McDonald Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) Well Im at that point.. The point where you have just exhausted yourself over this. Where you have just ran out of energy to care about the BU, to care about her. Its sad i couldnt stop myself, that i had to let my body run out of energy, but it has happened. I no longer long for the relationship, I do not even want to see her around. Its weird... I have spent 4 months trying so hard to get over it.. to get over her. And here I am. Ive crossed the road, Ive dodge many cars, got hit a few times, but am about to step up to the other side. All this energy spent towards her, towards the BU, towards coping, is now just sitting here and doesnt no where to go. I ask myself... now what?-- I have run out of feelings for her.. does this mean im actually done? you all will hate me for this... but I responded to her text of "nice" yesterday. I told her I just needed to vent because I was getting fusterated and didnt have any intentions on hurting her. Told her to take care. I did not want to have a conversation with her. she replied a few hours later saying "im not upset, I thought it was funny" I was shocked.. not upset.. shocked.. and kinda laughed to myself... she doesnt see that I was still hurting... she will never get it. She thinks my emotions are funny? that I threw up after she sent me nice because we hadnt talked in 60 days. she thinks thats funny? And that LS, thats when it hit me.. .thats when I realized that my time and effort that I have put into this.. she does not deserve any of it.. me sitting here, feeling sad all the time.. I do not deserve this as I was the best bf she could ever ask for. So what do I do? I am going to get off my ass and meet other people, other girls, and start new relationships This girl is no longer going to hold me back. I replied to her message for myself. So I wouldnt have to hide, so I could walk by her with my head up.. knowing that I AM the better person. And thas why I did it. Now, for the first time in awhile, I actually feel free. free from all this. I am upset I broke NC, but not hurt because I won the war. She no longer cares and thus, nor do I. The gates have opened, I am walking out with my head up. I am smarter, wiser, and stronger than ever before. I am ME. Always have been, always will be, and will NEVER let ANYONE take that from me, never again. Edited March 8, 2013 by McDonald 2
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