ls32ssibm Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Just wondering what you guys think. I don't really date right now because I can't see myself finding one, and I feel if I "put myself out there" to find a girl I'll end up settling. To me, the end of relationships are too painful to justify getting into one that probably won't "work out". Kind of a jacked up perspective, I know.
El Brujo Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Some of us want relationships sooner, and others want relationships after they decide they're done playing the field; but others just want to play the field until they croak. Must be a pleasure-centered thing.
normal person Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Personally, I think it should be once you get into your mid to late 20s. If you don't see yourself marrying the person (or staying with them for the long term if marriage isn't for you), I think you're just wasting their time. 1
salparadise Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Men are like farmers who sews the seed anywhere it might grow. Women are like the earth and want a farmer who will cultivate the field once it's planted. I told my teenage daughter (who will soon be off to college) that she should not date anyone whom she does not consider worthy of consideration as a life partner because people end up falling for people they never intended to be with just that way. Doing some vetting up front, before emotions confuse everything, is a damn good strategy for men and women. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I was always open to finding a life partner, even as a teen. My parents got married when they were 19, so the idea of finding my life partner in high school or college didn't phase me at all and I would have preferred if that had happened. So naturally, even getting first dates was extremely difficult for me and what few girls would date me seemed to act from the get-go that any R we'd have would be temporary. I never understood it. I don't recall really pushing for LTRs but just being open to the idea seemed to make them uncomfortable -- if something's going well, why put an expiration date on it?
crude Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Being married is like having a roommate. Not everyone wants one. Also, with women making more money than ever, more are taking on the characteristics of men, not necessarily seeing every date as a potential husband. If a woman has her own house, car, and marketable skills, if she doesn't want children, there isn't much of an imperative to get married.
aed Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 for me it is and I am looking for someone that is hoping the same out of a relationship. But ofcourse not every relationship will come to that. I think you will find out soon enough if the person you are dating is not looking for a life partner with you. then it is up to you: do i move on and persue my own life goals or do i stay with that person.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I think it depends on where you are in life. As somebody who has already committed to a person for life and then watched it all fall apart after is was too late (had kids), my perspective on relationships is now very different. Now, I recognize that different relationships have different shelf-lives, and to just take what they have to offer but accept that its probably not going to be a 'forever endeavor'. Ultimately, I think we would all want to have that one true, special, amazing lifelong relationship, but let's face it.....those are 1 in 100,000. So at that point, the key is to be versatile.
crude Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 What about companionship, emotional support, sex and love? Other than children I see that as why I will want to get married someday. I dont view men as atm machines or sole providers... This is where friends, male and female, and family come in. A woman can enjoy plenty of options, no need for only 1 man in your life. A FWB or 2, a guy(s) you date sometimes, combined with female friends can give you all the companionship you need. Putting all your eggs into 1 basket isn't the only way to live. Look what happens emotionally if your one and only option lets you down or you simply tire of each other.
ltjg45 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I used to think that finding a life partner is the end goal but now I'll be content with a couple of female friends. If I do get married, something tells me I will end up regretting that decision. No point putting all of my eggs in one basket.
CarrieT Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Somehow (after a failed marriage in my early 20s), I intuitively knew subsequent relationships were not about finding life partners. I spent almost 25 years in a handful of long-term relationships, but turning down marriage proposals because I knew these relationships were not for life and I didn't want to deal with more legal paperwork to end the relationship. They were good for what they were and when they were, but I knew they were not going to last and so did they - which is probably why we are all pretty decent friends after-the-fact. It wasn't until recently - as I approach my 50th year - that I began to look for someone to spend the rest of my life with. My fiance and I talked about it during pillow talk this morning. He wishes I would have been the mother of his children, but is pragmatic that if we had met in our 30s, we would not have actually been drawn to one another. He said he was too arrogant and I said I was too flighty. We both had to go what we have to come to a point where we want life partners that complement each other. 3
Esoteric Elf Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I dont view men as atm machines or sole providers... We have ourselves here one very special gal.
McDonald Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I thought I found the one util my gf broke up with me. Almost makes findin someone else useless. But I believe once you find someone who touches your heart, then you will want to get that feeling back with someone new
RainDown Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 "Is the ultimate goal of all relationships to find a life partner?" I think for some people it is. I got married when I was in my 20's, thinking that is just what people did. You know, grow up, graduate high school, move out of the house, graduate college, get married, have kids, have grandkids. Die. It didn't occur to me until my late 20's that I did not have to do that if I did not want to do that. And I didn't want to. Since that realization I've lived my life as it comes. People come into my life and I place no expectation about how long they will be there. A week, a month, a year, 5 years, 10 years. Forever. Who knows? I'd have to say that the ultimate goal of none of my relationships is to find a life partner. It seems to me that these days not many people achieve the "life partner" ideal anyway. Mostly what I see is people having serial monogamous relationships or marriages and moving on when a relationship doesn't work for them anymore, even though they say they want a life partner. It seems to be another case where people say they want one thing, but then do something else. Or maybe people just don't know how to have a life partner these days, even if they want one? I think as long as people are upfront about their goal (life partner, casual dating, FWBs) it's up to the individual to choose how they want to live their life. And with whom. And for how long. Someone who wants a life partner should not hook up with someone into casual dating or FWBs or serial monogamous relationships. And vice versa. Problems happen when goals are lied about or not clearly defined. People should at least be on the same page - whatever that page is.
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Depends on the depth of the relationship. I dated a ton just to date and see what type of men were out there, I didn't start exclusively dating till I was ready and wanted to find someone to spend "forever" with.
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