Next step: MC

March 8, 2013

Waiting for H to set up the counseling sessions through the EAP would have happend after Hades froze over. I gave him 2 weeks to do this, and he has not.

So I did, today.

Now, he's distant, morose, and acting as if I've in some way unilaterally sabotaged our marriage. He's unclear why I'm doing this--afterall, he's married to the love of his life...

Seriously, has he not been here for the past decade?

March 8, 2013

Its obviously clear to me that you've given a lot of deep thought to this entire situation that you find yourself in? And that you, unlike a lot of people (men and women) aren't reacting and making life altering decisions based up raw, gut emotions.

I commend you for this. Your thinking is dead on, and your actions are in step with a well thought-out, concise plan of action. It would seem to me that you've done and are doing everything that you can think of, conceive of, come up with, imagine to save your marriage ~ up to and including seeking the advice of professionals and experiences of others.

I really am a lot as to suggest what else you can or could do other than what your doing? It would seem to me based upon your post that your DH is in need not only of MC but also IC. It would seem to be that he's retarded (not to be connoted nor inferred in the traditional 'street language' term of the word ~ but literally) in his sexual development ~ growth ~ and maturity.

It would seem to be that he's entrapped in a 'fantasy land' which is where a lot of sexual fantasy's originate and dwell. The problem with fantasy ~ especially of the sexual kind is that they're most often is its a world populated by a population of one. From your previous post you've have clearly stated that you ~ for his sake ~ and for the sake of your marriage are willing to participate in that world. But its still a no-go?

I'm a strong advocate that if one is in a relationship just for sex? Then they need to look again. Sex in and of itself is seldom enough to sustain any relationship even on the short term.

Most fantasies need to be left in the realm of such a they seldom can sustain themselves in the light of reality. Reality simply being defined as the way things should be and the way they actually are? Fantasy adds another dimension to the equation? That of the way that one wishes they were. As I said ~ fantasy.

None of this necessarily right nor wrong ~ what is one man's trash is another man's treasure. What might not work for one? Is just fine and dandy for that of another? Whatever floats your boat, flips your trigger. What goes on between two consenting adults in the privacy of their own home and behind closed doors? That's their business in so long one suffers from it ~ mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically etc.

Given your reference to the very strong and powerful influence of the DH's mother and sister. His self admittance to masturbating of you? Your finding the porn in regards to sex toys, oral sex, anal sex? His abstinence of sex with you?

I would suggest you've got yourself a Autogynephilia pron.: /ˌ ɔː t oʊ ˌ ɡ aɪ n ə ˈ f ɪ l i ə /; from Greek “αὐτό-” (self), “γυνή” (woman) and “φιλία” (love) — "love of oneself as a woman")

When he 'self indulges' himself in his fantasy, when he does have sex with you? He's not imaging, visualising, fantasying in his brain housing group of such with you? He's doing so imagining, visualising, fantasying that he is you! The woman, receiving, giving, being penetrated.

With that said? (And I could be wrong? I'm no Dr. Phil! I'm just a very overly curious serendipitous scholar of sorts that reads one things that leads to another, that leads to another etc) + I'm not you with actual boots on the ground? But I would suggest if you look into it? The dots will begin to connect.

Here's a start for you?

Blanchard's transsexualism typology - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sorry for using wikipedia, but its late and I just got in from a grueling all night-er at work.

And again I could be wrong? And I hope that I am! And only you can sit in solitude to connect the ? and the ............ to an otherwise situation to where the math just doesn't add up? It only you that having spent all of these years with him, had children with, sleep each night next to him? That can have the "Aha! or "Eureka" moment when it all comes together and makes sense?

Before you go off on a wild tangent ~ and what I'm suggesting is that your married to a transgendered person who doesn't necessarily know that he is one? Given societal, cultural, sub-cultural, parential, school, religious and any and all kind of known and unknown influences throughout can be and is pretty confused about the current state of affairs himself? Don't be mislead for a second that just because he 'presents' himself in a overtly masculine manner, day-to-day that this isn't the case. Such individuals overcompensate less they draw the least bit of suspicious that they are anything other than the contrary? They're found in every strata of the social~economic~political~geographical~religious spectrum.

Most any and all sexual, cultural, societal, religious deviations (in the strict statistical sense of the word) from the so-called 'norm' are found in men. Their practically non-existent in women? For an example homosexuality occurs in approximately (Again in strict statistical definition of the word ~ as it applies solely to Statistics) in about 10% of men? (10 out of every 100 men) While in women? It occurs much less only in about 1 out 100?

For more information about such? You might want to read a book entitled "Brain Sex"

At first I thought your DH might be asexual? But from your posts the math didn't add up. (Sir Isaac Newton and Adolph Hitler were asexual. Sir Isaac Newton lived into his seventies and died a virgin ~ never revealing such until near death. Adolf Hitler was by all accounts asexual, and also a sexual deviant from the norm in that he enjoyed "Golden Showers' from his niece?) Both of them had dominant mothers, an Oedipus complex, and even a Madonna ~ Whore complex?

Highly intelligent people tend to have overly-developed sexual fantasies. The so-called 'normal' Wham, Bam, Thank Ya' Ma'am just doesn't get it for them?

Me? Myself and I consider myself one of them? But I learned early on in my twenties that when it comes to fantasy and sex? A lot of it is just ~ well way out there in the outher limits. (Thank you God for that revelation!)

Through the years I've learned that just because its out there, available , and an option? That's not necearrly something you or one should indulge?

Once you've danced with the devil? You don't change him! He changes you! And, that's just not something nor somewhere I want to go.

"I like to drink! I like whiskey! THAT'S the reason I don't drink!" ~ General Robert E. Lee

March 8, 2013

phillygirl, all I can say about this particular issue is...

To accept marriage counseling is to accept that there is a problem, and he has NOT accepted that there is a problem. I am sure you have tried to express your concerns to him, but he still does not recognize that they are deal breakers for you. As patiently as you can make him aware that the marital issues cause you a lot of grief, but do it in a way that doesn't make him think that MC will just be a "bitch about husband" session.

Also, MC is considered by some as the last step before divorce. You are choosing this path because you want to avoid divorce so make him feel comfortable MC is intended to improve the relationship, not destroy it.

March 8, 2013

phillygirl, all I can say about this particular issue is...

To accept marriage counseling is to accept that there is a problem, and he has NOT accepted that there is a problem. I am sure you have tried to express your concerns to him, but he still does not recognize that they are deal breakers for you. As patiently as you can make him aware that the marital issues cause you a lot of grief, but do it in a way that doesn't make him think that MC will just be a "bitch about husband" session.

Also, MC is considered by some as the last step before divorce. You are choosing this path because you want to avoid divorce so make him feel comfortable MC is intended to improve the relationship, not destroy it.

Thanks, once more for perspective.

I'd however like to offer you three pieces of information:

1- This is NOT the first time we've been in MC. It was the 2nd attempt that he revealed these conflicted issues with his sexuality. So he IS well aware. He's just chosen not to do the work.

2- The purpose of MC is multi-faceted: In this regard it is to "get real" that we've reach that point in our marriage. I am well aware that this marriage needs to end, so that we can BOTH move on; and focus on our new relationship as PARENTS.

3- I have young children. Hence, the logistics of walking away are very tricky. Hence, why I am here to gain support and perspective.

Edited March 8, 2013 by phillygirl

March 8, 2013

Its obviously clear to me that you've given a lot of deep thought to this entire situation that you find yourself in? And that you, unlike a lot of people (men and women) aren't reacting and making life altering decisions based up raw, gut emotions.

I commend you for this. Your thinking is dead on, and your actions are in step with a well thought-out, concise plan of action. It would seem to me that you've done and are doing everything that you can think of, conceive of, come up with, imagine to save your marriage ~ up to and including seeking the advice of professionals and experiences of others.

I really am a lot as to suggest what else you can or could do other than what your doing? It would seem to me based upon your post that your DH is in need not only of MC but also IC. It would seem to be that he's retarded (not to be connoted nor inferred in the traditional 'street language' term of the word ~ but literally) in his sexual development ~ growth ~ and maturity.

It would seem to be that he's entrapped in a 'fantasy land' which is where a lot of sexual fantasy's originate and dwell. The problem with fantasy ~ especially of the sexual kind is that they're most often is its a world populated by a population of one. From your previous post you've have clearly stated that you ~ for his sake ~ and for the sake of your marriage are willing to participate in that world. But its still a no-go?

I'm a strong advocate that if one is in a relationship just for sex? Then they need to look again. Sex in and of itself is seldom enough to sustain any relationship even on the short term.

Most fantasies need to be left in the realm of such a they seldom can sustain themselves in the light of reality. Reality simply being defined as the way things should be and the way they actually are? Fantasy adds another dimension to the equation? That of the way that one wishes they were. As I said ~ fantasy.

None of this necessarily right nor wrong ~ what is one man's trash is another man's treasure. What might not work for one? Is just fine and dandy for that of another? Whatever floats your boat, flips your trigger. What goes on between two consenting adults in the privacy of their own home and behind closed doors? That's their business in so long one suffers from it ~ mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically etc.

Given your reference to the very strong and powerful influence of the DH's mother and sister. His self admittance to masturbating of you? Your finding the porn in regards to sex toys, oral sex, anal sex? His abstinence of sex with you?

I would suggest you've got yourself a Autogynephilia pron.: /ˌ ɔː t oʊ ˌ ɡ aɪ n ə ˈ f ɪ l i ə /; from Greek “αὐτό-” (self), “γυνή” (woman) and “φιλία” (love) — "love of oneself as a woman")

When he 'self indulges' himself in his fantasy, when he does have sex with you? He's not imaging, visualising, fantasying in his brain housing group of such with you? He's doing so imagining, visualising, fantasying that he is you! The woman, receiving, giving, being penetrated.

With that said? (And I could be wrong? I'm no Dr. Phil! I'm just a very overly curious serendipitous scholar of sorts that reads one things that leads to another, that leads to another etc) + I'm not you with actual boots on the ground? But I would suggest if you look into it? The dots will begin to connect.

Here's a start for you?

Blanchard's transsexualism typology - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sorry for using wikipedia, but its late and I just got in from a grueling all night-er at work.

And again I could be wrong? And I hope that I am! And only you can sit in solitude to connect the ? and the ............ to an otherwise situation to where the math just doesn't add up? It only you that having spent all of these years with him, had children with, sleep each night next to him? That can have the "Aha! or "Eureka" moment when it all comes together and makes sense?

Before you go off on a wild tangent ~ and what I'm suggesting is that your married to a transgendered person who doesn't necessarily know that he is one? Given societal, cultural, sub-cultural, parential, school, religious and any and all kind of known and unknown influences throughout can be and is pretty confused about the current state of affairs himself? Don't be mislead for a second that just because he 'presents' himself in a overtly masculine manner, day-to-day that this isn't the case. Such individuals overcompensate less they draw the least bit of suspicious that they are anything other than the contrary? They're found in every strata of the social~economic~political~geographical~religious spectrum.

Most any and all sexual, cultural, societal, religious deviations (in the strict statistical sense of the word) from the so-called 'norm' are found in men. Their practically non-existent in women? For an example homosexuality occurs in approximately (Again in strict statistical definition of the word ~ as it applies solely to Statistics) in about 10% of men? (10 out of every 100 men) While in women? It occurs much less only in about 1 out 100?

For more information about such? You might want to read a book entitled "Brain Sex"

At first I thought your DH might be asexual? But from your posts the math didn't add up. (Sir Isaac Newton and Adolph Hitler were asexual. Sir Isaac Newton lived into his seventies and died a virgin ~ never revealing such until near death. Adolf Hitler was by all accounts asexual, and also a sexual deviant from the norm in that he enjoyed "Golden Showers' from his niece?) Both of them had dominant mothers, an Oedipus complex, and even a Madonna ~ Whore complex?

Highly intelligent people tend to have overly-developed sexual fantasies. The so-called 'normal' Wham, Bam, Thank Ya' Ma'am just doesn't get it for them?

Me? Myself and I consider myself one of them? But I learned early on in my twenties that when it comes to fantasy and sex? A lot of it is just ~ well way out there in the outher limits. (Thank you God for that revelation!)

Through the years I've learned that just because its out there, available , and an option? That's not necearrly something you or one should indulge?

Once you've danced with the devil? You don't change him! He changes you! And, that's just not something nor somewhere I want to go.

"I like to drink! I like whiskey! THAT'S the reason I don't drink!" ~ General Robert E. Lee

Very interesting perspective.... I'd need to respond in more detail when I have more time.

Be well..

March 8, 2013

Thanks, once more for perspective.

I'd however like to offer you three pieces of information:

1- This is NOT the first time we've been in MC. It was the 2nd attempt that he revealed these conflicted issues with his sexuality. So he IS well aware. He's just chosen not to do the work.

2- The purpose of MC is multi-faceted: In this regard it is to "get real" that we've reach that point in our marriage. I am well aware that this marriage needs to end, so that we can BOTH move on; and focus on our new relationship as PARENTS.

3- I have young children. Hence, the logistics of walking away are very tricky. Hence, why I am here to gain support and perspective.

I'm confused here. If you want it to end and believe it needs to, why bother with the MC? Isn't that for show at this point? And a waste of money and time? If you want to focus on the kids, I think a different type of counseling is used for that and/or co-parenting classes, no?

March 8, 2013

Very interesting perspective.... I'd need to respond in more detail when I have more time.

Be well..

I have to go to work, I work the "Can to Can't Shift" ~ somedays its eight hours, and then some days its thirteen to fourteen hours ~ never can tell until you get there and get up into it, because its a "just-in-time-inventory" auto parts manufacturing plant, with trucks literally coming and going every fifteen minutes. Just too many un-known varibales to predict at any given moment of the day.

All that to say ~ it will be tomorrow before I'm back on here again. Also, what I posted is just what popped in my head yesterday while at work? (My job gives a LOT of time to "Thunk" about different things!

I'm no Dr. Ruth or Phil, I just like to read and learn about a lot of different things ~ and as subsequent know a lot about lot of different things. Go figure.

March 8, 2013

(Schytt, now I got visions of Dr Ruth in full combat gear. Thanks for that..... )

March 8, 2013

I'm confused here. If you want it to end and believe it needs to, why bother with the MC? Isn't that for show at this point? And a waste of money and time? If you want to focus on the kids, I think a different type of counseling is used for that and/or co-parenting classes, no?

Sorry if this is confusing. I'll try to clarify.

The purpose for the MC is to address the issues which led to the demise of our marriage. It is indeed NOT for show. I am resolute that this needs to end. He is in denial. We have children. While the traditional purpose of MC may indeed be to "fix" the marriage, this is not my intent.

We are at different stages, and require professional intervention.

Best

March 8, 2013

It's still pointless.

"A man convinced against his will

Is of the same opinion, still."

Now, he's distant, morose, and acting as if I've in some way unilaterally sabotaged our marriage.

You know it's over.

He's reluctant - not to say completely resentful and resistant - about MC.

So why drag this out?

You're not at 'different stages'.

You're at total odds.

You're in Divorce mode

He's in Denial.

He's just chosen not to do the work.

Look, you do whatever you need to do, but there comes a time when all you're actually doing is this - and you have to stop......

March 8, 2013

It's still pointless.

"A man convinced against his will
Is of the same opinion, still."

You know it's over.
He's reluctant - not to say completely resentful and resistant - about MC.

So why drag this out?

You're not at 'different stages'.
You're at total odds.

You're in Divorce mode
He's in Denial.

Look, you do whatever you need to do, but there comes a time when all you're actually doing is this - and you have to stop......

You're 100% correct! There's not really a whole lot I can debate about what you've written. To a large degree, the C is more to discuss how to handle things going forward and because we have kids. Yet, for the purpose of the EAP, the semantics are MC. Also, a part of me needs to demonstrate due diligence that I have done all that I can; hence, D is the only logical solution.

I am meeting with an atty Monday.

In addition, for reasons I posted in a previous thread, I can not just run, file and be done. There are logistical issues, which preclude my hasty departure. Not expecting anyone to "get it", nor am I asking for advice on how to do it, I am just needing support. :-(

Be well.

Edited March 9, 2013 by phillygirl

March 9, 2013

You're 100% correct! There's not really a whole lot I can debate about what you've written. To a large degree, the C is more to discuss how to handle things going forward and because we have kids. Yet, for the purpose of the EAP, the semantics are MC. Also, a part of me needs to demonstrate due diligence that I have done all that I can; hence, D is the only logical solution.

I am meeting with an atty Monday.

In addition, for reasons I posted in a previous thread, I can not just run, file and be done. There are logistical issues, which preclude my hasty departure. Not expecting anyone to "get it", nor am I asking for advice on how to do it, I am just needing support. :-(

Be well.

Wow! This sounds like a "Five Paragrapgh Order" ~ which is basically what we use in the Marines to precisely, coniscely, and excute a planned military operation ~ more often than not? One dealing with combat. The short and sweet of it is that it answers the "Who? What? When? Where? and How?"

The short version of it is somewhere along of the lines of "YOU! YOU! AND YOU! Come with me! The rest of you scream and shout, run in circles with your hands in the air and for the love of Pete at least ACT like you know what the Hell your doing! If ANYONE should come along and ask you what in tha' Hell your doing? Tell them "They" told you to. If they ask who "They" is? Tell them you don't know but Gunny took three other guys with him to go find out and shoot the SOB!"

It sounds to me as though you've got a really good handle on things and you've throught things through. For you? Its not a question of "if" the divorce is going to happen, but when and how its going to happen?

That's something that is called "Leadership" and incorporates some of the Fourteen Principals of Leardership ~ being decsive, resolute, assertative, etc.

Sex, (Or a lack thereof) isn't necessarly a good and solid reason for divorce? Although in a lot of states to include Alabama it is grounds for divorce. It takes on is on divisions and sub-divisions ~ etc.

But any man that has had the good common sense to make the most miscule of efforts to comprehend and understand women? Quits being a fool and gets back into school? Knows that to and for most women the actual act of sex ~ in and of itself ~ is but a small part of the gratification they receive from sex. The whole foreplaly, intercourse, afterplay scernario. Of making a woman feel wanted, needed, desired, attractive, appealing, appreciated, and dare I say it? Loved and special? Set aside from any and others that are women. To be made moe than just a V.L.S.S. ~ "Vaginal Life Support System" or a "Sperm Depository"? I mean really is that too much to ask? I think not.

Most men as I said or prone toward toward some sort of sexual deviation ~ perversion or the other. Regardless of their choice of posion? They most all lay in visually (at least in their minds eye ~ their imagination ~ their fantasy world) of "objectiving" women. as a VLSS or just a sperm depostiory ~ and not as an individaul, living, breathing, emotional, physical being with wants, needs and desires of their own.

The short version of it? They don't just get it.

A man can go in and shower a woman with gifts, flowers, diamonds, material things and still loose her to another. I know exactally how to steal some woman from another man? Take the time to get to know her, understand her, her wants, her desires, her fantasies as and of a woman, (It seldom is "Wham! Bam! Thank You ma'am!"

Don't just go and buy and send her flowers, diamonds, and material things etc. Put some thought into it, get to know her, her wants, her needs, her desires, her little quirks.

There's the major tradional occassions? Christmas, birthdays, Valentines Day, Mother's Day. But a man needs to specially custom-made tailor othr and significant things that are specific to the woman that he's with. And to do that? He needs to listen! Listen to her, and then run to the bathroom and make crib notes on bathroom toliet paper if you have to!

Before Mrs. Gunny ~ way back in tha' day? I was in an LTR with a school teacher. Six and half years. We shacked up during my last hitch in the Corps before I retired?

School teacher? You bet at the beginning of every school year? I was out looking and a shopping for some school teacher related items at Hallmarks to go into her classroom, to make her feel special as a individual, as a woman, as a professional. It never just one thing? It would be a 'grab bag' of things. Something to put on her desk, a coffee or drink mug, a teacher related picture frame, an expensive pen, or something just as simple as some markers.

In the military for anyone that stays and makes it a career? You learn quick, fast and a hurry like to always wear a watch, carry two pens, and have something to write on. My watch of choice? (I always had two on me ~ one on my wrist and one in my pocket?) Was the Casio Databank Watch. ShopCasio.com | Databank I could store info, phone numbers, etc into it. Use it for timing "timed events" such as running, had a count-down timer etc. Its dorky as hell! And I caught a lot of grieve from it. That was back in the day? Now we have cell phones.

March 9, 2013

Back in tha' day before we had Ipads, Iphones, phone apps, etc ad nauseum? I used a 5X4 index card system. I carried everywhere I went a case that you can get from any office supply depot store. Oxford At Hand Note Card Case Black 3 38 D x 38 H x 5 916 W Pack Of 25 Cards Included by Office Depot

I still do! I'm out and about and Mrs Gunny makes a comment about this or that? Or "Oh! I really like that! or "Oh, I would love to have that!" You can bet your sweet azz I'm excusing myself to go look in the "Guy-Zone" of the store to make a quick note to myself.

This goes into a card file system ~ listed 1 through 31 days, and then by months, and then by year? Its called a "Ticker File" Ticker File - Google Search

A month, two months, six months, ~ Hell a year later? I come up with this that or the other? You can believe I'm the man!

March 9, 2013

Men make the mistake of thinking that women are with them because they're this, that, or the other? Because they're successful and make a lot of money? Or because they've a big ______________________fill in the blank?)

WRONG!

Women get and stay with men because of how they (the men) make them feel GOOD, POSITIVE, RE-ASSURED, AFFIRMED, CONFIDENT, SELF ASSURED, RE-ASSURED, HAPPY, ~

ABOUT THEMSELEVES WHEN THEY'RE WITH THEM (The men)

March 9, 2013

Men are also stupid enough to belive that women actually like going along with their own particular version of sex? They go a long with it, because they love you stupid, ignorant azz and want to please you, and want you to keep of doing what and fulfilling what I just posted.

Making them feel good about themselves in any and everyway when they're with you!

Such as the OP of this thread.

March 9, 2013

Mr. Gunny,

you are my new favorite thing

Ironically, my background is in policy and strategy, and my mentor is x-Military.

So, you read correctly: I am indeed strategically exiting this M. It's not a game nor stall tactics. It is strategic.

But...it doesn't negate the enormous emotional toll this has taken on me. Especially when--as you wrote--he will shower me with gift, flowers, jewerly, never miss a holiday, et al.

Yet, there is a huge chasm regarding intimacy (not just sex, mind you).

But, regarding sex...its clear that many in the LS community have very strong opinions regarding female sexuality. Especially regarding women who appear someone sexually confident. On two threads when I mentioned my issuses with H, I was told that I was:

1- A nymphomaniac, in denial about my pathological hypersexuality, mental illness, and self-destructive behavior fueled by my insatiable need to be desired...blah blah blah

2- A sl*t devoid of a moral compass, who only wants to be banged by every dude in the bar. Basically dude just went all "Sandra Fluke" on me.

Both were reported, posts removed and warned.

So, I do appreciate when a man can read between the lines and discern that not all men are sexually stable, and that when there are issues in a LTR it is not, by default, the female partner.

In addition, I have often questioned repressed sexual identity with my H. So to see others broach this just provides another perspective.

Merci!

Hope you and Mrs Gunny have a great day.

March 9, 2013

A woman was walking along the beach in Malibu Calfornia around sunset one evening. As she did so she came across and ornate ~ Oriential looking bottle. She picked up and pulled the top off. As she did so, a plume of smoke came out, all different kinds of colors, mauve, purple, pink, blue, ............................

Out popped a Genie! And he was seriusly PO!

"Man! Get out of here! Your like the 1000th person that's found me this week. Its been a rough week, all this over-time is killing me! You only get ONE wish! Make it a good one!"

She thought for a moment and she told him, "Well I've always wanted to go to Hawai! But I'm scared to death of flying after 9/11! And I saw the movie "Titantic" and there's no way I would go by boat! How about building me a highway so I could just drive there?"

The Genie looked at her like she was some kind of stupid! "Look Lady! I'm good, probally one of the best there's ever been! But build you a 2500 or so mile highway across the deepest ocean in the world? Get out of here with that! Don't wish for the impossible! Make another wish, something more realistic and do-able, OK?

She thought for a moment, and then said, "Well I've been married and diovrced six times! I've just dumped my upteenth boy friend! I just don't get men! I don't understand them! That's what I wish for I wished I understood men!"

The Genie turned his back on her, looked out over the Pacific Ocean as the sun was setting on the horizon, cocked his head back over his shoiulder toward her as she stood on the beach and said ~

"Do you want that highway with two lanes or four?"

Edited March 9, 2013 by Gunny376

March 9, 2013

Apropos...

March 10, 2013

Hi, Phillygirl. I can relate to your post. I joined today because of it. I just posted one of my own. Hope you have some insights.

March 10, 2013

I am just needing support.

I fear that soon I, too, may be walking the road you're on. Divorce is such devastation. However, it sounds like you have a solid plan and approach. Protect kids by protecting yourself. Don't worry about his sexual confusion. You can't fix him. As long as he doesn't have some behavior that jeopardizes the children, you do what you must. Good luck.

March 10, 2013

I fear that soon I, too, may be walking the road you're on. Divorce is such devastation. However, it sounds like you have a solid plan and approach. Protect kids by protecting yourself. Don't worry about his sexual confusion. You can't fix him. As long as he doesn't have some behavior that jeopardizes the children, you do what you must. Good luck.

Thanks!

I haven't yet read your post (on my way-tho) but you are correct: sexual dysfunction in men is more than just ED. You can't simply take a pill and voila! everything's better. The more I'm learning about male sexual dysfunction, the more my situation become clear. And the more vehement I am to end this M.

Fortunately, I do not have any concerns about my children with him. He's a good dad. And I've witnessed tremendous growth in that area over the years. It's just with me: naw..

March 11, 2013

Sorry if this is confusing. I'll try to clarify.

The purpose for the MC is to address the issues which led to the demise of our marriage. It is indeed NOT for show. I am resolute that this needs to end. He is in denial. We have children. While the traditional purpose of MC may indeed be to "fix" the marriage, this is not my intent.

We are at different stages, and require professional intervention.

Best

Still confused. Sorry. Is the intent to find out what his problem is? If you've decided it's over, what's that point. You're already determined to move on. Sounds to me HE needs the therapy. Is it your form of closure?

March 11, 2013

Still confused. Sorry. Is the intent to find out what his problem is? If you've decided it's over, what's that point. You're already determined to move on. Sounds to me HE needs the therapy. Is it your form of closure?

No and Yes.

Edited March 11, 2013 by phillygirl

Sign In

Next step: MC

Recommended Posts

phillygirl

Gunny376

imtooconfused

phillygirl

phillygirl

GuyInLimbo

Gunny376

TaraMaiden

phillygirl

TaraMaiden

phillygirl

Gunny376

Gunny376

Gunny376

Gunny376

phillygirl

Gunny376

phillygirl

Techie Artist

Techie Artist

phillygirl

GuyInLimbo

phillygirl

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...