ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 So its been 5 months post BU and I thought I was over my ex. I still think I'm over her! I don't think about her, I don't miss her heck, I don't even care what shes doing. Ive moved on with my life and started dating. I met this amazing girl that I thought I really liked. Anyways, I tried to rush the relationship after 1 freakin week instead of taking it slow like I should have. After things were getting fast and furious I realized that I was trying to project my old relationship on to this new girl. So in essence this damn thing is just a stupid freaking rebound which, like all rebounds, will end poorly if I continue this. For God Sakes its been 5 months, I still can't believe my ex is still affecting me like this. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the hurt, the missing her, hell I dont even care if shes still breathing. I'm just pissed that there are still reminisce of our relationship that continue to haunt me. UGH!!!!! Just venting. Anyone else going through this crap!
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 So its been 5 months post BU and I thought I was over my ex. but obviously I'm not over her! I don't think about her, I don't miss her heck, I don't even care what shes doing. Ive moved on with my life and started dating. I met this amazing girl that I thought I really liked. Anyways, I tried to rush the relationship after 1 freakin week instead of taking it slow like I should have. After things were getting fast and furious I realized that I was trying to project my old relationship on to this new girl. So in essence this damn thing is just a stupid freaking rebound which, like all rebounds, will end poorly if I continue this. For God Sakes its been 5 months, I still can't believe I'm letting memories of my ex still affect me like this. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the hurt, the missing her, hell I dont even care if shes still breathing. I'm just pissed that there are still reminiscences of our relationship that I am letting self-sabotage get in the way!! UGH!!!!! Just venting. Anyone else going through this crap! Fixed that for you..... Your ex- has done nothing, and is not responsible for what is going on inside your head. And as it's inside your head - it must - and can only - be you that's doing it. Perhaps you need aversion therapy.... But the only one who can orchestrate an altered mind-state - is you.
destroyed4sho Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Fixed that for you..... Your ex- has done nothing, and is not responsible for what is going on inside your head. And as it's inside your head - it must - and can only - be you that's doing it. Perhaps you need aversion therapy.... But the only one who can orchestrate an altered mind-state - is you. How do you use aversion therapy with someone you need to get over?
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Well, it was a slightly tongue-in-cheek remark..... But he simply has to look at what leads him to think of his ex in such a favourable light... If he maintains and insists all these things about her - then either he really is in two minds about it, or he's lying to himself. And in his original post, he 'projects' responsibility for her still being inside his head - on her. This is a home-born problem. He needs to get to the bottom of why he maintains the relationship with his ex- as the yardstick by which all else is to be compared. And then dismantle it.....
na49 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I'm 5 months post BU. (well it will be 5 months exactly tomorrow) You obviously shouldn't be dating. You're trying to move on but you're going at it the wrong way in my opinion. Do you realize if you want to think about her and be miserable for the rest of your life, the only person stopping you is you? You can grow old and still think about her. Or you can figure out what's wrong with you, and try to fix it. I still haven't gone a day where I haven't thought of my ex which is frustrating. She lived in my head during the relationship and now she lives there rent free when we're not in a relationship and she doesn't even know it. What do the thoughts do to me though? They don't send me spiraling into the ground. I take them for what they are. Thoughts. and right now I'm really angry at my ex so I'm using it as motivation to work my @ss off.
cavalier99 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 So its been 5 months post BU and I thought I was over my ex. I still think I'm over her! I don't think about her, I don't miss her heck, I don't even care what shes doing. Ive moved on with my life and started dating. I met this amazing girl that I thought I really liked. Anyways, I tried to rush the relationship after 1 freakin week instead of taking it slow like I should have. After things were getting fast and furious I realized that I was trying to project my old relationship on to this new girl. So in essence this damn thing is just a stupid freaking rebound which, like all rebounds, will end poorly if I continue this. For God Sakes its been 5 months, I still can't believe my ex is still affecting me like this. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the hurt, the missing her, hell I dont even care if shes still breathing. I'm just pissed that there are still reminisce of our relationship that continue to haunt me. UGH!!!!! Just venting. Anyone else going through this crap! Hey man. Sorry your still hung up some. The good news is I know how far you've come. Further along than me i think. I mean it i quite an accomplishment to be where you are after 5 month out of a 9 year RS. The thing is, IT IS ONLY 5 MONTHS AFTER A 9 YEAR RS. You are doing all the right things (taking classes, working out, pure NC,deleting the email you got without reading it, going out) But we cant expect to get over this in a set amount of time. I don't think pushing it too fast works. Keep it up like you are doing and you will get there. Just be patient with your self. If your brain needs to process some more... it just needs to. Your are doing great! Keep it up. Cav
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Fixed that for you..... Your ex- has done nothing, and is not responsible for what is going on inside your head. And as it's inside your head - it must - and can only - be you that's doing it. Perhaps you need aversion therapy.... But the only one who can orchestrate an altered mind-state - is you. You are probably right its inside my head but heres the thing.... I dont think of my ex. I don't compare the two of them. In fact, I can care less who my ex is with but I find myself picking up where I left off with the old relationship. I'm doing things with this new girl like I did with my ex. We are planning to travel together, go camping etc. Shes like the substitute for the ex and when I realized it I knew that this was probably a rebound. WHY??????? Am I just screwed up?
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 I'm 5 months post BU. (well it will be 5 months exactly tomorrow) You obviously shouldn't be dating. You're trying to move on but you're going at it the wrong way in my opinion. Do you realize if you want to think about her and be miserable for the rest of your life, the only person stopping you is you? You can grow old and still think about her. Or you can figure out what's wrong with you, and try to fix it. I still haven't gone a day where I haven't thought of my ex which is frustrating. She lived in my head during the relationship and now she lives there rent free when we're not in a relationship and she doesn't even know it. What do the thoughts do to me though? They don't send me spiraling into the ground. I take them for what they are. Thoughts. and right now I'm really angry at my ex so I'm using it as motivation to work my @ss off. I'm trying to figure out whats wrong with me. I dont know what that is but let me assure you as soon as I figure it out im going to fix it. As for your ex it is hard to get over someone and that definitely sucks when she lives rent free in your head! Have you tried going out just meeting people. Just putting yourself out there?
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Hey man. Sorry your still hung up some. The good news is I know how far you've come. Further along than me i think. I mean it i quite an accomplishment to be where you are after 5 month out of a 9 year RS. The thing is, IT IS ONLY 5 MONTHS AFTER A 9 YEAR RS. You are doing all the right things (taking classes, working out, pure NC,deleting the email you got without reading it, going out) But we cant expect to get over this in a set amount of time. I don't think pushing it too fast works. Keep it up like you are doing and you will get there. Just be patient with your self. If your brain needs to process some more... it just needs to. Your are doing great! Keep it up. Cav I know Cav...I thought i was doing well too... Maybe I do need to slow it down a bit and give it more time. I know i'm over the ex and having others around definitely makes that easier. I dont know....i'm at a lost and dont really know what to do anymore. I was in a good place and now I just feel like whatevers. Oh well...just more time I guess. How about you? How are you holding up?
Darren Steez Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Nah nothing wrong with dating at all. It's good you get back into the saddle, back into the SWING of things..heck buddy have fun!!!! Just be realistic about what your expectations are of the relationship. In fact, it doesnt have to be a relationship. sometimes two people can like each other, get together hang out and whatever and not get hot and heavy professing undying love and what not. You know what dude, life moves on, as harsh as it is, it really does move on. If it's your first love then that person always has a special place in your heart but it can always be pushed to the side by another special person. Hope you're good dude!
cavalier99 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) I know Cav...I thought i was doing well too... Maybe I do need to slow it down a bit and give it more time. I know i'm over the ex and having others around definitely makes that easier. I dont know....i'm at a lost and dont really know what to do anymore. I was in a good place and now I just feel like whatevers. Oh well...just more time I guess. How about you? How are you holding up? Im doing pretty good. Haven't jumped into dating yet. Still think about the ex but a lot less and the thoughts aren't that painful. In fact I actually found myself looking back on some of the good times. Its sorta weird since I've felt better i spent a little time almost TESTING out my new state by revisiting some things mentally. Before i would have had to shut down any thoughts because they were so painful. Did you do this? So basically I'm in a OK spot but not 100 percent indifferent yet. So back to you. What exactly is going on with you? When you are with her do you compare her to your ex? Are you projecting your ex and ex behaviour onto her? What is the precise problem? Is it when you have sex also? Do you act with her like you acted with ex almost like pretending they are same girl but aren't? Im confused. Or is problem not with new girl but you have stared just thinking more and idealizing ex again and the new girl is the trigger? Also how strong are you feelings for new girl? Is it just comfortable like with ex instead of new and exciting and this is making you have doubts..sorta like you are falling into old routine? Sorry for all the question. Lol Maybe you are almost recovered but are just scared of being in a new committed RS so soon and are subconsciously rebelling at the thought of this and you need more time to be single? IDK just thinking Edited March 8, 2013 by cavalier99
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Im doing pretty good. Haven't jumped into dating yet. Still think about the ex but a lot less and the thoughts aren't that painful. In fact I actually found myself looking back on some of the good times. Its sorta weird since I've felt better i spent a little time almost TESTING out my new state by revisiting some things mentally. Before i would have had to shut down any thoughts because they were so painful. Did you do this? So basically I'm in a OK spot but not 100 percent indifferent yet. So back to you. What exactly is going on with the new girl. When you are with her you compare her to your ex? What is the precise problem? Is it when you have sex also? Do you act with her like you acted with ex? Or is problem not with new girl but you have stared just thinking more and idealizing ex again and the new girl is the trigger? Maybe you are almost recovered but are just scared of being in a new committed RS so soon and are subconsciously rebelling at the thought of this and you need more time to be single? IDK just thinking I don't miss my ex anymore. I think Im done with her. I'm miss the idea of the relationship more than her. I still have a pix of her in my phone and thats just to remind me how ordinary she was when I start putting her on a pedestal. The relationship that we had was toxic and the more distance I get from it the more I realize that it was doomed to fail. As for the testing bit...I usually never tested my progress because I was always afraid that i would fall back into a rut. I recently tested my progress since I'm really happy with this new girl. I went back to the home that my ex and I use to share and it didnt even bother me. There were still pictures of us up and things of hers lying around but seeing all those things didn't even phase me. This is why I thought things with the new girl would be good. As for the new girl I really do like her ( or I thought I did) There's really nothing wrong with us in terms of compatibility except for that fact that I'm rushing into a relationship. When I'm with her I don't compare her to my ex. I just realized that i'm trying to pick up where my ex and I left off which sucks! I dont know I think if I take it slow I will lose interest and be over it. If I continue going fast and furious its going to probably going to blow up too. So a lose-lose situation. You may be right...probably part of my subconcious is probably rebelling back without me knowing it.
cavalier99 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) I don't miss my ex anymore. I think Im done with her. I'm miss the idea of the relationship more than her. I still have a pix of her in my phone and thats just to remind me how ordinary she was when I start putting her on a pedestal. The relationship that we had was toxic and the more distance I get from it the more I realize that it was doomed to fail. As for the testing bit...I usually never tested my progress because I was always afraid that i would fall back into a rut. I recently tested my progress since I'm really happy with this new girl. I went back to the home that my ex and I use to share and it didnt even bother me. There were still pictures of us up and things of hers lying around but seeing all those things didn't even phase me. This is why I thought things with the new girl would be good. As for the new girl I really do like her ( or I thought I did) There's really nothing wrong with us in terms of compatibility except for that fact that I'm rushing into a relationship. When I'm with her I don't compare her to my ex. I just realized that i'm trying to pick up where my ex and I left off which sucks! I dont know I think if I take it slow I will lose interest and be over it. If I continue going fast and furious its going to probably going to blow up too. So a lose-lose situation. You may be right...probably part of my subconcious is probably rebelling back without me knowing it. Hmm maybe you needed to prove that you could get in a new RS as part of getting over your ex. Now that you've done this you decided you don't REALLY want a new RS yet. Maybe enjoy being single again. It seemed to me you were sorta advising me this (wistfully) and telling me to enjoy myself because we don't know how long it would last. Sorta like there was some trepidation at being tied down again so soon. Cav Edited March 8, 2013 by cavalier99
Recommended Posts