somedude81 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I've had guys take me out on elaborate dates and never talk to me again even though we have quite a bit in common because I'm either A.) a virgin or B.) I won't give it up on the first date. I question if my standards are too high, but I think i'll just keep waiting for my own version of prince charming. Have those men actually told you that they don't want to date you because you are a virgin? If so, have you asked why?
Sun Devil Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I wonder if being an involuntary celibate will increase the chance of being a mass murderer. All of those pople who committed mass shootings were involuntary celibates. 1
Revolver Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 /Facepalm Have you really joined the camp of, "They still suck with women so they must not be trying" Should I point out everything wrong with that belief? Frankly, it's disgusting how little empathy there is on this board. People are quick to make fun of and insult others. But to try and understand what is going on, oh no! It reminds me of the "Your poor because you didnt work hard" argument 3
Eclypse Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I wonder if being an involuntary celibate will increase the chance of being a mass murderer. All of those pople who committed mass shootings were involuntary celibates. So it's women's fault some incels go on killing sprees? You feel you deserve a woman or you'll go crazy and start shooting?? Man...
ltjg45 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 In the context of this thread, no, these guys are not involuntarily celibate. They had made the choice not to make themselves more desirable and/or put forth the effort to get what they desire. Inaction is a choice. Choice or not, I don't have many options. Women on public transportation is not women I'm attracted to. I sooner remain single than to sleep with 95% of the women I meet there. The places worth going to is all spread out within the city. With public transportation shutting down with the last bus routes leaving at 8 PM, I can't go to them unless I accept being stranded the rest of the night. My OKCupid profile is OKish, I think, but I do lack a suitable picture in, which case, I need to find a place to take one at. Even then, I don't expect to find anyone of substance there anyway so I do question the effort put into it. It's not like I'm a female. Lastly, I don't have a job (getting a job at a McDonalds might as well be a career for me) and money is insanely tight (I'm back to giving up what few belongings I have just to keep the bills paid) so I will eventually have basically nothing but the computer in front of me and the clothes behind my back, what few that may be. So yeah, even if I want to put myself out there, I'm already lost the sheer majority of the battle because I simply don't have, at all, what the modern female wants and I frankly can't blame them for it. No one wants a broke male with nothing to offer of any kind. Being inexperienced is just another strike I have to deal with. People around me just doesn't believe just how little I actually have and the things I have to do just to get this.
EAP Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Have those men actually told you that they don't want to date you because you are a virgin? If so, have you asked why? Yes, they have. Most of them explained without me having to ask. They don't want to be the ones to "take my innocence." Which, automatically makes me believe they didn't think it would last anyway, so I'm fine with them leaving, it's just discouraging when trying to find a significant other.
somedude81 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Yes, they have. Most of them explained without me having to ask. They don't want to be the ones to "take my innocence." Which, automatically makes me believe they didn't think it would last anyway, so I'm fine with them leaving, it's just discouraging when trying to find a significant other. How weird. I wonder what kind of men they were. Any man that wants a relationship with a girl shouldn't care that she's a virgin. Heck I'm pretty sure the last girl I really wanted to date was a virgin and that didn't bug me at all. I actually saw that as a plus. I'd date a virgin girl over one who has been with a ton of guys, as long as the virgin was willing to lose it before marriage.
Sun Devil Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Being an involuntary celibate is one of the worst things you can experience. No one understands what you are going through. Everyone tells me that relationships are overrated, yet they are still with their partners. I am at the point where I no longer view life as a gift, but a burden. I see death as the end of suffering. I would rather end my life than continue life without love. The way I see it, if there is a god, he will understand why I did it. If there is no god, then I will no longer exist, which means that I will no longer suffer
EAP Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 How weird. I wonder what kind of men they were. Any man that wants a relationship with a girl shouldn't care that she's a virgin. Heck I'm pretty sure the last girl I really wanted to date was a virgin and that didn't bug me at all. I actually saw that as a plus. I'd date a virgin girl over one who has been with a ton of guys, as long as the virgin was willing to lose it before marriage. I'm willing to lose it once I feel I'm strongly connected to the guy and I can trust him. I actually dated a guy for a year and we didn't have sex, even though he was a very sexual guy because he respected my choice to wait. I was actually ready to commit to letting him have it but then he cheated on me. Guess he couldn't wait. It's depressing to see what sex does to people. I do, though, think it's necessary to have a successful relationship in the long run.
somedude81 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I'm willing to lose it once I feel I'm strongly connected to the guy and I can trust him. I actually dated a guy for a year and we didn't have sex, even though he was a very sexual guy because he respected my choice to wait. I was actually ready to commit to letting him have it but then he cheated on me. Guess he couldn't wait. It's depressing to see what sex does to people. I do, though, think it's necessary to have a successful relationship in the long run. Any chance you told that story to guys you were on a date with? If a girl brought up that she dated a guy for a year and didn't have sex with him, I probably wouldn't be interested. That girl I talked about before, she's never had a boyfriend. So it was fine for her to be a virgin. But if a girl has been in long term relationships, and still a virgin, that tells a completely different story about her. I'd be fine waiting a few months till a girl is ready. But any longer and I'd end the relationship.
EAP Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Any chance you told that story to guys you were on a date with? If a girl brought up that she dated a guy for a year and didn't have sex with him, I probably wouldn't be interested. That girl I talked about before, she's never had a boyfriend. So it was fine for her to be a virgin. But if a girl has been in long term relationships, and still a virgin, that tells a completely different story about her. I'd be fine waiting a few months till a girl is ready. But any longer and I'd end the relationship. No I never talk about previous relationships on first dates. Most of the waiting was due to long-distance. I was actually going to go visit him during Spring Break, but we ended it a couple of days after Valentines when I found out he was sleeping with someone else.
somedude81 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 No I never talk about previous relationships on first dates. Most of the waiting was due to long-distance. I was actually going to go visit him during Spring Break, but we ended it a couple of days after Valentines when I found out he was sleeping with someone else. Heh, long-distance is a completely different beast. I'm pretty sure it's something I wouldn't be able to manage. Long-distance with a girl I've never slept with would be even more difficult.
EAP Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 Heh, long-distance is a completely different beast. I'm pretty sure it's something I wouldn't be able to manage. Long-distance with a girl I've never slept with would be even more difficult. I don't recommend it. I did really love the guy and we had a lot going for us, but it was a really difficult relationship and it had a lot of ups and downs. I understand the cheating, but I will never forgive him for it. He liked the fact that I was a virgin, actually. He was the jealous type so I guess that put him at ease. I guess the non-emotional men are less attracted to something that involves a lot of emotion for most women. They don't want to deal or be a part of it because they don't think anything of it.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I guess the non-emotional men are less attracted to something that involves a lot of emotion for most women. They don't want to deal or be a part of it because they don't think anything of it. That has nothing to do with it..... As someone who is not a virgin, I can tell you knowing you could be the first is stressful. Mainly because if it doesn't work out down the road, you feel like it's something you shouldn't have done.
hppr Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Yes, they have. Most of them explained without me having to ask. They don't want to be the ones to "take my innocence." Which, automatically makes me believe they didn't think it would last anyway, so I'm fine with them leaving, it's just discouraging when trying to find a significant other. There's a first time for everything. It'll be pretty anti-climatic as well to be honest. I don't see how this could possibly hold back your dating life though, unless you attach a lot of significance to your virginity, that can scare guys off. edit: also depending on your age (say under 25) odds are there are plenty of male virgins out there. So again I have a hard time believing that this alone is scaring off guys.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Being an involuntary celibate is one of the worst things you can experience. No one understands what you are going through. Everyone tells me that relationships are overrated, yet they are still with their partners. I am at the point where I no longer view life as a gift, but a burden. I see death as the end of suffering. I would rather end my life than continue life without love. The way I see it, if there is a god, he will understand why I did it. If there is no god, then I will no longer exist, which means that I will no longer suffer I can imagine the feeling. All I can offer is that sex but no love is only marginally better. Before I met my lady friend, with whom things are moving very slow, I thought true emotional intimacy wasn't possible for me. Even if we never have sex she will have been just what I needed. What I'm saying is that sex isn't all that. What you need is love. Find real love and sex, really good sex, will come.
Dragonfruit Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Being an involuntary celibate is one of the worst things you can experience. No one understands what you are going through. Everyone tells me that relationships are overrated, yet they are still with their partners. I am at the point where I no longer view life as a gift, but a burden. I see death as the end of suffering. I would rather end my life than continue life without love. The way I see it, if there is a god, he will understand why I did it. If there is no god, then I will no longer exist, which means that I will no longer suffer I'm sorry you have such a rough time. I really think you could benefit from counseling. They can get that mood level up and also coach you about meeting women. It's not so bad, you could easily meet the girl of your dreams on your way home tonight.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 I'm sorry you have such a rough time. I really think you could benefit from counseling. They can get that mood level up and also coach you about meeting women. It's not so bad, you could easily meet the girl of your dreams on your way home tonight. I have suggested the most productive kind of therapy known to help incel people to them many times. They often reject it on moral and religious grounds. Preferring to wait until marriage.
Dragonfruit Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 I have suggested the most productive kind of therapy known to help incel people to them many times. They often reject it on moral and religious grounds. Preferring to wait until marriage. I'm sorry, I missed it. What is it?
kujan Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 28 year-old male virgin checking in. Feel fine. I don't go around promoting the fact but if anyone asks I'll tell them the truth. I'm sure if my friends knew they'd always want to try get me laid. I have no problem talking or flirting with girls and I could've gotten laid plenty of times but I was never interested enough in the girl. I don't see why this is such a big deal to people, who the hell cares? Just live your life. I think there is too much emphasis placed on relationships and sex. I know some people, it's all they talk about. Man, shut the hell up.
Harlequin_Dog Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 That has nothing to do with it..... As someone who is not a virgin, I can tell you knowing you could be the first is stressful. Mainly because if it doesn't work out down the road, you feel like it's something you shouldn't have done. stressful? are you kidding me? it should be exciting, happy, a great experience. but no, in our society it is stressful for a nonsensical reason. Actually- as a non-virgin, I completely agree with Ronin. Depending on the person, there can be very strong emotional ties with losing your virginity. Speaking for myself, I went through a period in which I explicitly avoided any sexual entanglements with virgins as I wasn't looking for anything long term. Not because a virgin is bad at all- but because I knew I wouldn't be there to emotionally support them, much less actually give them a relationship.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 It can be stress full, because life in unpredictable, Even if you wait months or years before sleeping with someone you like, that doesn't mean you are going to be with that person the rest of your life. And as others have said some people tie a lot of emotions with the first time. I also believe the longer someone waits, they more significant the first time becomes. Thus even if you care about someone deeply knowing you are going to be the first, can be really stressful.
Zulnex Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 30 year old virgin replying. My situation is a bit different. I have always been very shy and did not have a single opportunity to lose my virginity. A few times, I was asked if I was a virgin and I told the truth. People who asked me, were in fact impressed. They encouraged me to keep waiting for the right person. How do I feel about being a virgin? Well, I am glad I still am. When I overcome my shyness and social anxiety issues, I will be ready to date. However, I plan to lose my virginity only when I meet that special person. It doesn't bother me if my potential partner had already lost her virginity. What truly matters is that we both love each other deeply and that we are in a serious relationship.
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