I feel dirty now....

[davidtanti]

Hey everyone,

 

I was in a relationship for about a year to just find out that most of it was a lie. It has come to my attention that my ex-girlfriends weird moods swings, dis-like of my friends and parents and what not was due mostly in part of her Cocaine addiction that she said she gave up to be with me.

 

I posted a message a few days ago, basically blaming most of our relationship problems on myself, when in fact I know I was Loving, Caring, Kind, Thoughtful, Loyal, Forgiving and HONEST. My ex was always moody and acting irrational and I would always blow it off and/or blame myself for not being there for her enough.

 

She made the worst part of me come out. The verbal abuse I suffered by my father was taken out on her because of this fact. I know that verbal abuse is not right and I am in counseling for it. I even got my medication upped.

 

Back to the B*TCH. With the help of my own intuitions and therapy, I’ve come to find out that she has been planting seeds of insecurity in my head for months so that she could have an easy excuse to continue her drug use and go back to the baby’s father.

 

She has a daughter whom I loved dearly because the baby’s father was and still is a drug (cocaine/meth) addict. I called my ex the other day cause I needed resolution and I come to find out that she is back with him. She talked so much crap about him about how he beat her up, stole and forged her checks, lied and every other thing you can imagine a self-centered drug addict can do to her. But know she is back with him... Why, because he supplies her with cocaine and his parents are rich.

 

I feel like I have been perverbally raped by her. I feel dirty. I feel so god damn dirty. The thought of her makes me want to vomit when I eat something. Before I missed her so much I couldn’t eat... know I want to vomit at the thought of me making love to her and all the other nice things I was to her as I listed above.

 

I hurt so badly now... I was sooo blind... all the warning signs were there. I guess when you love someone more than the other person loves you; you are willing to overlook the obvious. My therapist told me I should has listened to my gut and she is right.

 

 

Any thoughts on this would help me a lot.

 

thanks,

David

[Papillon]

Be glad it's over. You really need that kind of hassle? Nope? Then you also don't need to fret about it.

[ECVegas]

Your in a good stage. You've jumped quickly from hurt to anger...which is a sign that you are getting over her quickly.

 

Everything happens for a reason. This was a lesson that was chosen for you to learn and endure.

 

Cocaine is a very powerful drug, and people have done crazier things for it than go back to ex's that raped them. It's a situation that you obviously realize you have no control over, and you are doing the right thing by moving on.

 

You can beat yourself up, but realize that when you love...you trust. Not all women that you meet will be cocaine addicts, so don't allow your trust in all women suffer.

 

Sounds like you learned alot in this. The energy you spend being angry at the past could be put to better use. There is nothing you can do to change what happened. That's it. Done.

 

Some people have trouble getting over someone, and it takes that "event" to happen for it to finally "click". Whether it's finding out they cheated on them, stole money from them, used them,etc. Until that event occurs, they will always be open to the advances from the other person....thinking that the other person "has changed".

 

Something has occured in which you "clicked". There is no way that a coke addict can come back into your life because you won't allow it. Consider yourself lucky, as others haven't been so fortunate and have spent years upon years with drug addicts because they always feel sorry for them and let them back into their lives.

 

Get over her and move on. YOu are obviously a better person than she is, and you need to spend time healing from the hurt so you can love again one day with "the right one".

 

Good luck

[davidtanti]

Thank you guys/gals both so much for your words of encouragement. I truly appreciate it.

 

Thank you,

David