SadAndLonely Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 My boyfriend of over three months has broken up with me for the third or fourth time, just about half an hour ago. He has a lot of friends, but is really unhappy in his own life. He hates his job so much he's about ready to quit, and he's somewhat unstable at the moment, although he's a very nice guy. He told me today that I was rude to him last night, and that I'm mean to my other friends (although when I asked them, they were shocked about this and said I'm always good to them), and that he just can't take it anymore. Up until today, even as late as last night, we were talking, snuggling, kissing, and everything seemed fine. I don't know why he keeps flipping out like this. Even though everyone tells me it's not my fault, I feel like it is. I'm hurting so bad. I could accept he was a jerk if not for how much his other friends like him. He's broken up with me two or three times before, but came back to me when he realized he missed me. This time he asked me not to call him for at least a week while he strives for "separation", and then maybe then we can be friends. I don't plan on taking him back, but will he want me back again? I was really good to him. I feel so bad about myself right now... Why does he keep doing this to me out of the blue every time things aren't completely heavenly?
Laura_soontobemarred Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 Sounds to me like this guy is either scared of commitment or growing up, whatever it is, it sounds to me like HE is the one having the problems. Personally, from my experience, some guys have communication problems and can be so confusing sometimes, actually most guys in my life in one way or another have all seemed to make things harder than what they really had to be. Id say that you should not let him dump you than let him come back again, I understand once or so, but when it comes to two or three times, and there were no fixing on the "reason" why he broke up with you, it sounds like he is the one who does not know what he wants out of life. I would either go to counseling as a "couple" to help you two with communication skills, or drop him and wait for him to grow up. This guy sounds like many guys I know, *it might be a genetic thing*lol.
Author SadAndLonely Posted September 6, 2004 Author Posted September 6, 2004 I really appreciate your response and hope to get more, but unfortunately I think couples counseling is out of the question because he said it was over and asked me not to contact him for at least a week. I asked him if there'd ever be a chance again, and he said he can't tell the future, but both my mom and my best friend are telling me I'd be crazy to ever want him back. I just wish HE'D want ME back. I didn't do anything bad to him.
ECVegas Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 S&L I used to date a woman who was bi-polar. Her mood swings were pretty dramatic. One moment she seemed on top of the world, other moments she would lose the handle over the simplest things. At times, we would be in a normal discussion and she would say "don't talk to me like that". Other times, she would get me going and when I finally snapped she would blame me for the arguement. There were two different occurances where she became really distant. It was those two times in which she broke up with me. If I told you the reasons why you would laugh, but safe to say that the thought of a commited relationship scared her some moments, yet other moments she kept asking me to get engaged. Her reasoning was she didn't know what she wanted. She would go on dating sites behind my back. Finally, when she realized how good she had it with me....she would come back. She was very into herself. It was always about her. I sacrificed alot of myself--financially and emotionally--for her. She would hold things that I wanted over my head like a carrot in hopes that she would string me along. Finally, after one day, I knew I had enough. I left her. It devastated her because she is a very beautiful woman (she models). It's not something she was used to, and when I dated an acquaintance of hers she got extremely jealous to the point of wanting me back. Luckily at the time I was with someone who I knew was a better person, and turned down her advances. When people are insecure, or have shortcomings...they are naturally attracted to emotionally strong people. Sometimes, the thought of being with someone who is stronger than they are is intimidating. They will spend time bringing you down to their level...because they don't know how to reach up to yours. They will keep you at bay, keep you at the edge...play with your emotions so that you will always want them back. It usually has to do with how they were raised, or even certain conditions such as depression or bipolar disorder. You have only been with this guy for 4 months and you've already broken up three times. Not good. In reality, you don't even know him (4 months isn't enough time) and if he is treating you this way after only four months how can you expect it to get better? I know it is easy for me to say, but you really need to answer "Can I see myself dealing with this for the next 60 years." A leopard rarily changes his stripes. If this is a small episode in his life in which he is struggling, than you deserve better than to put up with his games. If this indeed is his personality, then whomever decides to be with him better buckle in for a long and bumpy ride. There may be a good reason why he was single when you met him. When you invest time and love into something it's tough to let go. But you have to be fair to yourself, and realize that you deserve the best. You deserve someone who treats you right...someone who you "click" with and doesn't play games. Someone in which you can be yourself and not be afraid of them walking out on you, or isn't afraid of commitment. You might want to look at preparing yourself emotionally for the day in which that person comes along. That will include you letting go of any negative relationships in your life...and allowing your heart to heal. Good luck
WishfulThinking Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 I would not contact him at all. Show him that your not going to put up with his crap. Let him contact you and watch the tables turn on him. You will then gain control. I know he will call you after a week.
Author SadAndLonely Posted September 7, 2004 Author Posted September 7, 2004 Thank you for your replies. Unfortunately, I don't think he'll be calling me again. At least, not for any other reason other than to say that maybe we can try being friends. Like I said, he's done this to me before, but never before asked me not to contact him for a week, so I think he's seriously trying to get over me this time. It really hurts. He and I were so happy together, and I was so good to him, most of the time. At the very least, I think I was better to him than he was to me. I didn't think he'd call me yesterday, but the confirmation of it hurt that much more. I wonder if, with every passing day, it will get harder or easier. I'm guessing harder initially. I don't know. I'm just so confused. He never even tried to talk out our problems. I want him to want me back so badly, as right now my self esteem is crushed, but I don't know if it will happen. And I don't know if I should ever bother with him again. He seemed so sweet and had so many good qualities, too.
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