Estate Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 So after another afternoon of reading through the desperate guys threads on here I have to ask a question... ... why do no guys here screen women they date? I thought everyone does this to some extent. I mean, when you meet someone how do you know you'll get along? Maybe she's a super model but her personality sucks and she has nothing going for her. Or maybe she's not the most attractive but she might love all the same things you do or it works great. Girls do this a lot. They'll ask questions to see what a guy does for work, what he drives, where he lives, does he exercise, what are his interests, what are his values, etc, etc, etc.... It logically makes sense. You don't want to be testing anyone but in the initial part of dating people quiz each other and begin to form an idea of how compatible they are. But when I read the threads by guys here they are all like "OMG, I lucked into a date... I hope she likes me, I hope I'm not friendzone, I'm in love, I can't think of anyone but her... etc, etc, etc..". And they haven't even gone on the date yet?!?! I mean, don't you have to meet the girl once or a few times and screen her a little, see if she is what you're looking for or if she's right for you? But it's like every guy on here, has only one requirement for falling in love with a girl... she gives him her number.... THAT'S IT??????? I don't get it guys. Why so desperate? 6
USMCHokie Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 It's not desperation so much as lack of a baseline. People "screen" when they have dated and know what they don't want. From these experiences, they can establish that baseline of what they want in a partner. If you don't have any dates under your belt, how are you supposed to know what you don't want, and how are you supposed to screen...? How do you know what your favorite cereal is if you haven't tried any cereal...? 1
TheGuard13 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 People hide some aspects of who they are. Screening isn't foolproof. 1
Robert P Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 It's even harder when you're at a point in which you should have some experience already, and everybody expects you to, but you don't have it. People will act as if you have freedom of choice. But you're just happy enough that you are finally dating after many years of solitude. Of course it's easy to be confused under this situation.
ChatroomHero Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 So after another afternoon of reading through the desperate guys threads on here I have to ask a question... ... why do no guys here screen women they date? I guess I'd point point to your other thread about "why play games" and ask why you haven't screened that girl out and suggest maybe you'd have an answer to your own question. 1
Green Light Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 A person who is starving to death will eat almost anything. 2
Author Estate Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 But it's not even about "experience" Take the thread a few weeks ago where all the Gamers ganged up and got all pissy because nobody understood them. I mean... you don't have to sate to know people you like. If you like gaming and it's essential a girl you date at least likes it or tolerates it... why do these guys get pissy that they can't get super babes who like to party and hate gaming? A big one for me is that I'm a young professional. My college days are behind me so I won'tt date a college student even if she's close to my age. I'm sure she might be a wonderful person but our lifestyles just clash so it's better I know upfront. It's not about screening good and bad people but traits or attributes that makes someone the type of person you want to know. You would do it with friends but not a PARTNER? Crazy! Just because a guy doesn't get dates... why does he fall for someone not right for him just because she paid him attention for a little bit... it sounds nuts.
normal person Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I certainly sympathize with the struggling guys and I understand the arguments against screening. That being said, even if you're desperate, I think if you go after women who aren't well suited for you and vice versa, you're just compounding your struggles and problems even if you don't realize it. I've seen it on this forum, usually like this: 1). Guy doesn't screen, he asks out anything with a vagina 2). Guy gets rejected or dismissed shortly thereafter because he didn't fine tune his search or approach for the girl most likely to be responsive 3). Guy gets frustrated with the process and women in general and is more miserable than before. The sheer volume of rejections skews his perceptions of the process, women, and himself 4). He makes a misguided post on LS about it No offense meant to any guys (struggling or otherwise), but most women won't be interested in us. We just have to accept it and do the legwork in finding one that is and focus efforts on her alone. To get what they're after, I think guys would be wise to develop a sniper approach rather than just dropping a nuke, if that makes sense. 1
USMCHokie Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 But it's not even about "experience" Yes, it is. I should elaborate on what I mean by baseline. It's not just about establishing who you find attractive, but figuring out who finds you attractive. The longer you go without a date, the wider you cast the proverbial net. Those who have more experience can rest assured that they can screen more meticulously and still have dates. Those with less experience, or no experience, might not have that same comfort.
Author Estate Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Yes, it is. I should elaborate on what I mean by baseline. It's not just about establishing who you find attractive, but figuring out who finds you attractive. The longer you go without a date, the wider you cast the proverbial net. Those who have more experience can rest assured that they can screen more meticulously and still have dates. Those with less experience, or no experience, might not have that same comfort. But you make it sounds like you hide away in your room all day and never meet PEOPLE? (You don't do you?) If you know people, like family and friends then you know what type of people you're compatibile with. You don't need 100 relationships. It has nothing to do with relationship experience. Like the gamer guys... If you KNOW you are HUGE into gaming and don't tolerate people who aren't... then why come on here and whinge when the hot blonde party girl rejects you? You are going after someone you have no interest in, in the first place, you're going purely on looks. You don't even need a relationship with a hot blonde to know that already! But still guys think they want this girl, yet won't tolerate her personality which doesn't match theirs, then go bazerk on this forum when it doesn't work out. It only has to do with life experience, not relationship experience. Realtionship experience only comes into it when you are REALLY fine tuning things and are in a position to turn great girls away for only minor items. 1
Author Estate Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 You have to have someone to screen. How does that contribute to this conversation in any way? Just another example of the self deprecating posts this board is trolled with all day long.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 How I screen: Is she interested in me? Is there anything glaringly wrong or any red flags about her? If the answers are "yes" and "no" respectively, then it's a green light.
Author Estate Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 How I screen: Is she interested in me? Is there anything glaringly wrong or any red flags about her? If the answers are "yes" and "no" respectively, then it's a green light. What a horrible way to live your life... you're saying... I'm desperate, I will literally take anything I can get. How unhealthy is that? Are guys on here really THAT freaking desperate?
normal person Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 How I screen: Is she interested in me? Is there anything glaringly wrong or any red flags about her? If the answers are "yes" and "no" respectively, then it's a green light. If I were you, I'd consider a "Do I even like this person?"
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 What a horrible way to live your life... you're saying... I'm desperate, I will literally take anything I can get. How unhealthy is that? Are guys on here really THAT freaking desperate? First of all, it's better than getting your hopes up. Secondly, that's my criteria for going on a date with someone. Obviously if on that date I completely hate the person I'm not going to continue to see them. I am however, a pretty lenient grader. 1
CryForNoOne Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 So after another afternoon of reading through the desperate guys threads on here I have to ask a question... ... why do no guys here screen women they date? I thought everyone does this to some extent. I mean, when you meet someone how do you know you'll get along? Maybe she's a super model but her personality sucks and she has nothing going for her. Or maybe she's not the most attractive but she might love all the same things you do or it works great. Girls do this a lot. They'll ask questions to see what a guy does for work, what he drives, where he lives, does he exercise, what are his interests, what are his values, etc, etc, etc.... It logically makes sense. You don't want to be testing anyone but in the initial part of dating people quiz each other and begin to form an idea of how compatible they are. But when I read the threads by guys here they are all like "OMG, I lucked into a date... I hope she likes me, I hope I'm not friendzone, I'm in love, I can't think of anyone but her... etc, etc, etc..". And they haven't even gone on the date yet?!?! I mean, don't you have to meet the girl once or a few times and screen her a little, see if she is what you're looking for or if she's right for you? But it's like every guy on here, has only one requirement for falling in love with a girl... she gives him her number.... THAT'S IT??????? I don't get it guys. Why so desperate? OK So I can't speak for others but I have to imagine my comments about the girl I'm crazy over is typical for what prompted you to start this thread. But I personally screen big time. Usually, before the first date I know whether I'm just dating to have a good time or if I see long term potential. Before I asked her out I found out her religion, political views, hobbies, favorite books, music, and movies, college, major, career goals, why she was a lowly hostess despite having so much going for her. I could pretty much fill out an OKCupid profile for her. Certainly didn't interview her but it's easy to take the conversation in those directions without being so overt. After our second date, I knew all sorts of little things like she wasn't an animal person or particularly outdoorsy. I think you're also getting a distorted snapshot of guys from this site. MOST guys who don't have some major issue won't come to sites like this. Men are generally pretty cruel to each other which is why so many guys have to come to these forums to talk about being 20-something and never having a date or whatever. It is a MUCH easier conversation for a girl to have with her GFs than a guy to have with his buddies.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 How I screen: Is she interested in me? Is there anything glaringly wrong or any red flags about her? If the answers are "yes" and "no" respectively, then it's a green light. It was the same way for me -- seems perfectly reasonable if first-date opportunities don't come around very often. What a horrible way to live your life... you're saying... I'm desperate, I will literally take anything I can get. How unhealthy is that? Are guys on here really THAT freaking desperate? I don't think anyone's suggesting that they are dating anyone they are repelled by. But even guys who struggle would rather be out there dating than doing nothing. The only problem I found is how to handle the situation when, against all odds, you date a woman that likes you more than you like her -- when you are used to being rejected all the time, it's quite the shock to be faced with the opposite situation.
todreaminblue Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 So after another afternoon of reading through the desperate guys threads on here I have to ask a question... ... why do no guys here screen women they date? I thought everyone does this to some extent. I mean, when you meet someone how do you know you'll get along? Maybe she's a super model but her personality sucks and she has nothing going for her. Or maybe she's not the most attractive but she might love all the same things you do or it works great. Girls do this a lot. They'll ask questions to see what a guy does for work, what he drives, where he lives, does he exercise, what are his interests, what are his values, etc, etc, etc.... It logically makes sense. You don't want to be testing anyone but in the initial part of dating people quiz each other and begin to form an idea of how compatible they are. But when I read the threads by guys here they are all like "OMG, I lucked into a date... I hope she likes me, I hope I'm not friendzone, I'm in love, I can't think of anyone but her... etc, etc, etc..". And they haven't even gone on the date yet?!?! I mean, don't you have to meet the girl once or a few times and screen her a little, see if she is what you're looking for or if she's right for you? But it's like every guy on here, has only one requirement for falling in love with a girl... she gives him her number.... THAT'S IT??????? I don't get it guys. Why so desperate? thats why i think potential dates should be friends, even then....that aint foolproof either.....there is no fool proof, everyone has the capacity for change....good and bad......so i reckon setting up screening wont work anyway.....i think people should follow their heart and kamikaze and hope for the best.....because you just wont know if it is the love of your life or your nemesis........or the fact in two years they might be both, there are no guarantees or certificates given on dating....you just have to hope....and jump....and either its plain sailing with a few bumps or you crash and burn.....either way.....thats the beauty of finding someone who suits you as an individual......its rare..and if you worry about the screening more than actually dating then its not really logical given everyone's capacity for change in and out of a relationship......dating isnt logical.....women and men are completely different.....so that doesnt help with screening...deb
curlygirl40 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I think that women do their screening early on and men do their screening later. A lot of you guys have seen it and commented on it. Could be a first date and a girl is thinking or asking 'does he have a good job, would he be a good father, does he want kids, would he fit in with my family??' on and on and on. You feel like you're on an interview. Where a man is most likely thinking 'she's hot. I'd do her'. Men are better at living in the moment and just enjoying themselves on the date and worrying about the future later. Women think too much about the future and don't enjoy themselves as much in the now because they are worrying about the future. We've all heard the joke. To make a man happy: Arrive naked. Bring food. But I don't think this makes a man less discerning, I think that for a man that part comes later. Once he dates a girl for a while he's starting to wonder if he could live with her crazy moods, he might see habits that she has that he can't live with, etc. So it might appear that women screen and men don't, but I disagree. 2
DollWelch Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I don't get it guys. Why so desperate? Good question! I believe the fact of the matter is, there are 2 kinds of men: 1.Those who are incredibly engulfed in attaining a girlfriend, they can't afford to screen or rather want to acquire a woman with a beating heart who will make them happy. 2.Then, those men who can screen women on a whim, because based on their physical attractiveness and dating experiences they are able to do so without effort. It is these men who are able to be picky, over the most trivial physical or personal attributes, and are then seen as top-notch men because of this aura they present.
Green Light Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 thats why i think potential dates should be friends, even then....that aint foolproof either.....there is no fool proof, everyone has the capacity for change....good and bad......so i reckon setting up screening wont work anyway.....i think people should follow their heart and kamikaze and hope for the best.....because you just wont know if it is the love of your life or your nemesis........or the fact in two years they might be both, there are no guarantees or certificates given on dating....you just have to hope....and jump....and either its plain sailing with a few bumps or you crash and burn.....either way.....thats the beauty of finding someone who suits you as an individual......its rare..and if you worry about the screening more than actually dating then its not really logical given everyone's capacity for change in and out of a relationship......dating isnt logical.....women and men are completely different.....so that doesnt help with screening...deb Hey Deb, is it that time of the month? Because it sure looks like you got your "."!
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Some guys need to get something, anything, going with whoever they can get it going with. I truly believe there are a fair number of guys who aren't even in a position to screen. On the other end of the spectrum, I go Jerry Seinfeld on girls: she eats her peas...one at a time!
todreaminblue Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Hey Deb, is it that time of the month? Because it sure looks like you got your "."! raspberry straight atcha...........;0)....deb
SJC2008 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I thought everyone does this to some extent. I mean, when you meet someone how do you know you'll get along? Maybe she's a super model but her personality sucks and she has nothing going for her. Or maybe she's not the most attractive but she might love all the same things you do or it works great. Girls do this a lot. They'll ask questions to see what a guy does for work, what he drives, where he lives, does he exercise, what are his interests, what are his values, etc, etc, etc.... Do they? Of the 14 women I've dated in the last 2 years, one asked me what I like to do and another asked me if I go to church. I've yet to meet a woman who made a conscious effort to get to know who I am. It's not a gender specific problem, most people don't ask many questions when they date.
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