tuxedo cat Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 (edited) I've noticed that if a guy is at all cute women will constantly throw themselves at him. I recently added the guy I'm dating on facebook and noticed that his wall is peppered with come ons by attractive women. When they were dating his ex girlfriend wrote semi-desperate messages on his wall about how much she loved him and missed him, and he barely responded to any of them. Other women he isn't dating (friends/acquaintances I'm guessing) were also posting all over his wall about how handsome and sexy he is. He never responds to any of these messages. I am not comfortable with giving a guy this level of public affection. But do I need to step up my game if I want to hold on to a guy like this? I always thought guys were turned off by women who are this forward. Btw, he's not at all a player. If anything he's a bit reserved and he's very polite, but women just seem to flock to him. :/ Edited March 7, 2013 by tuxedo cat
aed Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 So allot of girls have openly tried an agresssive method (even his ex) and that didn't workout and know you to try the same thing \ If he is with you and if he is coming back to you and if he is looking at you as someone for LTR, you are doing something right! Just be yourself and maybe be straight up about the R status and what you thinks this is going. When things are not mutual then you know where you stand. But dont do things because you hope he will like that and that will be the magic bullet. do nice/ agressive things because you like to do it.
iKING Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Agressive? Sure to a minor extent. Desperate? No. He's used to getting treated like that, don't come on too strong, but of course don't refrain from it entirely either. Letting him know you think he's attractive etc. periodically is fine but don't constantly throw yourself at him.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I don't think you need to be aggressive - but being with a guy like this is definitely a unique challenge. My ex was also reserved, polite, conservative, and hot, and he seemed mostly uncomfortable with all the attention he got from women. He'd tell me about women making overt moves on him at the office, and how he'd shut them down. And I saw the way they swooned around him wherever we went. I can't blame them. I did, too He seemed to prefer it when I was different from all those women. He liked it best when I was more aloof and let him come toward me. Not easy to do when he's so damned sexy and I'm so magnetized to him! But I did manage it sometimes. He got back in touch recently and wants to get together. I'll see what he has to say, but I'm being cautious. 4
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 I don't think you need to be aggressive - but being with a guy like this is definitely a unique challenge. My ex was also reserved, polite, conservative, and hot, and he seemed mostly uncomfortable with all the attention he got from women. He'd tell me about women making overt moves on him at the office, and how he'd shut them down. And I saw the way they swooned around him wherever we went. I can't blame them. I did, too He seemed to prefer it when I was different from all those women. He liked it best when I was more aloof and let him come toward me. Not easy to do when he's so damned sexy and I'm so magnetized to him! But I did manage it sometimes. He got back in touch recently and wants to get together. I'll see what he has to say, but I'm being cautious. This sounds exactly like the guy I'm seeing! He seems a bit uncomfortable with all the attention. He's always polite when girls flirt with him but he doesn't encourage it. I guess you're right that I can make myself stand out by not being like other women. It's just delicate balance between coming on too strong and seeming uninterested. How do you manage it?
Ruby Slippers Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 This sounds exactly like the guy I'm seeing! He seems a bit uncomfortable with all the attention. He's always polite when girls flirt with him but he doesn't encourage it. I guess you're right that I can make myself stand out by not being like other women. It's just delicate balance between coming on too strong and seeming uninterested. How do you manage it? It was always an issue, which I think is common for us girls when we really like a guy! I think what worked in my favor is that looks aren't that important to me. Of course I appreciated that he was so handsome - but other handsome guys I've gone on dates with who lacked his degree of intelligence, character, and other positive traits didn't do much for me. His looks were a nice bonus, but not the main thing that attracted me. I think hot guys get as tired of being objectified for their looks as hot girls do, and ultimately want to be loved for who they are, not what their shell looks like. If you're continuing to date him, he knows you're interested. 1
yessy21 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Do NOT throw yourself at him. Apparently he saw that you werent like the rest of them and that means that YOU are doing something right. he probrably feels like a piece of meat when they do that...
Bengal Tiger Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Do other people in your circle feel this way too or just you? Just saying that it may be your perception more than reality. My ex thought every female who looked at me or spoke to me was trying to steal me away from her. This included classmates who worked on group projects together, friendgirls I grew up with who posted on FB to ask when I'm coming home for Christmas, girls I worked with who made small talk, every female out there was trying to jump in my pants. It was insane. And it definitely was not true as I'm certainly no male model and am quiet and reserved and was very inexperienced at the time. I've learned to leave women who behave like that in the future. And yes my inbox and voicemail were filled with desperate messages many months after I broke up with her. Not saying this is your case, just food for thought.
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Do other people in your circle feel this way too or just you? Just saying that it may be your perception more than reality. My ex thought every female who looked at me or spoke to me was trying to steal me away from her. This included classmates who worked on group projects together, friendgirls I grew up with who posted on FB to ask when I'm coming home for Christmas, girls I worked with who made small talk, every female out there was trying to jump in my pants. It was insane. And it definitely was not true as I'm certainly no male model and am quiet and reserved and was very inexperienced at the time. I've learned to leave women who behave like that in the future. And yes my inbox and voicemail were filled with desperate messages many months after I broke up with her. Not saying this is your case, just food for thought. Yeah, it's not just my perception. When I told our mutual acquaintances that I liked him it turned out that most of the girls also had a crush on him. One of them even discouraged me for showing interest in him because she was into him.
mesmerized Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I don't think you need to be aggressive - but being with a guy like this is definitely a unique challenge. My ex was also reserved, polite, conservative, and hot, and he seemed mostly uncomfortable with all the attention he got from women. He'd tell me about women making overt moves on him at the office, and how he'd shut them down. And I saw the way they swooned around him wherever we went. I can't blame them. I did, too He seemed to prefer it when I was different from all those women. He liked it best when I was more aloof and let him come toward me. Not easy to do when he's so damned sexy and I'm so magnetized to him! But I did manage it sometimes. He got back in touch recently and wants to get together. I'll see what he has to say, but I'm being cautious. You're crazy girl. Go get that hottie or give me his number! He sounds great! 1
tbf Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I'd be wary of this guy. If he didn't enjoy or have uses for the messages, he wouldn't have left them on his wall. Eyes wide open and back off. 1
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Agressive? Sure to a minor extent. Desperate? No. He's used to getting treated like that, don't come on too strong, but of course don't refrain from it entirely either. Letting him know you think he's attractive etc. periodically is fine but don't constantly throw yourself at him. You look like the kind of guy that women would like. Can you elaborate on how aggressive/forward you like women to be with you?
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 I'd be wary of this guy. If he didn't enjoy or have uses for the messages, he wouldn't have left them on his wall. Eyes wide open and back off. Even if he is very polite? Maybe he doesn't want to offend people by deleting their messages? I don't have much experience with guys like this, so it's hard for me to judge.
amaysngrace Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 If the ones who are throwing themselves at him don't get him charged up, don't do what they do because it doesn't work. It'll just bring you down to the level of the ones he pays no attention to.
tbf Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Even if he is very polite? Maybe he doesn't want to offend people by deleting their messages? I don't have much experience with guys like this, so it's hard for me to judge.Just observe him closely for enjoyment of attention, particularly during periods where there's a lull in attention from women. If he starts to agitate for the attention from women in some way, particularly during the lull times, this points to a guy who has low self-esteem, who needs more attention than any one partner can provide.
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Just observe him closely for enjoyment of attention, particularly during periods where there's a lull in attention from women. If he starts to agitate for the attention from women in some way, particularly during the lull times, this points to a guy who has low self-esteem, who needs more attention than any one partner can provide. Thanks for the advice. So far I have a good impression of his character and so do our mutual acquaintances, but I'll definitely watch out for a wandering eye. Right now I just don't know him very well, and first impressions can sometimes be deceiving.
hudson701 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Wow does this happen in real life? Show me a picture of him if he's such a babe magnet. This can't be in the UK surely, as British women are never, ever like this.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 You're crazy girl. Go get that hottie or give me his number! He sounds great! I can't go get him. Then I would be like all the other girls. I have to wait for him to come to me. 1
Woggle Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I could never deal with these kinds of stupid games no matter how hot somebody is. It's simply not worth it to me. It's energy that can be spent doing something more productive in my life but to each their own.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I could never deal with these kinds of stupid games no matter how hot somebody is. It's simply not worth it to me. It's energy that can be spent doing something more productive in my life but to each their own. I never felt I was playing games. I was just respecting his preferences. He didn't like a lot of attention placed on his looks, so I paid attention to other things about him.
Woggle Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I never felt I was playing games. I was just respecting his preferences. He didn't like a lot of attention placed on his looks, so I paid attention to other things about him. True but the whole don't go to him but let him go to you thing would annoy me. Just go for it and if it turns them off they were never into you in the first place.
Estate Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I've noticed that if a guy is at all cute women will constantly throw themselves at him. I recently added the guy I'm dating on facebook and noticed that his wall is peppered with come ons by attractive women. When they were dating his ex girlfriend wrote semi-desperate messages on his wall about how much she loved him and missed him, and he barely responded to any of them. Other women he isn't dating (friends/acquaintances I'm guessing) were also posting all over his wall about how handsome and sexy he is. He never responds to any of these messages. I am not comfortable with giving a guy this level of public affection. But do I need to step up my game if I want to hold on to a guy like this? I always thought guys were turned off by women who are this forward. Btw, he's not at all a player. If anything he's a bit reserved and he's very polite, but women just seem to flock to him. :/ Look at the threads on here about guys CHASING women down to the end of the earth... does it ever work out? NEVER. Sounds like an instance where this guy has options. So no, he won't chase you like some guys will.... unless... you are different to the others... So I would say to be agressive but not on top of hit. I'd be aggressive in the sense that you let him know you want him... but don't chase him... It's funny but if you are NOT posting all those gushy things on facebook 24/7, he'll wonder why not... are you a challenge? Why are you a little more difficult than these other girls? This is basically the advice guys get all the time but it sounds like the show is on the other foot here. Being shy or timid might mean he won't chase you so be strong confident but don't supplicate to him too much... you'll stand out.
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 (edited) Wow does this happen in real life? Show me a picture of him if he's such a babe magnet. This can't be in the UK surely, as British women are never, ever like this. I'll put up a photo of him for a tiny bit in my profile (he's in the middle in the first, and on the right in the second). It's only viewable to people in this thread. I remember being really taken the first time I saw him. Initially I thought I would be the only girl into him, but whenever I think that there are a million other girls who like the guy. Although his looks struck me first the main thing I'm enamored with at this point is his intelligence. I don't need to be with a hot guy to be happy -- if anything it makes me uneasy. He's told me many times he finds me very pretty, but the attention he gets from other women still makes me insecure. I was surprised that he hasn't dated in awhile -- he's in a demanding profession and said that he has been spending most of his time working. He has also said he doesn't want something casual and is a relationship oriented person, so I guess that's good... Edited March 8, 2013 by tuxedo cat
Author tuxedo cat Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Look at the threads on here about guys CHASING women down to the end of the earth... does it ever work out? NEVER. Sounds like an instance where this guy has options. So no, he won't chase you like some guys will.... unless... you are different to the others... My natural demeanor is if already a bit guarded so I will just keep being myself and hope for the best. At one point I told him that I'm not very flirty in general and he said, "I really like that about you." I just worry that sometimes I err on the side of being too cold -- he is a bit warmer and eager to please. Edited March 9, 2013 by tuxedo cat
rocketman122 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 try not to show your insecurity or jealousy. try, but itll be hard. I have this problem with my current GF. no matter where we go women look and it drives her crazy with jealousy. I dont look like the typical male over here. If I even talk with a woman to ask directions she gives me hell for so long. its tiring. when we walk in public and theres a pretty girl coming our way I put my eyes on her or put my head down or divert us to an opposite direction. oof its difficult sometimes cause truthfully I like looking at women. I dont want to sleep with them but just like looking. she says I have a hypnotic stare. thats true. I look and stare at everything. I am a pro photographer. I look and see everything. she only once ever told me I look great. I know she doesnt say it because she doesnt want me to have an ego and then I would feel above her. I know I look good and dont need the feedback. otoh she needs constant ego stroking, attention, compliments and im more than happy to give her that.
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