cindyloo Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Has anyone ever tried to convince yourself that your ex died? Break up happened about two months ago. Was extremely Low Contact for the first month and No Contact ever since then. I defriended him on facebook but still remain friends w/ a few mutual friends on there. Haven't been able to get over him at all and I think it's because, despite the NC, I have 1) seen a few pics of him from mutual friends on facebook, 2) sometimes see music he is listening to on spotify, 3) still think "what would he think about ____?" or "i wish i could tell him what i just saw/heard/watched/experienced/etc." Sometimes I write fake letters to him and think, maybe ONE DAY i'll show them to him. Sometimes I think about when I'll bump into him eventually. All of this just prevents me from getting over him. Neither of us did anything wrong, we just needed to break up due to circumstances beyond our control... so I can't really "hate" him for anything. I have terrible will power. Not contacting him is a huge milestone for me and I'm really proud. I can't help myself but check on a few social media things to see what he's up to (I know I need to do this and hopefully one day I can really stop checking). I still wonder if he's met anyone new or if he still pines for me as well. Anyway, I thought maybe if I told myself he's "dead", I would be able to stop wondering, thinking of him, etc. What do you think? Has anyone tried this? Is it even possible?
misswillow Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I think it might make things easier in a way if it were possible, because then you wouldn't hold onto that glimmer of hope of reconciliation, but I really don't think it is possible to truly convince yourself that the person is dead. But maybe you can get to the place where you know they are dead to you. I know it's hard, but I think you have to try and not check social media, and even unfriend your mutual friends if you have to. I have learned the hard way in the past that being able to check up on an ex is a bad idea. Eventually you will see something that will be like a punch in the stomach, even if it's just seeing a picture. I think it's great that you've been able to keep up NC, so I think making it so you cannot see any reminders of him or updates on what he is doing would help you even more. 1
Logan oO Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Honestly as 'far out' as that sounds, my dad gave me that same advice. You have to think they are dead and out of your life. Also he told me, you have to Hate them to get over them, otherwise you will never let go... In all honesty Pretending they are dead, or hating them, is all part of the recovery process, it is truly one of the most difficult things you will have to go through, i'm still going through mine, so i'm right there with you. Best thing i can say thats helping me, is GET IN TO SOMETHING, like a hobbie. For me, i like video games and films, take last night my brother put on 'Mall Cop' Starring Paul Blart, and he says a line (because he is still heart broken) it made me laugh, 'Oh Peanut Butter, Covers The Cracks In The Heart, Go Away Pain' and it made me laugh, because that is exactly how pathetic i have been acting to win someone back who does not deserve me anymore. So keep the faith! This site is filled to the brim with supportive people, helping each-other along. If you can actively consider them Dead, go for it, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
singme2sleep Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 If you're in NC it can feel like they died. And going through a breakup is a lot like when someone dies. You go through the grieving process...so yeah I know what you mean.
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