creighton0123 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Landlady emailed me and my ex simultaneously today because she hadn't gotten the rent check yet (USPS is slow since I put it in the mail six days ago). Anyhow, he emailed me asking if I had sent it in and I IM'd him to let him know that I had. Without going into details, everyone is right: breaking no contact under any circumstances opens up all of the wounds again. I feel like he broke up with me only yesterday even though it's been almost a month. This sucks. I'm emotional. I started tearing up. I have anxiety which I haven't felt in about a week. To everyone: do not break no contact. It's absolutely not worth it.
Author creighton0123 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 This sucks. How do I deal with breaking no contact? Do I have to start all over again?
geegirl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 You did not break no contact. He emailed you. This was an issue outside of the relationship that had to be dealt with and it's done. You are reading too much into it. There is nothing to start over. Just keep continuing to stay NC.
Author creighton0123 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 I'm not reading too much into it, to be fair. I know it doesn't mean anything in the way of communicating about the breakup, but that doesn't mean I don't feel the pangs of negative emotion that come with the minor interaction... It just... sucks. It feels like I stepped a week or two backwards. It made me realize, however, that it would be either 100% contact (back together) or zero contact. My emotions can't take any middle ground whatsoever.
coralie Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I know what you mean. It doesn't matter that you didn't do the contacting and he was the one who contacted you. During NC and especially if you haven't healed or moved on yet, to hear from them all the sudden can be seriously counterproductive and for me it's the same, I need complete NC. If things can't go back to the way they were (which obviously they can't), I just need him out of my life completely in every way. I can't have a single reminder of him otherwise it just makes it really hard to move on. Hang in there... pick yourself up and continue to stay strong with the NC.
Renard99 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 You don't need to start again, just keep going the way you have been. The matter was one that you couldn't control, It was an important financial matter and ultimately was nothing to do with your relationship. Assuming that no further contact is needed just go back to NC. The feeling of being set back is there because technically you have taken a step back. It happened to me whilst I dealt with splitting finances with my ex. She needed a signature from me to allow her to move forward with money transfers. I had to reply, regardless of how much I didn't want to, because finances were at stake and I couldn't ignore that. You just have to remind yourself that it's not your fault and you didn't 'accidentally' do anything, you merely dealt with a situation that can't be avoided. You have to go with the idea that it's two steps forward, one step back. Yeah it sucks, but it will get better, especially once all financial/business/legal ties are cut, and eventually you get to a point where the steps forward outway the steps back by miles If you need to contact him again on matters outside of the relationship, like rent etc, just keep contact to a minimum and keep it on a purely business level. Try and answer all questions as accurately, thoroughly and quickly as possible, removing any need for him to reply with follow up questions. If follow ups are needed, again, just reply with all that is needed and leave it solely at that. If personal questions are thrown in with the business ones, just answer the business ones. These are all things I did and eventually, we got to the point where we no longer needed to talk to each other and the NC is now about 18 months and I'm doing great! You'll get there eventually. We're here if you need us.
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