Why play games? Nobody wins.

[Estate]

So here is my story, I'll try keep it short.

 

I met a girl about 2 weeks ago, we've been out twice and have plans for the weekend... all good right?

 

Well she's a lovely girl but she made it known early on that she is "traditional", she likes guys who make all the nice gestures and so on...

 

Well that's fine I think. If I'm interested in a girl, I certainly will do my best to treat her well and make her happy.

 

But all this being said... she is "testing" me a lot. For example... she let me know she was free on Friday and said she'd like me to surprise her with what we'd do.

So it's only the third date, I got tickets to a comedy show downtown and said we'd go for drinks afterwards, there's an awesome new lounge bar nearby.

 

So today she gets in touch and doesn't want to get the subway into town (we live on opposite sides of city), she wants me to pick her up and "hold the door like a gentleman". Normally I'd think sure, but I have a strict zero alcohol policy if I'm driving and since I'd actually have to go through town, out to her and back into the city on a Friday evening, there's no way we'd make the show. So she was a little miffed but understood. Next she asked if we could go back to mine after... again, all fine but it made more sense to meet halfway, then get a cab home later in the night.

 

Then she wanted to go see her friends after, who happen to live near me... so now I'm just going... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIT ALL THIS IN???

But we could leave town after the show and just go back near mine to see her friends...

 

Next she texts, she's leaving work late so again, there was no way we'd make the show either way... and then she said she wouldn't be able to eat... so I'm supposed to "suggest" I buy her dinner before the show, but we wouldn't even have time to get there if there was no dinner... and I'm supposed to buy BOTH?

 

So we could work at least SOME of this out if she was to stay at mine but she has to work early Saturday so I'd have to drive her home again after (another hour at least) which then rules out any drinks in the city or with her friends....

 

At this point I'm thinking..... WHY AM I DOING THIS?

 

Before anyone suggests she's making it hard because she's not into me, this girl literally does not stop texting and asking to meet up... so it's not that...

 

But I can see, she is dropping hints everywhere to see if I act like a "gentleman", pick her up, buy her dinner, take her to a show, spin her all over town, probably buy flowers.... heck I don't know....

 

And while I love to treat a girl I'm seeing well, I can't stand people fishing for things and playing games about it.

It's like being at a restaurant and the waiter is just fishing for a big tip. I usually tip really well but if the guy is fishing for it... it makes me not want to tip him so well... he shouldn't be fishing for it before we even make our order!

 

So this is a prime example for the girls... this is a lovely girl. I really like her, she's very sweet and she's very into me.

 

But playing games and fishing for me to do things and grand gestures after only a couple of dates is just turning me right off.

I could spend my Friday with friends, I could get another date.. I want to chill out and unwind after the week, have a few drinks, enjoy some entertainment and just take it easy... and I thought she'd be up for having a fun night...

... but now she's turning it into so much pressure, I'll be running around town, can't relax and have a drink, can't take our time, spending an absolute FORTUNE between shows and dinners if I was to go through with all this....

... I'm just totally turned off it right now.

 

 

Girls, why make things so hard? You're only making it hard for yourself when the guy who was initially really into you just looses interest.

[jasonmarz]

It just started imagen how it's going to be after!.. if shes worth it then stick with it for a bit if not then exit.

 

So here is my story, I'll try keep it short.

 

I met a girl about 2 weeks ago, we've been out twice and have plans for the weekend... all good right?

 

Well she's a lovely girl but she made it known early on that she is "traditional", she likes guys who make all the nice gestures and so on...

 

Well that's fine I think. If I'm interested in a girl, I certainly will do my best to treat her well and make her happy.

 

But all this being said... she is "testing" me a lot. For example... she let me know she was free on Friday and said she'd like me to surprise her with what we'd do.

So it's only the third date, I got tickets to a comedy show downtown and said we'd go for drinks afterwards, there's an awesome new lounge bar nearby.

 

So today she gets in touch and doesn't want to get the subway into town (we live on opposite sides of city), she wants me to pick her up and "hold the door like a gentleman". Normally I'd think sure, but I have a strict zero alcohol policy if I'm driving and since I'd actually have to go through town, out to her and back into the city on a Friday evening, there's no way we'd make the show. So she was a little miffed but understood. Next she asked if we could go back to mine after... again, all fine but it made more sense to meet halfway, then get a cab home later in the night.

 

Then she wanted to go see her friends after, who happen to live near me... so now I'm just going... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIT ALL THIS IN???

But we could leave town after the show and just go back near mine to see her friends...

 

Next she texts, she's leaving work late so again, there was no way we'd make the show either way... and then she said she wouldn't be able to eat... so I'm supposed to "suggest" I buy her dinner before the show, but we wouldn't even have time to get there if there was no dinner... and I'm supposed to buy BOTH?

 

So we could work at least SOME of this out if she was to stay at mine but she has to work early Saturday so I'd have to drive her home again after (another hour at least) which then rules out any drinks in the city or with her friends....

 

At this point I'm thinking..... WHY AM I DOING THIS?

 

Before anyone suggests she's making it hard because she's not into me, this girl literally does not stop texting and asking to meet up... so it's not that...

 

But I can see, she is dropping hints everywhere to see if I act like a "gentleman", pick her up, buy her dinner, take her to a show, spin her all over town, probably buy flowers.... heck I don't know....

 

And while I love to treat a girl I'm seeing well, I can't stand people fishing for things and playing games about it.

It's like being at a restaurant and the waiter is just fishing for a big tip. I usually tip really well but if the guy is fishing for it... it makes me not want to tip him so well... he shouldn't be fishing for it before we even make our order!

 

So this is a prime example for the girls... this is a lovely girl. I really like her, she's very sweet and she's very into me.

 

But playing games and fishing for me to do things and grand gestures after only a couple of dates is just turning me right off.

I could spend my Friday with friends, I could get another date.. I want to chill out and unwind after the week, have a few drinks, enjoy some entertainment and just take it easy... and I thought she'd be up for having a fun night...

... but now she's turning it into so much pressure, I'll be running around town, can't relax and have a drink, can't take our time, spending an absolute FORTUNE between shows and dinners if I was to go through with all this....

... I'm just totally turned off it right now.

 

 

Girls, why make things so hard? You're only making it hard for yourself when the guy who was initially really into you just looses interest.

[iKING]

Don't hate the player, hate the game..

 

Sorry, just had to say that.

 

If the girl insist on being so high maintenance and It's frustrating you to no ends to deliver what she requests, it may be time to move onto someone a little more easy going.

 

Why can't she just have a good time spending time with you?

[outsidethebox]

The only thing that bothers me about this is your grumping about buying dinner too. You should be happy about it. Yes, it costs money and later on in life she'll be doing a lot of cooking for you and that's a lot of effort too.

 

The gentleman stuff is spooky, tell her door you open don't have to be car doors, but I'm thinking she just wants first class transportation not the tube (as the Brits say) to show her how much you care. It's not compatible with having a good time including some drinks though. I don't know, how does that work for you the rest of your life?

[spice4life]

Tell her to put the "Rules" book away...lol. She definitely sounds a bit over the top wanting you to do all of that. You planned a nice date and she should appreciate your efforts and enjoy the evening. If you feel she is being unreasonable (which she is) then tell her just like you explained it here. If she reacts negatively then my guess is you should reconsider dating her.

[ltjg45]

She sounds too demanding.

 

First, she wants the man to take care of the "traditional" roles and now she wants him to do all of that while dealing with all of these restrictions along the way.

 

All the work and pressure for the male and what is she doing to help out on this? Nothing.

 

I can't blame the OP if he bolts. I would too.

[Keenly]

I'm always a gentlemen, but that doesn't mean I'm going to bend over backwards to a girls demands that SHE be the most important thing of the entire night.

 

If I were you, I would be thinking "there is no 'us', there is only her"

 

 

What exactly has this woman done to show YOU that YOU are desired?

[Phoe]

If she's this high maintenance to begin with, imagine how she'd act further on down the line.

 

I personally have never understood why men put up with girls like this. How is any of this pleasant/fun for you?

[Keenly]

If she's this high maintenance to begin with, imagine how she'd act further on down the line.

 

I personally have never understood why men put up with girls like this. How is any of this pleasant/fun for you?

 

She's probably gorgeous.

[Estate]

It's totally not fun.

 

I wasn't really posting to ask for advice. I know what to do here.

To be honest, it's Friday night. I want to unwind and have a few drinks, no rush, no pressure.

I'm totally fine with buying dinners or tickets or whatever for a girl, infact I already did that and it wasn't enough.

While I want to have a fun date, a fun night out and show her a good time in the process... what I don't want to do is spend my night driving back and forth around town and since I have to fit all this in between her leaving work late on Friday and having to be home early due to working Saturday.... there's just no way I'm doing all of this.

 

The point though is that she's obviously testing me here to see if I weigh up to her ideals.

 

But what she doesn't seem to see in all of this is that there's a guy who was actually pretty into her... and given that fact would certaintly be up for treating her well and planning some fun dates... and now I'm just totally turned off.

 

Why don't women get this? It's a third date. I don't owe her anything. I could easily have asked someone else out tomorrow but I chose not to.

Now I'm almost regretting it.

 

Why play these games and push a guy away when he was actually pretty into it in the first place without all these games.... you are your own worst enemies when playing this stuff.

 

As it is... I send her back a message and told her what we were doing... we're not doing all of that stuff though... I made plans, that's what we're doing.

If she wants more there needs to be a little give and take or there won't be a 4th date. We'll see if she lets up.

[clia]

You have exited Game Playing Land and entered Cuckoo Land. She sounds nuts to me!

[truth_seeker]

If a woman truly likes you then there are no games. Get a clue: she's not into you. If she liked you she wouldn't RISK pushing you away with this immature behavior.

[filani]

I'm always a gentlemen, but that doesn't mean I'm going to bend over backwards to a girls demands that SHE be the most important thing of the entire night.

 

If I were you, I would be thinking "there is no 'us', there is only her"

 

 

What exactly has this woman done to show YOU that YOU are desired?

 

The 'no nonsense man' Marc Rudov describes this phenomenon perfectly , it's called a pavlovian relationship

 

Marc H. Rudov -- Chasing Pavlovian Sex

 

She's basically 'training' him to be a good boy with her rules and regulations , demands etc under the guise of 'treating her like a lady' LOL

The OP gets 90% of the blame for accepting her bad behavior believing that her stringing him along by way of constant text msgs is proof that she's really into him * forehead smack*

 

@ OP

 

Do yourself a big favor and read the article In the link I provided. Let the truths contained there seep into your heart and soul then maybe , just maybe you can stop yourself from being treated like a doormat !

[Estate]

The 'no nonsense man' Marc Rudov describes this phenomenon perfectly , it's called a pavlovian relationship

 

Marc H. Rudov -- Chasing Pavlovian Sex

 

She's basically 'training' him to be a good boy with her rules and regulations , demands etc under the guise of 'treating her like a lady' LOL

The OP gets 90% of the blame for accepting her bad behavior believing that her stringing him along by way of constant text msgs is proof that she's really into him * forehead smack*

 

@ OP

 

Do yourself a big favor and read the article In the link I provided. Let the truths contained there seep into your heart and soul then maybe , just maybe you can stop yourself from being treated like a doormat !

 

Eh, guys.... I repeat... I posted this because I KNOW WHAT SHE IS DOING!!!

 

I'm not looking for advice, I know what to do and I know what she is doing.

 

What I was asking was.... WHY DO GIRL BOTHER WITH THIS CRAP?

 

This girl obviously wants a boyfriend she can whip. I met her, thought she was nice and didn't see any reason not to continue and see where things go.

Now I have lost interest...

 

... if she just played it cool and acted normal she might have met a great guy... but she played games and will now lose him.

 

Why do girls shoot themselves in the foot with this crap? It's dumb.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Wow, that's a lot of bs.

 

If I were you, I would have just said something like "I'm doing _____ . If you want to come cool. If not, no worries."

 

Generally, if I'm not having fun with a girl or she's clearly playing games, I'll say something like that.....and either she comes around or she leaves.

 

You have to be willing to let the girl go.

[SJC2008]

If she's this high maintenance to begin with, imagine how she'd act further on down the line.

 

I personally have never understood why men put up with girls like this. How is any of this pleasant/fun for you?

 

There's only one woman that I'd put up with this type of behavior and that's you Phoe;)

 

In all serioussness OP, I wouldn't classify this as games, more high maintenance possibly controlling.

[Phoe]

There's only one woman that I'd put up with this type of behavior and that's you Phoe;)

 

In all serioussness OP, I wouldn't classify this as games, more high maintenance possibly controlling.

 

 

I would never put a person through that, no matter how willing they are! haha

 

OP, women do this to guys when they want to see how far they can push the limits. How much crap can she make a guy deal with before he takes off? If she TRULY liked you she wouldn't dare risk it, but the fact that she's willing to risk losing you to see how many hoops a guy will jump through for her... well, I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm saying.

 

Pretty crappy thing of her to do

[DC4]

Two things:

 

1. I don't think she's playing games actually. She sounds extremely unorganized and just flighty and a bit of a disaster.

 

2. I'm going to get bashed for this but I don't care. A couple of years ago I would have bashed a woman for saying this as well. I'm sorry dudes, but you respond MUCH better when women aren't making things easy. When I'm accessible I don't get asked out as often, the calls and texts slow down and treated like a pal, not a date. When I'm busy (or just done feeling like I'm doing the heavy lifting) and become less accessible, the guy is like a tick I can't pry off. The last clown I broke up with (as in "I do not wish to see you anymore") has given me more attention and sweet words than in the few months we dated. Same thing with the guy I'm dating now. It's fine at first, men love the attention at first of course. Once they realize you're in the bag, it's a whole different scenario.

 

Feel free to comment/deny/yell because like I said, this is something I vehemently disagreed with until I started dating again late last summer.

[CudLRoo]

Speaking as a guy, that's too much gaming going on there, especially the 'holding the door' thing. Is she bipolar?

 

I like playing the gent myself, but that's entering butler territory, only the entire CITY is her territory, better start calling yourself 'Alfred'. Very unreasonable, she should tone it down a tad, it would be much more fun in lesser quantities, by the sound of it.

 

I read somewhere that many guys don't often realise that they're usually quite physically imposing to the woman, so some women like to get power over the dude with games such as these, or merely by nagging one into submission.

 

We'll never truly figure 'em out.

[clia]

2. I'm going to get bashed for this but I don't care. A couple of years ago I would have bashed a woman for saying this as well. I'm sorry dudes, but you respond MUCH better when women aren't making things easy. When I'm accessible I don't get asked out as often, the calls and texts slow down and treated like a pal, not a date. When I'm busy (or just done feeling like I'm doing the heavy lifting) and become less accessible, the guy is like a tick I can't pry off. The last clown I broke up with (as in "I do not wish to see you anymore") has given me more attention and sweet words than in the few months we dated. Same thing with the guy I'm dating now. It's fine at first, men love the attention at first of course. Once they realize you're in the bag, it's a whole different scenario.

 

Truth.

 

But...the same is true with respect to how women act when men are less accessible. How many posts do we see on here about women who haven't heard from a guy in days or weeks, and wanting to know whether they should text/call him? We even see quite a few posts from women who claim to not be that interested in a guy, yet they want to know whether they should call or text him. Suddenly that guy got a whole lot more interesting when he stopped calling...

 

It's the whole "you want what you can't get" scenario. It just comes down to the challenge. When there is a happy balance of "challenge" (you don't want to date a complete douche guy or high maintenance girl like the one in this post), I think it keeps the relationship a little more interesting. When the person is just always there at your beck and call and wants to drop everything for you at every second of the day and is always pummeling you with text messages and calls...well...I do believe that absence does make the heart grow fonder.

[truth_seeker]

 

I don't think she's playing games actually. She sounds extremely unorganized and just flighty and a bit of a disaster.

 

 

Either or... she's an idiot he needs to lose.

[StarsOnFire]

It's totally not fun.

 

I wasn't really posting to ask for advice. I know what to do here.

To be honest, it's Friday night. I want to unwind and have a few drinks, no rush, no pressure.

I'm totally fine with buying dinners or tickets or whatever for a girl, infact I already did that and it wasn't enough.

While I want to have a fun date, a fun night out and show her a good time in the process... what I don't want to do is spend my night driving back and forth around town and since I have to fit all this in between her leaving work late on Friday and having to be home early due to working Saturday.... there's just no way I'm doing all of this.

 

The point though is that she's obviously testing me here to see if I weigh up to her ideals.

 

But what she doesn't seem to see in all of this is that there's a guy who was actually pretty into her... and given that fact would certaintly be up for treating her well and planning some fun dates... and now I'm just totally turned off.

 

Why don't women get this? It's a third date. I don't owe her anything. I could easily have asked someone else out tomorrow but I chose not to.

Now I'm almost regretting it.

 

Why play these games and push a guy away when he was actually pretty into it in the first place without all these games.... you are your own worst enemies when playing this stuff.

 

As it is... I send her back a message and told her what we were doing... we're not doing all of that stuff though... I made plans, that's what we're doing.

If she wants more there needs to be a little give and take or there won't be a 4th date. We'll see if she lets up.

 

Not all women are like that, I actually find it pretty ballsy of her to try to change around the plans you had already made and whatnot. Esp throwing her friends in there. Like, why not save that for another night?

 

I totally agree with your last paragraph. And it's not like you just don't want to do the changes she's suggesting, you have valid reasons as to why it's just not going to work with all the extra stuff she's trying to throw in.

 

There's so many reasons why she could be acting this way, hopefully it's not how she always is, and she eases up!

[phineas]

If a woman truly likes you then there are no games. Get a clue: she's not into you. If she liked you she wouldn't RISK pushing you away with this immature behavior.

 

This.

sounds like she's trying to chump you & just manipulate you into being a source of validation.

Stick around if you want, but don't be surprised if she tells you she just wants to be friends, or take things slow or doesn't want to be your GF but at the same time doesn't want you to date anyone else.

[irc333]

If the girl insist on being so high maintenance and It's frustrating you to no ends to deliver what she requests, it may be time to move onto someone a little more easy going.

 

I have a question, has she done ANYTHING for you? Cook you dinner or do you any favors?

[Addison312]

Would you even be FRIENDS with someone like this? Ugh...too princess!