thewrongonee Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I want to contact my ex, mainly to see hows she doing . I did the NC for a month and i want to initiate contact. For some reason I've been doing fine in terms of emotional needs, but I have this fear of if shes moved on or if she still cares. Not contacting her felt really bad, but it was good for both of us. My question is that how do you guys deal with the initial contact? just send a text and hope shes still the girl you once met and adored? ( we both still cared/loved each other after the BU, but we deff needed space apart).
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 You have to be kidding, right.....? RIGHT - ?!!?
Phoe Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 No Contact is not meant to end. You don't go No Contact just to start up contact again. No contact is permanent.
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Yeah. He's been told. More than once. He just thinks that the more he asks, the more he will wear us down until we all miraculously do the 180, and say - "Yaaay!! Way to go! Write! send smoke signals! Phone! Text! Beg! Plead! Fall on your knees, grab her ankle and let her drag you through the mud!! She will sooooo love that!!" (Sarcasm too much, you think......? ) 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I want to contact my ex, mainly to see hows she doing . I did the NC for a month and i want to initiate contact. For some reason I've been doing fine in terms of emotional needs, but I have this fear of if shes moved on or if she still cares. Not contacting her felt really bad, but it was good for both of us. My question is that how do you guys deal with the initial contact? just send a text and hope shes still the girl you once met and adored? ( we both still cared/loved each other after the BU, but we deff needed space apart). First of all, a month seems way too soon. And you shouldn't contact out of fear about what she could be doing. That fear is going to come out and scare her off. But I'd say if you are going to contact, start out with something close-ended that doesn't put pressure on her to respond. For example, I broke NC with my ex last night after over five months. I sent her a little comment on an inside joke we had followed by "Hope you're well." She responded by commenting on my text and added a "hope you're well too." I made a joke after that.
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Breaking NC after 5 months is a gamble. You go by your gut feelings. Sometimes it pays off, other times - Not. The question is 'motive'.... Breaking NC after 1 month is nothing short of self-defeating and utterly idiotic. Sorry, but it is; ESPECIALLY for the motives the OP has in mind. Insanity.... 1
Phoe Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Yeah, I can understand why some people might want to start contact again after say.... several YEARS... at least as acquaintances. But 1 month???? That 1 month may have been a difficult and long month, but in reality, it's only the blink of an eye. OP, you are not ready to talk to her. I personally keep No Contact as a forever permanent kind of thing.... My last boyfriend and I ended badly. I found out he'd been cheating on me, drove to his house with all his things, and started tossing his belongings onto his front lawn (horribly immature, yes... I do regret my rash actions). He came out in a rage, saw me tossing his things about, grabbed me and slammed my back against the side of my car and backhanded me across my face. I could tell by the look on his face that he immediately regretted what he'd done, but it was too late. I got in my car and drove away. I never saw him again, and did not hear from him until 3 years later when he sent me a text asking if I'd like to get coffee with him. I did not reply. He was dating the girl he'd cheated on me with anyway, I wanted nothing to do with that. Long story short, No Contact is SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Breaking NC after 5 months is a gamble. You go by your gut feelings. Sometimes it pays off, other times - Not. The question is 'motive'.... Breaking NC after 1 month is nothing short of self-defeating and utterly idiotic. Sorry, but it is; ESPECIALLY for the motives the OP has in mind. Insanity.... I completely agree. I went with my gut, but only after coming to the conclusion that a) I could deal with rejection and be just fine because my life is fine with or without her and b) consulting with several people who were familiar with the situation or gone through several situations. I wasn't expecting a response, so all in all I guess it went fine. Definitely wasn't set back at all. Now I have to parlay that into some more substantial conversation, then a meetup. If I get to the meetup point, I feel as if I'll be in good shape. But whatever, either way I'll be fine. As for the OP, I agree he's walking into a buzzsaw.
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