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want my family.. mother of my child back


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Posted (edited)

Hello,

 

Well my fiance (23) and I (26) have been going through this rollercoaster. We've only been together for 2.5 years and have a son that is 22 months old. We've broken up a few times only to get back together. This time it's much more serious. It has been about a month since she broke up with me.

 

Just before we broke up we were talking about the house I recently closed escrow on and how we were moving out of our parents and going to really start being just our family and raising our son. She was so excited on decorations, furniture, paint and all. Now it seems like its all down the drain and I'll be coming home to an empty house :(

 

We broke up because of little arguments and the fact that I talked to people she didn't like (and hid it) about our relationship to get advice and she thought I was putting our business out there. It happened more than once. Even though she told me to stop.. yeah stupid. I did this because she never gave me the time and day to sit down and communicate with her. Also I guess the fact that I work, take care of our son, and the stresses of life, I just didn't focus on what she was telling me and some of it went in one ear and out the other..

 

Well this past month she has been very cold towards me. Anytime I would call or text she seems annoyed and mad. I see my son everyday still when I get off work I go there and she still wants us to put him to sleep together in the same bed and I leave when he falls asleep. I try and ask her to talk about things but she keeps saying she said what she said and it's done. She says she resents me and doesn't want to be together.

 

Lately I've turned toward her mom who is very religious and started reading some material. I've already started to change by not contacting the people she didn't like. Both our families want us to work out and eventually get married.

 

I already barely get to be with my son because I'm at work all day.. I don't want it to be any less. Any advice from anyone with kids on getting the mother of their child back? It just seems like she wants space but I don't know...I really want my family back

Edited by WIDESTI
Posted

How long were the two of you broken up in the past, out of curiosity? Is a month longer than usual?

 

Also - when you texted you her, did you apologize for the things that you felt you did wrong?

 

If she seems annoyed at you contacting her, then I would suggest stopping. If she doesn't want to work things out, they can't be worked out. If she does want to work things out, she will make that clear to you. Maybe just give her some space?

  • Author
Posted
How long were the two of you broken up in the past, out of curiosity? Is a month longer than usual?

 

Also - when you texted you her, did you apologize for the things that you felt you did wrong?

 

If she seems annoyed at you contacting her, then I would suggest stopping. If she doesn't want to work things out, they can't be worked out. If she does want to work things out, she will make that clear to you. Maybe just give her some space?

 

past breaks up were about a week or two long. However, those breaks ups she would make me take my son when I got off work to my house then drop him off. She is very family oriented and wants to be a teacher.

Posted

I would suggest couples counseling for the both of you. You need better ways of communicating. See if she is open to it.

  • Author
Posted
I would suggest couples counseling for the both of you. You need better ways of communicating. See if she is open to it.

 

thing is we went to a few counseling sessions. It seemed everytime we went she went in with a closed mind. The first time we went we were broken up and got back together, the next time it seemed she went just to reaffirm this break up.

Posted

Can I ask if you found the couneseling helpful when you two were broken up and got back together last? Did it help at that time?

  • Author
Posted
Can I ask if you found the couneseling helpful when you two were broken up and got back together last? Did it help at that time?

 

yes thing is it did help, at first she didn't want to get back together after the first counseling session, then a few days after we got back together even though she kept saying she wants to go to counseling just to get on the same page for our son.

 

Things were going well, communication was starting to get better, but stupid me I ended up texting a friend about things and asking about dealing with situations which she found out by checking my phone. It was nothing bad the text just said "how are things going?"

Posted

I understand the text was meaningless to you and no cause for harm. But I think to her she sees it as after all this, the counseling, the getting back together, the rebuilding... nothing has changed. It is not a huge deal, but it is something she asked of you.

 

So I understand where you think she may be over reacting, but I think its much deeper... It's kind of like a spit in her face that she has been putting forth effort to make this work yet you don't change.

 

I don't mean to make you feel bad, I am just trying to help you understand her side.

 

I think it might be best to give her some space and be there for her when she is ready to talk. In the meantime be on your best behavior.

  • Author
Posted
I understand the text was meaningless to you and no cause for harm. But I think to her she sees it as after all this, the counseling, the getting back together, the rebuilding... nothing has changed. It is not a huge deal, but it is something she asked of you.

 

So I understand where you think she may be over reacting, but I think its much deeper... It's kind of like a spit in her face that she has been putting forth effort to make this work yet you don't change.

 

I don't mean to make you feel bad, I am just trying to help you understand her side.

 

I think it might be best to give her some space and be there for her when she is ready to talk. In the meantime be on your best behavior.

 

No don't even apologize for being harsh because that is the reality of it. It is hard that it has to take pain and time away from family and separation to finally get it through my head. But I'm trying to give her space and will be on my best behavior when I'm around. It's tough because I just text her "have a good day" and she responds by "again you're texting me". I would think for the sake of our son and our family and a start at a new house without parents would be something worth fighting for. Just tryin to be the best dad and partner I can

  • Author
Posted (edited)

wow i just saw this txt to her dad on her phone. Her dad was telling her to make the effort and fight for things especially the things that are hard. Also he was saying our son deserves a chance with both parents in his life. This was her response:

 

"Thanks but I don't love him. Its sad but I cant force myself to be with someone if my hearts not in it. That's why I don't fight for it. I have to want to be with him to fix things but I dont want to. Im not happy being with him and its been that way for a long time. I can't lie to someone saying we'll get married when that's not the person i'm in love with"

 

that hurt so bad to see that, i dont know what to do.....

Edited by WIDESTI
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