5 weeks since my world collapsed

[Couldntbemoreupset]

Hi,

 

So thats 5 weeks to the day since my life changed forever. My 3.5 year gf said...'Not in love with you anymore' 'I need out' 'im not my happy self anymore'. I made all the mistakes....begging, pleading, threatening suicide.....then i did two weeks full NC, then sent a letter that got ignored. I'm 27 her 29. She actually took to calling my mother this week to tell her to tell me not to send letters or to reach out or she'd have to take them to the police. The letter i sent couldnt be perceived as anyting but beautiful, and the police would have laughed at her. Its her irrationality that i just cannot understand. I havent heard a word from her in 5 weeks, shes changed her number and blocked me on fb. I met someone else since, but im just not into it really, despite her thinking im great.

 

Question,

What would motivate someone to totally cut you dead when you did everything for them and invested so much in their life?

Why if they are happy with their decison, can they not make it easier on you the dumpee?

I suppose the main question.....even if breadcrumbs (of which so fsar there has been absolutely 0), does a dumper always check up on you eventually, or always come back. Just from experience.

 

I know she has painted me as a horrible person to her network, but can only assume she has done this so they dont judge her for leaving me when they all thought i was a perfect boyfriend. Help, I'm really low now

[The Tallest One]

Hi!, you said you have met someone but your not really into yet! You shouldn't even be looking or accepting someone new in your life right now! It's not healthy for you or fair to her!

 

As for the ex, she has probably been feeling this way for some time and that's why it's easier for her to move on and not reach out to you in return! I have been in same boat with ex wife of 12 years! I know it hurts like hell but you will get there! Be strong!

[Bigcitydreamer]

Awe I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I definitely know what it feels like to be dumped by someone you love so much.

 

I too wonder why if the dumper is happy with their decision, why can't they make it easier on the dumpee instead of being absolutely horrible and cold (happened to me also). I'm guessing it makes it easier on themselves. Selfish reasons. Hurts very much when they paint a horrible picture of you (happened to me as well, for example my bf of 2.5 years telling his mother that I never wanted to visit his family and am an awkward person while neglecting to tell his family of all of the times I suggested visiting them that he turned down). I'm still processing my breakup that happened 2 weeks ago. I hope others can help to answer your questions because I am curious of what they think with regards to them making it hard on you when they made the decision to go and we were not evil to them.

 

Hope you don't get too down on yourself and each day gets better for you.

[1cookiejar]

Last September, my gf for 2.5 years told me that she didn't feel like how we were before, and she did not know what to do. We ended up having a painful struggle for 4-5 months before finally breaking. It totally wrecked me.

 

At the end of the day, it is her choice for leaving and not wanting to continue. Her loss, if you ask me. That's what I tell myself each and every day. The sun will rise again sooner or later, hang in there!

 

tell me not to send letters or to reach out or she'd have to take them to the police.

I think that is just plain rude and disrespectful, would you have wanted someone like that back in your life?

 

Sometimes I just think back about the arguments me and my ex had, and slowly I find differences and flaws that I've never seen when I was so head over heels for her. Maybe it wasn't meant to be after all.

 

Maybe the dumpers are happy, maybe they're not. But that isn't really the main point anymore I guess. They've made their choice, now make yours! It's never easy on the dumpee, would you rather she have strung you along and you finding out from other people how she feels about the relationship?

 

You should keep NC and and keep yourself occupied with other things, I'm slowly returning to competitive football and meeting my old friends. Be strong!

[na49]

Well I'd imagine some of her motivation in trying to get you to leave alone comes from your pathetic begging and pleading. and threatening suicide? You better be happy she didn't notify somebody and have someone check you out. The letters didn't help your case anyway.

 

but you were emotional and we all do stupid things when we're emotional. I blew up my ex's phone after finding out she cheated on me. Her friend eventually called me (she called herself my ex's "secretary. I didn't know we still played pretend in college) and told me if I didn't stop that they were going to call the police on me.

 

Of course she'll paint you as the bad guy to all of her friends. I was the perfect boyfriend too. I was my ex's loyal servant and did everything I could to make her happy. So why on earth would she leave? Well after convincing her friends that I'm the devil she probably felt it was the right thing to do by dumping me.

 

Why don't they make it easier for us? Well they don't owe us anything really, so it's not their job to make anything "easy" for us. Plus, while they may realize they're hurting us. They really don't care. They've made up their mind, and they feel damn sure they don't want us anymore when they are breaking up with us.

 

Did my ex come back? Well sort of. She asked if we could be friends which I ignored. Not while I'm still trying to get over her/the BU in general. She never mentioned rekindling a relationship because she didn't want to date me again. She wanted to keep me around as a friend because I wasn't a bad guy and if I'm not a bad guy, I'd probably make a great friend. Well I am a good friend. I'm a loyal friend. but I'm not her friend. She wasn't my friend when we were dating. Friends don't make fun of you to their other friends and lie to you repeatedly.

 

Also for God's sake, I know you're emotional, please leave her alone. She's made it clear as day that she doesn't want anything to do with you. She may be having a hard time moving on as well and you bothering her doesn't help anyone.