CantBelieve10 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 So I've been dating a guy for about 7 months now and things are going good, as far as we get along really well and seem super compatible. We talk to eachother everyday, and make it a point to see eachother on the weekend, as we are both normally very busy during the week. I feel like a real relationship is developing except for the fact that he hasn't ever invited me to hang out with him and his friends, and Have only once been to his brothers but never met his mother. I’ve been debating on saying something to him about the status of our relationship because its really been lingering on my mind. It's beginning to slowly but surely bug me to not know where we stand. I sometimes think he just assumes we are a couple because of the way we are towards eachother but really I don't know for sure. AND THEN suddently this happened today… HIM: i need a hot teammate like you to come withme to the gym. Me: just think of all the fine pieces of ass at the gym, that should motivate you. HIM: but what if i would rather see your fine piece of ass instead? ME: player, please. That must be rhetorical him: but ive only had eyes on u for a while now, boo. What would make u think that? ME: yes im aware of that, and likewise. But i dont think im "thinkin" in any particular way. i just is what it is... ME: I just want to be clear, im not sayin u have eyes for other peeps, but as far as im concerned that wouldnt be prohibited HIM: i appreciate the free pass to peak at other women, but i really do prefer staring at you. Just wanted u to know that. ME: No youre not understanding. Its not a "pass".. you're single. Do as you pleas.. HIM: Ahh, i understand. Fair enough. --END-- UGHHHH!!! He didnt even care I dont know if this was the best way to go about things, but i put him up for a test and he TOTALLY failed, and now im just depressed. I dont know how things will be after this, but we usually text everyday so we'll see tomorrow if he acts normal. I'm gonna try to hang out with him this weekend like we usually do, and then im just gonna for sure bring it up and be like "where do you see this going?!" i HATE this Let me know what you guys take this convo as, any words of advice will help. Thanks!
TaraMaiden Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 And you shot yourself in the foot.... why, exactly? Why do people play these stupid mind games? What dafuq is it, with 'testing'...? Why not just agree to go? Why wait for him to have to take the lead? He has now assumed you are giving him the total brush-off and is completely confused. As am I, to be honest! 8
todreaminblue Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 So I've been dating a guy for about 7 months now and things are going good, as far as we get along really well and seem super compatible. We talk to eachother everyday, and make it a point to see eachother on the weekend, as we are both normally very busy during the week. I feel like a real relationship is developing except for the fact that he hasn't ever invited me to hang out with him and his friends, and Have only once been to his brothers but never met his mother. I’ve been debating on saying something to him about the status of our relationship because its really been lingering on my mind. It's beginning to slowly but surely bug me to not know where we stand. I sometimes think he just assumes we are a couple because of the way we are towards eachother but really I don't know for sure. AND THEN suddently this happened today… HIM: i need a hot teammate like you to come withme to the gym. Me: just think of all the fine pieces of ass at the gym, that should motivate you. HIM: but what if i would rather see your fine piece of ass instead? ME: player, please. That must be rhetorical him: but ive only had eyes on u for a while now, boo. What would make u think that? ME: yes im aware of that, and likewise. But i dont think im "thinkin" in any particular way. i just is what it is... ME: I just want to be clear, im not sayin u have eyes for other peeps, but as far as im concerned that wouldnt be prohibited HIM: i appreciate the free pass to peak at other women, but i really do prefer staring at you. Just wanted u to know that. ME: No youre not understanding. Its not a "pass".. you're single. Do as you pleas.. HIM: Ahh, i understand. Fair enough. --END-- UGHHHH!!! He didnt even care I dont know if this was the best way to go about things, but i put him up for a test and he TOTALLY failed, and now im just depressed. I dont know how things will be after this, but we usually text everyday so we'll see tomorrow if he acts normal. I'm gonna try to hang out with him this weekend like we usually do, and then im just gonna for sure bring it up and be like "where do you see this going?!" i HATE this Let me know what you guys take this convo as, any words of advice will help. Thanks! that was confusing....from what i gather you told him that he was single and that you werent thinking anything in particular in regards to him...... and that he had a free pass to look at other hot ass...and he told you ...no i have only eyes for you babe....so what was the test that he failed?
Author CantBelieve10 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 W-O-R-D-S O-F A-D-V-I-C-E ..Please dont bash me. This is upsetting for me, and I'm sharing because I'd like some CONSTRUCTIVE input. I'm very aware that I probably didnt go about it in the best way, but i also feel like if he cared enough it could've gone in a different route.
TaraMaiden Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 OK: The words of advice are to take the plunge and realise that dating nowadays is all about being on equal footing. Sadly - frankly, you screwed up. He gave you very clear indications he wanted YOU - not anyone else, you - there. He took the right route. He exclusively contacted you and gave you the signal.... Really - what do you expect, roses and down on one knee, asking you to be his gal? I'm sorry but he passed the test. But you were so busy looking for something so specific, you didn't see it. 1
Author CantBelieve10 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 So like i said above, I'm just going to bring it up if/when i see him and just be like "what is this?" "Where do you see this going?" "What are your intentions?" ..I'm a dumb ass -_- (im allowed to bash myself!)
TaraMaiden Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 NO!! Why insist on putting the ball in his court and obliging him to do the hard work?? Why not tell him you really like him, but you're worried he doesn't feel the same way, you're worried about being played - and you'd like to get serious, as long as you guys are on the same page, and he feels likewise.... Get a grip and grab the bull by the balls, honey - go for it! 2
Author CantBelieve10 Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 I totally see your point of view, but to ask him those type of questions would at least give me an idea of how he feels and what he wants out of our relationship. I dont want to be with someone if they arent into it anyway. I already feel like he doesnt really care, per his response today. So i just GOTTA ask!
todreaminblue Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I totally see your point of view, but to ask him those type of questions would at least give me an idea of how he feels and what he wants out of our relationship. I dont want to be with someone if they arent into it anyway. I already feel like he doesnt really care, per his response today. So i just GOTTA ask! i didnt bash you i just couldnt understand what the test was call me dumb .......I feel he might care....adn you should just be honest with what you want what you expect because do you really want to waste time with a guy who isnt serious ....as i said seven months is way long enough to know where you want to head....over due i feel...i think he may just be serious anyway....i wish you well....no tests anymore...just straight up honesty an you never have that confusion to deal with.....best wishes....deb
Andy_K Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 So, he told you he was only interested in you, and you basically told him 'no, you're single'. You're going to have trouble turning this one around without looking like an idiot. And after what you said, you will have to be the one to bring it up. But on the bright side, if he likes you enough he'll forgive you anyway. 6
ascendotum Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 NO!! Why insist on putting the ball in his court and obliging him to do the hard work?? Why not tell him you really like him, but you're worried he doesn't feel the same way, you're worried about being played - and you'd like to get serious, as long as you guys are on the same page, and he feels likewise.... Get a grip and grab the bull by the balls, honey - go for it! The way she played out that conversation, if the ball stays in his court then, she has pretty much given him the nod to not take their relationship seriously imo. He didn't have to read between the lines with that conversation. She didn't want awkward but it is a bit that way now to fix this, and she should take the initiative, and not let that sh*t test set the course, and blame him because it failed
dj572 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Word of advice from my perspective. Do not play games. Most all men hate that. Say what you want and go for it. It sounds like he gave you the green light and told him he was single. Please in the future do not tell a man one thing if you really mean something else just be honest. Men can not read minds if you want to be exclusive say that if he doesn't and he leaves then he is not what you need. Always be open and honest about everything even little things. This goes for all women don't tell a man you don't care when you really do and then get your feelings hurt when he does what you told him was ok with you to begin with. Stop playing games. That goes for everybody. 1
clia Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 So, he told you he was only interested in you, and you basically told him 'no, you're single'. You're going to have trouble turning this one around without looking like an idiot. And after what you said, you will have to be the one to bring it up. But on the bright side, if he likes you enough he'll forgive you anyway. I agree with ths post, and I'm really confused about why you interacted with him the way you did and ignored all of the advice you got in your other thread. I thought you wanted a relationship with him? You basically shot the poor guy down when he said he only wanted to look at you, and told him point blank that you did not view your relationship with him as exclusive or committed in any way. (I mean, think about how you would feel if the conversation was reversed and he said that to you!) ME: No youre not understanding. Its not a "pass".. you're single. Do as you pleas.. HIM: Ahh, i understand. Fair enough. His response is not bad. It's resigned. You told him that the two of you are most definitely not in a relationship and he can do as he pleases. His response to me sounds like "(sigh), okay." What did you expect him to do, beg and plead? Most people wouldn't do that. I think if you ask him "What are we" or something like that now, you probably won't get the answer you want given what you just told him. So now you have to just come out and tell him what you want. You are going to look like a flake, but what's done is done. 2
Robman9911 Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I would probably dump a girl that did that to me.. Either I have been reading the signals wrong and ive been wasting my time. Or she has mislead me. Either way I would be time to get out. Sorry you massively screwed up. Im not sure I would take a girl back that did that to me.* 1
Estate Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 So I've been dating a guy for about 7 months now and things are going good, as far as we get along really well and seem super compatible. We talk to eachother everyday, and make it a point to see eachother on the weekend, as we are both normally very busy during the week. I feel like a real relationship is developing except for the fact that he hasn't ever invited me to hang out with him and his friends, and Have only once been to his brothers but never met his mother. I’ve been debating on saying something to him about the status of our relationship because its really been lingering on my mind. It's beginning to slowly but surely bug me to not know where we stand. I sometimes think he just assumes we are a couple because of the way we are towards eachother but really I don't know for sure. AND THEN suddently this happened today… HIM: i need a hot teammate like you to come withme to the gym. Me: just think of all the fine pieces of ass at the gym, that should motivate you. HIM: but what if i would rather see your fine piece of ass instead? ME: player, please. That must be rhetorical him: but ive only had eyes on u for a while now, boo. What would make u think that? ME: yes im aware of that, and likewise. But i dont think im "thinkin" in any particular way. i just is what it is... ME: I just want to be clear, im not sayin u have eyes for other peeps, but as far as im concerned that wouldnt be prohibited HIM: i appreciate the free pass to peak at other women, but i really do prefer staring at you. Just wanted u to know that. ME: No youre not understanding. Its not a "pass".. you're single. Do as you pleas.. HIM: Ahh, i understand. Fair enough. --END-- UGHHHH!!! He didnt even care I dont know if this was the best way to go about things, but i put him up for a test and he TOTALLY failed, and now im just depressed. I dont know how things will be after this, but we usually text everyday so we'll see tomorrow if he acts normal. I'm gonna try to hang out with him this weekend like we usually do, and then im just gonna for sure bring it up and be like "where do you see this going?!" i HATE this Let me know what you guys take this convo as, any words of advice will help. Thanks! *HE* failed??????? He's been with you 7 months, he's re-iterated several times in the convo that he only wants you... ... and you tell him to go off and be single. If I was him, I'd drop you and go hook up with someone who doesn't play these ridiculous games tonight. To say he doesn't care? The girl he's been with for 7 months just told him she wants them to be single. I'd get out now if I was him rather than suffer any more games and hurt. You're playing a losing game here. 4
Estate Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 I totally see your point of view, but to ask him those type of questions would at least give me an idea of how he feels and what he wants out of our relationship. I dont want to be with someone if they arent into it anyway. I already feel like he doesnt really care, per his response today. So i just GOTTA ask! Ok, sorry for the last post but if you want constructive advice... The ball is in your court... If I was this guy and you asked me those questions a week ago I might be hinting at a relationship. After the text convo I just read I'd assume this girl didn't want one so I'm not going to force it... ... unfortunately the ball is completely in your court. You need to stop playing games and just say what you want to him.
Bengal Tiger Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Why do people play mind games? Less tests, more clear honest communication. Be pleasantly surprised at the results. Or, just leave the poor guy already instead of stringing him along. 1
Author CantBelieve10 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 Just an update: Today has been pretty normal between us. He's acting the same. I'm not sure why, i gotta admit his reaction to what I said is quite surprising. He's either playing it cool or really doesn't care either way. We'll just see what happens after i speak with him this weekend. Should be interesting..
Estate Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Just an update: Today has been pretty normal between us. He's acting the same. I'm not sure why, i gotta admit his reaction to what I said is quite surprising. He's either playing it cool or really doesn't care either way. We'll just see what happens after i speak with him this weekend. Should be interesting.. You put him in his place... what was he going to do? Chase the relationship? He's not. What a total headwreck.
Dusk1983 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 You are a walking, talking red flag. If I was this guy I'd run. 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Just an update: Today has been pretty normal between us. He's acting the same. I'm not sure why, i gotta admit his reaction to what I said is quite surprising. He's either playing it cool or really doesn't care either way. We'll just see what happens after i speak with him this weekend. Should be interesting.. I told you in your other thread, to do nothing via text. To speak, openly and lay your cards on the table. Communication, via text is just the pits. You do the exact, complete, total 180. Now, everything I said, is coming true. You had a voice-box before you had a mobile 'phone. Use them in that order. Why do people ask for advice, get plenty - then promptly ignore it? Jeesh, I'm done here. You made your bed honey. Now lie in it. For another 7 months. 2
Soxfaninfl Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 ME: No youre not understanding. Its not a "pass".. you're single. Do as you pleas.. HIM: Ahh, i understand. Fair enough. --END-- At this part I would have said your my lady and I'm your man, so I'm not single. I'm in a realationship with you. I can understand your frustration. I'm sorry you going thru this. The two of you should be exclusive by now, and if he doesn't want to then cut him loose and move on.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I don't what the people are smoking on this forum sometimes, but I think you did a decent job testing this guy out to find out his true intentions and mentality instead of just asking him outright the question like a retard so he could simply make some kind of an excuse to elude to answering the question clearly...which is what he would have done IMO. At think at first, he wasn't quite understanding where you are going with it...but as soon as he caught on to what you were implying it clicked and he couldn't really back pedal at that point "oh ahahah yeah that's true." A man isn't going to "date" you for 7 months before he comes upon the bright idea of being in a relationship with you. I understand his comments saying he only had eyes for you, but when push came to shove he didn't clarify or it make it official at that point...which I understand your tact on that. However, at this point I think it should be obvious to you that this isn't going to develop into a relationship and that you're just doing this "dating" thing because it's going good for what is. He's not exactly bringing you home to momma or making you apart of the greater scheme in terms of commitment. Which is likely to do with your ages and it has even dawned on him that he needs to be in a relationship at this point...he enjoys the way things are now, he's getting what he wants from you...why change it or increase the commitment level? for what? If he acts or says it had anything to do with your approach that's an excuse....a guy will try and find excuses to get out of a commitment or the reasons why he cannot if he just doesn't want to be with you anyway. I also understand texting is how a lot of communication gets done these days and I'm not opposed to it just because grandpa had no choice but to walk up to grandma to ask her out on a date...communication is what is important...the message...not the form....although it is a more sincere and personal gesture in contacting someone with that being said...but I wouldn't call it your foul up, not everybody views it the same way and I'm sure the younger people are, the more "normal" or acceptable this practice may be anyway. I think he's going to continue on nonchalantly with the dating situation just because he probably doesn't think it's a big deal or might hope you'll just get over it...it's been fine for the last 7 months, this is the only time you seem to have busted his balls "waiting" for this to become official...but I think you're waiting for nothing, If he slips into a relationship it is because you coaxed him into you and put the pressure, not because he wanted one...I think his actions and intentions are pretty typical of that. He didn't dispute or refute the statement she made...IMO she got the confirmation she needs to move on...however that is not likely to happen, she'll likely want to give him every chance and opportunity like most to choose to be with her...even though he shouldn't need to be persuaded in any way. It makes sense why she is disappointed and she should walk if she's looking for a relationship. 2
veggirl Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Why are you so scared to talk to this guy? I mean after 7 months you can't even ask if you are OFFICIAL?! IMO he should have already done it and if he didn't by 3 mos you should have been like so wtf is going on but obviously that time is long gone.... so, how would you even expect a relationship to work if you can't even talk to this guy like a normal adult? What if you get in a relationship and you have an issue with something, you'll be too scared to even bring it up! I think you must have a feeling that you are way more invested than he is...and I think you probably are because I don't know ANY man who would just date a woman for 7 mos without asking her for exclusivity/officialness if he was really into her. You need to ask what is going on. How long are you will to waste on this guy if he doesn't want the same thing you do?! A year??? 2? Infinity? 1
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