ls32ssibm Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 So, the only OLD profile I still have active is PoF and I only use it to respond to messages that get forwarded to my e-mail. My profile content is about a year and a half old and was written when I was looking for something serious which I decided I no longer want off a dating site. This obese and rather unattractive girl sends me a message asking about the breed of dog that I have with me in a photo, and for some reason I decided to be polite and respond with a two or three word response confirming what she guessed the dog was. She mistook this for interest, and proceeded to ask me questions about what I think should be the main priorities in a relationship. I said "Oh, sorry, I'm not looking for a relationship or anything like that". She sent me a final message saying "Oh, well it appears what you wrote in profile is all lies. I suggest you change it or take it down." I thought it was pretty funny. It's actually funny in general when a girl talks to me like I'm her boyfriend and I have to take her crap; it's happened to me before.
Eggplant Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 You don't have to talk to any strangers you're not interested in.
Estate Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 So, the only OLD profile I still have active is PoF and I only use it to respond to messages that get forwarded to my e-mail. My profile content is about a year and a half old and was written when I was looking for something serious which I decided I no longer want off a dating site. This obese and rather unattractive girl sends me a message asking about the breed of dog that I have with me in a photo, and for some reason I decided to be polite and respond with a two or three word response confirming what she guessed the dog was. She mistook this for interest, and proceeded to ask me questions about what I think should be the main priorities in a relationship. I said "Oh, sorry, I'm not looking for a relationship or anything like that". She sent me a final message saying "Oh, well it appears what you wrote in profile is all lies. I suggest you change it or take it down." I thought it was pretty funny. It's actually funny in general when a girl talks to me like I'm her boyfriend and I have to take her crap; it's happened to me before. So you have a dating profile stating you want a relationship. A girl messages you having read this. You respond poorly. She is disappointed by you. This is HER fault??????
Soxfaninfl Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I agree, don't respond. It was obvious that she was trying to break the ice with the dog conversation.
soccerrprp Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 She mistook this for interest, and proceeded to ask me questions about what I think should be the main priorities in a relationship. I said "Oh, sorry, I'm not looking for a relationship or anything like that". She sent me a final message saying "Oh, well it appears what you wrote in profile is all lies. I suggest you change it or take it down." I thought it was pretty funny. It's actually funny in general when a girl talks to me like I'm her boyfriend and I have to take her crap; it's happened to me before. What's really amusing here is that you are clearly trying to mislead by keeping up a profile that indicates that you want a relationship when you don't. Then, when someone inquires about your "stated desire for a relationship" you think it's funny???? Hmmmm.....
Survivor12 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 What's really amusing here is that you are clearly trying to mislead by keeping up a profile that indicates that you want a relationship when you don't. Then, when someone inquires about your "stated desire for a relationship" you think it's funny???? Hmmmm..... I think the key is "This obese and unattractive girl..."
rocketman122 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 you should take it down or at least write in your profile your intentions. I think you leave it up to see if you can get interest and if a yummy piece of ass came along you would be open to try real quickly..am I right? cmon, fess up HAHAHA
sillyanswer Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 So, the only OLD profile I still have active is PoF and I only use it to respond to messages that get forwarded to my e-mail. My profile content is about a year and a half old and was written when I was looking for something serious which I decided I no longer want off a dating site. So... update your profile!
irc333 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 What's even funnier is...if this woman wasn't "fat and unattractive" as he just stated.....then he'd go out with her.
Keenly Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Prime example of putting others down to make yourself feel more important.
dasein Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 There's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving up a dating profile as long as someone is not involved in an exclusive relationship, even one that has become out of date. Those who take profiles too seriously, and create some imaginary obligation to keep a profile, especially on a free site, current are the ones with the unrealistic expectations. Reasonable people know that a dating profile is just a record in a database, which may or may not be accurate or up to date. That's to be determined/disclosed once contact commences. OLD is just a convenience designed to lead to in-person meetings. Reasonable people also know that profiles that don't reflect lots of recent activity on the site are more likely to be out of date, and proceed at -their- own risk without unreasonable expectations. The girl was in the wrong, a jackass, and her reaction was completely unwarranted. OP did absolutely nothing wrong, and that wouldn't change if OP was a girl and a guy reacted rudely in this way. I have a strong hunch, though, that several of the replies to the thread would change drastically were OP a woman. "What a -creepy- guy, you don't owe him anything" and the like.
ltjg45 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 The girl was in the wrong, a jackass, and her reaction was completely unwarranted. OP did absolutely nothing wrong, and that wouldn't change if OP was a girl and a guy reacted rudely in this way. I have a strong hunch, though, that several of the replies to the thread would change drastically were OP a woman. "What a creepy guy, you don't owe him anything" and the like. I can't say that. It's no different than if there is a female profile looking for dates, I PM her, and she tells me she has a boyfriend. Well, if that's the case, why do you still have an active online dating profile up? Even if you wanted to keep it up, why didn't you mention this? I can't fault the girl for responding like this to the OP. The OP needs to update his profile accordingly otherwise he will continue to get the traffic he doesn't want......unless there is an hidden motive in all of this.
dasein Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Covered that "involved" scenario early in my post clearly. Otherwise, profiles are just records in a database. Once contact commences, and someone doesn't disclose the profile is out of date or inaccurate in some way, then there's an issue, not until. The woman in OP's scenario was clearly an a-hole, and I find the blameshifting obnoxious but typical here. It's the responsibility of every OLDer to ask if a profile is current or out of date once a series of contacts ensues, before dates are planned. Then, if the profile ends up inaccurate and it is determined to be purposeful, the people involved can decide whether to set a date, and shouldn't whine about inaccuracies, or especially act out in hostile ways, otherwise. We have thread after thread where posters, 90% female, defend their right to ignore custom, polite emails on OLD sites for the most rationalizing bogus reasons. Then in scenarios like this, somehow the rules change, and there are imaginary obligations involved. Doesn't hold water. For the record, I don't agree with the thread title, and think it's a shame that one or two instances of bad behavior is used as an excuse for rudeness to regular, polite OLD members. Now, if someone purposefully keeps up an inaccurate profile to fool people, that's wrong, but that's not at all what OP did. People's lives, desires and appearances change in time, and there's no reason to expect them to rush to an OLD site they aren't active on and change their profile every time their life changes. There is plenty of time in early contact to get changes in one's life on the table. Edited March 9, 2013 by dasein
dasein Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 No. Contact doesn't "commence" until there is some kind of exchange or response, for all an OLDer knows the person they write could be dead or it could be a fake profile. At the very least, the assumption is that people's lives change in time. Assuming otherwise unrealistically is on the person who initiates contact. OP was entirely honest in his first response. That should have been the end of it. OP did nothing at all wrong other than concluding that one encounter with an a-hole online is a reason to ignore everyone, and attempts to blameshift to him are futile, but typical here. I have no dating profiles up atm, but several other types of profiles, FB, linked in, a couple of professional profiles, google, and I am certain there are inaccuracies in all of them due to changes in my life and career. Any deluded sh-thead who were to make contact with me and then call me a liar after I tell them plainly, right upfront, that something had changed on one or another profile can suck it. OLD sites, particularly free ones, are no different. Sorry, there's just no meaningful debate possible here, people aren't beholden to update their various online presence for our convenience, and if we think they are, the adult reaction is to simply avoid dealings with them, certainly not call them liars or lecture them.
ChatroomHero Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 The girl was in the wrong, a jackass, and her reaction was completely unwarranted. OP did absolutely nothing wrong, and that wouldn't change if OP was a girl and a guy reacted rudely in this way. I have a strong hunch, though, that several of the replies to the thread would change drastically were OP a woman. "What a -creepy- guy, you don't owe him anything" and the like. This is true. If the OP was the one that sent the final message to woman in the same situation he would have been crucified.
ChatroomHero Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Have you even read the OPs original post? He replied to the woman's message. When she replied to his response, he pulled the "I don't want a relationship" card, while his profile still clearly states otherwise. You're right, there's no real debate here. The OP acted like a shmuck. If a guy isn't interested, he should just ignore the original message or man up and say so. He replied to a question about the breed of dog in his picture, not sure how equates to anything other than courtesy. I guess I just don't see how having a dating profile obligates anyone to anything, particularly base don the fact OP was not the one contacting people. Would you seriously suggest that if the OP had messaged a woman on the site and asked what breed a dog in her picture was, any response to that message would entitle him to anything? I think the reaction here was more to him calling her fat and ugly. 1
dasein Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Further amusing consequences: "I see you have a character in WoW named Shaka Khan, would you like to join our guild?" "Sorry, no, I haven't played WoW since 2005, and haven't had a WoW account in years." "Then that makes you a dirty LIAR! How dare you misrepresent yourself?! You have an absolute duty to update your information for MY convenience!" ... "I am looking for a good plumber and saw your profile on Plummrworld.com, could I set an appointment." "Sorry, I had a terrible accident in 2010, lost all my limbs and am currently in a home." "Then that makes you a dirty LIAR! How dare you misrepresent yourself?! You have an absolute duty to update your information for MY convenience!" ... "I saw your webpage, called your number 8 times, and never got an answer. Please explain." "So sorry, our office moved last week, our new number is 55555555. We look forward to your call." "Then that makes you a dirty LIAR! How dare you misrepresent yourself?!You have an absolute duty to update your information for MY convenience!" ... Yeah, overkill, but I'm bored today and don't want to do anything productive. Hope it's sinking in.
dasein Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Have you even read the OPs original post? He replied to the woman's message. When she replied to his response, he pulled the "I don't want a relationship" card, while his profile still clearly states otherwise. You're right, there's no real debate here. The OP acted like a shmuck. If a guy isn't interested, he should just ignore the original message or man up and say so. What if his dog had died, would he have been misrepresenting himself if he told her such? Hilarious use of "played the card," as if plainly disclosing one doesn't want a relationship on an OLD site is somehow "gamey." Fail. He did the courteous thing by responding to an innocuous question having -nothing- to do with dating, his status, or anything material to him being a date prospect. And then, wonder of wonders, when asked about his relationship status, he didn't do what lots of less thoughtful people do OLD and ignore her, he again answered plainly and honestly. What a miscreant! Fact is OP couldn't win with you in any circumstance because he didn't whitewash "sensitivity to wymyn language" in his OP, and instead told the blunt truth about the situation, something OPs seeking good advice should always do here. Blue light special on objectivity, aisle 5. EDIT: Oh and spare the "man up" shaming. Doesn't work any more, all... played... out. Edited March 9, 2013 by dasein 2
dasein Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I think the reaction here was more to him calling her fat and ugly. Dingdingding!
Janesays Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Am I the only one who thinks the girl behaved rudely and classless? He was obviously trying to let her down gently. He could have said, "Thanks for you interest, but I'm not attracted to you." which is what he MEANT, put he worried for the poor girl's ego. If she had more than two brain cells to put together, she would have been GRATEFUL for the nice let down and said something polite and sweet such as, "Thanks for letting me know. Good luck!" But instead she behaved like a brat, proving that she's ugly on the INSIDE as well as the outside. Sorry, points to the OP for this one. OP, respond like this: "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. My profile is actually current and the information is accurate. However, I have no physical attraction to you whatsoever and your personality is not to my liking, either. I was trying to be nice and let you down gently, but I'm afraid that turned out poorly as well. I have learned now that honesty is the best policy and the next time someone who physically repulses asks me for a date, I should let them know exactly where they are lacking instead of trying to put the blame on myself. Thank you and good luck." She'll learn a lesson, believe me. Edited March 9, 2013 by Janesays
Soxfaninfl Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Am I the only one who thinks the girl behaved rudely and classless? He was obviously trying to let her down gently. He could have said, "Thanks for you interest, but I'm not attracted to you." which is what he MEANT, put he worried for the poor girl's ego. If she had more than two brain cells to put together, she would have been GRATEFUL for the nice let down and said something polite and sweet such as, "Thanks for letting me know. Good luck!" But instead she behaved like a brat, proving that she's ugly on the INSIDE as well as the outside. Sorry, points to the OP for this one. OP, respond like this: "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. My profile is actually current and the information is accurate. However, I have no physical attraction to you whatsoever and your personality is not to my liking, either. I was trying to be nice and let you down gently, but I'm afraid that turned out poorly as well. I have learned now that honesty is the best policy and the next time someone who physically repulses asks me for a date, I should let them know exactly where they are lacking instead of trying to put the blame on myself. Thank you and good luck." She'll learn a lesson, believe me. I wouldn't have said "I'm not attracted to you". I think that is a little harsh even though it's the truth. I feel it would have hurt her feeling even more. I would have said I'm not interested. Thanks for your interest or something like that. I do acre that the girl was rude. If I were her would simple not have responded back and moved on.
Object_a Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I'm terrible for doing this. I can't not answer a message, it just feels rude. I would probably save myself a lot of hassle if I was less polite 1
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