Silly_Girl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 As a blurter I am often amazed by how little is conveyed between partners in a relationship. How little they share their feelings or concerns. I'm never scared of the fall-out of something I want to share, if it's significant, because working at a relationship, even if the subject matter is negative, can only be a positive thing in my view. I'm just curious to hear from others, how do you prefer to communicate? Do you ENJOY communicating within your relationships? 4
USMCHokie Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I tend to "over-communicate"...I am a little too open sometimes...but I enjoy it, so it never feels forced or uncomfortable... 1
MissBee Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I'm very transparent in relationships and would consider myself a "blurter" as well lol. I'm not good at hiding emotions, not good at administering or receiving the "silent treatment" and all of that. I say how I feel and I EXPECT a response and for us to engage in some type of meaningful dialogue about it that makes us both feel heard and understood. The quickest way to lose me is to give me the silent treatment or if we have issues you storm off and disappear for days. You will come back to nothing. I don't do well with people with whom I have to pull teeth or who sweep things under the rug. When dating, the first thing I notice is the ease of communication. Do you understand me? Do I constantly have to explain? Do I constantly feel misunderstood? Do you share your own thoughts/feelings? Are you a one word kind of guy etc? All that is noted and whether or not to continue is based on them. 4
LFH Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I talk about EVERYTHING.. I say the things I think I should say, I close my eyes and just say the things that I might once have left unsaid, because I can't imagine NOT saying them anymore. I am frequently amazed at the things people leave unsaid, the important things that they never discuss. I truly think that nearly all the problems people have in their relationships could be resolved if people would just honestly speak to one another and truly listen to what the other person is saying. 3
aussie sam Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 even if the subject matter is negative, can only be a positive thing in my view. I totally agree with the idea that even working through a negative problem makes a relationship stronger. I feel that it builds a sense of trust in knowing that the other person wants to keep the relationship going. I'm a blurter too but I like to choose my words carefully so that I don't antagonise the other party, My last girlfriend would refer to these discussions as "fights" and would avoid them like the plague. Needless to say it didn't work out and she didn't say why 1
DreamFinder Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 As a blurter I am often amazed by how little is conveyed between partners in a relationship. How little they share their feelings or concerns. I'm never scared of the fall-out of something I want to share, if it's significant, because working at a relationship, even if the subject matter is negative, can only be a positive thing in my view. I'm just curious to hear from others, how do you prefer to communicate? Do you ENJOY communicating within your relationships? This is a great question! I've learned so much in relationships and lost some very important ladies in my life because of how I communicated. Basically, I didn't like to. If something was bothering me I would have a hard time bringing it up for fear of conflict and rocking the boat. Now I understand you have to talk about things all the time and be honest. Shutting down when angry or hurt doesn't help things. I think couples should talk often to make sure they are on the same page. It's amazing how much resentment can build from both persons not talking about things and then everything explodes and you get into a big fight! And then things end. Oh well, learn and live. 1
DreamFinder Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Let me just add that BOTH people in the relationship should speak up when they feel hurt or offended about something instead of later bringing that resentment up in the future. If I do something that hurts or angers my girlfriend, I would like to know what it is so I don't make the same mistake. It could have been a simple misunderstanding. And I would hope that she would feel the same way about me if I feel hurt or offended over what she said or did to me, I should speak up to clear the air. If only more couples followed this model there might be a lot less needless fights and breakups.
stevie_23 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I talk about EVERYTHING.. I say the things I think I should say, I close my eyes and just say the things that I might once have left unsaid, because I can't imagine NOT saying them anymore. I am frequently amazed at the things people leave unsaid, the important things that they never discuss. I truly think that nearly all the problems people have in their relationships could be resolved if people would just honestly speak to one another and truly listen to what the other person is saying. This USED to be me. Before I finally had something that DID scare and threaten me about how I felt in terms of my relationship. I am in general also a blurter. Especially early on in a relationship. I like to explore everything, discuss everything, be totally open because what's the point in NOT being?! But...hmm. That changed, at least in terms of my long term (12 year) relationship...we still talk about many things. Just not THE thing that's been on my mind for a few years (not being in love anymore).
Got it Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I tend to be an over analyzer. I will dissect a topic, as some males will say to death. I really want to know the thought process by me and by the other person, I want to know the "whys" as their line of logic is of more importance than the final decision/opinion. I was raised by two parents in the legal field, we could get out of a punishment if we had a good argument on why it shouldn't be in that manner so we all learned to argue in my family. When the other person repeatedly has shown not interested or shut down/disengaged to want to discuss an issue, I will eventually disconnect and shut down myself. You can't force someone to want to solve a problem if they are not interested. Eventually I will stop. But my normal mode of operati is to discuss, analyze, dissect.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Do you ENJOY communicating within your relationships? This question is kind of amusing. Unfortunately, my answer is no -- and I've been married almost 20 years. We both have some pretty big lifelong insecurities we've been trying to overcome. I'm the nerdy science guy who could never get dates, and she's been overweight with body-image issues her whole life. I don't think either of us wants to rock the boat.
tbf Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 Not big on using highly emotive language or stroking flagging egos. Pretty direct when it comes to positive or negative issues. The one area of communication that I'm not direct with, is the expression of jealousy. When experiencing it, it causes almost instant emotional withdrawal so there's no real point to expressing it unless a partner notices. Luckily, H isn't the type of man who evokes this, since his behavior's impeccable. Friendly and polite but has a definitive line when women flirt with intent.
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