drpepper1886 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) It's be a little over 5 months since she broke up with me to find herself. We've exchanged 1 email throughout that period and NC the rest of the time. I've heard things from friends from time to time but I don't pry and it usually only makes me feel bad for a day or so then it's business as usual. I had heard she was thinking about moving, she drinks too much and works at a bar and all her friends are drunks and she wanted to move to 'start fresh'. I assume she is just running from her problems. Which I also believe is the main reason for the BU but no longer care about that either. I wish her the best. I just hope this fresh start is what she needs to get her **** in order but I worry even though it's no longer my job to, that she will end up doing the same things there as she did here. I don't know if she'll reach out before she leaves, or if I even really want her to since she hasn't already. I know this will be good for me and her both so I'm happy for it. She move's next month, I hear she has no job lined up or anything. She graduated last June and could be free to move anywhere she could find a job in her field but instead is moving to a new place with no plan just because she has a couple friends there and wants to get away from here. I guess I'm just ranting because I'm a little jealous she's leaving as I had always told her I would move where ever she could find a job in her field and would support her decision. I still support her decision even if it turns out to be the wrong one. I'm disappointed she doesn't seem to be making the best decisions for her future in the field she wants and isn't the person I thought she is or would be. But that seems to be a common theme around these parts. Edited March 8, 2013 by drpepper1886
KansasChica Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Hi drpepper! I'm super jealous! My ex threatened to move about 6 months ago and didn't. At the time, I felt bittersweet about it- sad to see him go... now I wish he had! We have so many mutual friends and there is always the chance of running into him. He's definitely an ex that I don't want in my life at all anymore. I know it's hard not to care about her, but you have to let her make her own decisions. Back in my early 20s, I moved away after a painful breakup. I was totally running from my problems and it didn't work... but it was something I had to figure out myself. Just let her go and stick to NC.
Author drpepper1886 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Thanks for your reply KansasChica. I don't plan on reaching out to her or saying anything. I did everything I could when we were together to help support and guide her from transitioning from school to the 'real world.' She just is clearly not ready to make that transition. I've been in my field for 10 years (programming). I'm 29, she's 25. I could easily have uprooted and started a new job anywhere in the world, and probably have kept my job here working remotely. I always made that clear to her. It is a very bittersweet feeling, it's great to finally know I won't have chance of running in to her as we have a lot of common friends as well and have known each other since middle school. So after some time I know I'll feel much more 'free' after the initial sadness fades.
RogerWallace111 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Good that she's moving. Though it's admirable that you maintain concern for her well being, it also makes it sound like she stays on your mind a fair amount and like you still kind of consider her a part of your life regardless of not being in touch. So maybe her leaving will tone that dynamic down. And I'm not saying any of that in a dickish way. If you can still "care" for her yet be fully content without her and be moving forward unhindered, that's cool. And says something good about your character. I mean, I wish my ex the best as well, I guess it just never manifests as actual thoughts like "I hope she's happy" or "I hope she's getting her sh*t together".
Author drpepper1886 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Good that she's moving. Though it's admirable that you maintain concern for her well being, it also makes it sound like she stays on your mind a fair amount and like you still kind of consider her a part of your life regardless of not being in touch. So maybe her leaving will tone that dynamic down. I do agree it's good that she is moving and you're right, She's been in and out of my life since I was around 14 years old (as friends). We were together nearly 3 years and I was thankful that I was finally with her as I had always thought of it, but she doesn't seem to be ready for the level of commitment that I am. She admitted to me that I have been the only person she's ever truly loved but she is not ready for a relationship and with her life situation she's created I understand. It's hard to give in a LTR when you can barely take care of yourself. (I believe she has been suffering from depression since she graduated) Her leaving will help rid that 1% of hope I still had left. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself and I always gave her space during the relationship and did my own things. She in turn did her own thing as well so we were not attached at the hip. So going back to single life hasn't been a massive transition other than a few key times when we would spend time together doing things and getting used to living on my own as I've always had roommates, that's been the hardest transition for me. And I'm not saying any of that in a dickish way. If you can still "care" for her yet be fully content without her and be moving forward unhindered, that's cool. And says something good about your character. I mean, I wish my ex the best as well, I guess it just never manifests as actual thoughts like "I hope she's happy" or "I hope she's getting her sh*t together". You didn't come off dickish at all. I've never been good at holding grudges and I've always just wanted the best for everyone, even those I didn't really like or get along with. I just don't have the energy to be mad or hold grudges with anyone, but that doesn't stop me from being upset and disappointed about it from time to time. Easier to just forgive and learn the lesson so it doesn't happen again. I still get the thoughts along the lines of "I hope this blows up in her face so I could say I told you so!", but then I kind of laugh at them. We're all human and make mistakes and we should all want the best for everyone at all times. I know multiple times and I see it on here all the time when people are given advice and don't take it. Some people have to find out the stove is still hot on their own and who am I to stop them after I already warned. If I ever found out she cheated on me or anything else, I wouldn't care at all. But she's just lost in life, she'll find her way and it makes me happy knowing that I gave it my best and I don't believe she could ever say an ill thing about me. *or maybe I'm delusional and still in denial. but I don't feel like I am. Edited March 9, 2013 by drpepper1886
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