nofool4u Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 And to further dispel a myth: There are all sorts of variations between Nice guy and Jerk. They are not the only types of guy that exist on the planet! Shock horror . Spittin' out lyrics, homie I'm witch ya! I know, but can't cover the broad spectrum of people in one post:) 1
dasein Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) Some of the comments in this thread are unwarranted to the point of obnoxiousness. OP's actions have been shaped by response to him by the women in question, all adults presumably acting of free will, in addition to his own choices and behavior, and ignoring this in an attempt to 100% blameshift to him in character assassination, as some do here, is plain dishonest, and says more about those people and their much worse issues and emotional state than anything wrong OP has done or his issues. I don't see any particular thing OP has done that is that wrong, and know MANY, many women whose standard way to brush an unwanted guy off is to start acting like a bitch, if not simply ignore him altogether, and will rationalize in creative ways defending their right to do that and how it "spares their feelings, so it's done with his interest at heart:laugh:" OP behaves in this way to one woman and suddenly he's the antichrist? Spare us. Edited March 8, 2013 by dasein
RedRobin Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 blah, blah, blah... more junk from the perpetually character challenged... Sorry, OP, I don't have any sympathy for you. All the 20-something f*ck fests you have won't fix that. Get some therapy...
nofool4u Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 blah, blah, blah... more junk from the perpetually character challenged... Can you be more specific?
dasein Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 says more about those people and their much worse issues and emotional state than anything wrong OP has done or his issues. Get some therapy... mhhmm. 890
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Haha, I tried to edit my post but didn't get there quickly enough. I wanted to add this: Maybe the problem isn't that women in general don't know what they want (apparently they do, as he's been proposed to three times by women who like him for himself), but that the OP specifically doesn't know what he wants??? Radical, I know. I know exactly what I want. That's why I'm so hung up on this one. Within 5 minutes of talking to her I knew she was special. It has nothing to do with her looks. I was physically attracted to her so I approached her. I became infatuated once I got to know her personality. There is no way we're on a date less than 24 hours later unless she felt it too.
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 blah, blah, blah... more junk from the perpetually character challenged... Sorry, OP, I don't have any sympathy for you. All the 20-something f*ck fests you have won't fix that. Get some therapy... So I'm willing to do some self-reflection here but I really don't see what I've done that is so wrong. How am I mistreating women? FWB - I've been completely honest with her from day one. I told her after we slept together a few times I did not want a relationship with her. She said she didn't either (probably a lie in retrospect) and that just sex was fine. For several months it was purely sex, we never even went out and friends who know us both have/had no idea. We started talking a lot more recently and hanging out in public again and that's when I started noticing telltale things about how she feels about me. She's often depressed after I've gone out and not with her. I've tried to get her to talk about it but she won't. When I say I'm being a jerk, all I'm doing now is not pretending there is something between us. If I'm with her, and in no way shape or form do we act like a couple, I'll openly hit on other women. In the past I would refrain. Does that really make me character challenged? I'm not the one being dishonest and passive aggressive. Her friend - I told her the bitter truth, which seemed to help her. She hit on me and I spurned those advances. No way I'd ever go there. Not cool. 21 yo - She's a regular at our gigs and Wed night I chose to hang out with her for as long as she would let me. I'm not even sure she would have been receptive had I made a move, but I chose not to. She loves her BF but they've been apart 3 months. We were both lonely and enjoyed each other's company. I could have probably taken advantage of the situation but I did not. Sorry no f**kfest here.
mesmerized Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Some of the comments in this thread are unwarranted to the point of obnoxiousness. OP's actions have been shaped by response to him by the women in question, all adults presumably acting of free will, in addition to his own choices and behavior, and ignoring this in an attempt to 100% blameshift to him in character assassination, as some do here, is plain dishonest, and says more about those people and their much worse issues and emotional state than anything wrong OP has done or his issues. I don't see any particular thing OP has done that is that wrong, and know MANY, many women whose standard way to brush an unwanted guy off is to start acting like a bitch, if not simply ignore him altogether, and will rationalize in creative ways defending their right to do that and how it "spares their feelings, so it's done with his interest at heart:laugh:" OP behaves in this way to one woman and suddenly he's the antichrist? Spare us. I don't see any particular thing that OP has done wrong either. But you encouraging him to bang the 21 year old even though she has a boyfriend just because she is 21 sure says a lot about your character. 1
TheGuard13 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I'm not even sure what the OP's issue is, to be honest. Kind of seems hypocritical, if anything.
Woggle Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 What else do you expect from somebody willing to behind their partner's back?
dasein Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I don't see any particular thing that OP has done wrong either. But you encouraging him to bang the 21 year old even though she has a boyfriend just because she is 21 sure says a lot about your character. I didn't see that she had a BF before my original post, and would have left out the part about banging the 21 y.o. had I seen that. However, OP hasn't told us his specific knowledge of this BF. "I have a BF," if it ever was, is certainly not an instant shutdown in this day and age. Now OP may know the guy or know their relationship, he may know more, know it's real, or not. But I've learned that women often use the "BF" today, real or not, for all kinds of purposes in the initial meeting stage. Then, suddenly, once you are "in?" Poof! the BF suddenly disappears, and later it becomes apparent that there was no true relationship there from the start. Could have been an ex, FWB, some random dude she banged last week who gets "BF duty" this week, or no one at all. It could be real, but then why is she out flirting with other dudes? In that kind of environment, men should proceed flirtatiously as usual until the truth outs IMO. Spare me any further estimates of my character until I make a thread asking for advice that draws my character into question. You aren't in any position to comment on my character, despite your apparent overestimation of your position and capacity to do so.
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 FWIW the 21 yo definitely has a BF. I see her with him almost every Wed. That suddenly stopped a few months ago because he is in Europe. I've seen him many times but barely know him other than we shared a few cigarettes outside when I'm between sets. I met her before she was dating him and there definitely was interest. We had no idea the age difference until we got to talking later that night and when it came out it kinda shut things down. She definitely likes "hanging out" with me as she's pretty much up for staying out really late so long as I lead the way. I sense that she trusts me as a father figure guy she can just hang with and I won't try anything. But I've been down this path so many times before and I'm starting to see warning signs. That's why my FWB started wigging out when she saw me with her. But I can also tell by her drunk angry texting that she's a whole lot more invested in this than just "looking out for friends..."
mesmerized Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I didn't see that she had a BF before my original post, and would have left out the part about banging the 21 y.o. had I seen that. However, OP hasn't told us his specific knowledge of this BF. "I have a BF," if it ever was, is certainly not an instant shutdown in this day and age. Now OP may know the guy or know their relationship, he may know more, know it's real, or not. But I've learned that women often use the "BF" today, real or not, for all kinds of purposes in the initial meeting stage. Then, suddenly, once you are "in?" Poof! the BF suddenly disappears, and later it becomes apparent that there was no true relationship there from the start. Could have been an ex, FWB, some random dude she banged last week who gets "BF duty" this week, or no one at all. It could be real, but then why is she out flirting with other dudes? In that kind of environment, men should proceed flirtatiously as usual until the truth outs IMO. I'm sure creepy desperate men would happily take your advice. FWIW the 21 yo definitely has a BF. I see her with him almost every Wed. That suddenly stopped a few months ago because he is in Europe. I've seen him many times but barely know him other than we shared a few cigarettes outside when I'm between sets. I met her before she was dating him and there definitely was interest. We had no idea the age difference until we got to talking later that night and when it came out it kinda shut things down. She definitely likes "hanging out" with me as she's pretty much up for staying out really late so long as I lead the way. I sense that she trusts me as a father figure guy she can just hang with and I won't try anything. But I've been down this path so many times before and I'm starting to see warning signs. That's why my FWB started wigging out when she saw me with her. But I can also tell by her drunk angry texting that she's a whole lot more invested in this than just "looking out for friends..." As long as you keep a clear conscience. You're 41...I'm hoping certainly more mature than them all. If you see they have feelings for you or want to go a route that you don't want to go, just pull yourself away. This whole "oh but I'm honest with them but they still choose me so it's not my fault" is the typical player language.
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 As long as you keep a clear conscience. You're 41...I'm hoping certainly more mature than them all. If you see they have feelings for you or want to go a route that you don't want to go, just pull yourself away. This whole "oh but I'm honest with them but they still choose me so it's not my fault" is the typical player language. Definitely more mature. One of the reasons it's so easy for me to attract girls these days is because I see through all the BS. People in their 20's are in general terribly insecure and filled with self doubt - I know I was. There is a whole lot of false bravado in the bar scene by both genders. Once I get over this girl that rocked my world, I definitely would not be putting myself in the situations I have the past week or so. So I think I'm going to be OK with the 21 yo... 1
AKisBaked Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I’ve been in a bitter mood as I got friend zoned by the girl of my dreams a week ago. So I’m filling the void by hanging out with tons of girls I know and the more I say things like I just don’t care, the more they are attracted to me. WTF! I actually laughed out loud when I read this. Pretty funny read... Don't mean to be mean but just it was funny. Yep you should definitely stay in "jerk mode" if you want some girls
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Definitely more mature. One of the reasons it's so easy for me to attract girls these days is because I see through all the BS. People in their 20's are in general terribly insecure and filled with self doubt - I know I was. There is a whole lot of false bravado in the bar scene by both genders. Once I get over this girl that rocked my world, I definitely would not be putting myself in the situations I have the past week or so. So I think I'm going to be OK with the 21 yo... Bingo. Now, just imagine being in your 20s and having a deep understanding of this.
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 I have never dated a guy I met at a bar. Never will. I have gone on a few dates here and there with guys who were leads in the bands and I found them all to be too shallow and too sensitive with their egos for me. So am I to infer I am shallow and too sensitive with my ego for you?
chrisftw Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 your story kinda reminds me of what happend to me last weekend. i was at this hole in the wall bar. and it was karaoke night. a friend of mine dared me to go up and sing Rhianna Umbrella. i totally did it. wasn't even drunk. i thought i sang it pretty good and everybody in the room got a kick out of it. even if some where laughing AT me. good times. anyway the only girl that was worth approaching goes up and sings. she's got a pretty good voice. she ends up outside on the patio and i'm on another patio however they are adjacent to each other. i told her she sang pretty good. and she smiled and said thanks. i asked her name she asked mine. she said its a pleasure meeting you. i said same here. its always a pleasure meeting attractive females. she smiled probably brighter than i've seen a girl smile before and blushed at the same time and said thank you! i just sorta nodded my head while i finished my cigarette. i said i'm up at the bar if you wanna say hi. she said wellll i gotta come up there to get my BALLS for the pool table. we both had a chuckle and that was it. well she actually does come up to the bar and we talk more. she give the bartender her ID. And i noticed immediately it was a fake! the bartender couldn't tell but i've seen a lot of fakes before. hell i even had one! so i'm about to leave and she comes running out and she's like have another cigarette with me. i said sure. i asked her her age. and she told me 21. i said don't lie your ID is fake. how old are you i'm not a cop or anything. yeah the girl was 17.. i'm 30. NO BEUNO!! although she was floored that i was 30. she's like you look younger than my youngest brother who's only 22. i'm like hellz yeah! i gave her a hug and told her to be careful with that ID.
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 Well props for you for being attractive to a younger girl but definitely stay away from that jail bait!
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 It is weird to me that people are so focused on the old trope of "women only like bad boys". Because that's not the OP's story at all, no matter how he's spinning it. OP likes girls who don't want him. He's bored with the ones that do. He said so himself. He doesn't want the ones that like him for himself. I reread this today and I've got to say it's not really true. The girls who were attracted to me in the past were as result of me being "myself". I was in 3 consecutive LTRs spanning over a decade and felt like I was always settling so I become single about 18 months ago. I've had more dates in this span than the first 39 years of my life. The one thing I've done is STOP being my nice guy self and instead am calculating and intentionally a little callous. The girls who didn't want me in the past are attracted to me now. 3 of my last 4 dates have been actresses/models. Never in a million years did I think I could swing something like that 10-15 years ago. But it's largely cheap empty thrills as I'm not really attracted to their personalities and really want an LTR with the ONE. I met that total package 3 weeks ago. Everything was going perfectly until I departed from the "plan" and started being myself. I got FZ'd and that was frustrating.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 This OP posted in another thread about this FWB saying she is a 7 overall with perfect 10 boobs and how she is "Yuck" overall and how dare she like him because shes not good enough for him I think your problem is you have insanely high beauty standards and seem to be very entitled. No model looking woman will want to deal with your attitude According to several posters here, he'd be better off losing all attraction for the model looking women.. Only then will they want him. Then once he shows attraction for them again, they'll lose interest. Sounds like fun to me! Seriously, though, this thread is kind of stupid. Seems I'm constantly reading stories of girls in relationships going after guys.. Is that inevitable? Is it a no brainer that the first "ladies night out" that my girlfriend has will likely be her giving her number to some guy she grinded on for a half hour?
pbjbear Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 Stop chasing girls out of your league and having unrealistic standards A guy in his 40s going for women in their 20s and refusing anybody else is obviously way too shallow and sleazy for me. I like guys with some character
pbjbear Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 If he can attract these women then by definition they would be in his league. He cant keep them though
serial muse Posted March 12, 2013 Posted March 12, 2013 (edited) I reread this today and I've got to say it's not really true. The girls who were attracted to me in the past were as result of me being "myself". I was in 3 consecutive LTRs spanning over a decade and felt like I was always settling so I become single about 18 months ago. I've had more dates in this span than the first 39 years of my life. The one thing I've done is STOP being my nice guy self and instead am calculating and intentionally a little callous. The girls who didn't want me in the past are attracted to me now. 3 of my last 4 dates have been actresses/models. Never in a million years did I think I could swing something like that 10-15 years ago. But it's largely cheap empty thrills as I'm not really attracted to their personalities and really want an LTR with the ONE. I met that total package 3 weeks ago. Everything was going perfectly until I departed from the "plan" and started being myself. I got FZ'd and that was frustrating. But this sounds like what I said is true - I said you don't want the girls that want you for yourself. You were bored by them and you ended those relationships. Isn't that pretty much what you just wrote (bolded emphasis mine)? Yes, NOW you're Mr. Callous and you're attracting girls who didn't want you before. You changed up your game, and lo and behold, now you attract a different type of person. That's hardly mysterious, it's human nature. But why seek answers in the behavior of these women? It's not about them; it's about you. Most of the women who wanted to be with you liked you for you. You didn't want them. That's why I say that the problem isn't the ladies - it's you. I'm just being blunt. You're the one who doesn't know what he wants. You're getting lots of "you go boys" for pulling in the 20-year-olds, which is fine and legal and everything, but you yourself write that you don't want them either, not really. You like that they want you, but that's not the same thing. It's just an ego boost, and presumably a less guilt-ridden one than lingering in an LTR with women who genuinely care about you and so you know you're going to hurt when you leave. I don't know; your challenge is to figure this out, of course, if you want it to be different. There's only this one exception - this ONE girl who you feel you were yourself with and she didn't want you then. I mean, that sucks, but dood. We've ALL been there. This is hardly gender specific. Who hasn't felt like they like someone SO MUCH and why oh why doesn't she like me back it's wrooooooooooooonnnnnnnngggggg... I think you need to get this person out of your head or you'll just remain emotionally unavailable to anyone else. She's not the ONE, because she doesn't want you back. It really is as simple as that. Edited March 12, 2013 by serial muse 1
Author CryForNoOne Posted March 12, 2013 Author Posted March 12, 2013 This OP posted in another thread about this FWB saying she is a 7 overall with perfect 10 boobs and how she is "Yuck" overall and how dare she like him because shes not good enough for him I think your problem is you have insanely high beauty standards and seem to be very entitled. No model looking woman will want to deal with your attitude I never said that! Several people on that thread stated that OLD for guys is only good for hooking up with girls beneath your tier. I replied I'm not looking for that because I have a FWB that satisfies my sexual needs, then I proceeded to rate her. I never said "Yuck" EVER nor did I say she was not good enough for me because of her looks. You inferred those things. I choose not to enter a LTR with her because of her personality. She's a sweet girl but low self esteem and no drive/challenge at all. I already replied to you in detail about that in the other thread. I will not deny I have insanely high beauty standards. I live in a beach community in LA and half my friends are actors/actresses so that's the norm I've become accustomed to.
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