Importance Of Respect

[MrCastle]

This has been said often, by others, as well as myself, but it is something that needs to be stressed.

 

Today I had a conversation with a girl that I'm having ups and downs with. For those of you who follow me, this is not the same one who I've mentioned before, but another girl.

 

Anyway, we had a bit of an argument earlier today. Not a name calling argument where nothing is being said, an actual, thought out, well spoken argument.

 

She felt like I was doing X and I was telling her I was only doing that because she was doing Y and blah blah blah. Basically I told her straight up what I think of her, and why I thought that way.

 

This is a girl who is a known text flaker. She is horrible at getting back to me, takes an incredible amount of time to respond, even when we're sending flirty texts.

 

The fact that I disagreed with her, and made my disagreements known, and wasn't backing down, was intriguing her. She responded to each text with a block of text, which usually came in 2 messages, and only took five minutes or less to respond.

 

I even broke the fourth wall and said straight up my texts were intriguing her. I broke the fourth wall and told her straight up she's not used to a man standing up to her. That she was more accustomed to men bowing before her, ready to answer her every call. She agreed with it. She agreed with most of what I said, she said "you are not going to let me win this argument, are you."

 

She was completely taken by surprise at my level of backbone.

 

Anyway, this brings me to my main point. Women are attracted to men they respect. Men that are bold. This has nothing to do with your physical nature. This is all personality. Men that are successful with women don't fear expressing displeasure or saying things they won't agree with because they don't put women on a pedestal. They see them as equals. Women don't want you to bow before them. They want a man. Sometimes a man says no. Sometimes he is going to disagree with you. Respectfully of course, but disagreements will be had. You must always stand your ground. Women will respect you for it.

 

I know this seems like a no brainer to some, but it's still an important topic. Don't be a push over. I could have easily let what she said slip under the rug and tried to win her over with some flirting, but she said something that struck a nerve and I had to address it. She said something that I couldn't let slide and I believe it was said intentionally to test my stones. Some men would have laughed it off or tried to sweet talk to avoid confrontation. I took her on. I captured her interest in doing so.

[Archgirl]

This has been said often, by others, as well as myself, but it is something that needs to be stressed.

 

Today I had a conversation with a girl that I'm having ups and downs with. For those of you who follow me, this is not the same one who I've mentioned before, but another girl.

 

Anyway, we had a bit of an argument earlier today. Not a name calling argument where nothing is being said, an actual, thought out, well spoken argument.

 

She felt like I was doing X and I was telling her I was only doing that because she was doing Y and blah blah blah. Basically I told her straight up what I think of her, and why I thought that way.

 

This is a girl who is a known text flaker. She is horrible at getting back to me, takes an incredible amount of time to respond, even when we're sending flirty texts.

 

The fact that I disagreed with her, and made my disagreements known, and wasn't backing down, was intriguing her. She responded to each text with a block of text, which usually came in 2 messages, and only took five minutes or less to respond.

 

I even broke the fourth wall and said straight up my texts were intriguing her. I broke the fourth wall and told her straight up she's not used to a man standing up to her. That she was more accustomed to men bowing before her, ready to answer her every call. She agreed with it. She agreed with most of what I said, she said "you are not going to let me win this argument, are you."

 

She was completely taken by surprise at my level of backbone.

 

Anyway, this brings me to my main point. Women are attracted to men they respect. Men that are bold. This has nothing to do with your physical nature. This is all personality. Men that are successful with women don't fear expressing displeasure or saying things they won't agree with because they don't put women on a pedestal. They see them as equals. Women don't want you to bow before them. They want a man. Sometimes a man says no. Sometimes he is going to disagree with you. Respectfully of course, but disagreements will be had. You must always stand your ground. Women will respect you for it.

 

I know this seems like a no brainer to some, but it's still an important topic. Don't be a push over. I could have easily let what she said slip under the rug and tried to win her over with some flirting, but she said something that struck a nerve and I had to address it. She said something that I couldn't let slide and I believe it was said intentionally to test my stones. Some men would have laughed it off or tried to sweet talk to avoid confrontation. I took her on. I captured her interest in doing so.

 

 

Freakin hurray for you. Shall we hold a parade?

[kaylan]

Or shes merely toying with you and enjoying the drama of the convo while not really respecting you.

 

I dont deal with drama girls like her who need their poor behavior spelled out for them. Ive learned to walk away from those chicks.

[MrCastle]

Or shes merely toying with you and enjoying the drama of the convo while not really respecting you.

 

I dont deal with drama girls like her who need their poor behavior spelled out for them. Ive learned to walk away from those chicks.

 

Hmm. Interesting angle.

 

I'll say this though--when I try to harmlessly flirt, there's a stop gap. She takes an hour to get back, it's usually not a well thought out reply, etc.

 

We are pretty cool in real life, but her text etiquette with me is mediocre, at best.

 

Today she couldn't stop banging away on that screen. If you look at the messages, she was getting really emotional. I was playing games on my phone in between texting her, and it showed. I had no emotional investment in our discussion. She couldn't stop texting, explaining herself to me, etc etc. Had she not cared, or didn't respect me, she wouldn't have entertained me with a response.

 

She kept going. I was the one who actually stopped replying. She sent the last text. I know this drove her up a wall. I didn't do this to "game" her though, I just felt we were going around in circles at that point and what I wanted to say was already said.

 

Will be interesting to see how she responds when I see her in class next week.

[MrCastle]

Freakin hurray for you. Shall we hold a parade?

 

Only if I can ride you as a float.

[kaylan]

1. Screw texting so much. Its rather meaningless. What matters is what you guys do when you hang out. I was seeing a girl who was very prompt in text response, and we texted almost all day every day. Youd think she was very into me right? Well, even though we had sex rather quickly, and did enjoy time together, she had a lot going on in her life, didnt have much time to date,....which if you sum that all up, she didnt like me enough to make time for me in her busy life. So again...texting means little....actual conversation and hangout time means more.

 

2. Straight up TELL her with your voice why youre put off by how she acts. Dont give her time to doll up her answers just right in a text. When I confront people, I do it in person or through telephone voice conversation. Thats how you get the real them, in real-time.

 

3. Dont even deal with nor car about her crap. If she bothers you, either call her out on it, or straight up ignore it. You wanna smash? Then simply tell her, "Hey we are gonna hang out and do x and y on date z". If shes not down, move on to the next chick. But you know me, Im quick to call a chick out and not deal with stuff that annoys me.

[TaraMaiden]

Could i ask, what dafuq ever happened to actually talking?...

 

 

 

('dafuq' is the new, LS trendy word, it seems....thanks to 'SmileFace'....)

[MrCastle]

1. Screw texting so much. Its rather meaningless. What matters is what you guys do when you hang out. I was seeing a girl who was very prompt in text response, and we texted almost all day every day. Youd think she was very into me right? Well, even though we had sex rather quickly, and did enjoy time together, she had a lot going on in her life, didnt have much time to date,....which if you sum that all up, she didnt like me enough to make time for me in her busy life. So again...texting means little....actual conversation and hangout time means more.

 

2. Straight up TELL her with your voice why youre put off by how she acts. Dont give her time to doll up her answers just right in a text. When I confront people, I do it in person or through telephone voice conversation. Thats how you get the real them, in real-time.

 

3. Dont even deal with nor car about her crap. If she bothers you, either call her out on it, or straight up ignore it. You wanna smash? Then simply tell her, "Hey we are gonna hang out and do x and y on date z". If shes not down, move on to the next chick. But you know me, Im quick to call a chick out and not deal with stuff that annoys me.

 

No, I don't think it was all that serious.

 

This is the backdrop:

 

-we were super flirty at first

-she teased me/got tired of waiting around for her/cut her off

-she is in my major so I see her in some of my classes

-after going no contact for like 3 months, I thought it would do both of us good to break the awkwardness and initiate contact again

-back to being somewhat flirty

-she said something that annoyed me, I took her on

-brought up why I went no contact on her, not sparing feelings, just being straight up

-she wouldn't stop texting, eventually she started sending me smileys to try and make it seem like she wasn't phased but she caught feelings hard

-i stopped replying when I felt I said what I needed to say

 

In person, we were great, then I cut her off and obviously, super awkward, then after I reinitiated, it was better, but you could still tell, she was harboring resentment for me cutting her off for all that time with no explanation.

 

Now that we cleared it up, I'm interested to see where we go after this.

[MrCastle]

Could i ask, what dafuq ever happened to actually talking?...

 

 

 

('dafuq' is the new, LS trendy word, it seems....thanks to 'SmileFace'....)

 

We talk in person, we were not in person at this time. I didn't think it was serious enough to stop playing my games and talk on the phone. I just wanted to text what was on my mind.

 

And Workaholics' "what the fug" >>> dafuq

[ls32ssibm]

Castle, personally from my experiences if she doesn't care now she never will. If she shows little interest by being a flake they aren't worthy of your time or attention. It isn't about having a backbone, it's about having respect for yourself. Women may love an "assertive" guy but if they are ignoring you they don't want to be pursued by you.

[Archgirl]

Only if I can ride you as a float.

 

My, how delightful:love:

 

I still don't really understand the point of your story but, is it allegorical? To learn us good?

 

She's just doing what most people do when someone behaves outside of normal expected social contract stuff - they either hate you or adore you, it's some sort of social survival response to feeling challenged. Congrats.

[MrCastle]

Castle, personally from my experiences if she doesn't care now she never will. If she shows little interest by being a flake they aren't worthy of your time or attention. It isn't about having a backbone, it's about having respect for yourself. Women may love an "assertive" guy but if they are ignoring you they don't want to be pursued by you.

 

Let me just say for the record, once I cut her off, I was done with her romantically. The reason I opened the lines of communication again is because, she is in my major, and some of our classes only have like 11 students. Kind of awkward when there are 11 students, all sitting at a conference table, and you don't even make eye contact with one because you are trying to keep up this "no contact" thing. I felt it was in our mutual best interest to get rid of that awkwardness.

 

What this has more to with, is the fact that once I stood up to her and refused to let her win, she was intrigued. When I said she was probably used to guys laying down for her she said yeah you're right about that, I'll admit it.

 

She was intrigued. Her demeanor changed. The things she was saying changed. Her interest was sparked.

 

Whether or not this leads to anything is beyond my realm of caring. I have apathy for our situation in general, but it was interesting to see her flustered.

 

In the future, when my stones are being questioned by a girl who has interest in me, I'll remember how I handled this situation.

 

Although, as I was telling my friend about it, things are easier when you don't care. I mean I was saying things that, although not disrespectful, were pretty strong. I mean I wasn't half assing it. I was saying stuff you probably wouldn't say to someone you have to see in a few days. Because I don't care. I wasn't outcome independent. All I wanted her to know, was that you don't question my stones. I think I got that point across.

[MrCastle]

My, how delightful:love:

 

I still don't really understand the point of your story but, is it allegorical? To learn us good?

 

She's just doing what most people do when someone behaves outside of normal expected social contract stuff - they either hate you or adore you, it's some sort of social survival response to feeling challenged. Congrats.

 

But some guys would rather avoid conflict and keep this girl happy. Some guys think that if you upset a girl one time, that's it. You're done. She will lose all interest and you'll be finished.

 

If anything, what I did has only generated more interest, because, as she even admitted herself, most guys lay down.

[kaylan]

No, I don't think it was all that serious.

 

This is the backdrop:

 

-we were super flirty at first

-she teased me/got tired of waiting around for her/cut her off

-she is in my major so I see her in some of my classes

-after going no contact for like 3 months, I thought it would do both of us good to break the awkwardness and initiate contact again

-back to being somewhat flirty

-she said something that annoyed me, I took her on

-brought up why I went no contact on her, not sparing feelings, just being straight up

-she wouldn't stop texting, eventually she started sending me smileys to try and make it seem like she wasn't phased but she caught feelings hard

-i stopped replying when I felt I said what I needed to say

 

In person, we were great, then I cut her off and obviously, super awkward, then after I reinitiated, it was better, but you could still tell, she was harboring resentment for me cutting her off for all that time with no explanation.

 

Now that we cleared it up, I'm interested to see where we go after this.

All this over a girl youve never slept with or even kissed? Please say it aint so...you better than that bro.

[MrCastle]

All this over a girl youve never slept with or even kissed? Please say it aint so...you better than that bro.

 

Look, 9 times out of 10, I'm with you. Had this girl been just another college chick from a regular class, I would be fine with no contact.

 

Again, she's in my major. That means if I'm taking 5 classes, she's in like 3 of them.

 

And the classes are small.

 

I thought it was getting ridiculous and a little immature to act like she was invisible when there are only 10 other people in the room. It's not like I could act like I didn't see her. It was, as I said, awkward.

 

And again, this post isn't me getting excited about this particular girl, and hoping it turns into something, because, once I'm over you, I'm over you, which is what gave me the confidence to tell her the things I told her. Because I don't care if she liked what I had to say or not.

 

That kind of attitude, that kind of boldness, will help you with women who are interested in you. Just because this girl isn't the right one doesn't mean I should abandon what I did when another girl acts the same way.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I respect you MrCastle

[MrCastle]

I respect you MrCastle

 

Why do you have to be so cute

[ls32ssibm]

Look, 9 times out of 10, I'm with you. Had this girl been just another college chick from a regular class, I would be fine with no contact.

 

Again, she's in my major. That means if I'm taking 5 classes, she's in like 3 of them.

 

And the classes are small.

 

I thought it was getting ridiculous and a little immature to act like she was invisible when there are only 10 other people in the room. It's not like I could act like I didn't see her. It was, as I said, awkward.

 

And again, this post isn't me getting excited about this particular girl, and hoping it turns into something, because, once I'm over you, I'm over you, which is what gave me the confidence to tell her the things I told her. Because I don't care if she liked what I had to say or not.

 

That kind of attitude, that kind of boldness, will help you with women who are interested in you. Just because this girl isn't the right one doesn't mean I should abandon what I did when another girl acts the same way.

 

Well, was she acting like you were invisible before you started talking to her again? If so, screw her. You don't have to pretend like she's completely invisible, but you don't have to try to patch things up between you guys.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Why do you have to be so cute

 

Aw shucks, you are cuter :love:

 

BTW I am so glad to see you back posting

[MrCastle]

Well, was she acting like you were invisible before you started talking to her again? If so, screw her. You don't have to pretend like she's completely invisible, but you don't have to try to patch things up between you guys.

 

Well, before the falling out, I thought she was cool. She would blur the lines of what was appropriate to say and do with her. Which is why I call her a tease.

 

But truth be told, she seems like she could be a cool friend, and I have actually asked for her advice in the female department before, since I'm no longer interested in being with her romantically.

 

I like to think of this as me turning a new leaf, and possibly being open to just a plutonic relationship. Seems she is better served as a friend than a bitter enemy. There is no reason for me to ice her like I was icing her before. At least not right now.

[kaylan]

Well, before the falling out, I thought she was cool. She would blur the lines of what was appropriate to say and do with her. Which is why I call her a tease.

 

But truth be told, she seems like she could be a cool friend, and I have actually asked for her advice in the female department before, since I'm no longer interested in being with her romantically.

 

I like to think of this as me turning a new leaf, and possibly being open to just a plutonic relationship. Seems she is better served as a friend than a bitter enemy. There is no reason for me to ice her like I was icing her before. At least not right now.

This thread is proof of that being a lie in the bold.

[MrCastle]

This thread is proof of that being a lie in the bold.

 

No. You're just choosing to focus on the wrong thing. This is not a thread about me and this girl, and whatever situation we have. This is about men, standing up to women when they are challenged, as opposed to laying down.

 

I told the woman in question straight up that I don't care for her in any way outside of classmates/friends. I told her that straight up. I said it, and I believe it.

 

Again, you are focusing on me and this girl in particular as opposed to the overall message. Men need to stand up for themselves. Women will respect you for it.

[Archgirl]

But some guys would rather avoid conflict and keep this girl happy. Some guys think that if you upset a girl one time, that's it. You're done. She will lose all interest and you'll be finished.

 

If anything, what I did has only generated more interest, because, as she even admitted herself, most guys lay down.

 

Perhaps, but I think it won't change her behaviour to you long term, she's just acting out of instinct to something unexpected. Most people lack the insight for change. You've probably done a good thing for your self-respect though

 

and how come ES gets cute and all I get is meanie and bonsai tree

[kaylan]

I still think she could have you if she wanted to.

[MrCastle]

I still think she could have you if she wanted to.

 

I don't want her. Long story short, when we first started talking, I had an idea of who she was in my head, but it was wrong, as most of us are when we try to assume things about people. She was not who I thought she was. We are too different for anything to work.

 

I know, you think I'm in denial, since I'm talking about her obviously I must like her blah blah blah, but again, you're focusing on the wrong part of the story.

 

If I was asking what I should do next, or seeking advice on how to handle this particular girl, then I could see that.

 

But I have apathy for the girl. The girl as an individual is not integral to the main point of this thread. The thread is about men being able to be bold and stand their ground, not me and this girl.