ToyStoryThree Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I was seeing someone late last year - not for long, only a few months. Because of the circumstances our relationship was in, it was a very messy thing, and we argued a lot. As people, we got on quite well, made each other laugh. Fell for each other. But then she made a decision to end our relationship, so that she could go sort her life out, because (without going into detail) her life was a mess and she needed to sort it out. That was a few months ago, and she doesn't feel anything for me any more. I do know that we still share a bond, and I know she wants to be friends. Not in a selfish ex kind of way, but a genuine way, I feel. She's even given me space to get over her so we can try and be mates. The thing is though, I'm not getting over her. I don't talk to her, and I am doing NC, working out, etc. I'm under no illusions, I don't think we'll get back together, and I'm not hoping for it, even though it's what I want. I DO want to be her friend, but I'm not getting over her. I actually want to spend the rest of my life with this woman - I've dated a few people, and I've never felt like this before, about anyone. Because I screwed up a few times when we were together, I don't feel that she trusts me. It seems she's eager to be friends, but there's something stopping her from being WITH me. I want to rebuild this trust, show her that I am the same person she met, WITHOUT all the stress we were under. I KNOW I should stay NC, get over her....but it just isn't working. I'm sorry for this post being all over the place, but I guess it pretty much echoes my mind right now. Shall I carry on NC, or what?
MushyPeas Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 This is a strange situation, I can sort of relate because I am also sure that me and my ex will not get back together, and i've reached the stage where I'm ok with that, but I would still love to be with him. The thing is, for as long as you want to be with her no matter how little, it will make it extremely hard to be just friends because however she acts, you'll cling on to little actions or things she says and there will always be a small part of you hoping that if you remain friends you can convince her that she wants you? I don't know if this makes sense but it's something i've dealt with myself recently. I've only ever had one relationship so i don't really know the "rules" on staying friends, some people say NO absolutely not, some people will have different experiences. You just need to focus on yourself for a little while and no matter how hard it is, listen to what she's telling you. She said she doesn't feel anything for you any more? it's harsh and cruel but you have to just take this how she said it. Really, you need to concentrate on you for awhile, so she doesn't feel anything for you, but she still wants to be friends, BUT you want more than that? how is that going to work? when you break it down like this, you can see that the situation is only going to end up with you hurting, so take a little break for yourself, get your own head together. I think NC is definitely a good thing, it will only mess with your head if you contact her at this point. what is there really for you to say? You need to give her space and yourself some space. 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 This is a strange situation, I can sort of relate because I am also sure that me and my ex will not get back together, and i've reached the stage where I'm ok with that, but I would still love to be with him. The thing is, for as long as you want to be with her no matter how little, it will make it extremely hard to be just friends because however she acts, you'll cling on to little actions or things she says and there will always be a small part of you hoping that if you remain friends you can convince her that she wants you? I don't know if this makes sense but it's something i've dealt with myself recently. I've only ever had one relationship so i don't really know the "rules" on staying friends, some people say NO absolutely not, some people will have different experiences. You just need to focus on yourself for a little while and no matter how hard it is, listen to what she's telling you. She said she doesn't feel anything for you any more? it's harsh and cruel but you have to just take this how she said it. Really, you need to concentrate on you for awhile, so she doesn't feel anything for you, but she still wants to be friends, BUT you want more than that? how is that going to work? when you break it down like this, you can see that the situation is only going to end up with you hurting, so take a little break for yourself, get your own head together. I think NC is definitely a good thing, it will only mess with your head if you contact her at this point. what is there really for you to say? You need to give her space and yourself some space. What you say here DOES make sense, especially the part about clinging to actions and things she says, and trying to convince her she wants me. Makes a lot of sense, that's exactly what I've been going through. Of course it won't work when one wants one thing, and the other wants something else. We have a weird relationship too, she seems very eager to be friends with me - like I say, we have a weird bond that neither of us can identify. I'm staying away for now, because I want the wounds to close but it's just taking so long. I don't know what the future will bring, but for now yes, it's space all around.
TaraMaiden Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 If you're not in total No Contact, sadly, you need to do it. In most circumstances I would strongly advise not telling the other person. But that's mostly in cases of where people have been 'dumped'. In this case, it might be politic to explain you can't do this. You really would love to - but you can't. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature for methodology. Oh and....? Do yourself a huge favour. Stick to it. It may take a while, but you'll feel all the better for it in the end...... 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Tara and Phoe - thank you for the input. I will be keeping to NC - it's SO hard right now, but breaking NC will serve no purpose apart from hurting me. It sucks, because I think this is genuine love that i have for her - however, just because I love her, she's not obligated to love me back, is she.
Recommended Posts