Nuna Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I broke NC a few times. Been 2 months now since he left me. I met a really handsome and lovely guy last week in a party, out of nowhere. We had a really nice time and communicating for the last past days. We're meeting on Sunday. I don't want to jump into anything new, but he does seems really cool-and with common interests with me But why am I still thinking about what happened with my ex? He really hurt and disappointed me. I feel betrayed for our love. I still can't believe he told me he doesn't love me. I feel humiliated...When all these feelings go!! I'm in my 30s, don't remember feeling like this before... NC NC NC yes, will stick with NC. I don't want to feel like this... Any helpful thoughts? x
geegirl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 You still have an attachment to him. The relationship may have been bad and he may have been a douche but you were invested emotionally and mentally. Regardless, it will take some time before you are able to completely sever that attachment. 1
radinna82 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I agree with the above. Just dont lead this new guy to believe you two have a future together if you think there may be a chance of or if you want reconciliation with the old guy. I got burned badly by a woman in this same scenario recently and it broke my heart. 1
Author Nuna Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 You still have an attachment to him. The relationship may have been bad and he may have been a douche but you were invested emotionally and mentally. Regardless, it will take some time before you are able to completely sever that attachment. Thank you for your answer. The relationship was wonderful and then turned bad-last 6 months mostly...He did turn into being a super douche indeed...It's been two months and I long for the time that I won't be thinking of him anymore...It's so hard!
Author Nuna Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 I agree with the above. Just dont lead this new guy to believe you two have a future together if you think there may be a chance of or if you want reconciliation with the old guy. I got burned badly by a woman in this same scenario recently and it broke my heart. Well we only just met with new guy. I do have nice thoughts about him, but I am really scared also... There is absolutely no chance for reconciliation with my ex- either from his side or my side-I will never beg a guy that says "I don't love you" What happened with the woman you say? Did you or her just got out of a relationship and mislead each other?
geegirl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Thank you for your answer. The relationship was wonderful and then turned bad-last 6 months mostly...He did turn into being a super douche indeed...It's been two months and I long for the time that I won't be thinking of him anymore...It's so hard! It is hard and eventhough he turned rotten towards the end, it's difficult to focus on that because you're still romanticizing the good times. It will take time. In a few more months I am sure you'll be feeling much better. I would take a break from dating but if you are interested in this guy, be honest about your emotional situation and go from there. The last thing you want to do is jump into it with another when you are still vulnerable. 1
Author Nuna Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 It is hard and eventhough he turned rotten towards the end, it's difficult to focus on that because you're still romanticizing the good times. It will take time. In a few more months I am sure you'll be feeling much better. I would take a break from dating but if you are interested in this guy, be honest about your emotional situation and go from there. The last thing you want to do is jump into it with another when you are still vulnerable. It's precisely like this but also the fact that I feel so betrayed as I really thought we loved each other so much! I really didn't plan to date or anything. This guy seems really really interesting though, but I will take it as slow as possible. Funny thing is we have so much in common and we instantly clicked! That is I guess a positive thing within my sadness. Still I don't want to be hurt again.. I will update about what happens with new guy though
tangosucka Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I agree with the above. Just dont lead this new guy to believe you two have a future together if you think there may be a chance of or if you want reconciliation with the old guy. I got burned badly by a woman in this same scenario recently and it broke my heart. same thing happened to me. gf of 6 months just told me she needs space. she says that she cares about me and i make her happy but she doesnt get the same feelings and level of happiness as she had with her ex even though that relationship was bad. i fell in love with her and now im here looking for ways to handle the situation. 1
Lost Fish Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 It's precisely like this but also the fact that I feel so betrayed as I really thought we loved each other so much! I really didn't plan to date or anything. This guy seems really really interesting though, but I will take it as slow as possible. Funny thing is we have so much in common and we instantly clicked! That is I guess a positive thing within my sadness. Still I don't want to be hurt again.. I will update about what happens with new guy though You're growing Nuna. Part of the reason you feel a bit panicky right now is because as you are feeling some interest in this new dude (that's a good thing), it is forcing you to deal with the fact that to move forward you have to let go of the past. It really is that simple. I think it's great that you are so self-aware of this, as some girls will jump into something new and then burn the next handsome nice guy they had chemistry with. I, too, have been burned by girls still tied up in their exes. And it sucks. Be honest with yourself, and the new guy - as soon as possible. It will actually help to have him put his guard up with you. And then, go live a kickass life. You got this. 1
radinna82 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 @tangosucka. Yes, it really sucks. She told me almost exactly what your ex told you. I have one thread I started on here about it. Its been over a month and honestly, I dont know how to deal with it either
J_L_C Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Hi Nuna, Your situation really resembles mine. I was with someone for a year when he suddenly broke things off. Said he was no longer in love with me and I was not a priority for him anymore. It's been 7 months since we split and I am still quite hung up on him. He too, became a COMPLETE and UTTER douche. I agree that you are still romanticizing "what was" and are not thinking about "what currently is". If I can give you ANY advice, try zoning in on the negatives. I was really hung up on the person he was while we were together, but that person is gone. He did some terrible, horrible things to me (you can read about them if you like on my thread titled: Sherlock Holmes). I decided to write out all of the terrible things he did, things I didn't like about him, things that irritated me, etc. etc. I wrote this on a piece of paper and ended up with 46 things!!! Then I put a star beside the things that I absolutely COULD NEVER get past or forget. I chose the top 10 and wrote those out on small recipe cards. Honestly, it may sound silly, but anytime I was upset I would read them. I carried them in my purse when I went out and I'd read them whenever things became overwhelming for me. It totally helped put things in perspective for me. It's not a cure, but it really worked. 1
Author Nuna Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 You're growing Nuna. Part of the reason you feel a bit panicky right now is because as you are feeling some interest in this new dude (that's a good thing), it is forcing you to deal with the fact that to move forward you have to let go of the past. It really is that simple. I think it's great that you are so self-aware of this, as some girls will jump into something new and then burn the next handsome nice guy they had chemistry with. I, too, have been burned by girls still tied up in their exes. And it sucks. Be honest with yourself, and the new guy - as soon as possible. It will actually help to have him put his guard up with you. And then, go live a kickass life. You got this. Thank you so much, that's such a nice message xx
Author Nuna Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 Hi Nuna, Your situation really resembles mine. I was with someone for a year when he suddenly broke things off. Said he was no longer in love with me and I was not a priority for him anymore. It's been 7 months since we split and I am still quite hung up on him. He too, became a COMPLETE and UTTER douche. I agree that you are still romanticizing "what was" and are not thinking about "what currently is". If I can give you ANY advice, try zoning in on the negatives. I was really hung up on the person he was while we were together, but that person is gone. He did some terrible, horrible things to me (you can read about them if you like on my thread titled: Sherlock Holmes). I decided to write out all of the terrible things he did, things I didn't like about him, things that irritated me, etc. etc. I wrote this on a piece of paper and ended up with 46 things!!! Then I put a star beside the things that I absolutely COULD NEVER get past or forget. I chose the top 10 and wrote those out on small recipe cards. Honestly, it may sound silly, but anytime I was upset I would read them. I carried them in my purse when I went out and I'd read them whenever things became overwhelming for me. It totally helped put things in perspective for me. It's not a cure, but it really worked. That is great thank you Previously I wrote compassion notes for myself-so I stop blaming me- and notes that reminded me how kind and loving he was, as I didn't want to have any anger or hate inside me. I still don't have hate or anger, I am just sad and disappointed by him as a person. Not because he left me, just because of the way he handled it afterwards. I will take your advice to write notes about the negative things he has. I am thinking about them in my head daily though and it does make me feel sad to remember he showed an arrogant and selfish face. How are you feeling now? Hope much better! x
Author Nuna Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 same thing happened to me. gf of 6 months just told me she needs space. she says that she cares about me and i make her happy but she doesnt get the same feelings and level of happiness as she had with her ex even though that relationship was bad. i fell in love with her and now im here looking for ways to handle the situation. That really sucks, sorry to hear it It's hard to hear that from the person you like/love... But maybe you should feel a little lucky that she was honest with you and that you didn't have to go through hell after years of being in a relationship?
Author Nuna Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 @tangosucka. Yes, it really sucks. She told me almost exactly what your ex told you. I have one thread I started on here about it. Its been over a month and honestly, I dont know how to deal with it either As I said to tangosucka as well, maybe knowing the truth soon enough is better than being deceived for months or even years... Sorry you're in pain too
Kali-Persad Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 (edited) When a relationship is taken away from you, the other person is doing so against your will. You can consider it as if you're holding a bar of gold in your hands and then someone grabs it from you. It's more interesting because the culprit is a special person. It's someone you love and care about. This feels especially horrible. When this kind of thing happens, you're searching for a reason why it happened. You hold the other person in very high esteem. In your eyes that person is innocent and has a right to their actions against you. Yes, it really is illogical. So that leaves you. You must be the bad person. You feel that you did something wrong. That some how you deserve it. It was your fault some how. Since you love and care about your special someone, you feel that you need at least a chance to make it up to them in some way. The problem is...they won't give you a chance... and you really can't find exactly what it was that you did wrong that could warrant such a drastic action. You become stuck and stressed out. It feels really bad. The other person took an action against you. The other person refused to talk with you to come to an agreement. The other person didn't really care about your feelings. You are the one who lost your bar of gold. Look at all the negative things you thought about yourself because of that special someone taking your gold away from you. Those are false ideas you have about yourself. You're actually a totally amazing person. The same amazing person that your special someone fell in love with. One day something happened to your special someone. Something in that person changed. You're still the amazing person. That amazing person is still who you are. It is the person you will continue to be. Can you accept that? Edited March 10, 2013 by Kali-Persad 1
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