Ann Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 A guy at my church approached me, and asked me for a date, (a close relative of the pastor,) and that was a total surprise, because last I'd known he was dating and ready to get married to another gal who is a member of the church. She's really stunning and sings solo at the church, dresses perfectly. They seemed good together, he looked incredibly happy, and they were inseparable, and had everything set for a wedding, even made an announcement in front of the church, but with no warning she dumped him flat, and not long after that he approached me, asking if I'd go out with him. I did start seeing him, and it was almost immediately that he was telling me how he so wished he'd met me first, rather than having gone through such an awful experience with her. I was more intelligent, honest, straighfoward, and sweet..his words. I was what he'd always needed. Soon it was, "I love you" "Be with me" "I want to marry you." To make a long story short, I fell hard, really hard, wanted him with all my heart, but everytime he'd speak of marriage, I'd sort of change the subject. I wanted to see him and get to know him. I wanted more time and I also couldn't help but think he hadn't had time to get over the last relationship. Whatever feelings he did have for her though was something he hid well. Whenever we'd happen to see her at church, which was often, he'd never blink, just take my hand, kiss my forehead, always reassure me that it wasn't something I should worry about. Well, within a few months, he'd cooled off considerably and was beginning to dig at me with words like, "Things aren't like I thought they'd be." and "Maybe you'll find someone who feels like dating you for the rest of your life." I got depressed. There was so much less affection and he'd lost that look he used to have whenever I'd show up, which had previously been a display of genuine happiness to see me. I went to his house one night and told him that I cared more than he'd ever know, but couldn't see that he was anymore returning the feeling - - it was just over, period. He protested. "I want you." "Don't do this to me." "Why can't you try to understand me?" I just said, 'No, it's over. I know you'll be okay and I will too." It was hard to walk back out that door, but I did. Just a few months after that breakup, I was told that he's getting married. Another gal from the church, (I do know who she is, but have never had words with her) and they're deliriously happy, and rushing to the alter. (I, by the way, had started attending services elsewhere) Strange part is, he's calling me, leaving messages, just general, 'How ya doing?' messages and emails of the same sort...nothing incriminating, and I don't answer or return the calls, still, I can't understand, why is he doing this? He's engaged, due to be married within a few months. It's very very hard to hear his voice, and I can't tell you all the crying I've done. I cant' tell you how much I miss him, even though I'm the one who called it off. What is this? Can anyone tell me? He is a nice guy and I wouldn't say that he isn't, but I can't understand why he would choose to call me when he knows that is going to be a hard thing for me to go through, because there is no doubt in his mind that I was in love, absolutely, completely, but in a way it's as if he's not allowing me to get over it. I don't understand that at all. And I wouldn't want to be the one to hurt his now girlfriend, I really wouldn't, because I know how it feels, to be hurt. I don't know how to describe how I feel when I do hear his voice. It's something though that haunts me, because for too short a time, the experience with him was incredible and I had emotions and hopes for our future I can't even express.
Bender donetat Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 dont mean to be harsh, but the guy used you.......you were his "rebound" and now he realizes that you weer better than he thought, the new girl isnt all you were in other words......hes talked marrage so many times i wouldnt even take it seriously even if he did say "i do", like the old addage.....dont cry wolf...... My advice, RUNNNNNNN your worth more than what he wants....
ojibwaywmn Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 I know what it feels like to be used. It's the most awful thing to go through. But you did the right thing by ignoring his attempts to initiate contact. This guy is so screwed up that he doesn't even know what love really means. Just watch...he will dump this girl and/or find someone else. Run for your life and be happy that you got out while you did. It hurts like hell to find out that the man you fell in love with turns out to be someone else entirely.
Author Ann Posted September 7, 2004 Author Posted September 7, 2004 I appreciate the feedback. Thank you both. I guess you do know inside your heart what it all means, that you've been used, and I know that's what it boils down to, but that guy was so convincing at the time...oh well, life goes on. I think my goal is to not feel bitterness, and I am getting better about that. I am actually feeling not bitter, but hurt still, very hurt. It'll pass, eventually
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