skweezd Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Hello Everyone, I'm struggling with a huge life changing decision and could use some feedback. For the last few years I've wanted to move to Tucson. Finally my youngest daughter is graduating and heading to college so now it feels like the right time to make the move from PA to AZ. Here's my dilemma.... I'm dating a man who is so incredibly wonderful to me and I'm leaving him out of my decision making process and my move. I know it sounds horrible but please understand, I've broken it off with him three times in the last two years all for the sane reason, I don't feel in love. I don't have that butterflies in my stomach feeling, that desire to hug and kiss him. Yet he keeps coming back and each time I think those feelings will develop but they don't. He is incredibly upset because I just came home from a job interview in Tucson and told him its official, I'm leaving. He's hurt and now I find myself crying. I'm so torn. Should I stay in a relationship that's missing that love feeling just because everything else is wonderful and that means I don't live my dream? At 41 you'd think I'd have this figured out by now.
AMusing Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 No, you shouldn't stay in PA just because someone there loves you (given the feelings aren't reciprocated). You can't live your life out of guilt, OP. That said, it sounds like guilt made you take this poor guy back three times already? If so, guilt is evidently a driving force in your life and something you should probably work on--for your sake and your partner's (and future partners). Anyway, for whatever reason you are just not really serious about this guy. There's nothing wrong with that, but there is something wrong with keeping him around when your heart's not in it. It would be much kinder to him to just cut him loose. It'll hurt him for a while, but less so than this on-and-off relationship with a woman who just doesn't really love him. If you're really honest with yourself, don't you think you should've broken up with him for the fourth (and final) time, and then started making plans to move to Tuscon? Watching you prepare to move has to be agonizing for him. Break up with the guy and follow your dreams by moving to Tuscon. Anything less will leave you resentful & wondering "what if," and leave that poor guy of yours even more hurt than he already is. 1
iKING Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 My opinion on this would be biased as I love it here. There are plenty of fish in the sea, unless you are head over heels in love with him (he's the one type stuff) it may come time for you to follow your dreams without him. 1
Author skweezd Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Thank you both for your honest feedback. I am going to really look at how/if guilt is a driving force in my life. I am also going to have "the talk". It's incredibly difficult but is overdue. Thanks again.
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