibly harm people. -R's parents are RIDICULOUSLY controlling, and don't let her do many fun things. The only reason they let her go to that semi-formal was because she has a 96% average or so. She's also a 4th degree black belt in taekwondo at 17 years old (her 13 year old sister is a 1st degree, and her dad is a first degree), does art, piano, and used to figure skate. Also was crazy dedicated to all of them. -She wanted to get away from this city/town after high school, and is moving away. Which is what she meant when she had told me that we didn't have time. -I think she's insecure, she's emotionally immature and isn't proud of her accomplishments because her parents are so ridiculous. She doesn't hang out much after school with anyone because her parents filled up her schedule with extracurriculars and studying. -She used to like a guy when S and R were friends, but only texted him. Her parents got word of how much he liked her and they flipped out on her and told her to avoid him, and she stopped texting him flat out. So maybe they flipped at her over me too. :/ ---- I still don't understand what happened, but it doesn't seem like I'm getting any answers.
Eggplant Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 If S is coming on too strongly, then maybe it's better to keep your distance. Just go with your guy friends. About R: her behavior is bizarre. I can only guess. In the moment, she felt some kind of connection, but then it was too close too fast and she freaked out and pulled away. Another possible explanation, this being high school, is that you may not be in some social crowd that is deemed acceptable by her peers. If that's the case, she's not worth it. Whatever the reason, her actions were over-the-top and probably not your fault. But she is being very clear now that she wants no contact, so you must forget her and stop torturing yourself. Any step towards her will just push her farther away. She is extremely dramatic, and you'll find another, way better girl who is less crazy.
Author Highschool Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 If S is coming on too strongly, then maybe it's better to keep your distance. Just go with your guy friends. About R: her behavior is bizarre. I can only guess. In the moment, she felt some kind of connection, but then it was too close too fast and she freaked out and pulled away. Another possible explanation, this being high school, is that you may not be in some social crowd that is deemed acceptable by her peers. If that's the case, she's not worth it. Whatever the reason, her actions were over-the-top and probably not your fault. But she is being very clear now that she wants no contact, so you must forget her and stop torturing yourself. Any step towards her will just push her farther away. She is extremely dramatic, and you'll find another, way better girl who is less crazy. She doesn't have very many actual friends sadly, and her friends she has are only in school. I hang around with a few groups of people and wouldn't think that she's that kind of girl, especially considering her social situation compared to mine lol, but you never know I guess. Plus I'm a pretty good friend of one of her friends, and when she only has a few to begin with... I'm thinking that her parents had something to do with the cut-off behavior, and I know that she religiously follows whatever they say, so if they told her something she might've taken it to heart and just cut me off because of that. :$ It really sucks because I'm always that person who likes to patch things up with people and make peace, but it doesn't seem like it's going to happen with her. The situation just seems bizarre too, so it just adds to the confusion lol. I've just been dreading prom, and I know I want to go because I might regret not going, but I know I'm going to see R there and avoiding each other for the whole night is going to suck. EDIT: I do really appreciate the advice though, thank you!
Eggplant Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I've just been dreading prom, and I know I want to go because I might regret not going, but I know I'm going to see R there and avoiding each other for the whole night is going to suck. Don't let this girl ruin prom. You didn't do anything wrong. Just have fun. Maybe you'll meet another.
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