richard9 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Been feeling low and weak of late. My ex texts me about once every 3 weeks and I find the strength to delete and ignore. Ive been moving foreard, training at the gym hard, going back into education to better myself, something I never would have done while I was with her. I resigned myself to working a mundane job for her for us. She text me today asking if I still worked at my workplace. I dont know why but I text back saying yes but no for much longer. Part of me didnt want her coming to my workplace, it would hurt. Part of me wanted to let her know I am getting on with my life. I feel better than I did but at the same time I feel bad for breaking nc. But I feel I am in control. I kept my answers devoid of emotion anf to the point snd she now knows im moving on. But there was no apology for her leaving me to go party with her new friends, or the pain dhe caused me. My question is the relief I feel normal? Is it a bad thing? If I go nc again will it hurt more than if I had kept nc? I genuenly feel better that she knows im doing something with my life
geegirl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 (edited) She contacts you every three weeks so that in turn helps you ease the pain of the break-up because there is still a lifeline. You anticipate contact because you know she's there and you'll soon enough get that fix. You haven't yet gotten to the point where you sever all ties and feel the finality of the break-up. If you are still hurt and you are trying to move on, I would suggest you stick to NC. Game playing is not going to work for you because the only one that's going to be affected is you. The only point you need to make is to yourself and no one else. You move on for you. Pretending behind text messages in hopes of sending a strong message is useless when you don't feel that way and that will only come back to bite you. You genuinely feel better, but let's get to a point whereby you don't have to post about breaking NC and wondering if it's going to hurt you. Be true to NC because you are doing it for you. Edited March 7, 2013 by geegirl 2
Author richard9 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 She contacts you every three weeks so that in turn helps you ease the pain of the break-up because there is still a lifeline. You anticipate contact because you know she's there and you'll soon enough get that fix. You haven't yet gotten to the point where you sever all ties and feel the finality of the break-up. i had thought to change my number, but i made a promise i would always be there, i'm not saying wait for her to come back, or be used as a second choice... i mean if she is hurt or in real trouble, because of our bond she has a number to call. but then again, is this my responsibility now? she made promises that she would never leave and that she loved me, where is she now??? If you are still hurt and you are trying to move on, I would suggest you stick to NC. Game playing is not going to work for you because the only one that's going to be affected is you. i wouldnt say im playing games, i just really wanted her to know that im moving on, and in many repects i am. as for why it is so important for her to know this, i dont know. The only point you need to make is to yourself and no one else. You move on for you. Pretending behind text messages in hopes of sending a strong message is useless when you don't feel that way and that will only come back to bite you. You genuinely feel better, but let's get to a point whereby you don't have to post about breaking NC and wondering if it's going to hurt you. Be true to NC because you are doing it for you. very good point!! thankyou!! i have text her back again today, BUT im trying to get to a point where i can just 'wrap it up', that is, it never really ended amicably so i feel a bit of conversation before starting NC again, may help for me, i hope im right and that it doesnt hurt me more. would love to hear of anyone who is NC but has worked to a point where they occasionally text their ex and dont get hurt doing so, or is it just all a hurtful circle which i should not have started, any opinions welcome thanks
Inviv_girl Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 In order to heal and move on we have to do the NC. And if you kept having the "conversation" with your ex- every 3 weeks, how does that work? you will feel bad afterwards and the thought of your ex- will always be there when you keep the contact. Dont you think? and what does she think to still be able to have the constant conversation with you? or whenever she wants too.
cavalier99 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 i had thought to change my number, but i made a promise i would always be there, i'm not saying wait for her to come back, or be used as a second choice... i mean if she is hurt or in real trouble, because of our bond she has a number to call. but then again, is this my responsibility now? she made promises that she would never leave and that she loved me, where is she now??? i wouldnt say im playing games, i just really wanted her to know that im moving on, and in many repects i am. as for why it is so important for her to know this, i dont know. very good point!! thankyou!! i have text her back again today, BUT im trying to get to a point where i can just 'wrap it up', that is, it never really ended amicably so i feel a bit of conversation before starting NC again, may help for me, i hope im right and that it doesnt hurt me more. would love to hear of anyone who is NC but has worked to a point where they occasionally text their ex and dont get hurt doing so, or is it just all a hurtful circle which i should not have started, any opinions welcome thanks Even 1 text saying "hi" is way too much and will set you back. Do you want to get over this or not? She broke up with you. You owe her nothing but you do owe yourself the opportunity to move on. Tell her you cant be friends and MAYBE you can talk in a year if YOU decide. Goodbye. This is the only way. Cav Don't be a pussy.
geegirl Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) You made a promise to uphold her wellbeing at the expense of yours? She is not your responsibility. She is a grown woman that, first of all chose her friends over you, secondly, relinquished the right to have you there as her support and her pillar when she dumped you. It's hard for me to hear this from you because it speaks of how little you value your own wellbeing. I'm sorry to say this but you are being a doormat. You don't need to let an ex know you are moving on. Your silence to her will reveal that you are moving on. Wanting to let an ex know you are moving on has underlying motives. You either want to provoke fear into her, in that she gets the boot up her butt knowing she is losing you or your ego wants to hurt her. If moving on is your priority, the only person that needs to feel secure in it is you. You do not need to announce it nor do you need to provide periodic reports to an ex. You wrap it up by doing NC. Endings are never perfect. Riddled with pain, hurt and anger. Your need to end it amicably by little pieces of contact here and there is just you being too fearful of just letting go, completely. The finality scares you to death. The thought of never hearing from her again is frightful. The fact that you are asking posters if they occasionally texted an ex without getting hurt and in the process healed is delusional. If that happened, you would read about it on here. Do your research and you will find, the occasional texting only hinders your efforts to move on because you never really, let go. And god forbid if with occasional texting, you hear she is with another man. NC keeps you focused on you, without the possibility of derailing yourself. I hope you find your way. We've all been there and done that, and more times than I actually care to remember. Edited March 8, 2013 by geegirl 1
Minneloa Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 From what you posted, OP, I think you might feel better because you got your "fix," so to speak. If so, the relief will only be temporary. With all due respect, it sounds like you are in the denial phase of your grieving process. I say that because of your remark about promising your ex that you would always be there. As geegirl points out, you offered this loyalty when you were committed to her. She broke that commitment, and it is no longer your responsibility to support her. Moreover, it is not in your best interest. I urge you to give full NC a chance. I think it is the best way for you to recover and move forward, without these consistent setbacks. I wish you the best.
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