BrokenHearted101 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Boyfriend of 11 months and I broke up a couple weeks ago (I posted a thread about it) A lot of ups and downs, and 2 weeks ago he had a meltdown, and told me "I never want to see you again". I talked to him on the phone friday before last, and he told me quote "there was only a sliver of a chance we'd ever get back together," and he quote "couldnt talk to me for a long time." You could tell he was angry and wanted to hurt me emotionally. He then hung up on me after 25 mins. Since then, I'd gone NO CONTACT. Friday afternoon, I get a text from him: No words, just a pic of us, many months ago, when times were good . I know for a fact he has hundreds of pics on his phone, and he had to have dug waaaaaay back there for this one. It's his favorite. I never replied (because, there was nothing to respond to, just a pic that made me cry and miss him). He hadn't deleted me on fb. He has over 500 friends--he never deletes anyone. Even girls he's dated--He's told me this himself. Tuesday morning...he deleted me.He's on the "Favorites bar" on my facebook, so i saw probably within hours. I got really upset, before I thought about it...called him (I shouldn’t have. I hung up as soon as I realized what I was doing.) Hours later…phone rings. It’s him. “You called me today, I’m just calling you back?” (remember, I didn’t leave a message, and it rang all of one time before I hung up.) We started talking, he acted like he was fine. I’m the one with less pride and ended up telling him..I’m not fine. He said, “Aw, baby.” (this term of endearment he didn't even start calling me til well into the relationship) He told me, “Let’s meet up later this week.” I said, “I don’t know. Let me think about it.” He panicked, “Well my week is really PACKED. So if you want to meet up, tell me now.” We’re getting lunch at our favorite restaurant this weekend. At the end of the call, he told me how he “loves me more than he’s ever loved anything, how special I am to him.” But that, "Neither of us can be with people who don't make us happy." I asked why he sent the text. “Oh, um...well, I thought it was a nice picture of us.” That doesn’t really make sense? I also asked why he deleted me. He paused then burst out excitedly, "I KNEW that's why you called!" Then continued, "WE BROKE UP….Did you ever think..think maybe I need to stop looking through all your pictures?” He sent me another text without words yesterday: This one, acutely personal. Not trying to give TMI... But there's a a stain on his mattress from last summer..that I left (If you get what I'm saying ). It soaked through the sheets and stained the mattress. Yesterday, he took a pic of the stain..and sent it to me. That's a super personal, special thing to me, and I don't know why you would send it to your NOW-ex? I know he didnt send it to others, and wasn't doing it to be a dirtbag, but why would he even send it ot me? Again, when I asked why he sent it to me, it was a bs answer, "Oh well Luke (the dog) had an accident last night and I was changing my sheets, and there it was" (duh, like every other time you've changed your sheets?) I’m really confused now. If he never wants to be with me again, why does he want to meet up, why is he returning my phone calls, sending me texts, and deleting me on facebook for attention? We're in our early 20's.
Author BrokenHearted101 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Now I'm wondering if maybe I should have posted this thread in breaking up, or here in second chances? I don't know.
spice4life Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 If I ever got a text like that from a guy I would be definitely be posting in the "breaking up" section. That was a really disgusting thing to do. He sounds classless and I would run for the hills if I were you. There are plenty of nice guys out there to not have to put up with this guy's garbage. And that's precisely what it is...garbage. He sounds abusive.
fungusamungus Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 He wants you back but doesn't have the gall to actually say it out loud himself because he's afraid you're going to turn him down so he's basically probing you to see where you're at.
Author BrokenHearted101 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Update: We're getting lunch in a half hour. I hadnt heard from him (he told me on the phone tuesday we should meet up and get lunch,a nd then picked the place, but we hadnt set a time), so i called and left a non chalant message. He called back within minutes. "Do you still want to get lunch?" (duhhhhhh. that's why i called.) He told me at the end of the call, "Oh, I have to be somewhere at 3:30 though, so just to keep that in mind." The way he said 'somewhere' makes me really think it's a date he's going on at 3:30 on a friday afternoon. Or maybe that's me just being paranoid. I know there were a couple girls after him pre-breakup, and so it's more than likely he's seeing at least one of them. I don't know. I know I shouldnt ask where he's off to at 3:30. I don't know WHY I'm doing this, but wish me luck.
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Now I'm wondering if maybe I should have posted this thread in breaking up, or here in second chances? I don't know. There should be a Sub-Forum titled "Why the hell would anybody want to have anything to do with this 'waste-of-space' douchebag ever again?!!?" I dare you - I double-dare you - to stand him up. I'll tell you why: It's International Women's day. There ain't no man on this planet has the right to ruin that for you. Why the hell you ever decided to break No Contact is beyond me. Trust me - you will not enjoy Lunch. Oh - and don't pay a penny cent of the bill, if you DO go. But I would STRONGLY recommend you don't turn up.
Author BrokenHearted101 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Trust me - you will not enjoy Lunch. Actually, I did enjoy it though. I thought about what you said, but by the time I got that..I was already in the restaurant. It was awkward at first. We started talking and he seemed very...guarded? The more we talked, the more open he got.He acted like we have these two totally separate lives, "How are you?" "What's new?" "What are you doing for spring break?" Like..not even three weeks ago, we were blood in the same vein. He already knows all these things. He also told me where he was going at 3:30--hunting, with his best friends (i worry about those three ). I guess no friday night date for him after all. When the food showed up, he reached under the table for my hands, say blessing (something we've always done--that I started). He insisted on paying, even though I was already having the server split the check. He also asked what I've done with his clothes (not in a tone that wanted them back--I have ratty "sleep in" tshirts and a couple pairs of his underwear). I have them. He looked at me as we were getting up, smiled slowly, "You hardly ate. It's like our first date all over again." (not true, our first date...i ate all i wanted.) He walked me back to my car, and hugged me at the car. And hugged me. And hugged me. He definitely (even though he denied it) had cologne on. My favorite of his colognes. At this point I about cried. I DID tear up, pressed against his chest. He looked at me, "Alex, I love you. I will always love you." I nodded and told him the same. I smiled, and climbed in my car. Fifteen minutes later, as Im pulling in a gas station, I get a text from him: "I love you..." He just now texted me to tell me he got back from hunting, without anyone getting shot or stuck in the snow (anyone who's seen a troupe of 20 something men head off to shoot rabbits knows why i would be glad to know this...) I don't know what to make of any of this, really. Advice? Opinions? Thoughts?
fungusamungus Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I rest my case. He wants you back but doesn't have the gall to actually say it out loud himself because he's afraid you're going to turn him down so he's basically probing you to see where you're at.
TaraMaiden Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 He wants you back but doesn't have the gall to actually say it out loud himself because he's afraid you're going to turn him down so he's basically probing you to see where you're at. I doubt it. I think he wants to see whether this has become a friend-zone situation which he may be able to exploit and turn into a FWB situation. He has made absolutely no move or indication that he wants to resume a relationship... nice little trip down memory lane, googly-eyed and romantic - and now he's letting you know all his latest news, just to keep you updated... you know, like 'buddies' do.... I hate to say it, but you really should resume NC. He threw a wobbly, had, as you put it, al 'meltdown' and now he thinks "Oh well, that's over, let's see about picking up some pieces and being chummy-chummy...." Almost acting as if it was a mere slip, but you'll fall like putty into his arms.... Ugh. Pleeease.... Nope. Resume No Contact. he's fishing for *****kbuddy material..... Block again, ignore and kick him to the kerb... Or I guarantee, you'll just perpetuate the confusion....
Author BrokenHearted101 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 I rest my case. Thanks guys. I don't really know what, if anything, can ever happen from here I haven't heard from him today. I texted him back last night when he told me he was back from hunting and he never replied (granted i'd waited and it was late at night). And Tara, I don't mean to doubt your reply..but I would bet my life on the fact he doesnt want me as a friends with benefits situation. He's a very nice looking, funny, tall, put together guy, and there's loads of girls out there. And there were girls wanting to "go out" "catch up" or "get a drink" with him PRE-break up, so I know he's got options that would love to crawl in bed with him. It's a college town. He could downright take a chick home from a bar if he was in "need". I just don't really get it. Fungus--as a man, do you think if he keeps thinking of me/wants to sort things out I'll hear from him again?
fungusamungus Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Thanks guys. I don't really know what, if anything, can ever happen from here I haven't heard from him today. I texted him back last night when he told me he was back from hunting and he never replied (granted i'd waited and it was late at night). And Tara, I don't mean to doubt your reply..but I would bet my life on the fact he doesnt want me as a friends with benefits situation. He's a very nice looking, funny, tall, put together guy, and there's loads of girls out there. And there were girls wanting to "go out" "catch up" or "get a drink" with him PRE-break up, so I know he's got options that would love to crawl in bed with him. It's a college town. He could downright take a chick home from a bar if he was in "need". I just don't really get it. Fungus--as a man, do you think if he keeps thinking of me/wants to sort things out I'll hear from him again?I disagree with Tara here, mainly because I used to pull this kind of **** all the time when I was a few years younger. I'd get the worst GIGS, break up with a girl, and then I'd start to miss things about dating her, but I would inevitably start to miss her want to get back. Given, of course, that she didn't act like a psycho after the breakup and actually... well, gave me a chance to miss her. Naturally, I'd never come out and SAY it directly (I'm stubborn), so I'd always take things really slow... actually break the silence barrier, chat every now and then... chat more regularly, maybe even hang out every now and then... hang out more regularly and then, if things were going well and she seemed receptive, we'd inevitably fall back into the same routine and the discussion would inevitably come up. And I was always serious about it, and it was never to friendzone her or to get into a FWB situation. Of course... this was just me. And as a disclaimer, I'll add this... it was never hard for me to reestablish routines with people during that time, because... well, to be honest, the relationships that I was in were never that serious. They were always sort of short term things (usually ~6 months more or less) without any real commitment involved and so it was always easy to reestablish friendships and escalate things from there.
Author BrokenHearted101 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Thanks Fungus. It makes sense. Not that it's an update of any sort..But today's been really hard for me. I usually wake up in the morning and feel the BEST I'm going to feel all day. But today was different.I had a nightmare (I have lots but dont remember the details later), and I'm pretty sure he wasn't in it, but when I woke up, I literally reached across the bed for him, and he wasnt there. That's a first. I love sleeping by myself (even as a child--i never crawled in with siblings when i was frightened), and I haven't woken up in bed with him since the end of December--so I have no idea why i woke up wanting him, and panicking. But it sucked. It's taking all my self control to not text him and tell him. On a different note, I think I'm gonna deactive facebook. Without him on there, there's really no point in having it. I don't give a rat's ass about all the other **** on there. It might be just for a trial period--an experiment to see if i miss it, then if i dont, permanent. One last thing: Speaking of facebook..i was just thinking: when he deleted me on tuesday...he didnt untag himself from any of the pics I had him tagged in. WHich means that his explaination of "So I would stop looking at your pictures." was bogus--because he's still in my pictures. and im in his (which he hasnt deleted any of). Which brings me to the conclusion: he definitely deleted me for attention, and knew it was the only thing that would get me to call him. He was right. He lives down the road from where I work. I'm not proud to admit I took the long way home, and slowed down as I went by last night (I feel like a total stalker): 7:45, and his truck is parked at his complex. Like I said, he's 21, good looking, and could have any girl he wants. I dont know why he'd be home on a saturday night instead of out on a date or with his buds?
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