Kamille Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Women, are you really that passive? Was reading a thread where a few male posters seem to go on the assumptions that what we women are passive in the dating game. The image I got is that they feel women sit around and merely accept or rejects guys' approaches. Now, I don't know about all women, but this certainly isn't true for my circle of friends. When we go out, we check out guys, smile at them, try to engage them, flirt with them. If one of us notices a guy that we like, we'll figure out a way to talk to him. And that got me thinking: maybe that's the problem some of these guys are facing, and why they get so much rejection. They don't know how to read women's signs of interest of disinterest. They need to realize we're not passive when it comes to approaching. So, help me out, be it with lists or anecdotes. What do you ladies do when you notice a cute guy in a social situation. How do you let him know you're into him? 1
Author Kamille Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 I'll start with an anecdote. I was out with friends and we'd decided I was going to learn how to flirt. I spotted a cute guy. My friends and I went dancing next to him. Then, at one point, I smiled at him. Lucky for me, he came over for a chat. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I'll start with an anecdote. I was out with friends and we'd decided I was going to learn how to flirt. I spotted a cute guy. My friends and I went dancing next to him. Then, at one point, I smiled at him. Lucky for me, he came over for a chat. I think many women do this. Unfortunately, sometimes guys have been burned after assuming this kind of thing was an expression of interest. I've had women smile at me (in a variety of contexts) and not once did it end up being an expression of interest. So now, when I see a woman smile at me or towards me or whatever, I assume it's some kind of siren song designed to get me to approach only to give me the brush off.
USMCHokie Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I've had women smile at me (in a variety of contexts) and not once did it end up being an expression of interest. So now, when I see a woman smile at me or towards me or whatever, I assume it's some kind of siren song designed to get me to approach only to give me the brush off. The most important questions to ask here are, how did you respond to them smiling at you? And at what point did you conclude that it was not an expression of interest...? Better to assume they are interested and be definitively proven wrong rather than assume they're not interested and frantically search for a hidden clue that they are interested... 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 The most important questions to ask here are, how did you respond to them smiling at you? And at what point did you conclude that it was not an expression of interest...? How did I respond? I went over and talked to them. Except one time, which ended up working out ok in the end anyway. Sort of. At what point did I conclude they weren't interested? A couple of times it was clear they were looking for an "escape route" so to speak. And then it became painfully obvious in how they interacted with other men around.
iKING Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Stare (not excessively of course) and smile/look down like it made you blush that he caught you. You could toss a coy hand near face trick as if to try to cover it up. Play with your hair or bite your lip while looking at him. Accidentally brush up against him. Those are the indirect approaches I can think of off hand. It's funny how this was intended for lady advice and yet all your getting is guy advice. 1
Author Kamille Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Stare (not excessively of course) and smile/look down like it made you blush that he caught you. You could toss a coy hand near face trick as if to try to cover it up. Play with your hair or bite your lip while looking at him. Accidentally brush up against him. Those are the indirect approaches I can think of off hand. It's funny how this was intended for lady advice and yet all your getting is guy advice. I know! All men so far. Maybe my friends and I are oddities and most women actually only vet or reject approaches ! Yours made me think of something else I do, once a guy has approached. If I like him, I will find a way to touch his arm if appropriate. I will also ask questions and try to make jokes. If I "flatline", meaning if I only respond with minimal details, it likely means I'm not interested.
Keenly Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Smiling at a guy across the room and calling that a sign of expressing Interest is the very definition of passive
Author Kamille Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Smiling at a guy across the room and calling that a sign of expressing Interest is the very definition of passive You say tomato, I say unhelpful. The point of this thread isn't to debate what constitutes being passive. It's to help guys get a better understanding of how women show interest. If you want to debate wether women are passive, you are welcome to start your own thread.
iKING Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Smiling at a guy across the room and calling that a sign of expressing Interest is the very definition of passive He's right, you could just pin him up against a wall with an animal look in your eye and tell him you want him. Me cavewoman.. You husband.. I like your approach with the sly touching and lots of laughing Kamille. Kind of makes it come off as light infatuation.
ptp Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Bump for a valuable tread that shouldn't go unnoticed by the female members. 2
tuxedo cat Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I usually act pretty coy but I will do things like hold eye contact a fraction of a second longer than normal. I am working on being more flirtatious as a lot of people think I come as as standoffish. Here is a great guide to flirting: http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html
tbf Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I had my friends invite my husband to our social group's annual NYE party. Beyond that, I used to do diddly-do besides being open to approach when guys approached.
counterman Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Please let us know girls:) I don't look for signs of interest before approaching. I just approach, and usually asks them out soon afterwards. Depending on their answer, it's clear whether they're interested or not. Have I been rejected heaps? Sure have. Oh well, if I never approach, I won't get anywhere
Archgirl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I'm pretty blatant. I can't pull of coy at all but I'm awesome at daringly cheeky. I've said my fave lean in for a kiss move somewhere else. But also I guess stuff like: I'll ask guys why they haven't bought me a drink yet if there's a cutie in a bar or smack one on the ass and ask where he's been all my life. I've never not had a positive response, I think it's because I'm a five foot one blonde girl acting like a 70's pimp, but I'm not 100% clear on why it works really. Then I guess I also do the sexual cues pretty blatantly too, like slowly look them up and down then look them in the eye a lil longer than necessary, stick my boobs out and bite my lip a lil. Probably about the most subtle thing is when talking with a group near a hot guy I catch out of the corner of my eye and saying really provocative things and playing with my hair a lot until i'm sure he's interested/listening Then do a lot of eye catching/avoiding flirting until one of us gives in and approaches. I use my hair a lot as an attractor/ attention catcher - so guys it's worth a go joining in if you are on the receiving end of a lot of this. It's fun taking risks. Yeah. I guess I don't do subtle. I hope it still helps guys read signals/girls try a few more things. I'd love more move suggestions too if anyone's got them Thanks Kam! This thread is fun! 1
Archgirl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 He's right, you could just pin him up against a wall with an animal look in your eye and tell him you want him. Me cavewoman.. You husband.. I like your approach with the sly touching and lots of laughing Kamille. Kind of makes it come off as light infatuation. Oh pffft! :p You loved it! 1
amaysngrace Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I don't know what I do wrong. Does friendly equal flirting? Oh...I don't actually want to be in a relationship. That makes a big difference.
Esoteric Elf Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 You say tomato, I say unhelpful. The point of this thread isn't to debate what constitutes being passive. It's to help guys get a better understanding of how women show interest. If you want to debate wether women are passive, you are welcome to start your own thread. I agree weth Keenly. If you define this as showing interest, I have had hundreds of girls interested in me and I have, in turn, shown interest in hundreds of girls if the same can be said for men. Just spreadin' the love.
hudson701 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Lol british women don't give out any signals. Fact. It's up to the man to approach and get rejected. If I was given a very clear signal I'd be straight over like a flash for a chat. Instead I have to get moderately tanked up to numb the nervousness/anxiety and approach once I'm feeling more cocky/confident.
ltjg45 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Lol british women don't give out any signals. Fact. It's up to the man to approach and get rejected. If I was given a very clear signal I'd be straight over like a flash for a chat. Instead I have to get moderately tanked up to numb the nervousness/anxiety and approach once I'm feeling more cocky/confident. That's probably what I need: some alcohol in my system. Maybe then I don't really give a damn even if a female kicks me in my balls for approaching her..... well..... .....I don't think alcohol would suppress that kind of pain, would it? *shivers*
Imported Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Lol british women don't give out any signals. Fact. It's up to the man to approach and get rejected. Yes they do. Most women from around the world do. Fact. It is still usually up to the man to approach and maybe get rejected, true. I've only known British girls when I lived in Hong Kong and my extended stay in Bermuda. They were aggressive as hell though. Maybe there is another reason for your view on this. Many women, if they are really attracted will even show interest on a sub-conscious level.
Author Kamille Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 I'm pretty blatant. I can't pull of coy at all but I'm awesome at daringly cheeky. I've said my fave lean in for a kiss move somewhere else. But also I guess stuff like: I'll ask guys why they haven't bought me a drink yet if there's a cutie in a bar or smack one on the ass and ask where he's been all my life. I've never not had a positive response, I think it's because I'm a five foot one blonde girl acting like a 70's pimp, but I'm not 100% clear on why it works really. Then I guess I also do the sexual cues pretty blatantly too, like slowly look them up and down then look them in the eye a lil longer than necessary, stick my boobs out and bite my lip a lil. Probably about the most subtle thing is when talking with a group near a hot guy I catch out of the corner of my eye and saying really provocative things and playing with my hair a lot until i'm sure he's interested/listening Then do a lot of eye catching/avoiding flirting until one of us gives in and approaches. I use my hair a lot as an attractor/ attention catcher - so guys it's worth a go joining in if you are on the receiving end of a lot of this. It's fun taking risks. Nice ones! Reminded me of other things I did. I guess I do tend to fall into the "more blatant" category, although, I would never have the guts to look a guy up and down. Once I told a guy: "So, I don't understand why you haven't asked me out yet." He didn't ask me out straight away - I think he was taken aback. When he did ask me out, a few weeks later, I had already started seeing someone else. Another time, I introduced a really cute to a friend by saying: "This is RCG. He's one of the cutest guys I know." Everyone laughed. He was surprised but he never asked me out.
Author Kamille Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Conscious or unconscious body language when I am talking to a guy I like. This happens after he approached, whether cold approached or approached once I tried to catch his attention: I will turn my body his way, to fully face him. (I, for some reason, have to force myself to do this). I will glance at his lips (usually instinctively, when I am thinking about kissing him).
Author Kamille Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 I had my friends invite my husband to our social group's annual NYE party. Beyond that, I used to do diddly-do besides being open to approach when guys approached. Once an interesting guy approached, did you do anything to show you were intrigued? Am currently trying to convince a friend of mine to set me up on a date. She, for reasons that evade me, seems really reluctant to do so - even though she brought it up first and keeps bringing it up. I know where the guy works (it's a public place, he owns a business) and am thinking of simply showing up and introducing myself one day.
amaysngrace Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I will glance at his lips (usually instinctively, when I am thinking about kissing him). I sometimes glance at their crotch if I'm really interested then they see me doing that and it's awkward. 1
Recommended Posts