LFH Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Just an observation, but I have observed that many married men tell their affair partners that their wives are ill (mentally or physically). Are you sure this is the case? I often wonder if it's because so many men have such poor coping mechanisms in regards to having to deal with that type of thing. Not necessarily that they are lying about it, but because instead of doing the right thing they cheat as a coping mechanism. Like kids that use too much ice cream too sooth themselves after they don't make the baseball team or something. Just a thought.
Author promises Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Regardless of how many lies he told you, you knew the guy was married and you CHOSE to enter into it. Married men hit on me constantly. I don't waste my time with them REGARDLESS of the lies and tales of woe they try to spoonfeed me. I don't partake in allowing them to feed me their bullsh*t sandwiches. Period. Rather than be angry at the lying dog that you knew was married, be angry at YOURSELF for making the wrong decision. Because really, that's what it boils down to, like it or not. And lastly, you SHOULD tell his wife exactly what a piece of sh*t she's really married to. I'm no longer angry at myself but glad everyone here thinks I should be. She knows he's a 'bastar#', her own words. Apparently, all to many women need to feel validation from trying to fix the guy.
Ellin Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I'm no longer angry at myself but glad everyone here thinks I should be. Not everyone here thinks you should be angry with yourself. I don't I think you should forgive yourself as you could not heal when continuously beating yourself up. I'm glad you're on the right path. Look after yourself. 2
Lostinlife4now Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Lost, "He has this I am better than everyone persona...(the kind you want to smack him right across the mouth)..his job is perfect...climbing the corporate ladder, his children are perfect...his family is perfect....and yet he was with me for 7 years, (I kicked him to the curb.) I just want to wipe that smug look off his face. It actually sickens me that he walks around like "He's the Man". As far as BW...no, I don't want to hurt her AT ALL. I want to HURT him. She does however deserve to know the truth. He always said that she would divorce him and take his kids away from him, and half his money, and his boy scout image. HAHAHAHAHA...In my eyes, he is a joke... I do PRAY everyday to get pass this. He had his fun and thrills, now it's back to the "perfect family life"! Thanks for letting me vent ladies!!!" All I need is an address. I would be happy to have you watch in the background while I kicked him in the shin then turned and walked away It sounds like he'd be absolutely mortified if some strange woman came up to him during a business lunch and did that, LOL I am sorry he is such a deuche. Oh my coming in hot.... Do you know him or what? Yes I WILL WATCH! And thank you....I needed a good laugh.... I might take you up on it sometime. :cool::cool::cool: 1
beenburned Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 S&S, I think her XMM was going to ask his wife for a divorce but then they found out she was really sick.(might die) He then changed his mind and stayed to help the wife and their grown kids go through her ending time period. I questioned his intent/motives as he was all set to walk out the door. I hope for everyone's sake it wasn't just to inherit her money/assets after her death.
Lostinlife4now Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Most BSs I've read from or talked to would LOVE the OW to tell them the truth. We aren't 'in denial' as may would love to think. We are dealing with the only facts we have. You could fill in a great many of the blanks but choose not to. Why? Do you owe MM something? Why keep his secret? Here's another secret - BSs are already hurt. Your words might sting in the moment, but they aren't going to crush a BS - the affair already did that. So please, if you are considering it, if you KNOW the MM is still lying to the BS, then tell. No, you don't owe the BS a thing, but do you owe MM something? Why continue to help him? This is particularly true if OM/OW is continuing to contact you. That's all. I hear you SS.... No, I don't owe MM ANYTHING! Actually, he owes me...ALOT! I think she should know so she can make a decision on HER life. But they are really into their kids...over the top....and they will NOT do anything to upset the children. I just want to f...up his little perfect world! Isn't that terrible? I know I never will....had told a gf of mine that I wanted to let his wife in on what he did/does....but she said "NO"...Bad Karma back on you! And believe me, I have had enough bad karma in my life already! She stated..Just Shut UP and walk away! Ewww.....
Author promises Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 That is someone else, however, xMM W is sick and they have small children. Point being, both she and I deserve better. I know longer want their life intertwined with mine. The whole situation is overwhelming.
Lostinlife4now Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 That's it right there. If my H were to contact OW I would want to know immediately. Would it hurt? Sure, but much less than finding out 3 years later that he'd been calling and thinking of her throughout the entire reconciliation. I can certainly understand wanting to screw up his world - honestly, I can. I wanted OW's world to tailspin. Awful, huh? But right after DDay I wanted her to feel as much pain as I did. She was treated like a queen while I suffered and was lied to. Why? Why did she deserve to walk away unscathed? I did tell her H, but not for revenge (although I didn't care at all how much hell she'd catch for what she'd done), but because if he had discovered it, I would absolutely want him to have told me. No way would I want to bury my head in the sand. So even if he suffers, even if you get joy from him suffering, BS still should know. Maybe she won't do anything to upset the kids, but maybe she will. Either way, shouldn't she move forward with him knowing the truth? Wouldn't you want to? I'm not saying you specifically should tell. I'm just responding to your comments. Not sure where your friend is coming from really. I guess everyone has their own opinion. Mine is always to tell the truth. If a couple is 'reconciling' and yet he is still contacting OW, he is very much lying to someone that is trying so hard to save something, because they are being lied to. They are being told the WS is sooooo sorry, and that the WS will never ever do anything like that again, and whatever other lies go along with a BS attempting to reconcile. They are making a very big decision and they don't have all the facts. No one owes a BS anything, but a little honesty goes a long way on the Karma bus imo. I think gf was saying...What she doesn't know....won't hurt her! The big thing I guess I would want to know....How MUCH was he lying to me about their R? Always wonder about that one! It would devastate him if his kids found out that daddy was NOT the "PERFECT FATHER" as he portrays himself to them. I know he is a good Dad...but......
LostintheStorm Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Promises thanks for starting this thread. Absolutely what was on my mind today. I am MOW in affair with MOM for four months. After telling me the usual stories about how miserable he was in marriage, no sex, no intimacy, shrew of a wife, he sends me an email telling me that they are going to counseling and he can't see me anymore. Of course, let's still be friends. Meanwhile, I was devastated, having already begun a separation with my H after realizing how unfulfilled I actually was in a near sexless 21 year marriage with little intimacy. He posts on FB about how he is so happy, etc. and still emails me. Sure, there is no flirting...yet. It's all about jobs, life, etc. but still. So, today, I just keep thinking I want to send an anonymous note to his wife to tell her that he has cheated on her TWICE (once before me). While they are supposedly working at reconciling, she has no idea. But, sadly, my true motivation would be for her to kick him to the curb so he'd come crawling back to me. I know that I'm still in the sickness of it all and I have to say that reading posts on here is incredibly helpful to get through it. It's almost eight weeks now since he sent the email and although I still have these thoughts of wanting him back, at least a get a little angry sometimes. And I guess that's part of the motivation of wanting to tell the wife too. What a mess!
Lostinlife4now Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 What someone doesn't know won't hurt them...until they find out. NO cheater thinks they'll be caught. Then the BS discovers the A, and all hell breaks loose. It's a weak argument at best. Her H isn't watching porn without her knowledge. That I'd say leave alone. He is actively pursuing another woman. He is doing so while lying to his wife's face about being sorry for having an affair. She is letting herself try, against every feeling she has, to trust him. She really should know, imo, that she's wasting her time and setting herself up for a massive fall. I understand not wanting to be the bearer of bad news. I do. I understand wanting to put it all behind you - again to all posters, the 'royal' you But as a BS, I understand SOOOO much wanting the truth and wishing someone, anyone, would just give it to me. Her H should do that, but he isn't obviously. An OM/OW was a party to hurting any BS. I would hope that somewhere in them they would drop the defensiveness and help the BS. She will never find out....live 2 states away, she is not allowed to go near his cellphone..Work Phone and SHE has NO ACCESS to his computer...And Yes he looks at PORN all the time on the computer....NO ONE in his life knew about me...And I mean no one....But on my end...I am single...quite a few people knew about him. And I never thought about good karma...being filled with honesty. I always only thought about BAD karma....
Recommended Posts