Drseussgrrl Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I have a wide circle of girlfriends who are all getting married and having babies. So far in 2013 alone, I have gone to four baby showers. I have more coming up. While I'm super duper happy for my girlfriends, it's getting ridiculous how much I'm spending going to these showers/weddings/bachelorette parties. I'm a single girl living in Washington DC and money isn't exactly a bottomless resource. I pay a lot in rent, I have a car payment, etc etc. My friends, on the other hand, are all married or living with their partners and make a combined income that is much, much more than I could dream of earning on my own. They take trips to Mexico, Hawaii, and Europe and sometimes I'm lucky to have $50 left when payday rolls around. I'm not trying to be a bitter Betty by any means but it's getting to the point where I sit through a baby shower and watch my girlfriend ooooh and aaahhh over gifts and I am like yeah - that's $50 I could have spent on groceries LOL. Not to mention, well yeah I'm single and wondering when it's gonna be my turn. Maybe never? I don't know. But damn, it's expensive being a "good" friend and celebrating all of the big events in their lives with them, putting on a happy face, and watching my pocketbook shrink progressively. It's to the point now where I CRINGE when I get an invite to a baby shower/bridal shower/wedding!!! Anyone relate? 1
tman666 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Just be like me and have only 2-3 close friends! It's a lot cheaper that way. I tend to think that the all these parties, showers, receptions, events, etc. revolving around babies and weddings can get a little overboard, especially if there is some sort of expectation that you have to spend X amount of dollars on gifts, drinks, etc. to remain in good graces with your friend. If they're well off, especially compared to you, I think that a reasonable person wouldn't hold it against you if you didn't get them any sort of gift (beyond sending your best wishes) or show up to some place that costs you a lot of money out of pocket to attend. My best friend got married when I was still in college on a cruise ship. Obviously, I couldn't afford a cruise. I felt bad about not being able to go, but hey, a person has to expect that not everyone will be able to make it to their event if the price of attending is a fairly major financial undertaking unto itself. Socioeconomic differences DO matter in both friendships and relationships because if the gap is large enough, the two parties will inherently view things differently. Take this for example: my sister went on a handful of dates with a guy a few months ago who came from a very wealthy upbringing. While he was nice to her, reasonably smart/interesting/good looking/etc., he made a comment to her that absolutely blew her out of the water: he was genuinely shocked that she had never played polo before. As in, riding a horse, hitting a ball around with a stick polo. Needless to say, they're not dating anymore... If your friends are so self centered that they'd hold it against you that you aren't able to join them in every single extravagant event that they throw, I'd find new friends. With the economy the way it is, I'd be saving every penny you possibly could. Just my humble opinion...
clia Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Oh, I feel you on this one! I had about an eight year period of time from 25-33 where I easily had at least 4-5 weddings/showers per year. I've spent thousands of dollars on gifts and travel expenses for friends and family. I'ts kind of hard not to get a little bitter. I'm really happy for my friends and family when they hit these new stages of life, but since I never plan to get married or have children, I know that I will never get the gift reciprocation. While it isn't about that (no really, I know it isn't!), sometimes I feel like it isn't completely appreciated. It never really occurs to anyone that I'm a single person with no kids who constantly is buying them gifts for showers, weddings, their kids' birthdays, etc...and who ever buys gifts for me for anything? You know? Showers -- even multiple showers now -- are so expected that people really don't think about the cost involved to the guests. It's even worse when you are a member of the bridal party -- between dress, hair, make-up, shower, bachelorette party, wedding gift, and any travel expenses, you can easily spend thosuands. Worse, I hate sitting through showers, especially baby showers. Watching someone open gifts for three hours just isn't my idea of entertainment. So not only do I have to buy the gifts, I have to endure the torture of a shower when I could be off doing other things. Ugh! All I can say is...it does slow down. Now I only go to one or two weddings/showers a year. Of course, then the kids' birthday parties start.... 1
Author Drseussgrrl Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Oh, I feel you on this one! I had about an eight year period of time from 25-33 where I easily had at least 4-5 weddings/showers per year. I've spent thousands of dollars on gifts and travel expenses for friends and family. I'ts kind of hard not to get a little bitter. I'm really happy for my friends and family when they hit these new stages of life, but since I never plan to get married or have children, I know that I will never get the gift reciprocation. While it isn't about that (no really, I know it isn't!), sometimes I feel like it isn't completely appreciated. It never really occurs to anyone that I'm a single person with no kids who constantly is buying them gifts for showers, weddings, their kids' birthdays, etc...and who ever buys gifts for me for anything? You know? Showers -- even multiple showers now -- are so expected that people really don't think about the cost involved to the guests. It's even worse when you are a member of the bridal party -- between dress, hair, make-up, shower, bachelorette party, wedding gift, and any travel expenses, you can easily spend thosuands. Worse, I hate sitting through showers, especially baby showers. Watching someone open gifts for three hours just isn't my idea of entertainment. So not only do I have to buy the gifts, I have to endure the torture of a shower when I could be off doing other things. Ugh! All I can say is...it does slow down. Now I only go to one or two weddings/showers a year. Of course, then the kids' birthday parties start.... And I mean come on - what happens when they have the next baby? Am I supposed to buy you a gift every time you decide to reproduce? THESE ARE YOUR LIFE CHOICES!
MissBee Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I have acquaintances and less close friends who are having babies and some who are marrying, but my closest and most immediate group are more similar to me in that we're all graduate students or young professionals who aren't having babies or marrying right at this moment, so I haven't been to that many showers and weddings...but I've seen them on FB...daily .
Woggle Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Just be happy for them and don't sweat it. It's not a competition.
Scarlett5 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 I'm in EXACTLY the same boat and it does get ridiculous! I'm single, live on my own, earn a very low wage (climbing up my career ladder), and spend a ton on getting to work. Trying to afford any kind of social life is one thing, and is also high on my list of priorities...I'm here to enjoy my life (on a budget)! So having to then spend for engagements, weddings, baby showers, as well as Christmas and birthdays is just too much. I do do it though, but I'm always on a budget and never over-spend, but it still mounts up I love my friends and celebrating with them, and I do actually want to buy gifts for them! It's just a struggle...and although they don't 'expect' it, I couldn't turn up empty handed. Although I do usually spend the least. It's tough!
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