Shim_kattty Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I'm so lost and depressed about this it has almost become unfathomable. My ex & I broke up in July 2012 & he began dating someone else in august. His relationship ended late January and we began talking again. He started taking me out and everything seemed to be going well for us. Well for the past 2 weeks, he chose to start a really close relationship with his boss at work. They go out to the movies, parties, out to eat, he even gave her the info to one of his cards to "help her out." Well today I spent the whole day with him and around 6 pm I noticed he began getting dressed. When he went to get in the shower I went through his phone and saw that he had asked this manager out to eat with a another co worker. I started packing my things up from the day and when he got out of the shower I went into his room and told him I had to go. He grabbed me and said why and started kissing me and I was just like please let me go. So when I got out to the car, I couldn't hold in my tears anymore and started to cry. I guess he followed me outside and was asking what's wrong but was saying come back into the house because he was getting ready and talk with him. I told him no to let me go and he finally gave up. I just don't know if I'm over reacting and this manager is nothing or if this could turn into something more. Their text messages are very friendly and she is constantly throwing little provocative comments at him whether he picks up on them or not. She came to the bank where we were today to pick up a card from him and he got out of my car so she couldn't pull up on the side. If this was just a friendship, why would you not want her to see me or me see her? I just don't wanna waste my time again. I just need some words of wisdom or similar stories.
CC12 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) A waste of time? Yeah. I mean, I don't think I would phrase it quite that way. I think it's just a bad relationship and it's not going to work so now seems like a good time to call it quits. (Edit: Or have an adult conversation and get on the same page and work on the relationship, if you're both willing to.) You seriously have zero trust in him. You don't trust him to have platonic friendships with women. You didn't trust him to tell you the truth about where he was going so you went through his phone instead of just asking him. You're very suspicious of him. Maybe you have a good reason to be so distrustful, maybe you don't. In any case, it doesn't make for a good relationship. And this next part is kind of harsh and it might hurt your feelings, but that's not my intention. You seem a little overemotional. Kind of drama queen-ish. ("I'm so lost and depressed about this it has almost become unfathomable.") You went through his phone, didn't like what you saw, gathered up your belongings, were like, "I'm leaving, please just let me go." Then you flounced out of his house, went to your car and immediately started sobbing, which I'm sure you did for his benefit because obviously he's going to chase after you and see you crying and then feel really bad, or whatever. Again, maybe you have a good reason to be acting kind of kooky, based on your history with this guy. But it still doesn't make for a good relationship. I mean, are you really happy feeling like that all the time with this guy? Edited March 9, 2013 by CC12
fungusamungus Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) I'm so lost and depressed about this it has almost become unfathomable. My ex & I broke up in July 2012 & he began dating someone else in august. His relationship ended late January and we began talking again. He started taking me out and everything seemed to be going well for us. Well for the past 2 weeks, he chose to start a really close relationship with his boss at work. They go out to the movies, parties, out to eat, he even gave her the info to one of his cards to "help her out." Well today I spent the whole day with him and around 6 pm I noticed he began getting dressed. When he went to get in the shower I went through his phone and saw that he had asked this manager out to eat with a another co worker. I started packing my things up from the day and when he got out of the shower I went into his room and told him I had to go. He grabbed me and said why and started kissing me and I was just like please let me go. So when I got out to the car, I couldn't hold in my tears anymore and started to cry. I guess he followed me outside and was asking what's wrong but was saying come back into the house because he was getting ready and talk with him. I told him no to let me go and he finally gave up. I just don't know if I'm over reacting and this manager is nothing or if this could turn into something more. Their text messages are very friendly and she is constantly throwing little provocative comments at him whether he picks up on them or not. She came to the bank where we were today to pick up a card from him and he got out of my car so she couldn't pull up on the side. If this was just a friendship, why would you not want her to see me or me see her? I just don't wanna waste my time again. I just need some words of wisdom or similar stories.I'm just curious on this one, since I read this kind of stuff all the time... but what gives people the right to go through another person's phone? I would never go through a significant other's phone, nor would I put up with a significant other snooping through my phone. I'm not super protective of it, and my girlfriends usually have the passcode to unlock it, but if I leave it lying around, I have full expectation that she will not invade my privacy. That kind of lack of trust is toxic to a relationship. By the sounds of it, you two are not even in an exclusive relationship right now. I could be wrong... but that's just how it seems. And despite that, you still cannot keep yourself from overreading into what may be nothing less than a harmless friendship. If he has told you about her, and the extent of his relationship with her, then clearly he's not trying to hide her from you. Again, he chose to be forthcoming there. There isn't really much else you can really ask of him, unless you want to just tell him that he can't be friends with her. You're getting on his case for getting out of the car to give someone something? That's called courtesy... the fact that he brought you to the bank where he was meeting her should tell you enough that he isn't trying to hide her from you. I'm not sure you're ready to be in a relationship with this person. You don't trust him enough, and it's going to eventually ruin things. Edited March 9, 2013 by fungusamungus
Author Shim_kattty Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) I have perfectly good reason to be suspicious of him. He started talking to the girl he left me for during our relationship & when we weretogether I never checked his phone because I trusted him so I didn't see the need to. Well I do realize that all my trust for him is gone & although he says he wants to work things out, he spends a lot of his time in fact more than with me, with her. I always take the little leftover time he givesme likeI should be grateful he's even spending a few hours with me but it's him that should be putting in more work. He's done nothing to prove to me that he's even remotely ready to be in any kind of relationship with me. & when we went shopping whatever he wanted, I got because that's how I've always been with him & it made me happy but now he expects it of me & if I don't, he is the biggest jerk ever. I just feel stupid investing my time & energy into him again because I'm enabling him to do these things. Edited March 9, 2013 by Shim_kattty typos
benice Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I totally understand why you went through his phone I did that kind of **** in the past. 1. You must bring yourself to feel so secure about yoiurself that it does not matter who he may be talking too, or texting 2. stop giving him so much of your time, if he wants to spend time with you seam busy at times, dont always seem available 3. Keep your head up and walk with confidence ( in your head know that you are the hottest **** that ever walked the planet 4. Be mature about everything, speek with conviction and confidence, tell him have fun and be safe when he goes out. These things will make him feel like he has a winner, and will be wondering what in the world is going on with you.. It will make him chase you. It may be hard, and may be not in yor charactor, but you must do this.. You are in a good possition because you got a second chance, most of us want this second chance, you got it. Dont blow it based on your insecurities. Men feeds of of your energy, and this will push him away. Be strong and take charge. Good luck, please keep me posted.
beyond Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I'm so lost and depressed about this it has almost become unfathomable. My ex & I broke up in July 2012 & he began dating someone else in august. His relationship ended late January and we began talking again. He started taking me out and everything seemed to be going well for us. Well for the past 2 weeks, he chose to start a really close relationship with his boss at work. They go out to the movies, parties, out to eat, he even gave her the info to one of his cards to "help her out." Well today I spent the whole day with him and around 6 pm I noticed he began getting dressed. When he went to get in the shower I went through his phone and saw that he had asked this manager out to eat with a another co worker. I started packing my things up from the day and when he got out of the shower I went into his room and told him I had to go. He grabbed me and said why and started kissing me and I was just like please let me go. So when I got out to the car, I couldn't hold in my tears anymore and started to cry. I guess he followed me outside and was asking what's wrong but was saying come back into the house because he was getting ready and talk with him. I told him no to let me go and he finally gave up. I just don't know if I'm over reacting and this manager is nothing or if this could turn into something more. Their text messages are very friendly and she is constantly throwing little provocative comments at him whether he picks up on them or not. She came to the bank where we were today to pick up a card from him and he got out of my car so she couldn't pull up on the side. If this was just a friendship, why would you not want her to see me or me see her? I just don't wanna waste my time again. I just need some words of wisdom or similar stories. It's no wonder you feel insecure. He dumped you, started dating another girl shortly afterwards and when that relationship ended, started dating you again. Why did you break up in the first place and did you talk about those reasons and resolve them before getting back together this time? If not, then it's always going to be in the back of your head that the same thing will happen again. Whether he is seeing his boss or not is almost irrelevant, what is important to note is how this relationship is affecting you - feeling the need to check his phone, feeling 'lost and depressed'. This is not how a relationship should be. If you feel it is worth a go, then at least sit down and tell him how you feel, instead of just leaving in tears.
Author Shim_kattty Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 It's no wonder you feel insecure. He dumped you, started dating another girl shortly afterwards and when that relationship ended, started dating you again. Why did you break up in the first place and did you talk about those reasons and resolve them before getting back together this time? If not, then it's always going to be in the back of your head that the same thing will happen again. Whether he is seeing his boss or not is almost irrelevant, what is important to note is how this relationship is affecting you - feeling the need to check his phone, feeling 'lost and depressed'. This is not how a relationship should be. If you feel it is worth a go, then at least sit down and tell him how you feel, instead of just leaving in tears. I've told him how I felt many times. I even told him forget it lets be friends. He begged that I not do that and that I just stay by his side because he's working on it. Well, idk what he's working on but he has gotten progressively worse since this boss came into the picture. This isn't a relationship I need to be in and as of this morning I decided it's not going to be. Not even a friendship. I am very much done. After talking with him, he even went as far as to say he is an idiot why did I even stick around as long as I did. I told him that sometimes it's easier to put up with the same persons mess than to repeat the cycle with someone else. Well, I'll take the chance with someone else because I've never been a snooper and I don't like that I even felt compelled to become one. I have done many things trying to put my best foot forward to save our relationship but it seems very one sided. I'm not the one who left me for someone else, and I certainly won't be wasting my energy trying to put it back together. Thanks for your encouragement
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