JuneJulySeptember Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I just randomly came across a clip of the 40 year old virgin and the poker scene. A movie I hadn't seen in so long. Anyway, for anybody who hasn't seen it, during a guy's night out, sex and girlfriends are discussed and an older virgin is outed. In the movie it is a joke, but in real life it is a very real scenario. I can so remember when I was younger and guys and/or gals having conversations about dating, sex, or relationships and I was just embarrassed because I had nothing to contribute. In high school and college it was really bad. Guys would talk about girls and sex all the time and I would just kind of nervously wait for the conversation to turn back to sports, music, or smoking weed, so I wouldn't have to admit that I'd never had a girlfriend or sex and that I'd never had any women interested in me. It's funny, but I do finally feel like I've reached the point where I can carry my own in most any conversation relating to sex or relationships now. And it only took 20 years. Maybe some other guys (or women) can share their stories.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I'd always make something up. Or use my dry wit to deflect suspicion. That movie though, is really painful to watch. And it's a really sad movie.
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I was honest when asked. Never got ostracized for it - got ribbed a few times but mostly I got the occasional exasperation about when I was finally gonna do it. I was honest about it primarily because I was tired of being called gay. 2
Sun Devil Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 This is one reason why I am going to pay for an escort. I am tired of being the only guy in my group who never experienced sex.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 I'd always make something up. Or use my dry wit to deflect suspicion. That movie though, is really painful to watch. And it's a really sad movie. There were a few times I made something up, but mostly I just skillfully deflected or admitted the truth. I remember guys being (or acting) surprised and asking why as if there was a reason. I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't want to say, "Well, because no women are attracted to me, duh." The movie makes a joke out of it, but those were painful, awkward situations. This is one reason why I am going to pay for an escort. I am tired of being the only guy in my group who never experienced sex. That won't do anything in terms of resolving social awkwardness.
Necris Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I was honest when asked. Never got ostracized for it - got ribbed a few times but mostly I got the occasional exasperation about when I was finally gonna do it. I was honest about it primarily because I was tired of being called gay. I do notice that people are quick to call you gay if you aren't with a woman, even my own dad started asking me if I was gay, because I never had a girlfriend. But for the most part people don't care plus my friends aren't all that good with women themselves so they don't give me trouble. Though valentine's day and other special couple events can occasionally be slightly uncomfortable, I don't lie to people though if they ask I tell the truth. Now back in Highschool some people tried to mock me since they somehow all knew I never had a girlfriend but oh well.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 This is one reason why I am going to pay for an escort. I am tired of being the only guy in my group who never experienced sex. Do it bro. No shame in paying. With escorts, you lose money. With regular girls, you lose time. Time = money.....so it evens out.
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 These threads are funny because women never ever post in them unless something inflammatory has been posted . Its always the same dudes .
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 These threads are funny because women never ever post in them unless something inflammatory has been posted . Its always the same dudes . I think it's humanizing. I think when a guy who is maybe classified as bitter can show where some of his social stigma and backwardness comes from, people can identify better. There's a reason why I asked women to contribute here as well. But you just see the same old thread.
MidwestUSA Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 These threads are funny because women never ever post in them unless something inflammatory has been posted . Its always the same dudes . Okay, I'm here! Every time I read one of these posts, I have the desire to help a guy out. If you get my drift. 3
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Okay, I'm here! Every time I read one of these posts, I have the desire to help a guy out. If you get my drift. So do I! Oh wait. I'm a straight guy. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I think it's humanizing. I think when a guy who is maybe classified as bitter can show where some of his social stigma and backwardness comes from, people can identify better. There's a reason why I asked women to contribute here as well. But you just see the same old thread. I never had a problem talking about my problems and why I ended up being a late bloomer - perhaps the difference is because I don't come acrooss as bitter.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 I never had a problem talking about my problems and why I ended up being a late bloomer - perhaps the difference is because I don't come acrooss as bitter. Nobody here comes across as bitter in real life. Believe me. Why are you so harsh any time a guy says something that is the equivalent to complaining a little about his lot in life (which was NOT this thread)? I've never seen you criticize women when they whine.
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Nobody here comes across as bitter in real life. Believe me. Why are you so harsh any time a guy says something that is the equivalent to complaining a little about his lot in life (which was NOT this thread)? I've never seen you criticize women when they whine. Oh yes I have. From V, to DY, to PJBear and others - I sure have. I got at them more than I did the moaners initially - I was trying to help them. I was understanding and nice as hell - and I got it thrown back in my face because "I can't understand because I'm tall and good looking" along with millions of other excuses about why my advice won't work. Surprisingly it was only BullN who was actually more willing to listen (and ScreamingTrees). The rest have only gotten worse and then after all that, blame women for being shallow. I don't mind talking about womens bad behavior (I.e. TBQ and Dasein sometimes) but rarely do I like engaging with the mythical assumptions and the occasional vitriol regarding themk that a few likr to espouse. I digress......when I had my problems I didn't have much to moan about. I understand the urge to do it but I don't understand the unwillingness to actually do something about their plight. And then to have people ignore advice in favor of detriment is insulting. So occasionally I am meaner about it. I never used to be, but the same sh-t has been going on and its getting old.
MidwestUSA Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Nobody here comes across as bitter in real life. Believe me. Why are you so harsh any time a guy says something that is the equivalent to complaining a little about his lot in life (which was NOT this thread)? I've never seen you criticize women when they whine. I don't see where he came cross as harsh or criticizing. You mentioned "classified as being bitter", he pointed out that the difference is not allowing that bitterness to show. Don't see him calling YOU bitter at all. Smiles!
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Oh yes I have. From V, to DY, to PJBear and others - I sure have. I got at them more than I did the moaners initially - I was trying to help them. I was understanding and nice as hell - and I got it thrown back in my face because "I can't understand because I'm tall and good looking" along with millions of other excuses about why my advice won't work. Surprisingly it was only BullN who was actually more willing to listen (and ScreamingTrees). The rest have only gotten worse and then after all that, blame women for being shallow. I don't mind talking about womens bad behavior (I.e. TBQ and Dasein sometimes) but rarely do I like engaging with the mythical assumptions and the occasional vitriol regarding themk that a few likr to espouse. I digress......when I had my problems I didn't have much to moan about. I understand the urge to do it but I don't understand the unwillingness to actually do something about their plight. And then to have people ignore advice in favor of detriment is insulting. So occasionally I am meaner about it. I never used to be, but the same sh-t has been going on and its getting old. OK. I stand corrected. I missed those posts. But this is not the same old sh@t. It's just a post man. About inexperience and social awkwardness. I don't see any whining or women bashing here. In fact, you clearly brushed over the positive parts where I said that I am currently comfortable talking about sex and relationships and invited women to join in the conversation.
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 OK. I stand corrected. I missed those posts. But this is not the same old sh@t. It's just a post man. About inexperience and social awkwardness. I don't see any whining or women bashing here. In fact, you clearly brushed over the positive parts where I said that I am currently comfortable talking about sex and relationships and invited women to join in the conversation. I know that - you are the one that inferred that I was talking about bitterness. You referenced the bitterness first, and I explained that perhaps the reason why I have never been classified as bitter whereas other guys with the same social stigma has, is because I myself never came across as bitter. That wasn't directed at any comments made in this thread.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 I know that - you are the one that inferred that I was talking about bitterness. You referenced the bitterness first, and I explained that perhaps the reason why I have never been classified as bitter whereas other guys with the same social stigma has, is because I myself never came across as bitter. That wasn't directed at any comments made in this thread. Well. You did make a post referring to 'same old dudes'. But in all honesty, I was waiting for a woman to come on here and share her stories of inexperience and social awkwardness. No takers, I suppose.
MidwestUSA Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I know that - you are the one that inferred that I was talking about bitterness. You referenced the bitterness first, and I explained that perhaps the reason why I have never been classified as bitter whereas other guys with the same social stigma has, is because I myself never came across as bitter. That wasn't directed at any comments made in this thread. What I said! Oh, the jaguar is good. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Well. You did make a post referring to 'same old dudes'. But in all honesty, I was waiting for a woman to come on here and share her stories of inexperience and social awkwardness. No takers, I suppose. Well unfortunately I haven't really seen it happen too much. The same old "inexperienced" dudes, not necessarily the same old "bitter" dudes. I can't say that 49322 and Necris (or even you to an extent) are particularly bitter guys. I think they are just exceptionally down on themselves and it doesn't do them any favors to be so. 1
MidwestUSA Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Well. You did make a post referring to 'same old dudes'. But in all honesty, I was waiting for a woman to come on here and share her stories of inexperience and social awkwardness. No takers, I suppose. I can't be too detailed, because it's a distant memory. But I was a geek all through school, hung more with the freaks than the attractive, popular kids. Lived at home while going to college. Bought a house at 24, worked for the big man in the big corporation. Had a few short - lived relationships. Was never particularly wild. Not awkward, but not fond of being out in a big social circle. Married at 26, because it's "the thing to do". Then managed to "blossom", if you want to call it that, in my 30's. Softball 3 nights a week, lots of drinking. Did not cheat, but regretted marrying. Hung in marriage 17 years out of complacency, then got off my butt and out! But dating was then awkward. If there was one man in a bar who had a drug/ alcohol/psych problem, I could find him. And did. Long story short, seven years divorced and met man of my dreams. Everything I wanted/needed but didn't know I did. Moved in at the seven week mark and proposed a month ago. Don't care if anyone thinks it's too fast, because it's RIGHT! This may not be the type of story you were looking for, but it goes to show there is hope. I had indeed given up. As for the sex, I can tell you that I have been with more than one guy who could have used a few "lessons" from an older, experienced woman. Those who had been with such a woman had a great advantage. If I could safely make it a second occupation, sigh! I think it would be extremely gratifying. Ps: I guess my other point was that due to my inexperience/lack of confidence, I jumped at the first remotely solid-looking proposition for marriage. I would give a lot to have 25 years of my life back. It would be easy for me to sit here and say "wait for the right" one, but I also understand the old "clock is ticking" thing. Cheers! 2
serial muse Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) I've mentioned in another thread that I have a close friend who's late 30s and still a virgin (a woman). I remember going to the movies with her when 40-Year-Old Virgin was coming out and she couldn't even watch the preview. She, too, saw it as very sad and it hit too close to home for her. I'm sure she never saw the movie. I have seen a few women - Verhrzn, for example - try to talk about their lack of experience and frustration on these boards, but the response is generally pretty different than the men experience. There's an assumption that many - not all - people make, which is that a woman is celibate by choice, ultimately, but not a man. She weathered a lot of judgment. And there was another thread here just recently where a guy was feeling uncertain about being with a woman who was a virgin, and the speculation about what was wrong with that woman - because no sane woman would be a virgin in her 30s, egads! - was rampant. So I'm not surprised that there are fewer women who'd want to share their anxieties over that here. Yes, the bitter guys get a hard time, and that's rough, I know. But the bitter girls get a hard time, too - and there's an added aspect of disbelief to the judgment of these women that is pretty grim. Imagine being ostracized by the ostracized. verhrzn used to complain about that - from her point of view, she had more in common with the lonely guys than not - but she generally got shut down for it. Edited March 8, 2013 by serial muse 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I've mentioned in another thread that I have a close friend who's late 30s and still a virgin (a woman). I remember going to the movies with her when 40-Year-Old Virgin was coming out and she couldn't even watch the preview. She, too, saw it as very sad and it hit too close to home for her. I'm sure she never saw the movie. I have seen a few women - Verhrzn, for example - try to talk about their lack of experience and frustration on these boards, but the response is generally pretty different than the men experience. There's an assumption that many - not all - people make, which is that a woman is celibate by choice, ultimately, but not a man. She weathered a lot of judgment. And there was another thread here just recently where a guy was feeling uncertain about being with a woman who was a virgin, and the speculation about what was wrong with that woman - because no sane woman would be a virgin in her 30s, egads! - was rampant. So I'm not surprised that there are fewer women who'd want to share their anxieties over that here. Yes, the bitter guys get a hard time, and that's rough, I know. But the bitter girls get a hard time, too - and there's an added aspect of disbelief to the judgment of these women that is pretty grim. Imagine being ostracized by the ostracized. verhrzn used to complain about that - from her point of view, she had more in common with the lonely guys than not - but she generally got shut down for it. Sadly, Verhrzn's plight was further ridiculed because she had a few boyfriends and had sex. There were a number of problems though that were there, and I do believe that she was having a hard time with men. I didn't at the time, but I understand now. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I've mentioned in another thread that I have a close friend who's late 30s and still a virgin (a woman). I remember going to the movies with her when 40-Year-Old Virgin was coming out and she couldn't even watch the preview. She, too, saw it as very sad and it hit too close to home for her. I'm sure she never saw the movie. I have seen a few women - Verhrzn, for example - try to talk about their lack of experience and frustration on these boards, but the response is generally pretty different than the men experience. There's an assumption that many - not all - people make, which is that a woman is celibate by choice, ultimately, but not a man. She weathered a lot of judgment. And there was another thread here just recently where a guy was feeling uncertain about being with a woman who was a virgin, and the speculation about what was wrong with that woman - because no sane woman would be a virgin in her 30s, egads! - was rampant. So I'm not surprised that there are fewer women who'd want to share their anxieties over that here. Yes, the bitter guys get a hard time, and that's rough, I know. But the bitter girls get a hard time, too - and there's an added aspect of disbelief to the judgment of these women that is pretty grim. Imagine being ostracized by the ostracized. verhrzn used to complain about that - from her point of view, she had more in common with the lonely guys than not - but she generally got shut down for it. The problem is Verhrzn didn't believe any of the men who said they thought she was attractive. No one likes having their compliments thrown back in their face.
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