TheGuard13 Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 It's not really the "past"if the guy is hanging around. I don't know one guy OR girl who would tolerate someone hanging around like thejerk guy does. 1.) He sounds like a jackass 2.) He banged the fiance, everywhich way apparently, at some point I know plenty of them. They’re called mature adults. Mature adults understand that people have needs, and that people occassionally sleep with someone and still are able to be social, without running away from that person they slept with once and pretending that they don't exist. That's what high schoolers do. I don't imagine you'd have much luck havingconversations of any depth or substance in a marriage with a guy like that.Seriously. If it wasn't this, it would be something else with guys like this.They need to have something to hang over a woman's head so that they can stayin control. My advice is not to chase after him. Let him go. Agreed, especially based on how he handled this whole thing. The fact that he just shrugged during such an important talk, and left it the way he did, and how fast he made up his mind…notgood signs emotionally speaking. I think the ball’s in his court at thispoint anyway. I think he's more naive thaninsecure. I think that, in itself is naiive. His actions speak volumes. This guy knows she was a “party girl”. He just didn’t want to KNOW. Probably because he's insecure about it.
RedRobin Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't understand why everyone is getting on Matt like this. He seems like a good guy that was just hurt because Jessie wasn't upfront with him. I think he's more naive than insecure. Jessie seems good too. She just made some mistakes and didn't really know how to handle the situation. She was honest and did the right thing, but it bit her in the butt. I think a good lesson for her next time is to either be honest about it up front or cut that Joe guy out of her life. I don't think anybody would be comfortable with her ex-FWB coming around all the time, ESPECIALLY if he's a douche, which it sounds like this guy (Joe) is. .... because he wanted her to do the same things with HIM. Good thing she didn't, huh? I agree that the whole situation is awkward. Hopefully after Matt has some time to think, he will consider how important it is to have someone who is honest in spite of the possible consequences rather than let a guy like Joe screw things up for the both of them.
ThaWholigan Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 .... because he wanted her to do the same things with HIM. Good thing she didn't, huh? I agree that the whole situation is awkward. Hopefully after Matt has some time to think, he will consider how important it is to have someone who is honest in spite of the possible consequences rather than let a guy like Joe screw things up for the both of them. Is it so bad that he wanted to do the same things with her? His fantasies matter less than Joe's? Whatever anyone thinks of Matt, the fact is that he is undoubtedly going to feel a bit bad regarding this area.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 .... because he wanted her to do the same things with HIM. Good thing she didn't, huh? I agree that the whole situation is awkward. Hopefully after Matt has some time to think, he will consider how important it is to have someone who is honest in spite of the possible consequences rather than let a guy like Joe screw things up for the both of them. Okay. Let's summarize: 1) Matt wasn't a party guy. 2) Jessie was a party girl. 3) Jessie slept with Joe. 4) Jessie kept Joe around, inviting him over, spending time with him...without Matt knowing anything about their prior relationship. 5) Joe was constantly disrespecting Matt. I don't know about you, but if I started dating a girl that I really cared about, I would NEVER subject her to this kind of treatment. I would not keep former FWB around because I would know that it would cause jealousy. If my gf ever found out about it, she would be suspicious of what else I was hiding from her (and rightfully so). What difference does it make that Matt wanted to do the same sexual act with Jessie? That's a very superficial problem and doesn't account for the many underlying principles of disrespect here. I think Matt's actions were understandable. I also understand Jessie's situation (the guy is part of her group of friends and she didn't want to lose them...she also didn't want to tell Matt for fear of losing him...and just didn't know how to handle it). So, yeah, not a situation I envy lol. 4
ThaWholigan Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 will jessie learn from this and go for a man much like matt and not make the same mistakes she made with matt, or will she go back to the old days and shack up with another jerk like joe? she can't change her past. but she control over her future. I don't think she should find a man who is like Matt or Joe to be honest. She's better off finding a man who has more balance as opposed to two extremes. Who will have the values and compatibility she needs to feel comfort in a relationship and provide romance like Matt, but to also inspire her sexually and have the edge that Joe does.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't think she should find a man who is like Matt or Joe to be honest. She's better off finding a man who has more balance as opposed to two extremes. Who will have the values and compatibility she needs to feel comfort in a relationship and provide romance like Matt, but to also inspire her sexually and have the edge that Joe does. From my understanding, these guys are rare.
aed Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I think that, in itself is naiive. His actions speak volumes. This guy knows she was a “party girl”. He just didn’t want to KNOW. Probably because he's insecure about it. he wanted to know. He asked but if he knew they wouldn't probably got engage he would probably look for an other girl! Not every guy is just in heaven because a girl wants a relationship with him, some want more out of a girl. And sad but mostly true the past is an indicator of the future. and changing your past is impossible but changing your self is one of the most difficult things someone can do. Just ask someone who has or is dating a guy that was abusive in his previous relationships, there is always a big change they end up in there old behaviour. Why should that be different with girls?
RedRobin Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 There's nothing in her descriptions of this guy that suggests what sort of conversations they may or may not have. This is ridiculous. Really? She confesses to something major and he just shrugs. Ok. Well, I'm glad she decided to share this with him before she agreed to go further with Matt. He can't handle the truth, then there is no going forward. That's all. They are free to part ways... hopefully in a way that is respectful for both of them.
StanMusial Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Is it so bad that he wanted to do the same things with her? His fantasies matter less than Joe's? Whatever anyone thinks of Matt, the fact is that he is undoubtedly going to feel a bit bad regarding this area. Matt is the male antagonist in the story. So let's all pile on Matt! Booo Matt!!! Booo!!! 2
Dragonfruit Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I thought Jessie was completely horrible to Matt and deserved the dumping she got. However, at the same time and not excusing Jessie, I can't help it, I just don't like Matt. So... that leaves me nobody to root for. Except Joe, the hot f***. 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 From my understanding, these guys are rare. A complete balance is rare, but a composite synthesis is probably more common than people realize. The rarity is more due to the fact that people pigeonhole themselves into extreme personality types all too often.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I thought Jessie was completely horrible to Matt and deserved the dumping she got. However, at the same time and not excusing Jessie, I can't help it, I just don't like Matt. So... that leaves me nobody to root for. Except Joe, the hot f***. Based on your posts today, I think you're my new favorite poster! 1
RedRobin Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 he wanted to know. He asked but if he knew they wouldn't probably got engage he would probably look for an other girl! Not every guy is just in heaven because a girl wants a relationship with him, some want more out of a girl. And sad but mostly true the past is an indicator of the future. and changing your past is impossible but changing your self is one of the most difficult things someone can do. Just ask someone who has or is dating a guy that was abusive in his previous relationships, there is always a big change they end up in there old behaviour. Why should that be different with girls? ... If Matt were so pure, why would he ask Jesse to do those things? he's not pure. That's the point. He wants a 'pure' girl he can do those things with. Why is that?
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 A complete balance is rare, but a composite synthesis is probably more common than people realize. The rarity is more due to the fact that people pigeonhole themselves into extreme personality types all too often. Yeah, it's all based on habits. I'm "Joe." No matter where I go, I can't seem to get out of that stereotype because of my habits....even though I don't want to be that guy anymore.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 ... If Matt were so pure, why would he ask Jesse to do those things? he's not pure. That's the point. He wants a 'pure' girl he can do those things with. Why is that? I think you're just looking for a guy to hate in this story. It seems like you have way more issues with Matt than the OP does (who basically said that she was wrong and hates to lose him because he's a good guy). 1
iKING Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 The rarity is more due to the fact that people pigeonhole themselves into extreme personality types all too often. True that. I'm a little bit of literally everything, makes me highly adaptable, but also can come off as completely insane. Humans are really all the same when it comes down to baser instinct, personality is something that's created on top of that. 3
ThaWholigan Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I thought Jessie was completely horrible to Matt and deserved the dumping she got. However, at the same time and not excusing Jessie, I can't help it, I just don't like Matt. So... that leaves me nobody to root for. Except Joe, the hot f***. Exactly, that's the f*cked up thing about this whole story. One way or another, Joe seems to be the hero that gets away with it. Matt is painted as the insecure beta who can't handle that his woman has a freaky side and got with the player one time, and the heroine is a party girl who just wants to settle down. A little too convenient but..... Matt is entitled to feel the way that he does - the problem is, it won't do him any favors, which is why I said to Quiet Storm that I think it is silly. Just the same way it doesn't do Jessie any favors to lie at the beginning to snag a nice guy, and pretend to be something she isn't - even sexually. Joe sadly can just keep being Joe because he's getting what he wants. I feel for both Matt and Jessie - both could have handled things differently, but I reckon it wasn't meant to be anyway. I know that girls want to settle down after they've had the fun, but it's usually a bad idea to get with a guy who would think lowly of your past if he knew - no matter how compatible you are with him and how safe he makes you feel in a relationship. Besides, later on down the line, there will be another Joe who comes along that may complicate things anyway. 3
CudLRoo Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 Had to LOL a bit, seems Matt's main problem was not getting in first for the anal sex! I'm sure he'll come round but party people and squares tend to jar, you may have dodged a very boring bullet there. 2
aed Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 ... If Matt were so pure, why would he ask Jesse to do those things? he's not pure. That's the point. He wants a 'pure' girl he can do those things with. Why is that? where did I said matt was pure or he is pure or that he wants a pure girl? OP said she did wrong and that he is not insecure! But now I know what that fantasy is about. Matt thought he would be her first anal. Now let's be real she lied about that, why do that? she also could have said: yes I tried that (before this was happend!) and probably there was no big deal. He never asked about the numbers (she said a few) and he reading by reading op) never came back to that and wanted to marry that girl even when she said it was a few. Joe even made comments that he didn;t understands and now he does. Joe would have told him or made more things clear about him and OP. So please stop blaming matt. And just try to support OP in one way or an other.
Dragonfruit Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't know why everyone seems to think Joe is a jerk. He just wanted and had a sex only relationship with Jessie, before Matt was in the picture. He was honest and straightforward about that to Jessie. After Matt was in the picture, there was no mention of him trying anything on Jessie. Only after Jessie confessed did Matt suspect that Joe had made snarky comments to him (Matt). Which was probably just how Matt's mind was going because of discovering Jessie's deception about Joe. And why would Joe snipe at him? He was the one who moved on from Jessie. I don't see that Joe did anything wrong to either of them. 1
aed Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't know why everyone seems to think Joe is a jerk. He just wanted and had a sex only relationship with Jessie, before Matt was in the picture. He was honest and straightforward about that to Jessie. After Matt was in the picture, there was no mention of him trying anything on Jessie. Only after Jessie confessed did Matt suspect that Joe had made snarky comments to him (Matt). Which was probably just how Matt's mind was going because of discovering Jessie's deception about Joe. And why would Joe snipe at him? He was the one who moved on from Jessie. I don't see that Joe did anything wrong to either of them. you really like Joe:D 1
ThaWholigan Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 I don't know why everyone seems to think Joe is a jerk. He just wanted and had a sex only relationship with Jessie, before Matt was in the picture. He was honest and straightforward about that to Jessie. After Matt was in the picture, there was no mention of him trying anything on Jessie. Only after Jessie confessed did Matt suspect that Joe had made snarky comments to him (Matt). Which was probably just how Matt's mind was going because of discovering Jessie's deception about Joe. And why would Joe snipe at him? He was the one who moved on from Jessie. I don't see that Joe did anything wrong to either of them. See? Joe is the hero of the story 1
Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 See? Joe is the hero of the story long story short it never pay too be the good guy only to be a player or bad boy and have sex with any thing that moves and is breathing and willing. nice men finish in the shower 3
iKING Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 See? Joe is the hero of the story He did them a favor really, Matt thought he was ok with Jessie's past, faced the reality of it, and couldn't handle it. Better sooner then later. Either they'll work it out, or Jessie will move on to someone who can accept it. Matt shouldn't have been as judgmental about her past, and Jessie shouldn't have kept Joe in the picture, but it didn't quite turn out that way. 1
Krieger Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 He did them a favor really, Matt thought he was ok with Jessie's past, faced the reality of it, and couldn't handle it. Better sooner then later. Either they'll work it out, or Jessie will move on to someone who can accept it. Matt shouldn't have been as judgmental about her past, and Jessie shouldn't have kept Joe in the picture, but it didn't quite turn out that way. I wounder how Jessie would of felt if Matt keep a girl around he use to have sex with and if she be cool with that. 1
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