Drummerboy420 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I have read various theories on staying friends with the dumper and whatnot. I know right now I am not ready to just be her friend. She broke NC yesterday about some loose ends that needed to be tied, of which I am taking care of. I forgot to ask about the photo albums she never dropped of this week (previous thread), and she never mentioned it either. I'm thinking she just forgot. Anyways.. She thought I resented her because I blocked her on Facebook and unsubscribed from her YouTube (mine is still public, though. I forgot and am too lazy to make it private. I just stay off of hers). She said, "I understood that the break in contact was very necessary, and that you are unable to be my friend right now, however much it all sucks.." This is not the first time she has lamented this to me. If I made her so unhappy and she ended the relationship with me, why lament me being totally gone so much? She would get irritated with me when I'd get upset with her dating. I just re-explained to her that the only way I can truly move on is to cut her out entirely right now. That if she truly wants to remain friends, I need a ton of time. To be honest I don't know when/if this will ever be possible for me. NC has been tough but I feel like I've been doing better because of it. I feel like asking, "Honestly, are we even goin to hang out all that much? Do you think whatever guy you are dating is going to be cool with this?" Is she still trying to hold onto me in some way? She's not vindictive. I know she's in a weird place right now, and the only thing that truly makes her happy is parkour. So truth be told, I don't want to get back together with her. We both have our own issues to deal with. But I know I can't be around her. I am still physically attracted to her. Very much so. And some days I do still feel that wanting to be with her feeling. But my head knows it's wrong. So why this not wanting me gone? I would think she'd have enough to keep her occupied. Last I knew, she was dating someone, whom she was already getting hopes up about, and now she has parkour. What does she need me for?
TigerCub Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I have read various theories on staying friends with the dumper and whatnot. I know right now I am not ready to just be her friend. She broke NC yesterday about some loose ends that needed to be tied, of which I am taking care of. I forgot to ask about the photo albums she never dropped of this week (previous thread), and she never mentioned it either. I'm thinking she just forgot. Anyways.. She thought I resented her because I blocked her on Facebook and unsubscribed from her YouTube (mine is still public, though. I forgot and am too lazy to make it private. I just stay off of hers). She said, "I understood that the break in contact was very necessary, and that you are unable to be my friend right now, however much it all sucks.." This is not the first time she has lamented this to me. If I made her so unhappy and she ended the relationship with me, why lament me being totally gone so much? She would get irritated with me when I'd get upset with her dating. I just re-explained to her that the only way I can truly move on is to cut her out entirely right now. That if she truly wants to remain friends, I need a ton of time. To be honest I don't know when/if this will ever be possible for me. NC has been tough but I feel like I've been doing better because of it. I feel like asking, "Honestly, are we even goin to hang out all that much? Do you think whatever guy you are dating is going to be cool with this?" Is she still trying to hold onto me in some way? She's not vindictive. I know she's in a weird place right now, and the only thing that truly makes her happy is parkour. So truth be told, I don't want to get back together with her. We both have our own issues to deal with. But I know I can't be around her. I am still physically attracted to her. Very much so. And some days I do still feel that wanting to be with her feeling. But my head knows it's wrong. So why this not wanting me gone? I would think she'd have enough to keep her occupied. Last I knew, she was dating someone, whom she was already getting hopes up about, and now she has parkour. What does she need me for? Good for you for being clear that you want NC, and blocking her. As for what she wants - I don't think she wants anything from you. I think that even if someone breaks up with another - the dumper is still hurt by it (it's just that they felt the relationship had to end) - it doesn't automatically meant that they don't have feelings or aren't sad about it. I'm guessing that she has sad feelings about the end of the R, and is having a hard time doing NC - or maybe she thinks that she likes you as a friend - just because you didn't make it as a couple doesn't mean that she can't possibly think that she likes you on some level. When I was younger, I broke up with someone and I really honestly thought that it was possible for us to be friends (I know better now - can't make the switch from couple to friends right away) - but I didn't know that that's not really possible... Anyways, doesn't matter what her intentions are. Go NC and actually stick to it - don't talk to her anymore - and that would mean that there is nothing more to analyze. 1
Author Drummerboy420 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) Good for you for being clear that you want NC, and blocking her. As for what she wants - I don't think she wants anything from you. I think that even if someone breaks up with another - the dumper is still hurt by it (it's just that they felt the relationship had to end) - it doesn't automatically meant that they don't have feelings or aren't sad about it. I'm guessing that she has sad feelings about the end of the R, and is having a hard time doing NC - or maybe she thinks that she likes you as a friend - just because you didn't make it as a couple doesn't mean that she can't possibly think that she likes you on some level. When I was younger, I broke up with someone and I really honestly thought that it was possible for us to be friends (I know better now - can't make the switch from couple to friends right away) - but I didn't know that that's not really possible... Anyways, doesn't matter what her intentions are. Go NC and actually stick to it - don't talk to her anymore - and that would mean that there is nothing more to analyze. Got it. Thanks for the input. And yeah I'm definitely sticking to NC. Trying not to continue to analyze this crap either. I do better just not thinking about her. I told her it's not that I hate her. I don't. This is is just way too difficult. I had never been in a real serious relationship before. She was my first and we lasted 6 years. Before her I just casually dated and messed around. So I'm just trying to regroup and get back to doing things on my own again. Last weekend was a great reminder to myself that I can. Went to a bunch of bars, chatted up strangers and bar tenders, ran into acquaintances and ran amok with them. So on and so forth. I've got a lot of good friends and family helping me through this. Having more good days than bad. But the bad days still suck nonetheless.. Edited March 8, 2013 by Drummerboy420 1
Author Drummerboy420 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) Okay.. So we're back to NC, but not before she called last night to discuss loose ends being tied up again. She kept worrying about me as usual. Asked me if I'm eating. I actually laughed and was like, "Seriously? Yes, I'm eating. Wtf is wrong with you? Why are you worying about me so much? It's not your problem anymore." To my surprise, she laughed and said, "Oh come on, a lot. You know that. Where do you want to start? Better question is what isn't wrong with me?" I quipped with a, "Hmm, don't tempt me." Then she said, "How can I not worry about someone who was such a huge part of my life for so long?" I just said, "But it's not the same.." She responded with, "I know.." and trailed off a bit. But then we started talking about me not wanting to know what she's up to if she's still dating (she made no mention whether or not she still is. But I know she is). I added, "I don't want to know anymore than you would want to know about my dating." Her response, "Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious..." I told her I wouldn't tell her anything to be vindictive. Some friends have set me up on a date in the near future, and I'm not telling her about it. She got a little quiet. She knew what I was hinting about. Then she said, "I'll try not to let my imagination run wild.." She even admitted having to force herself to stop Facebook stalking a different girl she knew I was talking to recently. The conversation ended decently. But I reiterated that I still need time to get over her before even remotely trying to just be friends. That conversation confused the crap out of me, though. If she's still confused, all the more reason to stay away. I don't want to ride down that crazy path with her. I know she misses me on some level. I'm just not ready for the friend zone.. Edited March 10, 2013 by Drummerboy420
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